The First Time

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

                                                                          HELEN

      Kelvin admired Helen’s courage in putting up with Kristor in spite of his less agreeableness. He still wondered what it was that could make one or anyone make such an unfavorable decision. Could this be it, love? Could you afford to risk your present and future happiness just to please anyone? Where is the love? Loving someone who had repeatedly objected to you in the most possible unlikely way? Where is the compatibility? He knew that it hurts to let go. Yet, putting up in an unhappy relationship would not be the best option. It does not matter how much you had been feeling for the particular person.

     The ugly part of it all has been that the particular individual would now have to make you pay dearly for it. It will eventually hurt more when the end finally comes at last.

     Kelvin really felt pity for her even as he tried not to meddle with the affair. He was convinced she would definitely gonna be hurt and deeply at the end.

     He began prodding into what could have made Helen so drawn to Kristor in spite of all the inherent dangers. He was tempted to point an accusing finger at her background. Yes, she had always admired her mother but never her father; if he had been alive. Kelvin never got to know much about her background. But the fact that she discusses more of her mother than her father was a tip-off to what could have affected her. It has been observed that girls care more about their fathers and boys their mothers. Possibly, she never had a father who could afford that time for her feelings which she desperately yearns for.

     This could have been one of the reasons why she might have felt drawn to any male that seemed emotionally distant from her feelings. Could it be a reminder of her father? Could there be a link?

     Secondly, her upbringing and her social past must have played a part as well. Kelvin had understood from a few clues about her life in the past that she presumably grew up in a rough neighborhood. Most of her associates had been mainly males and less of female’s friends. She tends to remember more about her male friends she had come across than females. These males were not really gentlemen. They must have been rough-looking males; males with questionable characters or thereabout. They were actually males who were a bad influence on her. She’d had taken to smoking cigarettes once or twice because of her friends. She once hinted to him. She was introduced to that habit by her former boyfriends whom she had put up with in spite of her parents’ strong objections.

     She must have suffered from some form of physical and psychological a***e. Maybe she was suffering from a lack of warmth and affection which she lacked during her formative moments of life. The damage had already been done except if she could find someone who would fill in the vacuum in her life. She was looking for someone who could feel her out. Someone who would alley her fears for the future. Someone who could help her find a sense of belonging. Someone who would listen to the deepest hurts in her heart. Someone who could calm her disquiet spirits.

     Kelvin had always reminded himself of his limitations. No matter how he feels within himself as regards being concerned over the other persons’ plight, he could only do his best. There’s always the possibility of either changing or not changing the situation. This is more the case where your endeavors to help someone who never shares your Christian moral views. It would definitely be a frustrating thing to do and as such you might end up been lured away into the other person’s viewpoint.

     Eventually, the two admirers Kristor and Helen became lovers. How did he know? One day he had come back from an examination in Ajalli. It was a West African Examination. He and Kristor had applied for the said examination. However, on that said day, only Kelvin was going to sit for a paper. He had come back hungry and immediately dashed into the room with Kristor inside. Oh, gush! He saw used packets of condoms by the bedside. This was exactly the inevitable outcome of every campus relationship. The relationship survived some two years later after the pre-degree program. Exactly in the second year of the regular academic program in the institution.

     "Was I pretending? Not at all," Kelvin rummaged through his mind. "I like socializing. But of recent I had discovered to my chagrin, that my socializing efforts have been misinterpreted into what had never crossed my mind,” Kelvin would find himself trying to justify his reasons behind some of his actions and decisions. It pained him if anyone would come out and would insidiously imply that he had a wrong intent for doing what he had innocently done. In some cases, it turns out that his detractors were only been jealous or acting out of envy. So he had thought.. Most of these sets of persons would resort to cheap malicious blackmail just to tarnish his image or in other words imply that he wasn’t really sincere with his intentions. Even the ones who had been at the receiving end of his kind gestures would at times too misinterpret his innocent gifts, visits, or his little show of kindnesses alluding it to what it had not been implied, especially the female folks. Was the way that he does whatever he does not make it sincere enough, touching to the emotions of the beneficiary? Could it be that he had unwittingly been giving out impressions that were quite erroneous and deceptive? Could it be that he invariably makes the girl feel hurt when he couldn’t come all out-in-the-clear over his real intentions?

     “Kelvin you need a girlfriend,” said the randy voice in him.

     “What for?”

     “To keep you at peace and warm. For goodness sake, you can’t continue on like this torturing yourself. Why would you want to keep chaste when all these girls are around pining for your touch? Can’t you see my point?”

     “You better get lost,”

     “You know that would not be a bit easier. You knew too well that I am saying the real truth. You’d always asked yourself this same question over and over again. Who would query you? Who’s in the right position to decide for you? Are you not old enough and man enough to do that? If you could just do it for the first time you could still decide not to repeat it if you feel bad anyway. After all, you’re not the first, and neither would you be the last to fall for that. Or are you trying to tell me that you don’t feel like a man, that’s ridiculous,”

     “You could say your mind. That would not make any difference to my own point of view,”

     “Ha-ha-ha. What’s your point of view? Was your own point of view different from that of David in the holy writes? Did God not call him a man after his heart after all that he did? Would you say that all those people mentioned in the holy writes had never erred? Would you not agree that they had at one time found themselves faced with the trials of their flesh as you’re experiencing it now? Did that stop them from counting on His favor? You would not convince me that you’re better compared with them or more dedicated than they were,”

     “You’re a bad influence to me!”

     “Yes, I am because the truth is quite bitter to the ear. Let me ask you, would you say you’re more righteous? Would you vouch for these so-called brothers and sisters that they’re keeping chaste? My question once again is, why are you torturing your soul in the first place? After all, does it not occur to you that He knew you better than you know yourself? He knows that you’re nothing but an imperfect person, prone to weakness and constant failings. If you should derail, would He not forgive you whenever you seek for his face in forgiveness? You’d read it many times in the holy writes. There’s no way something imperfect could produce something perfect. Then how do you expect your imperfect self to exhibit the true qualities of perfection at all times?”

     “Enough of your insidious concerns!”

     “That wouldn’t be enough. Take a close look at the caliber of persons not sharing your views otherwise your so-called high moral standards. They might not be doing the right things now due to their fleshy desire which is common to their age. It might not be long before they would come to their senses and share the same view with you or the better your faith,”

     “I am happy you’d just nailed your coffin. You admitted that they’re not making the right decisions and that vindicates my chastity stance,”

     “You misunderstood my point here. You got no credit by implication of what I’d just said. If you want to beat your chest, just wait a minute. What makes you think with full confidence that you could keep chaste for long, boy? Are you implying that you’re more than human to resist the temptation? This is your first time and first temptation; mind you and not the last one of it. How long could you keep up with the struggle?”

     “God would see me through,”

     “Was He not there when those ones you knew felled by the side? Was it not because they were full of this same but empty boyish confidence as you have been? They forgot that they were only flesh and blood and at the same time vulnerable?”

     “They felled aside because they all paid attention to voices as yours. You systematically watered down their once cherished conviction,”

     “I wouldn’t be surprised if you by implication accuse me of doing the same on you when I am only a part of you doing my own job,”

     “Oh! I’d thought you never knew,”

     “How could you accuse me of such a thing? Were they not in the first place deceiving themselves by pretending that those were not their portions? Whereas in the rightful sense of it, we all are well aware that we’re only victims of our weakness in the flesh? Even a perfect Adam felled, how much you Kelvin an imperfect good for nothing human,”

     “I knew too well that you’ve only been treacherously putting up a defense of your devilish schemes. You’re only too happy that it’d succeeded on an unprecedented scale. Be rest assured that I would not be that easily carried away by your undermining schemes,”

     Secondly, her upbringing and her social past must have played a part as well. Kelvin had understood from a few clues about her life in the past that she presumably grew up in a rough neighborhood. Most of her associates had been mainly males and less of female’s friends. She tends to remember more about her male friends she had come across than females. These males were not really gentlemen. They must have been rough-looking males; males with questionable characters or thereabout. They were actually males who were a bad influence on her. She’d had taken to smoking cigarettes once or twice because of her friends. She once hinted to him. She was introduced to that habit by her former boyfriends whom she had put up with in spite of her parents’ strong objections.

     She must have suffered from some form of physical and psychological a***e. Maybe she was suffering from a lack of warmth and affection which she lacked during her formative moments of life. The damage had already been done except if she could find someone who would fill in the vacuum in her life. She was looking for someone who could feel her out. Someone who would alley her fears for the future. Someone who could help her find a sense of belonging. Someone who would listen to the deepest hurts in her heart. Someone who could calm her disquiet spirits.

     Kelvin had always reminded himself of his limitations. No matter how he feels within himself as regards being concerned over the other persons’ plight, he could only do his best. There’s always the possibility of either changing or not changing the situation. This is more the case where your endeavors to help someone who never shares your Christian moral views. It would definitely be a frustrating thing to do and as such you might end up been lured away into the other person’s viewpoint.

     Eventually, the two admirers Kristor and Helen became lovers. How did he know? One day he had came back from an examination in Ajalli. It was a West African Examination. He and Kristor had applied for the said examination. However, on that said day, only Kelvin was going to sit for a paper. He had came back hungry and immediately dashed into the room with Kristor inside. Oh, gush! He saw used packets of c****m by the bedside. This was exactly the inevitable outcome of every campus relationship. The relationship survived some two years later after the pre-degree program. Exactly in the second year of the regular academic program in the institution.

     "Was I pretending? Not at all," Kelvin rummaged though his mind. "I like socializing. But of recent I had discovered to my chagrin, that my socializing efforts have been misinterpreted into what had never crossed my mind,” Kelvin would find himself trying to justify his reasons behind some of his actions and decisions. It pained him if anyone would come out and would insidiously imply that he had a wrong intent for doing what he had innocently done. In some cases, it turns out that his detractors were only been jealous or acting out of envy. So he had thought.. Most of these sets of persons would resort to cheap malicious blackmail just to tarnish his image or in other words imply that he wasn’t really sincere with his intentions. Even the ones who had been at the receiving end of his kind gestures would at times too misinterpret his innocent gifts, visits, or his little show of kindnesses alluding it to what it had not been implied, especially the female folks. Was the way that he does whatever he does not make it sincere enough, touching to the emotions of the beneficiary? Could it be that he had unwittingly been giving out impressions that were quite erroneous and deceptive? Could it be that he invariably makes the girl feel hurt when he couldn’t come all out-in-the-clear over his real intentions?

     “Kelvin you need a girlfriend,” said the randy voice in him.

     “What for?”

     “To keep you at peace and warm. For goodness sake, you can’t continue on like this torturing yourself. Why would you want to keep chaste when all these girls are around pining for your touch? Can’t you see my point?”

     “You better get lost,”

     “You know that would not be a bit easier. You knew too well that I am saying the real truth. You’d always asked yourself this same question over and over again. Who would query you? Who’s in the right position to decide for you? Are you not old enough and man enough to do that? If you could just do it for the first time you could still decide not to repeat it if you feel bad anyway. After all, you’re not the first, and neither would you be the last to fall for that. Or are you trying to tell me that you don’t feel like a man, that’s ridiculous,”

     “You could say your mind. That would not make any difference to my own point of view,”

     “Ha-ha-ha. What’s your point of view? Was your own point of view different from that of David in the holy writes? Did God not call him a man after his heart after all that he did? Would you say that all those people mentioned in the holy writes had never erred? Would you not agree that they had at one time found themselves faced with the trials of their flesh as you’re experiencing it now? Did that stop them from counting on His favor? You would not convince me that you’re better compared with them or more dedicated than they were,”

     “You’re a bad influence to me!”

     “Yes, I am because the truth is quite bitter to the ear. Let me ask you, would you say you’re more righteous? Would you vouch for these so-called brothers and sisters that they’re keeping chaste? My question once again is, why are you torturing your soul in the first place? After all, does it not occur to you that He knew you better than you know yourself? He knows that you’re nothing but an imperfect person, prone to weakness and constant failings. If you should derail, would He not forgive you whenever you seek for his face in forgiveness? You’d read it many times in the holy writes. There’s no way something imperfect could produce something perfect. Then how do you expect your imperfect self to exhibit the true qualities of perfection at all times?”

     “Enough of your insidious concerns!”

     “That wouldn’t be enough. Take a close look at the caliber of persons not sharing your views otherwise your so-called high moral standards. They might not be doing the right things now due to their fleshy desire which is common to their age. It might not be long before they would come to their senses and share the same view with you or the better your faith,”

     “I am happy you’d just nailed your coffin. You admitted that they’re not making the right decisions and that vindicates my chastity stance,”

     “You misunderstood my point here. You got no credit by implication of what I’d just said. If you want to beat your chest, just wait a minute. What makes you think with full confidence that you could keep chaste for long, boy? Are you implying that you’re more than human to resist the temptation? This is your first time and first temptation; mind you and not the last one of it. How long could you keep up with the struggle?”

     “God would see me through,”

     “Was He not there when those ones you knew felled by the side? Was it not because they were full of this same but empty boyish confidence as you have been? They forgot that they were only flesh and blood and at the same time vulnerable?”

     “They felled aside because they all paid attention to voices as yours. You systematically watered down their once cherished conviction,”

     “I wouldn’t be surprised if you by implication accuse me of doing the same on you when I am only a part of you doing my own job,”

     “Oh! I’d thought you never knew,”

     “How could you accuse me of such a thing? Were they not in the first place deceiving themselves by pretending that those were not their portions? Whereas in the rightful sense of it, we all are well aware that we’re only victims of our weakness in the flesh? Even a perfect Adam felled, how much you Kelvin an imperfect good for nothing human,”

     “I knew too well that you’ve only been treacherously putting up a defense of your devilish schemes. You’re only too happy that it’d succeeded on an unprecedented scale. Be rest assured that I would not be that easily carried away by your undermining schemes,”