Alpha of Dahael

She lay on the bed, scorned by the words of her current lover. "It's not that simple babe, I think things are just moving too fast," he said as he brushed off her concerns about what their relationship meant to him and was meant to be. It had been about 6 months since they were supposedly dating, and she finally wanted to take things further, put a title on it, so to speak, and this guy was speaking as if she was just a nightly fling to help him ease his s****l tension. "It's not that simple, Sayde. I’m not the kind of guy who settles down. You knew that when we started this, right? I thought you were different—someone who didn’t need promises." Indeed, she had known better, she had seen the signs, but she still wanted to hear it from him, so she didn't keep wondering what if. Now that she had heard his answer she was done trying. At that moment she knew that if he didn't want her there was nothing she could do to make him stay. The sharp pang that slipped through her heart nearly made her gasp for breath as she kept the plastic smile on her face. She was no longer the naive little girl who fought to make men love her, she had chosen freedom if not for anything else other than her peace of mind. Her chest tightened, but she refused to let the tears fall. Foolish, yes, but not broken, she had survived worse. Better now than years too late and a broken heart to be honest. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms, as she forced a smile. The room felt too small, the air too thick, but she wouldn’t let him see her crumble. She needed a drink, a smoke, something to turn off the ringing in her ears and the dull ache in her heart. She wasn't one to regret her choices or dismiss her overwhelming feelings, but today seemed to be a special day because that was the day everything went off in her head. There was complete silence as she waited patiently for him to walk out the door. She watched as he put on his clothes and gave her one of his dashing smiles before planting kisses on her face and lips. She listened to his promises of seeing her soon, and she gave him a blushing smile as she watched him blur out of her existence. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as he left the door closed with a click and then there was a stillness in the air. A sense of relief washed over her as she locked the deadbolt, and she turned and walked towards the bedroom and ripped the sheets from the bed, throwing them into the fireplace. She pulled out a brand-new bedspread with purple and lilac tones from the drawer beside her bed and started making her bed, signifying a fresh start in her head. She was tired of wondering if she was enough, if she was doing it right, if she needed to do something better; If he wanted to, he would, and that was the fact of the matter. She wasn't someone's toy, only available to play with when they got bored with the other toys continuously piling in the toy box. She would be loved the way she needed to be loved, even if it was by herself. She would do everything that she needed to for herself to make herself happy. She slowly cleaned the sharp tang of bleach that stung her nostrils as she scrubbed the counters and the floors, erasing every trace of him. The floral scent of her cleaning spray lingered, a small comfort in the sterile air. She took a long drag of her cigar as she stared proudly at her work. She might as well put the apartment on the market while she was at it, no use crying over spilt milk. She snapped a few pictures, looking around the freshly cleaned apartment. She paused, her hand hovering over the ‘Post’ button. Selling the apartment meant cutting ties with this chapter of her life forever. Was she ready? She took a deep breath and sighed. She had no reason to hesitate, there was no reason to stay there. The answer came quickly as she pressed the button, the sound echoing in the empty room. This was not her first rodeo. She smiled as she started placing the few belongings that she owned into the neatly packed boxes she had under her bed. It was always her motto to always have an emergency stash packed, no matter what the circumstances were. You never know when home stops feeling homely after a while, and you never know when you're going to be in a situation where you need to leave immediately. She had learned the hard way that staying too long in one place only led to heartache. Her parents' constant moves had taught her that home wasn’t a place—it was a feeling, and she hadn’t felt it in years. She rested against the island counter as she opened a bottle of wine and stared at it for a little. She took a long drag of her cigar, the smoky warmth filling her lungs and momentarily dulling the ache in her chest. The bitter taste lingered on her tongue, a familiar comfort. She sighed and poured some of the chilled liquid into a wine glass, and took a few sips. She enjoyed the subtle hints of a slightly sweet berry fusion. A mix of smoky flavour and berry sweetness dulled her senses. She closed her eyes trying to reminisce, but there was nothing to think about. She took a deep sigh and another sip as she scrolled for a new place online, after a bit of mindless scrolling. She came across a mid-modern century 3 bedroom 2-bathroom house seemingly out in the middle of nowhere but close enough to the town that she could drive to it if she needed anything. The house caught her eye instantly, an unexplainable pull tugging at her chest, like a whisper in the back of her mind. It felt... familiar as if it had been waiting for her. The house looked quaint and welcoming from the outside and even then the inside looked well put together. The three-bedroom was ideal, for if she wanted to make extra money by renting out a room or if she wanted to have guests over, they could have a guest room. The possibilities were endless. She could even turn one of the rooms into an office, game room or just a place where she could have hobbies without any disturbances. Her mind ran rampant with the list of things she could do once she got to the house. She quickly scheduled a walk-through with the real estate agent and waited patiently for a response. A house like that for only $450,000 was a steal in her eyes. The day went along like a haze, as she piled the three boxes next to the door, leaving out only the necessities that she could fit in her gym bag, and laid on her bed taking in the once familiar surroundings of her bedroom. Her phone dinged and she reached for it excitedly. They had gotten back to her and scheduled a walk-through for 3 pm the next day. She kicked her feet up in joy, one more step, and she would be out of here permanently, away from everything that reminded her that people didn't take her seriously. Clean slate, clean start and nothing or no one for her to worry about. This was like a game to her, never being too comfortable in one place, she always had an emergency bag packed. It was a thrill to her being able to get up and leave at a moment's notice just because she could, nothing was tying her to one place. She looked at the time, 8 pm. She picked up the empty wine bottle next to her bed and put it in the trash next to the front door. Usually, she would go out and get another bottle, but not tonight. Today she would remain clear-headed for her adventures tomorrow. She changed into a robe and headed into the bathroom, stopping at the mirror to take in her appearance, her long curly hair wrapped into a messy bun, its chocolate brown tresses framing her face. She took a closer look at her face, the tan of her skin contrasting her gray eyes as freckles dotted her nose. She had grown to love the little dots, she smiled to herself. Self-love is a beautiful thing to have. With a content sigh, she headed to the tub to take a nice relaxing soak in rose oils and salts. With dimmed lights and her music playlist on low, she slowly inched into the tub of warm water with a satisfied moan of relief. She closed her eyes, humming along to her favourite tunes. As she drifted off, a faint howl seemed to echo in the distance, so soft she almost thought she’d imagined it, but the sound lingered in her dreams, a whisper of something wild and untamed calling her name. She woke up to silence, the water in the tub had gone cold and the music on her phone was no longer playing. She hopped out of the tub shivering like a leaf in the wind, she grabbed her towel and quickly wrapped herself in its soft warmth, picking up her phone on the way out. The battery was dead. Putting the phone on the charger, she wiped herself dry and put on her long-sleeved sleeping clothes. It was getting pretty chilly out there, and she would be damned if she was going to get cold when everything was just starting to work out for her. She smiled as she snuggled under her warm blankets and dozed off into sleep. New beginnings awaited her in the morning.