The First Time

Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

     “It would do you not much good repeating yourself over and over again. I would still give myself that benefit of the doubt over the allegation you had unjustly leveled against me. If you’d thought that I am here to undermine your integrity, count me out. For one thing, I so much admire you as a person. But that will not deter me from saying how I feel. I would rather sound unequivocal to you with it―you should be yourself in everything you do. Don’t look at or rather listen to the voice of what people might say about living a double life. Simply get the best of your life at the moment you have it. Let the future determine the good and bad outcome of your actions now, after all, be it good or bad, one will always have an answer for his past deeds. Don’t let it bother you. Have the fun,”

     “Death is quite endurable as compared to your ill advice. Does it not occur to your mind that to be good is good? That it pays to wait patiently for whatever that one wants in life. To be well informed is to be forearmed. How would you call something white as black and black as white? Yes, at this moment in life together with my environs, I should live a carefree promiscuous lifestyle just to get the best out of it? You’re abominable and for the underlying motive, I won’t pay any further attention to you, never!”

     “Kelvin, you sound an odd personality,”

     “I wish I am worse than that if that’s what it takes to stand by my views,”

     “Your type does the worst crime undercover,”

     “Let me be, at least you’d better be informed that I’m proud of my stance so you can’t cower me into submission,”

     “Ha-ha-ha. You sound once again superhuman. Remember Kristor, how he sounded unbeatable but yet gave in later. I couldn’t imagine your reactions when that kind of girl who will completely sweep you off your feet comes along. I would be in a better position as you sound now to tell you to your face, didn’t I told you? I am aware she hadn’t come yet for if she actually comes, you wouldn’t be beating your chest, the way you are doing right now. You would definitely be singing a different tune of music and I would be laughing it out on you,”

     “I don’t see myself as a superhuman. All the same, I’d come to terms with my limitations. By the same token, I’d weighed my decisions. I have seen myself at a better front even if I found myself rather at a close shave to what you had in mind. I too will see myself poking my fingers into your face to your shame. Only God be my strength. Get behind me!”

     “Hold it please…let me intimate here. I know you will agree with me that the fact that someone does not share your religious beliefs, doesn’t portray him or her in a bad light. He or she might likely possess something admirable as a quality. He or she could even be better than those in your religious circle. Religious-wise, God created us in his image. Let it not strike you by surprise there are still good people who can exhibit fine qualities outside your religious circle. This is in spite of the fact that there's an increase in religious a*******d and hypocrisy. You wouldn’t be surprised if you find yourself drawn to them even respecting such. I will remind you that no matter how religious you are there are good people out there. You have made efforts at being selective with your associates. Bear in mind that you may find yourself attracted to one who does not share your faith. Never berate them for not sharing your religious views. So if you need my candid advice, here it is; make as many friends as you can with the girls. So that you don't regret the opportunities you have missed later in life. Don't say I didn't warn you,”

     “There’s nothing good in the hands of the devil. Your ideas are a compromised ideology. You would agree with me that caution shouldn’t be thrown to the wind. I appreciate and value my spiritual heritage. I am not going to allow myself to be self-deceived. I am not going to believe that I can handle the matter all by myself under all circumstances. Yes, it will be challenging to find oneself emotionally and romantically attached to such a person. It would be a rather uncomfortable experience, however. I am not going to give up on what I believe is the right choice. It does not matter if I find myself the sudden center of attraction from the person(s) of the opposite s*x. Anyway, it can happen to anyone. I rest my case,” he concluded with a light shrug.

The Broken Rose

Like an estranged union,

heavy as the dark cloud.

An abandoned reality,

tears raining cats and dogs as a heavy downpour.

Hidden are the lights of life

Agitated and irate with feelings;

winds of a storm.

Roaring and breaking of trees

of cherished bonds.

In the light of a lovers' jilt,

washed away mercilessly in an emotional gully.

Confused and bitter for comfort.

Amorously intent but bridled like a horse.

Longing for and without been possessed.

Willing for a deal without an offer.

Desperate for care but only sparingly.

Pride an obstacle, backgrounds an undertone.

Struggling to express tender-itching feelings,

afraid of the shocking reaction.

Scared of being owned in rejection,

pains without tears to express it.

Bottled feelings of love.

Body aching to lay bare the physical.

Longing to claim the history,

emotions, pride, affections, life,

adoration, and pains of a lover.

To the one, you pine for and worship in a distance.

The Heart bleeds profusely in agony.

Love in the wind of uncertainty.

Trembling in fear-gripe,

alas, heartbroken in tears at final sunset.

By daylight after the storm;

the broken rose

     Her name was Chidera. They had met each other during his pre-degree studies for admission into higher institutions.

     It is right to say, that it was she that discovered him. That’s to say, she made him realize for the first time in his life that he can feel loved and appreciated. Not that he has not felt this before but a unique way outside his family circle and among the opposite s*x. She was the first person among the opposite s*x he had allowed himself so close to knowing. It was a turning point in his life. He came to realize that for sure the feelings he had thought were not there existed even in his ignorance. It was a moment of discovery that for sure he was an admired fellow. He was loved by members of the opposite s*x even though he never cared to notice.

     When he first entered the campus for his pre-degree studies, he made a good decision. He was going to face his studies. He was going to sacrifice pleasures to see to it that he scaled through into higher institution proper. He had tasted the bitter pill and got tired of writing Joint Matriculation Examination Board, JAMB exams. He had not succeeded in making headway into the University of his choice to study the course of his childhood dream. Now a golden opportunity has presented itself to start all over again. He was not going to let anything take it away. The offer of provisional admission into pre-degree studies for a year was all that would make a difference. He grabbed it.

     There were various opportunities that he could have capitalized on to have fun if he had wanted. Yet he refrained from doing that. He had a mission which he must succeed at.

It was while at the pre-degree program, at the early stage of the program. That was on the day of the last JAMB exam he had registered and sat for. The exam was held at Onitsha in Anambra state. He had wanted a situation where he would increase his chances of getting into a university. He was a little desperate, maybe it was not necessary but he never thought so.

     On that fateful day, he was on his way back to the pre-degree campus after the examination. The day was the 28th day of April 2001―Saturday evening, between 6 and 7 p.m.

     He had alighted from the bus that took him from Onitsha. He boarded another along the road close to the Ekwulobia junction. The later bus will be the one taking him to the pre-degree campus at Ufuma campus and it was getting dark by every blink of an eyelid. He had sat for a while when a girl came to the entrance side door of the bus and told him she had been sitting exactly at where he was now sitting.

     “Excuse me, please. I was sitting right where you are now,” she said in an innocuous voice.

     “Sorry, I had no information on that. There was no sign that you had earlier been sitting here either... I mean you left none of your items on the seat...,” Kelvin was saying when the voice of the girl next to him cut him short.

     “Don’t mind that girl. I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She’s been indecisive about where to sit down. She left the front sit and came to the back. Before anyone could say jack, she just jumped out of the bus to nowhere,” The female was sitting at his left side close to the side window.

     “What did she just say?” demanded the first girl at the sly talk of the second girl.

     “Never mind what she just said,” he made effort to halt further exchange of words between them.

     “But she must have heard me when I told her that I was going to buy a loaf of sliced bread and mayonnaise. Why then must she say that?” came the annoyed voice of the first girl once again.

     “Mtchew,” the second girl made a scornful and nonchalant sigh.

     “O’cmon, I said you shouldn’t hurt your spirits that way, ok?” he pleaded with them, “come and take a seat right here,” he added. He generously cleaned up the seat for the first girl to sit down.

     The first girl climbed into the bus and took her seat by his right side. He maintained the converted position right in the middle of the two quarreling girls.

     The bus was barely filled to capacity. It was getting late and there was no sign of forthcoming passengers. The twelve boarded passengers began to plead with the driver to make haste as it was already late. Kelvin checked the time. It was around seven p.m. They have almost three-hour journeys to make in a surprisingly short distance. The poor state of the road was nothing but a nightmare. The vehicle will be moving in a snaillike motion on the road to avoid the big gallops and potholes. Soon it will be pitched dark. The poor headlights of the vehicle will only make matters precarious.