The First Time

Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

 When he emerged out of the building there she was.

     She was sober from her looks.

     He had not been bitter with her as shown by the cordial line of communication that still existed between them.

     She walked up to him. Took one of his hands―something she has not done for some time. She led him quietly out and into one of the lecture halls of the Fine and Applied Art department.

     "Hey, you could have come right inside...,"

     "I tried to... I was denied entrance because my library card was not with me,"

     They made their entrance. There was an awkward silence between them. She found her voice to break the silence. She was struggling with herself to find the right thing to say for that moment of encounter.

     “Kelvin,” she found herself saying more relaxed than earlier.

     “Yes, what’s the problem? Something important to tell me? You looked sober,”

She merely nodded; relieved he was not pissed off with her. She led him to a seat still holding his hand leisurely.

     “I want you to help me out with this chemistry quiz. I can’t get myself to solve it,” she later said avoiding his steel gaze.

     He knew too well she had wanted to say something else but had decided against that out of fear.

     “Well, it’s not all that difficult. You only have to apply the formula, that’s all,” he sounded standoffish to her.

      “What procedure did you take? I want you to show me step-by-step,” she said employing him with her eyes. She searched his face seriously for any sign to betray his real feelings. That impregnable wall he had built around his true feelings had always been a mystery to her. She was looking for an opening to make her speak out her mind on her unusual actions towards him in the past few weeks. But there was none coming.

     While he brought out his notebooks and got down to the problem she was busy feeding her eyes on him, trying to get a lead to his heart. She was distracted. He had to put effort into calling her attention to her lack of concentration.

     It was obvious she did not come to be helped with the chemistry quiz. She came to be touched with his care. And healed of her emotional wounds. She was once again reaching out to him. She was begging for love and to be loved. It was just the two of them. That was one of the rare moments that she could afford to spend quality time with him. She wants him to express his love for her. She wants to hear him say it. She wants him to reassure her that she’s the only one. She had come to give herself to him. She wants him to play with her right there and then. She wants every piece of him.

     Something must have happened. What exactly was going on in her mind, he could not tell precisely or pretended not to know. But one or two things were certain―it puzzles her at his knotty approach and confidence towards life. She felt he was hesitant and difficult to get on with.

     Secondly, having done all humanly and womanly possible to win his heart over to her, she had met with no success. She felt now at a great loss to believe, the handwriting on the wall; that the end is fast approaching and there was nothing else she could do. She felt helpless and rather sad at the prospect. She had however decided to let him spill out the terms to her. It was not that she was that easy to give in but she wants to be his. A bit of her wants him to be angry with her; to beat or scold at her. She wants to see that aggressive sign that he wants her than any other thing in life.

     Unfortunately, he was emotionally aloof. He had developed a thick skin that was impregnable. It saddened her that he was neither bitter with her nor impressed with her. What else could she do to make him feel her?

     What else could she do to make him happy for her? What else could she do to bring him back?

The feeling that in his heart she does not exist was swelling up, but she could not let go. Why would he not be hers and she becomes his?

     All these heart-searching questions could have barraged her mind, but Kelvin could only feel sympathy for her. He too was at a loss at how best he could have helped out without hurting his own feelings and hers the more. He was in love with her. Yet, he was scared. He couldn't find the will to love her the way she wanted.

     He decided to brighten up her spirit. He decided to take an initiative at making her feel happy for the moment. “Chidera,” he began. “I’ll be paying you a visit one of these days. What do you say?”

     That did the magic temporarily, for she brightened up and became once more hearty but rather shy.

     “When are you going to be knocking on my door,” she asked.

     “Let’s keep it till next week. Is that okay by you?” he had wanted to keep her in high anticipation.

     “That’s alright, but when precisely next week,”

     “I can’t really fix the exact date but I know it would not go beyond Thursday,”

     “That’s better,”

A few minutes later after that brief discussion, both bent over the chemistry quiz.

The planned visit had been on his mind for a while. He had not got the opportunity to let her know. Kelvin had already bought some presents for her which he had planned to give to her as a surprise gift―his first-ever material gift. She was not actually a demanding girl. She had never wanted to create the impression that she wants to depend on anyone for anything; an independent girl. So the encounter had provided him an opportunity to make it look more pleasing and pleasurable.

     Soon it was Thursday―the day he had intended paying her a visit. He decided to inform her on time to prepare her mind, but to his greatest surprise she turned it down.

     “Why the sudden change of mind?” he asked coolly. 

     “I’m not prepared for the visit,” she replied.

     “How do you mean?” he asked once again.

     “I don’t know how best to explain it but I know too well that I am not much prepared for the visit,” she insisted. 

     “Well, you feel you got nothing in the house to entertain his majesty,” he said humorously.

She merely nodded her head shyly in acknowledgment as she avoided his curious eyes.

     “Well, don’t bother yourself,” 

     “Am not really set for it today, that’s all,”

     “Okay, what about tomorrow been Friday,” he pestered. 

     “No,”

     “Saturday?” 

     “No,”

     “Next week?”

She waved her head from side to side in objection.

     “By the way, what actually had you wished to prepare for the visit that will take you so long?” he asked still maintaining his humorous composure. “Why? You intend killing a goat or cattle for me or rather throw a great feast?”

     She blushed when he said the later and started fidgeting with her fingers while avoiding his gaze. She fixed her eyes on her fingers.

     “Chidera,” he called her “What actually do you think is the problem? You seem to enjoy this cat and mouse game. Why make things difficult for yourself by brooding on grudges. Why is it that whenever I decide to give you my unreserved attention, you’ll take it as an opportunity to try to hit back at me, whereas in the real sense of it you’re only hurting your spirit? Worst still, you’re pining painfully for me and my attention,” he was straight with her. Kelvin had seen the ripe opportunity to see if he could talk sense into her. “What really do you think you stand to benefit at the end of the day? Would it not be better to come out in the open and say, boy, it’s over between us and for good,”

     When he said that, she quickly looked up and made to object to that.

    “Please Kelvin don't take it that way,” she implored. 

     “It’s quite a black and white matter. You don’t want to have anything to do with me,” he was really getting excited with annoyance, ignoring her.

     “You know it’s not true!” she was no longer enjoying it but he had meant to lay bare what's on his mind.

     “By the way, what’s so special about your house or visiting you? What does it pay you to pretend a character you’re not?” he was visibly annoyed without mincing words with her―that was the first time Kelvin had ever got crossed with her.

      “Please, P-l-ease Kelvin,” she pleads almost in tears. 

     “You want me to come down on my knees with presents begging you? Never! Burst your house!” he was rather mean and had meant to be so as he angrily took his leave.

     “No! Please don’t burst my house,” she cried after him.

She was sobbing as he left her and headed his way home.

     Behind that serious-looking expression, he was rather smiling at his own outburst and the fact that his annoyance had not gone beyond the looks on his face. He immediately brightened up. Maybe this is what she's been looking forward to. A bit of the other side of him. But this piece was harsher than she had bargained. She was going to walk back home alone today. He wanted to turn back and walk her home but decided against that.

     Kelvin was happy because it had dawned on him that in a few words he felt relieved. Relieved of some of the burdens his heavy-heart-filled-with-pains have had to carry for quite a long time. He had told her in a black and white manner that the end had come. It was not to his relish to have employed this medium but he had no other option and he felt at ease that he had expressed his mind.

     Days later after that incident, she obliged him to escort her home; he was becoming worried about her kind of character. What on earth does she think he was, her fool?

     He rebuffed the obligation. He had lost all enthusiasm about her. Her persistent persuasion made him agree only to escort her halfway. She agreed hoping she will make him change his mind on the way.

Halfway to her lodge, he bid her goodbye but she could not take any of that. But as she had no other way to make him go further, she went home really sad. To Kelvin, all the excitement that he had once cherished in his heart on paying her a visit or having her as a host had all evaporated into thin air.

     She began making it a regular point of duty to ask him to escort her home or rather halfway after school periods. And each time she observes him heading towards her place of residence, she will call out on him to allow her to go with him. She prayed on the possibility that he might decide to branch to her lodge. He never refused her such privilege of walking with him but will not persuade himself to end the stroll into her lodge.