The Godly

1: IN THE BEGINNING

In the beginning, God created the world, and the world was great.

There wasn't any suffering, any famine, more so, sin.

On the seventh day, God created Adam, and Adam was perfect.

He became God's most favored creation and loved him so.

Then to pleased Adam, God took a rib from Adam's side and made the first woman...

Tsk! He shouldn't have.

Let's do real talk.

Do you know that there are only two types of women in this world? The ones that look stupid with their smile reaching up to their molars upon finding out that they are pregnant, and the ones that looked like they just got beaten by zombies and had their brains eaten on the spot.

Well, my mom was for sure from the latter.

"N-No..." Emilia's voice went out croaky after staring at the doctor for some minute with her mouth ajar. However, Doctor Jenny, who happened to be the one sitting behind the table that day, just gave my mom a questioning look. Mom was barely sixteen and must have accidentally made me inside one of her boyfriends' cars. Yeah, one of them. Backseat, I hope. Can't imagine how they could have looked like while humping each other if they made me on top of the hood. "You got to be kidding me..."

Doctor Jenny didn't answer and just continued looking at her patient. Her patient was young, looks a little like Marilyn Monroe with her breath reeking of smoke. She was wearing a black rock and roll shirt with a popular band name screaming on it. Her face was tiny with beads of silver studs here and there, one on her nose, one on her eyebrow, and one on her tongue, which was really disturbing. Right, I'm talking about the pleasure stud that women pierce their tongue with so they could give better heads – if you happen to know what head means.

"Umh. You see, Doctor Jen..." My mom closed her mouth for a while and then scratched her chin, showing off her black lacquer while thinking of how I ended up inside her. Or I could be wrong. Maybe she was thinking of who actually blasted me inside her womb. "I'm sure. I'm not pregnant."

"Well, you are, Miss."

"No, I swear we were using..."

"Aloe Cadabra Natural Aloe Lubricant," said the doctor while sarcastically twerking her eyebrows. "Yes, I know. I smelled it from my gloves earlier."

I know. That kinda sounds a little disgusting. But anyway, I'm pretty sure that the doctor knew better than my teenage mom, who I doubt had memorized the Periodic Table yet up until that point. You see, Emily wasn't really the type of person who would care to listen during Biology class. More so, have an idea of why s*x Education is important. s*x is okay, but when written before the word 'education'... well, that's a different thing.

Doctor Jenny let out a long sigh, sensing that Emilia was caught unguarded. She then took a pen from her drawer and started scribbling things on her notepad. She was still listing down things for me, the zygote back then, when she looked up at my mom and asked, "Do you need help telling Justin about this?"

"I... haven't been seen your nephew since last winter,"

That made Doctor Jenny's hand immediately stopped writing. Her eyebrows went fencing on her forehead, and then as if she heard the biggest joke of the lifetime, she looked at my mom in mixed shock, wonder, and then eventually thankful. "I thought you guys are dating..."

Mom didn't let Doctor Jenny finished talking and writing prescriptions. She grabbed her backpack from the empty chair sitting before her and ran out of that clinic like a madwoman.

Well, needless to say, she didn't know what she did, right? I mean, how would a girl who only knew rock bands, cheating her boyfriend, and sucking popsicles (both live and not) know how to raise a baby? She didn't even know who among the soccer team was my dad?

Nonetheless, Emilia did everything she could... to eliminate me.

She did just so many things. Like jumping up and down on her bed that just made her really dizzy after.

Like taking fluoxetine cause of the nightmare, she was getting every night seeing me grow. I hope I look cute on those dreams though. Like the usual babies you see on TV -- angel wings in diapers, modeling their kissable photogenic butts.

One time she stayed on the toilet for almost an hour trying to push me out, like... s**t, literally a s**t.

She tried buying two or three mifepristone and misoprostol but then was told by Doctor Jenny that she couldn't take it since it goes against her asthma, you know, corticosteroid thing. That's quite medical, and I'm not gonna discuss it further here.

She wanted vacuum aspiration too but then chickened out upon seeing the bill and realizing that my grandma, who I didn't get to know because Mom was kicked off their house even before I turned four months, would never pay it.

The moment she made up her mind about the vacuum extraction thing and came up with the money, I was already seven months old, and Doctor Jenny already declined to give me an Exodus 2.0. Why? Well, for a start, my existence will not impact their family structure at any cost, finding out that poor little Justin wasn't my bio-father. To make it simpler - I will not make her an untimely grandmother. And next, she told my mom that she's a doctor who saves lives and that she's don't dare kill something which is already bigger than a lizard. Yes, she's a political conservative until now.

So to cut a long story short, nine months after the soccer team popsicle-licking party, I came out to this world as a screaming, literally bouncing on the floor, baby girl inside a NY bus heading to the homeless shelter.

 Yep. That's sad and gruesome. But at least it's funny and don't worry... it was quite a priceless experience.