Becoming His Obsession

Throwing my shoes to one corner of the room, I turn up the volume of the music and with the very top of my voice… " I could buy myself floweeeeers Write my name in the sannnnnd Talk to myself for houuuuurs Say things you don't understannnnd". I sing loudly to the music as I swirl around in the room. Even though I have been single for as long as I remember, it never really bothers me, Or so I tell myself… But that's only till these few days. It is my birthday soon and just like every other one I know I'm not going to celebrate, but then that isn't the reason for my recent depression, it's the fact that no one will even know it. No one cares enough to know, but then, there is no reason for them to . You know the thing with depression and anxiety, once the feeling leaves, you're in the best mood ever, nothing can bother you, you feel absolutely good and free too. But when it returns, you sink way deeper than where it left you. Right now, nothing could bother me! No one to talk to, I'll talk to myself. No one to gift me? I'll gift myself. I am so sick of all the series of depression i have been going through, I am sad, I am lonely, I am broke, just me, all these problems!. And yet I have lots of bills waiting for me as if I am not going through enough already. Taking off my pants I fling it to the right, then my shirt to the left, till I am naked and still jumping around. Being happy feels so good, I of all people should know this better because it doesn't happen to me often and whenever I feel this way, I always appreciate every second of it. I walk into the bathroom still singing loudly because, why not? Besides, my voice sounds especially good in the bathroom. Turning off the hand shower it automatically becomes my mic then my playlist switch to Doja cat and with so much energy I scream "All these money on me It don't mean a thing See it in your dreams…." Music is indeed my most effective therapy and It feels extra good because I just got paid!. Then I remember today is Friday, perfect! I immediately decide to go clubbing as I start to shake my booty under the shower. Only when I almost slipped and fell did I turn off the shower and get out of the bathroom. I am laughing at myself going all crazy in the shower as I begin my search for a dress. Getting this job is a real blessing to me though I have been too busy trying to focus and get my life together. But right now all I want to do is celebrate my little achievement, even though it's only been a few months. My eyes catch a short black shimmer dress after about 15 minutes of messing up my wardrobe. ' where have you been gorgeous!' I scream in my head. I smile when I imagine how I'd look in it. I didn't like heels so I didn't have any, they are just not made for these feet. I chose a knee length leather boot to go with my dress. Since I'm not a heavy makeover type of girl, there isn't really much for me to do. I care more about my hair but today, I am going to put on a wig, a blonde wig, a long wavy blonde wig, and a little makeup. I want to look different, I want to forget my regular sad life, forget my pathetic loneliness, forget all the bills that'll soon come knocking, be myself, be happy and have a little fun, at least just for today. Makeup, check. Dress, check. Shoe, check Wig, check. Perfume, check. I observe myself in my mirror as I choose red lipstick, my personal favorite . I look good, at least to myself I smile again as I check the time, it's 20 minutes before 10. I'll be home before 1am, I tell myself. Suck in a long breath as I finally step out of the house. It's been ages since I last went out, I'll call a friend, but I have none. Weird but that's me, I've seen way too much even at my age from so called friends to be hanging out with any, I am better off alone. Though nights like this, I wish I at least have one good friend. The thought of me drinking and dancing alone is a major turn off. It is in fact the main reason why I stopped going out which actually used to be my best thing in the world. Going out anywhere, shopping, beach, spa, going out to eat, traveling, exploring the world, going to different places to have fun, going to parties! I just love the whole going out thing. But since I am broke I quickly forget about seeing the world, just focused on finding a job and making money. Soon I became a loner, and I'm always having trouble sleeping. Alcohol quickly replaced my love for going to places. And soon, it became my favorite thing. But today, today I'm going out to have fun!. I'm going to get drunk, I'm going to dance, I'm going to annoy a few strangers… doing these things are fun but doing it with people you're close to or someone you're in love with is better. Of the two, I had none. Yet another reason I stopped going out. Thinking about it again, I am beginning to have a change of heart when a taxi stops in front of me, oops too late, ' yunno what, f**k it' I said as I get in. ' Who knows, maybe I'll get laid'. My eyes widen trying to remember the last time I had s*x….. but I couldn't! " Ohh I wish I could get me a man." A real man, one who understands what love is, one who wants to love and wants to be loved back. Someone I can wholly and happily love. 'No!' my mind screamed as I shook the thoughts away, one more heartbreak, one more love problem and that would be it for me! I couldn't risk it, I'm not brave enough to. The moment I open up to another wrong person and get broken, there will be no coming back for me, I just know it. Countless times, countless times! I have dressed up to go out only for me to think of something, have a change of mind, and end up sulking at home with a f****d up mood, weed, music, masturbate and off to bed. I can't believe I'm wishing I actually have a friend, I admit my life will be very different, just one real friend I couldn't help wistful thinking. For real though having someone, anyone, I don't even mind their gender or sexuality even, I just need a friend . " We're here, miss." The middle aged driver brings me back to reality. I look through the window, the club isn't packed up as it usually is. Perfect, I can have my fun and leave before the place gets totally filled with people, it won't be as much fun for me because I like to have space especially when dancing so I can fully go crazy. " Miss, are you going to get down?" " Oh… yes please." I was already overthinking again, I totally forget I am still in the car. " Two shots of tequila please." I walk straight to the bar as soon as I get in, I need to get drunk real quick. Seeing the crowd inside made me nervous, but everything gets better with alcohol right?. Even after taking the two shots I still don't feel my vibes coming. I see an empty table spot opposite the bar and it is less crowded over there. I quickly order a glass of martini and make my way there. I must really be in a hurry to get drunk because right now, I am starting to enjoy the music and the lovely view of the club. It is very well set up. I especially love the sound system in the ceiling. Slowly I begin to feel my vibe, soon I am turning and jumping and dancing, then I feel a hand on my lower back. I turn immediately, this is why I didn't like being in a crowded club. It is the fifth person trying to dance with me tonight and I am this close to losing it, I just want to have a little fun but these thirsty ass guys won't let me be but none of them is getting a taste. But a single look, just one look, everything disappears, all the angry words I have cooked up in my mind but one look at this wickedly beautiful face in front of me and I lost all of my words. " Hey…" Too busy taking in all his features my mind only hears his call seconds later. " Uhh hi." My voice shakes a little but thankfully the loud music perfectly hides the nervous sound. " Do you mind if I dance with you?" His voice cracked a little as he tries to speak loudly. ' Would I mind? What a joke! With this look and body? I mean… sure I would mind if it was some other guy but you my dear, are my exception. My drunkenness is clearly beginning to take over my mind. " No, I won't." With a smile, I gladly move my body in rhythm to his as he pulls me closer. Rarely do I find someone I instantly like and let the person into my space, also It's been ages since the last time I was intimate with someone so right now my drunk self will happily accept this gorgeous being. But drunk or not, I know I don't want anything serious especially with someone this fine. I will make that clear, right now though, I'm going to dance and have fun with this hunk. Mr. handsome is still keeping it cool and dancing like some rich boy. My sober self will actually find this attractive but right now, she's not available. I gulp another shot of tequila even though my head warned that it is already enough since I have low tolerance for alcohol and this is already my third shot, but I take it anyway. Few minutes I am oozing with energy and vibes as I begin to twist and turn and move my body all around him. He is definitely surprised by my sudden movements and doesn't know how to react as he keeps his hand to himself and just watches me. Bored, I grab his hands and put them on my waist, press my body on his and my hands on his shoulder as I smile to his face. He is definitely taken aback with that look on his face. He probably didn't expect any of those moves but he definitely likes it as he tightens his grip on my waist making me feel the hardness of his desire. My body responds to him quicker than I expect as I feel the warm liquid tickle between my legs. The loud music fades in my ears, and so do the many people around us, as I get lost in his eyes. Though his face is constantly darkened by the rolling lights in the club but his eyes, his eyes shine with sheer want. Maybe I am right, or maybe it's my alcohol I don't know and I really don't care, I'm going to enjoy every bit of it and just like that I feel his right hand cup my face as he leans in, our lips met. He must have heard my thoughts and wants to clearly show his desire for me. With the way he kissed, I can tell he is going for a simple light kiss but the moment our lips touch, I want more, I can't help it, my desires are getting the better of me and I was giving in happily. But One Night of Fun won't hurt right?. I wrap my hands around his neck as I steal a better kiss. It tastes so good, and I let greed take control as I kiss my way from his bottom lip to the top. Suddenly I stop, 'oh no!' regret fills me as I stare at him wide eyed, taking a few steps back as I try to quickly leave. He looks at me a little surprised and pulls me back for another kiss. I will explain why but it is too late, it comes rushing out, everything, the alcohol, remains of the sandwich I had eaten earlier, everything in my irritated belly, all splayed on his perfectly ironed white shirt!.