Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 11

Felix had always been known as a smart ass, laid back guy. He was really easy to get along with, but at the same time he was extremely sarcastic, which some people were really put off by. I always loved it, being as I was the same way. He was friendly and easy going most of the time... but damn, when he was mad, he was mad.. It was like he was a totally different person.

I was beginning to realize, as our relationship became stronger, he was extremely possessive and jealous. And he sure as s**t wasn't worried about hiding it from me. I wasn't quite sure how to take it.. I wasn't sure if I liked it or if I was extremely turned off by it. Sure, Olive had been jealous, but this was different..

My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I lazily reached over to grab it. I had been dozing off, listening to Grouplove on my stereo. I blinked a few times, trying to get the text to look clear. It was Felix. 'Hey. What are you up to?' he asked. I sighed through my nose and debated whether I wanted to answer or not. My stomach twisted into an almost nauseous nervous feeling.

'I was napping. What's up?' I replied and set my phone down on my bed beside me. After a few more moments of laying there, I glanced at the time on my phone. Eleven at night... Felix replied as I was looking at the time.

'Sorry if I woke you. Are you with her?' What the f**k? I scowled at the screen before angrily typing back.

'No. Did you want something?' I set my phone down heavily and rolled over to face my wall before rubbing my eyes. I wanted him to get the point. This time it didn't take long at all to get a response. I waited a few moments before reaching back to grab my phone.

'I was hoping I could see you tonight.' he replied. Finally. Why couldn't he have just said that from the start? 'What do you say?' quickly followed with a stupid little winky face. I couldn't help but snicker to myself. I always found it hard to turn down an opportunity to see him, especially the more we saw each other.

'Come over.' I replied simply. I was hoping to put some wonder in his mind and make it seem like I wasn't too excited about it.

'Be there sooner than you would expect.' What the f**k did that mean? I frowned and sat up immediately. I grabbed my glasses from my nightstand and put them on, my world coming into focus. I couldn't see s**t without them or my contacts. I stretched my arms above my head and stood up, feeling wide awake from our exchange. My heart was pounding, and it was making me feel silly. I was always so giddy at the very thought of him.

I headed downstairs quietly, aware that Jayla was in her room. I didn't want her to come out and see that he was coming over. I was relieved to see Titus wasn't downstairs. He was most likely sleeping in my mom's room, who was at work. She had to be there at eleven as opposed to midnight on Thursdays. I walked into our front room and sat down on the couch, watching out the window for his arrival. Sure enough, it only took a couple minutes and his familiar Mazda pulled into the parking lot. I wondered what he had been doing so close to my house.

I opened the door as quietly as I could before he had the chance to knock. That would have been terrible... Titus would have made so much noise coming down the steps. He smiled as soon as he saw me and waved. I grinned and shook my head at his gesture. He was wearing jeans and a NOFX t-shirt. It was sticky out that night, but at least it was in the 70s. Some summer nights in Pennsylvania it stayed in the 80s. He stepped inside and I shut and locked the door behind us. "Hey," he greeted quietly, smiling widely at me. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

"Hey... what's up?" I asked slowly.

"Nothin'. I don't remember ever seeing you with your glasses on before," he noted, his smile faltering to a grin. I'd nearly forgotten I was wearing them. He didn't hesitate to throw an arm around my shoulders and pull me close.

"Oh?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. I never let anybody see me with them on. "Yeah, they make me feel like a loser." He shook his head, moving his arm back to his side and taking a step back.

"No, they look good on you!" he assured me. I snorted with laughter before leading the way through the living room and up the steps without another word. When we were in my room I breathed a sigh of relief that nobody had woken up. I sat down on my bed and Felix did the same.

"So why did you wanna come over?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't I have wanted to?" he asked with a small laugh. "I wanted to see your face." He grinned crookedly at me and I felt myself beginning to flush.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked dumbly, averting my gaze. "It's already eleven at night, though... what were you doing out here?" I asked, looking at him once more.

"I was just drivin' around," he stated dismissively. "Do you want me to leave or something?" he asked, frowning slightly. No.. I hesitated before shaking my head.

"Did you want to stay the night...?" I asked quietly. He laughed and shrugged.

"I mean, since you're offering...," he trailed off with a wide smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed as well. "This might be the first time I'm staying over with both of us sober. I must say- I'm surprised."

"Why?" I asked, scooting over so that our legs were touching. He grinned and let his hand rest on my knee.

"Because... you usually don't want much to do with me unless you're drunk," he explained, his eyes not leaving mine as he spoke. I shook my head with a small sigh.

"That's not true," I grumbled, feeling ashamed of myself. "It's just... a lot easier to hide my feeling when I'm sober... obviously." I knew what I was doing wasn't fair. I'd thought a lot since everything began about how unfair it was to Olive. I'd never really stopped to think about how unfair it was to Felix, though. The realization made my chest hurt. I wasn't being very good to him. He nodded, his happy expression falling.

"I don't wanna talk about it," he muttered. I nodded and sighed again, turning in my seat to wrap my arms around him. I felt genuinely bad. I tried to think about how I would feel if Felix had a girlfriend.. I would be furious; I would be jealous. So could I really blame him for acting like he did whenever Olive was around or brought up? No, I couldn't. He wrapped his arms around me as well after a couple seconds.

"Well then let's not." I pulled back, grinning at him, before giving him a gentle kiss. I was so tired of running from everything. So what if I liked a dude? The only thing holding me back from being accepting of the situation was the fact that I didn't want everybody to think less of me. "I need a cigarette." I reached over and grabbed my pack, pulling one out. I then moved to open my window. I laid down on my stomach so that my head was closer to the window before lighting my cigarette. I grinned to myself as Felix followed suit, our bodies right next to each other's. I didn't want to risk going outside, since it could wake Titus up.

"How was your day?" Felix asked casually, taking a drag of his cigarette. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Pretty boring... but that's fine with me. Played some video games as I usually do. What about you?" I asked.

"Good.. I've been looking for a job. Brody has been too, so that we can move out together or something," he told me, though his tone left me doubting it had actually been a 'good' day.

"I bet Jayla will be thrilled when that happens," I said sarcastically. That caused a smile to form on his face again. He nodded, reaching down to ash into my ashtray. I watched him as his expression fell once more soon after. My brow furrowed slightly. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly. His eyes snapped back to meet mine and he nodded.

"Yeah. Why?" he asked. I didn't miss the rise in his voice as though he were lying, though. I shrugged.

"You just seem a little down." I wasn't going to push it. He grinned and kissed my cheek.

"I'm fine," he assured me. As we finished our cigarettes in silence, I was beginning to feel tired again. I took one final small puff and smashed the cherry in my ashtray, Felix soon following suit. I closed the window, my room feeling sticky from having it open the short amount of time it took us to smoke. I turned back to see Felix sitting on the edge of my bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you wanna lay down?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied with a small grin. I watched as he scooted onto my bed and laid on his back, letting out a deep breath. What would make him happier...? I didn't care what he said, something was off. I hesitated before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the side. That definitely piqued his interest. I then slipped my pants off, leaving only my boxers on. I laid down next to him after I was undressed and grinned.

"It's hot in here now," I explained. Felix laughed and nodded.

"I'm not judging. I always sleep in my boxers or naked," he admitted.

"Well, then why are you still dressed?" I asked playfully, tugging at his shirt. He smiled before sitting up.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled, but I knew he was only pretending to be difficult. He slipped his shirt over his head, his pants soon following. He had a very nice body, I couldn't even deny it. He had muscle, but not too much, and he was lean but not deathly so. I'd also realized, in our time together, that I really liked his stomach hair. It sounded so weird, but it looked so sexy.. I guess it was so clear to me since Olive had never, obviously, had any body hair. She would usually complain about mine, but I wasn't about to shave... "Better?" he asked, raising an eye brow. I nodded, leaning over until our lips met once more. I ran my hand over his stomach, tracing down until I gripped lightly onto his hip. It was the first time we were laying together in only our boxers, and I could feel my heart beating quickly. I pulled back and let my head rest on his chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

I'm not sure how long we were laying together in comfortable silence, but I was enjoying the feeling of him being beside me. I reached over and ran my fingers gently over his arm. His palm was facing up, exposing all of the imperfections he'd left on himself. I ran my fingers down until I came across a particularly dark and raised track scar. I let out a small sigh and continued down his arm until I came to his hand. He had them all down his arm, to his wrist, on the back of his hand, and even one or two between his fingers. He had many of them.. some which had faded since I'd first taken notice, but they were definitely still there. The one that stuck out the most to me was the one on the back of his left hand. I always looked at it... It made me wonder how I'd been so blind to them before I knew he'd done h****n. Everybody has their scars, I guess.. but his were a bit extreme.

"Looking at my scars?" Felix suddenly asked. I was somewhat startled by his voice. I thought he'd been drifting off to sleep, but I guess I was incorrect.

"Uuuhh," I began awkwardly, shifting back so I could look at him. "Y-yeah, kinda... I mean, I've noticed them before obviously..." He smirked, his eyes still closed and nodded.

"I don't mind you looking, really. Doesn't bother me." He let out a deep breath. "Honestly I'm surprised you've never asked about it before."

"I didn't want to invade your privacy," I admitted quietly, running my thumb over the darkest scar once more.

"I admire that about you, Mark.." His dark eyes opened and looked in my direction. "I used to shoot a lot of dope," he stated bluntly. "That one you're touching right now got infected pretty badly. I had to go to the hospital... got on IV antibiotics and shit.. I became mildly septic. Shittiest I've ever felt in my life." He looked forward, his eyes blank. I'm sure it wasn't easy to think about. "But if it weren't for that, I'd prolly still be shooting honestly."

"Why's that?" I asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.

"Because... If I hadn't stayed in that hospital for all those days, I would have never gotten the jump start on my rehabilitation. I pretty much spent the worst of my withdraw period in the hospital, which was good for me... but as soon as I was discharged, I went straight to a rehab facility," he explained.

"You didn't need to tell me that, Felix...," I said quietly, feeling kind of bad. I'd never heard a word of his h****n addiction come from his mouth in the time I'd known him. I felt like me looking at his scars made him feel like he had to say something. His lips curled into a small grin and he turned his head to look at me.

"If we're going to continue to do this, whatever this is... I think you need to get to know me." His voice had a dismal tinge to it as he spoke. He was being completely serious. I narrowed my eyes.

"I do know you, though...," I said, my voice trailing off. He sighed and shook his head.

"There's so much you don't know about me, Mark. There's so much nobody knows about me... you definitely have the lead, though. You know I'm gay," he laughed, turning so he was facing me completely. He ran his fingers through my hair briefly. "And now you know I was a junkie- and why I stopped being a junkie." I was left to my thoughts after that. There were so many questions I wanted to ask.

"Why did you start?" I asked. He shrugged a shoulder.

"Why does anybody start?" he asked back vaguely.

"Yeah, but you're not just anybody, man...," I objected. "You're smart enough that you wouldn't just succumb to peer pressure or some bullshit like that." He smirked, keeping his brown eyes locked with mine.

"Another story for another time.. Let's just say- my life f*****g sucked back then," He said softly. I knew then that he wasn't ready to open up more about his past. Maybe some day he would, maybe he wouldn't. I simply nodded and tried my hardest to grin.

"Do you ever get the craving to do it again?" I asked, deciding to change the subject away from why he started. I was genuinely curious.

"Sometimes," he admitted quickly. "Not always, but there are definitely times I wish I had a needle and a spoon." He smiled at me before shaking his head. "I'm never going to fuckin' do it again. I can't stand the person I was back then.." I couldn't help but reach forward and press my hand against his cheek, gently rubbing my thumb over his skin. As much as he tried to hide it, I could see the pain in his eyes. I knew he had secrets, we all did, but I didn't care. I wanted to help him feel better, if that was possible. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, burying my face in his neck.

"I'm here for you now," I whispered. He held onto me in return.

"I know you are... You're part of the reason my life isn't so shitty anymore," he snickered, trying to keep the conversation light. I wasn't trying to get all sappy, either, but I wanted him to know that. Even if I was technically with Olive- I knew, deep down, that wasn't where my heart was... I just needed to grow some balls and admit it.

>

As July was nearing an end, I was beginning to feel more and more guilt. It was driving me insane... I wanted advice. I had to tell somebody. Felix was getting more pissed off the longer I stayed with Olive. I wish he understood it wasn't so cut and dry like he seemed to think.. I felt guilty, though. I felt guilty for being with Olive, for having s*x with her from time to time even though I was thinking about him each of those times. I also, probably to a lesser extent, felt guilty for being with Felix. I found myself still trying to avoid him some days, though it was difficult. We talked every day, and I was beginning to realize that he wasn't just a fling... I had real feelings for him. That was the worst part.

So there I sat on my bed, twirling a piece of fabric from my sheets between my fingers, while Evie sat on the floor looking through my video game concept art books. I was replaying what I was about to say to her over and over in my head, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I noticed her glance up at me from her seat on the floor.

"Sooo... What the f**k is wrong with you?" she asked, frowning slightly. I turned my head towards her.

"What do you mean?" I asked, scowling. I knew what she meant; I was definitely acting off.

"You wanted me to come over and the whole time you're being a weirdo and not saying anything, just staring off into space. I have to go soon, ya know.. What's up?" she asked, flipping a page. She was looking at my Okami book. One of my favorites.

"Umm... well...," I began awkwardly. It wouldn't be so f*****g hard if she weren't friends with Olive, god dammit! But she was my best friend before she even knew Olive... I took a deep breath.

"What, Mark?" she asked, raising her voice slightly with an impatient smile. "God, you're being so weird it's starting to worry me!" she laughed.

"Okay, I wanna tell you something but you have to promise not to be mad, okay?" I practically pleaded. I sunk down to the floor against my bed so I was closer to her. She nodded.

"Yeah, man, you know I could never be mad at you!" She smiled, turning more towards me as well. I wasn't so sure about that. "What is it?" she asked quietly. I swallowed nervously and started fiddling my hands together.

"Well...," I tried to begin again. "I know it's going to sound insane... but." I looked at her briefly before looking at the floor again. "What would you think if I said I might be gay?" There was silence. I could feel my face turning red.

"Wait, for real?" she asked intently after the awkward moment of silence. I looked at her again to see her eyes were wide. I nodded, a sheepish grin spreading over my face. "Oh, s**t! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She smacked my arm. I shrugged.

"Well, I wasn't sure... I mean- I'm still not sure." I sighed, my hands uncomfortably sweaty. I had yet to tell her the biggest part of my news.

"Well, what about Olive? Was that all just a show to keep it a secret?" she asked, sounding genuinely curious. That was a relief. I thought she would be mad immediately.

"No, no!" I answered quickly. "I didn't even know I felt this way when we got together. Things just... our s*x life... were weird... and I thought it was just always like that... but... not anymore," I explained slowly and choppily. I was forcing every word to come out, and it was painfully difficult. She nodded.

"Yeah, I know. How would you have known, ya know? Olive being your first and all." She sighed and shut the book in front of her. "So what made you realize?" she asked innocently. I could immediately feel my face turning red again as I thought of Felix. "Oh, s**t, Mark!" She obviously noticed. "Do you like someone?" She was smiling, but I doubted she would be after I told her the truth.

"I don't know if I should tell you...," I trailed off and looked away from her. This was so f*****g hard!

"Come on, Li! How long have I known you?" she tried to convince we otherwise. I took a deep breath.

"Please don't get pissed," I pleaded once more, my eyes meeting hers. She nodded.

"Why would I?" she asked. I laughed slightly, shaking my head.

"Alright... so, the other night...," I began, trying to work up the courage to spit it out. I would lie a little. She didn't need to know how long our secret relationship thing had been going on. "Well, actually. I've been trying to hide it from myself for a while now. I wouldn't even try to think about it. But I couldn't hide how I felt when I would think about him or see him..." I trailed off again, getting lost in thought.

"Who?" she whispered, sounding on the edge of her seat. I swallowed, my face becoming hot again.

"The other week I invited... Felix over.."

"Felix!?" she exclaimed, cutting me off. I looked at her, eyes wide, in annoyance that she had practically screamed him name. "Seriously?" she continued.

"Shh!" I growled. She covered her mouth with her hand. "Yes, Felix, god dammit. I don't know why I even f*****g told you!" I snapped, shaking my head.

"No, no, no," she spat out quickly. "It's okay, Mark! I was just surprised," she assured me. "So what happened?" I sighed.

"I feel so bad, Evie. But I've seriously liked him for a long time..." I couldn't believe I was telling her everything. "I kept trying to lie to myself. It feels so wrong still.. So the night that he stayed over.."

"What? That's when you realized you liked him?" she asked when I paused. I shook my head, laughing slightly.

"No, that's when I f*****g admitted to myself that I liked him. I thought if he ever found out he would f**k me up... but...," I practically whimpered, biting onto my bottom lip.

"Holy s**t, did you guys do something?" she asked, her eyes wide. I didn't respond. "For god's sake Mark, tell me! You can't just leave me with only half the information!" She smiled. I knew it was driving her crazy. She was the type of person who wanted to know everything. She was also quite the gossiper, which was why I was so hesitant to tell her in the first place.

"I don't even know how it all came to it, but we were both really f*****g drunk. We were drinking f*****g Kraken." I began picking at a loose piece of carpet.

"Yeah that s**t'll f**k you up," Evie chimed in.

"So we were talking about Olive and I's atrocious s*x life, and he f*****g hit the nail on the head. He told me that I was into somebody else and that's why I couldn't enjoy anything we did together, pretty much. And I knew at that moment that I couldn't hide from it anymore, and he was right. No matter how much I tried to shove it in the back of my mind and bury it... Even when I wasn't thinking about it, it was still affecting me." I took another deep breath. I looked at her to see she had genuine concern on her face. She nodded. And then he gave me the best head of my life... say it! Say it!

"I can't even imagine how that feels, Li...," she said. "So he still doesn't know how you feel? That wouldn't be an easy thing to bring up.." I snickered quietly, keeping my eyes to the floor again.

"Oh, no... he knows alright..," I said quietly. I was surprised when she didn't say anything. "I don't know how it exactly happened, as I said... but... we were laying in bed together... and.. well, he gave me head," I blurted out before I had the chance to change my mind.

"What!?" Evie burst out once more. She didn't sound mad, she sounded amused and shocked, which was a relief to me. I smiled when I saw her expression. "Jesus Christ, I wouldn't have even guessed in a million years he was into dude! What about all the bitches he f****d?" she gasped. "Jayla!?" I shrugged.

"I guess they were all just a ploy...," I said quietly.

"Holy s**t, man. This is insane." She sat back on her hands and shook her head, looking lost in thought. "Wait, are you guys still seeing each other?" she asked quickly.

"Well, not really... I've been trying to avoid him." I lied. I didn't want her to know about us sneaking away at parties. She would get pissed that I was still with Olive.

"What about Olive? You guys are still together..." Evie's eyes narrowed. I nodded, letting my shoulders slouch.

"I've felt so guilty... I don't know what to do," I sighed.

"Well, f**k! Break up with her! Neither of you are gonna be happy together. Plus that's not fair to her!" she told me harshly. "You gotta be with who makes you happy." She was right.

"Yeah, but it's not that simple!" I argued, annoyance pricking at me. "It was hard enough telling you and you're my best friend. How do you think everybody else would react?" I asked.

"Who gives a s**t! If they don't like it, f**k 'em!" She shook her head.

"I can't just say f**k 'em to Jayla...," I growled. Evie cast me a look of exasperation.

"Don't be a dumb ass, Mark. You could go tell Jay right now and she would have your back," she assured me. "You and her are tight, and nothing is ever gonna change that." That did give me some hope, but I was still terrified to tell her. I was so worried she would be mad since it was him. If it were anyone else I wouldn't care so much.

"What about their past?" I reminded her.

"Past, shmast!" she snorted with a wave of her hand. "She's your sister. If she doesn't support you, that's fucked." I nodded in agreement... but I was still worried. "Still, man, you gotta do something about Olive. You can't stay with her. For your sake and hers."

"I know," I sighed, scowling ahead.

"I'm just saying, if you don't break up with her, I will tell her." My heart sank. I turned my scowl to her as she stood up.

"Please don't f*****g tell her!" I snapped. "I promise I'll do something about it. I don't wanna stay with her like this, trust me." She nodded.

"Well, good. That would be f****d up." She sighed. "But I'm glad you told me, Mark." I nodded, not so sure if I was glad I told her. "I don't want to, but I gotta go." She stretched her arms above her head and mumbled 'f*****g crazy'. I smirked and nodded.

"Alright... I'll see you later," I muttered.

"See ya! Don't be too sad, okay?" She cast me a smile. "Text me if you need anything." We said our goodbyes and with that she left. I was left feeling empty and regretting my decision to tell her. I let out a loud groan and laid back down on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. After a few moments of that, I grabbed my phone and checked it. I had two texts from Felix. My stomach fluttered as I opened them. The first one was from an hour earlier. 'What are you up to?' it said. The next one was sent just ten minutes earlier. 'You with Olive?' Jesus Christ! I scowled at my phone and texted him back.

'No, I was with Evie believe it or not. What's up?' I threw my phone on the bed beside me and shut my eyes. He was so jealous of Olive... but then again, could I really blame him? After about two minutes I heard my cell phone vibrate. I grabbed it and read the text. 'Well that's good to hear.. Nothing, I'm bored, so I figured I would talk to you.' Jesus Christ he liked to play it cool.

I laid on my back and set my phone on my chest. Should I even reply? I felt sick just thinking about him. 'I want to see you.' I typed in the message bar. Dare I hit send? I stared at my phone for five minutes before I finally hit send. I set it down beside me, feeling nervous for the answer. It didn't take long before I heard the familiar buzz.

'Oh, do you now? ;)' Mother fucker! 'You miss me?' soon followed. Yes, I miss you... We hadn't seen each other in about a week. Instead of replying, I set my phone down and turned towards the wall.

I was determined not to answer. I had been hoping for a 'You want me to come over?' or 'We can hang out tonight if you want.' But no! He could never be that straight forward. Instead he sent me something that wasn't a shut down and wasn't an invitation. I hated being rejected so much. I was sure he would text me again eventually.

>

Well, I was wrong... four hours passed and still no reply. It was running on eight at night. I was trying to bide my time, but it was difficult. I was even playing Final Fantasy VII remastered over to try and keep myself preoccupied. But all that was doing was keeping me from enjoying one of my favorite games! I groaned to myself and put my PS4 controller down. I grabbed my phone and checked it again. Still no text. 'Yes, I miss you.' Before I could rethink it, I hit send. I looked up at the TV screen. Cloud was standing in the middle of Wutai. Probably one of my least favorite parts in the game.. Yuffie steals all of your materia, making you weak as f**k. Stupid b***h. I ran over to a save point and saved my game. My phone buzzed as soon as I turned off my system. I grabbed it only to see Evie texted me. I was disappointed, to the honest.

'I'm not mad at you, but I'm disappointed that you let that happen while you're still with Olive. It doesn't matter if it's with a girl or a guy. Cheating is cheating!' I rolled my eyes and threw my phone to the side. Yeah, thanks for that. "Since when have you become a fuckin' saint?" I grumbled to myself before plopping down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling, a common theme as of late. I heard footsteps coming from the hallway and soon a knock on my door. "Yeah?" I called and my door opened. Jayla stood in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.

"You alright?" she asked. "You haven't been downstairs for a couple hours." I nodded, appreciating her concern.

"Yeah. I'm just in a bad mood. I'll get over it, " I attempted a laugh but it was quite feeble.

"Oh, okay. You wanna do anything? Cheer yourself up?" She smiled and leaned against the door frame. I shook my head and noticed my phone screen light up in the middle of my floor.

"No, I'm just gonna relax tonight I think. Play some games, you know...," I told her, not wanting to rush her out. I wanted to check my phone, though. She nodded.

"Alright. Let's do something tomorrow, okay?" she suggested. I nodded with a grin. She left and shut the door behind her. I waited a few seconds before getting up and grabbing my phone. I sat back down and looked to see Felix texted me back, thank god. 'Do you want me to help you with that?' God, he was so weird...

'What do you mean?' I texted back. I couldn't help but smile to myself as butterflies filled my stomach. This time I didn't have to wait long for an answer.

'I'm coming over.' Jesus Christ. I'd just told Jayla that I wasn't doing anything tonight!

'I don't think tonight works for me.' I replied. I tapped my foot anxiously, awaiting a reply. Ten minutes passed and nothing. I groaned to myself. That's when I heard footsteps going from Jay's room and down the stairs. I stood up and walked into the bathroom to investigate. You could see the church parking lot from the window in our bathroom. I looked out just in time to see her getting into her car and pulling away. Thank god! s**t was on my side for once! I walked swiftly back to my room and glanced at myself in my body mirror. I looked like shit... I sniffed my armpits. Good enough. I played with my hair a little until it was sitting in a better way. Once I was finished with that I looked back at my phone. Nothing. Now I was slightly worried he wasn't going to come after all.

After about five more minutes, I was about to text him to come over when I received a text from him instead. 'Too late. Oops!' I smiled to myself and headed downstairs swiftly. My mom was at work, so it would be just the two of us.. until Jayla came back. I hoped she would be gone for a while. I opened the front door just in time to see him walking up. God damn he looked so good. He was wearing red stretch pants that weren't too tight on him, with a Primus t-shirt. His blue hair was falling perfectly, and for the first time since all this s**t began, I felt genuinely happy as I watched him walk. He saw me and his handsome smile took over his face with a shrug of his shoulders. I shook my head and opened the storm door for him to come in He entered and Titus was immediately jumping up at him as he always did. I shut the door behind him. "Hey!" he greeted me happily.

Once Titus calmed down we headed upstairs to my room. I shut the door behind us and locked it just in case Jayla came home. "So what's up, Mark? How was your day?" he asked cheerily as he plopped down on my bed, letting his hands rest in his lap. I shrugged a shoulder.

"It was okay," I said before sitting down next to him with my legs crisscrossed. "How about you?" I asked.

"Better now that I'm with you." He cast me a sly smile and my stomach twisted. I looked down at my hands. Every inch of me wanted to reach out and grab onto him, but I refrained.

"Oh yeah?" I asked awkwardly, trying not to let my joy show too much. He nodded and turned so he was facing me more, one leg resting on the bed, another one off the side.

"You alright?" he asked. "I was pretty surprised that you texted me so bluntly like you did." He laughed lightly. I grinned and nodded. "I liked seeing that," he added softly. I turned my gaze up so that our eyes connected. God dammit...

Before I could stop myself, I leaned forward, grabbing onto his wrists, and let my lips fall on his. I went right into a deep kiss, allowing my tongue to slide into his mouth. I wanted him so badly. I couldn't deny it. Part of me wanted to blurt out all my feelings to him, and part of me wanted to keep everything to myself. I felt so conflicted. I bit onto his bottom lip, a bite harder than I had intended due to my frustration. He pulled back and put his fingers to his lip.

"Wow," he muttered, removing his fingers to reveal a small spot of blood. I sat back a bit.

"Sorry...," I whispered, feeling embarrassed. I needed to control myself. He laughed before he spoke.

"It's alright. My lips are dry, so they're cracking easily." He licked the fresh blood that had formed away and smiled again. "What's gotten into you?" he asked playfully, jabbing at my side. I wiggled away from his hand before it tickled too much.

"Nothing, I'm just... I don't know... I'm tired of hiding s**t, I guess," I admitted quietly.

"And yet you're whispering when there's nobody in the house," he said matter of factly. I cast him a crooked grin. I still wasn't completely comfortable admitting this s**t to myself... let alone letting other people know. Evie just put more fear in me. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. "If you're tired of hiding it, Mark, then let it happen." He leaned closer to me, scooting his body forward so that our knees were touching. "Now, where were we?" He smirked. "Unless you don't want to kiss me anymore because of my bloody lip." I smiled and shook my head before leaning in to kiss him once more.

Somehow he ended up on top of me, his hand tracing up my shirt and across my chest. I could feel goosebumps rising over my skin from his touch. I pushed my hips into his forcefully and pulled him down onto me more. I wanted to feel him against me. I could feel his lips curl into a smile as we kissed, clearly pleased with how forward I was being. His hand moved from my chest up to the base of my skull where he gripped tightly onto my hair. Pain shot through the back of my head as he pulled roughly and began kissing my neck. I liked it. I was so sick of pretending to be into my intimacy with Olive. Being with Felix was so refreshing and so needed. His kisses began to go lower, down to my collar bone. I felt his teeth graze over my skin and it made me squirm beneath him. I reached my hand down to my crotch, beginning to undo my pants, when he grabbed my wrist and forced it to my side. Before I could reach with my other hand, he grabbed onto that too.

"Uh-uh..," he teased sadistically, a slick smile on his face. Jesus Christ... My d**k was so hard it was hurting me. I groaned and tried to move my hands but he wouldn't let me. He ground his hips into mine, causing more goosebumps to ripple over my skin. He then went back to kissing my lips, at the same time rubbing his hips against mine. I could hardly stand it.

After a couple more minutes of him torturing me, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I came in my pants. I grit my teeth together, feeling pretty embarrassed, yet the pleasure was intense. I was so horny for him, it was insane. I gripped onto the sheets and shut my eyes, and it didn't take long for him to catch on to what had happened because I heard him quietly laugh. "You couldn't wait two minutes?" he asked into my ear. I laughed as well and shook my head, lost for words. I could feel my warm c*m settling on my skin, and it felt disgusting. I needed to get my pants off. He didn't let me up, however. He continued to kiss me and began touching himself. I was more than happy for him to be doing so.

It didn't take long for him to finish, and he moved from over top of me. I immediately stood up and began taking my pants off. I threw them into my laundry bin before grabbing a dirty shirt off the floor. I wiped myself off before tossing it to Felix so he could do the same. I got a new pair of boxers and quickly switched them before he had much of a chance to look at me. I know it sounds silly, since we had been romantic with each other, but I still wasn't completely comfortable with him seeing me exposed.

I glanced over to see his pants were buttoned up again and he was grinning at me. I gave him a crooked grin in return before walking over and sitting next to him. "Do you feel better?" he asked, letting his hand rest on my back. I nodded, slightly speechless. I needed a cigarette. "I don't think I've ever had that happen before...," he snickered as I leaned over to grab my pack from my nightstand.

"What?" I asked, moving to open my window.

"I've never had anybody jizz in their pants while dry humping me," he said bluntly, causing my face to flush immediately.

"Well..." I wasn't sure what to say. I handed him a cigarette before lighting mine. I blew my first drag out in the direction of the window. "That's never happened to me before, either.."

"It was really sexy...," he whispered, taking a drag of his cigarette. He sure knew how to embarrass me. I cleared my throat, trying to ignore what he'd just said. I was left with nothing to say as we smoked our cigarettes, and I began thinking about the day's events. I didn't want to tell him that I had told Evie s**t about us. I really wasn't sure how he would react. So I decided to keep silent about it for the time being. "I missed you too, by the way," Felix suddenly spoke, a grin tugging on his lips. My stomach warmed at his words. It felt so good to be sitting next to him. I took a drag of my cigarette and reached over to run my fingers through his messy hair briefly.

"I..," I began to say, but stopped myself. He looked at me and raised his eye brows in question. I shook my head with a small sigh.

"What is it?" he pressed before taking a deep drag of his cigarette.

"I think I wanna be with you...," I told him hesitantly and quietly. I knew he wanted to be with me... But I wasn't one hundred percent sure if that's actually what I wanted. But he was all I could think about when he wasn't by my side. Shouldn't that be enough to give me my answer?

"There's just one small problem with that, Mark," Felix spoke after a moment. I didn't say anything and waited for him to continue. "You're still with Olive," he spat bitterly. I was taken aback by his sudden anger, though I shouldn't have been.

"I'm going to leave her," I said quickly. If I didn't there might be big consequences in my future. He looked at me, frowning slightly.

"Really?" he asked. "'Cause I thought you were gonna do that three fuckin' months ago." He sighed and ashed his cigarette into the ashtray resting between us.

"No, I really have to. I'm just... not happy with her.. I'm happy when I'm with you," I admitted. He turned so he was sitting completely facing me.

"You sure? What about what Jay would think? Or Rhett? Or any of our friends for that matter?" he asked skeptically.

"I don't give a f**k what anybody thinks." I looked into his eyes as I spoke. Did I really mean that though? He smiled at me, his eyes lighting up, and took another drag.

"I don't think you know how f*****g happy that would make me," he said once the smoke was clear from his lungs. I couldn't help but smile either.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, putting my cigarette out. He nodded and the same with his after one more tiny puff.

"I told you, dude. I've had my eye on you for a long time." He reached his hand forward to grab onto mine. "I never thought you would ever feel the same..." He looked lost in thought momentarily. "But you'd been acting weird towards me ever since March.. So I had a feeling. Then that night you invited me over, I knew. I could tell.." I was surprised when he said that. I thought I'd kept it pretty well hidden. Not that it mattered in the end. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. I let my forehead rest against his once our lips parted.

"We're gonna be together," I whispered before snickering. "Shit.. We are together... but we'll be together officially soon. I promise you that." I took a deep breath and sat up.

"So I'm your mistress?" Felix teased. I laughed and shook my head.

"Nah, you my main b***h," I joked playfully. He laughed loudly at that and shook his head. "But seriously.. I think everyone is going to have more of a problem with the fact that we're interracial than gay... My grandparents especially." I smirked at him. Of course I was only joking, but it was fun to kid with him.

"Oh, come on! I'm half white!" he laughed.

"Welllll... You don't look white..." I gave an exaggerated shrug.

"What? I couldn't pass off as a tan white?" he protested. I shook my head.

"With your dark ass facial hair and eyes? No. You don't look tan. You're not orange. You look Hispanic," I snickered. Felix scowled playfully at me.

"Tan people aren't all orange, man," he sighed. I laughed and leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

"I like your skin tone," I complimented. He gave me a devious smile.

"Oh, please. Do go on..," he snickered and looked out my window for a moment. "You know my mom never taught me spanish, right? Dunno if that's the kinda thing you're into and were hoping for..." We both laughed and I shook my head.

"Nope!" I scooted to my usual spot on the bed and laid down. I wasn't surprised when he shortly followed suit. I turned my back towards him and scooted back so that we were pressed against each other. He wrapped his arm around me and held onto my hand. I felt him kiss the back of my head before burying his face in the nape of my neck.

"Thanks for letting me come over," he whispered. There was something behind his voice that I couldn't quite pin point. I was reminded of our conversation the last time he'd stayed over... the sadness in his eyes... I didn't know anything about his past. But I was determined to learn.