Letters Left Unsent

I never fit anywhere. It seemed like the universe went out of its way to remind me, if I forgot for a second… It was the summer I turned seventeen, my grandmother informed me were were moving. Leaving the city and moving to a small town, over sixty miles away. I didn’t care that much because I didn’t have many friends. I hated where we lived and I disliked the neighbors… We moved into an upstairs apartment over a grocery store on mainstreet. Looking out the living room windows you could almost see one end of town to the other. I’m exaggerating a bit but the town is only three miles long in every direction… I was so nervous starting my first day of school. Wondering will it be the same? Will I make any friends? Will my “life” finally start? Will I experience “the best years of my life”? Like my gram swears are your teen years. I doubt it… I didn’t sleep much the night before my first day of school. I could figure out what to wear. I ended up picking a charcoal gray pantsuit and paired it with black wedges. I completely got lost after leaving the front office of Baker High. I was five minutes late by the time I found my class. Luckily, the teacher wasn’t there yet and the rest of my classmates were standing outside the classroom waiting. A cute blonde boy walks up to me and asks me: “did the office not give you the key?” I’m so confused. “The key?” I say to him confused. He says:”yes. Aren’t you the sub?” I knew the pantsuit was the wrong outfit choice. I’m 5’8, shoulder length jet black hair, thick eyebrows over big dark brown eyes. I often get mistaken for an adult and my body doesn’t help the situation either. Tall (for a girl), long legs and curvy figure. I’m so embarrassed and I keep telling myself how stupid I am for choosing a pantsuit for my first day. Until the last class of the day. Music class. I take an empty seat. Immediately a tall lanky blond haired blue eyed boy sits next to me and says:”hey. You must be new. I’m Ryan.” I tell him:”My names Allie” and he starts talking to me non stop. He’s funny, he has me completely relaxed. Then a short girl with long dishwasher blond hair comes on the class. “Hey. Over here Kayla” Ryan says and she comes and sits at a table next to us. Ryan introduces us and we laughed and talked all through class. We become fast friends. We meet in the lunchroom before school starts. We meet up at each other’s lockers between classes. I was finally feeling like I had friends. I was finally looking forward to going to school. I was finally finally feeling like I fit. After months of Ryan, Kayla and I hanging out at school and talking on the phone for hours everyday. Kayla started asking me to come to her house and chill after school. I would always come up with an excuse not to. A big part of why was my overprotective grandmother. I also never was offered that by any of my “friends” in the city. After weeks and weeks of Kayla asking me to come to her house. I finally agreed. I had it in my mind that I would come in and sit for a couple of minutes and just leave. We get to her house and we go into the living room. I relax a bit and decide to stay a while. We laughing and joking. Then in walks him… 5’10, dark brown hair, dark blue eyes, luscious lips, fit. My jaw dropped. He was the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen in person. He smiles at me. My heart is pounding. He says:”Hello. I’m Joey. Who are you?” I’m completely silent. After 30 seconds, I finally find my voice and tell him my name. I’m completely flustered. He sits down in the living room and Kayla tells me this is her big brother Joey. I’m so shy I just sit there. They start talking. I’m still just sitting there. Ten minutes later the front door slams open and in walks four guys. Loud, cussing and they guy in front is so angry just by looking at him I feel totally uncomfortable. They’ve got beers in their hands and I’m thinking to myself it’s only 5 o clock in the evening. The angry guy 5’10, blond hair and blue eyes, slightly muscular-kinda looks like the boy version of Kayla. After he gets finished talking to one of his friends he looks up, straight into my eyes. Our eyes meet and they lock on each other. I feel stuck. Kayla introduces us and I finally look away. Yet again, I’m feeling uncomfortable. I say my goodbyes and I go home. I somehow have a feeling that I’m going to be going back to Kayla’s house a lot from now on…