Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 17

New Years Eve. The date where seemingly everybody in Lancaster County was out getting f****d up. To me, it was just an excuse to get out of the house for a bigger occasion than just a weekend get together at Brody's house. We all looked forward to it. We always had a good time. On top of that, the first of January was Brody's birthday.

This year, s**t was going to be a bit different for me... I was looking forward to it, but at the same time, I was feeling stupidly nervous. We still hadn't come out to Brody, which made me feel slightly guilty. He was the only one who didn't know... but sometimes I wondered if he wasn't suspicious- or if somebody else hadn't told him the truth. It didn't matter. I knew he wouldn't care.

At this point in the night, we'd already been there for about two hours. It was ten at night. It was so f*****g hot in the basement, it was almost too hard to handle. My face felt extremely flushed, which probably made me look more drunk than I actually was. "Mark!" I heard Jayla yell from behind me and I turned in time to see her stumbling forward, a cup of something in her hand. She laughed and threw an arm haphazardly around me, her drink spilling over onto the floor. "What's up!" She was clearly intoxicated.

"I was going to go do something, but now I can't remember...," I told her honestly. Was I going to go get another drink? "Ah, I was gonna go look for Felix!" I told her.

There were quite a few people cramped in the house, some of which I didn't even really know. They were Brody's friends, people who had probably gone to Manheim Central with him and Felix. They were the only two who seemed to know them well. They all seemed relatively nice and easy to get along with, at least. But somehow, I'd managed to lose track of my boyfriend's location.

"I saw that b***h in the kitchen, yo!" she spat happily and then went into a fit of laughter before taking a sip of her drink. I laughed too, realizing I was much too sober for her level.

"Are you having fun?" I asked above the music. We had Local H playing on the stereo currently. She nodded.

"Hell yeah! You look like you're not have enough fun, though, dude!" She shoved her cup into my hands. "Drink it!" she demanded. I did as told and took a large sip of whatever was in her cup. It wasn't too bad... Definitely some spiced rum in it. I handed it back with a nod, the familiar warmth running down my chest. "The secret ingredient is bacon grease!"

"Shut up!" I rolled my eyes with a smile. "I'm gonna go get my own drink," I told her before heading off towards the stairs. I walked up them quickly and turned into the kitchen. There were a couple people standing around chatting, but not Felix. Where had everybody gone? I didn't know where Brody and Rhett were, either.. I sighed and settled on a beer, some strong but disgusting IPA, before heading back down the stairs to the basement. I glanced around until my eyes finally rested on Felix. How had I missed him? Maybe they'd been in the garage or something. He was sitting on the couch, a cup in his hand, talking to some good looking girl with purple hair that I'd only seen a few times before. She was staring at him intently as he spoke, leaning a bit too close for my comfort. Annoyance shot through me and I walked over, sitting down heavily next to him. He looked over, a wide smile on his face.

"Hey!" he greeted me, sounding clearly drunk. "You know Josie, right?" he asked, pointing to the purple haired girl sitting on the opposite side of him.

"Um- I dunno... I don't think I've ever really formally met her," I said with a shrug. She smiled at me.

"I'm sure we have, but one of us was probably too drunk to really remember!" she laughed. That was, sadly, probably true. I grinned and took a sip of my beer. It was so bitter and disgusting.. I should have just gotten liquor. "Damn, Felix! Are all of your friends as hot as you?" Josie laughed. I was a bit taken aback by her statement, though I tried not to let it show on my face. What a skank.. Felix shot me an awkward glance.

"This is Mark. He's Jayla's little brother," he explained before taking a sip of his drink as well.

"Oooh, s**t! I can see the resemblance!" Her eyes widened in realization. I got that a lot. We did look kinda similar, but I think what was most apparent was the way we accented our words. We sounded exactly the same with how we spoke, except we had different tones obviously. "How did you two meet?" she asked.

"Oh, well.. We met when I was seeing Jay," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked like he was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"That was before us, right?" she snickered, and I didn't miss her hand resting on his knee for a brief second. I had to fight to keep my lip from curling in disgust. Oh... I understood why he suddenly looked so tense. I forced a smile and took a large sip of my beer.

"Yup, sure was...," he said awkwardly. I grit my teeth together as I continued to grin, my eyes flickering to him. He wasn't looking at me, his eyes staring at the floor. He took another sip of his drink. It probably wasn't fair, seeing as what I put him through before we were together, but I was jealous.

"Oh?" I asked, the alcohol in my system pushing me towards being a d**k. "So you two were a couple?" I asked, attempting to force the most genuine looking smile I could muster. Josie stifled laughter, leaning closer to me as we spoke.

"Well, I don't know if I would have called us a couple..." She waved her hand. "Best f**k I've ever had!" she added, sounding amused, before giving his arm a squeeze. I wanted to smack her f*****g hand off of him.

"Yeah, so I've heard!" I laughed. He had an awkward smile on his face, and I knew he wanted to run from the situation. "But when you've been around the block as many times as him, would you really expect anything less?" I added somewhat bitterly. Felix shot me a scowl, his eyes narrowing. I simply smiled at him, feeling quite pleased with myself.

"Ooooh!" Josie exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand as she laughed. "He got you there, dude!"

"He's just jealous he can't get any more ass since his girl left him," Felix snorted, grinning over at her. I was jealous, but not in the way he'd intended her to think.

"Aw!" She gave me a sympathetic look. "How could your girlfriend leave such a handsome face?" Could she get any more desperate? I was about to open my mouth to speak, but Felix did instead.

"He can be an asshole, Josie. Be careful!" he sneered. "He was cheating on her." I gaped incredulously at him. He leaned towards me to pull his cigarette pack out of his pocket. As he lit one, he flashed me another annoyed glance.

"Hey!" I snapped.

"Oh, don't feel bad, Mark," Josie snorted, waving her hand. "I've done my fair share of cheating!" Somehow, I wasn't surprised. "Everybody had their reasons. I don't think you would ever cheat on someone if you didn't have a good reason." I sighed and shook my head slowly, keeping a fake grin on my face. She didn't even know me. "Right, Felix?" He simply shrugged a shoulder dismissively. "Besides- I bet you have all sorts of ladies clambering over you every day."

"Oh, yeah... Tons," I muttered sarcastically. I peered over to see her leg was resting against his, her foot rubbing his shin slowly. God, it made me sick. I understood that he didn't want people to know he was gay, but I felt like her behavior was unacceptable; and him allowing it was even worse. I glanced up to see Rhett standing in the corner of the room with Lillian, a joint between his fingers, giving us a confused look.

"I'll be right back," I told them over the music before standing up, desperately needing to escape the tense situation. I made my way over to my friends, feeling the affects of the beer I'd been drinking. "Hey!" I greeted them. Rhett leaned in closer to speak.

"What's going on over there, dude?" he asked, sounding amused. I shrugged.

"I don't even f*****g know," I growled.

"She's been hanging over him all f*****g night!" Lillian added before taking a puff of her joint. "She must be really f*****g desperate!" she laughed.

"It's pissing me off..." I took a sip of my dwindling beer.

"W-well, in his defense, he hasn't really been doing anything to lead her on," she added quickly once she realized how annoyed I was. "Josie is the type of girl that when she wants a d**k, she's gonna get a dick."

"Well that makes me feel better, Lil, thanks!" I laughed, shaking my head.

"Dude, you have nothing to worry about," Rhett murmured.

"Really? 'Cause as far as she's concerned, he still has a thing for her!" I growled. He shook his head, and Lillian jumped in.

"Yeah, but as far as he's concerned, he has a thing for you...," she insisted.

"You're prolly right.. but it's still f*****g annoying." I sighed. She laughed, offering me the joint. I shook my head, deciding to keep it to only alcohol for the night. "I'm gonna go get another drink," I told them before turning and heading for the stairs. I took the last sip of my beer before looking at the different liquor to choose from. I decided to settle for a rum and coke.

When I returned back downstairs, I decided to suck it up and sit next to my boyfriend. He had finished his drink, his empty cup sitting on the coffee table in front of us. I could tell he was going to get pretty intoxicated before the night was through.

"Ah, you came back!" Josie laughed. I nodded, taking a sip of my rather strong rum and coke. "I'm gonna go get more to drink.. do you want something, Fel?" She asked as she stood, my stomach twisting at the use of a nickname for him.

"Uh, yeah... get me some whiskey or something," he said, reaching forward to hand her his cup. She nodded and took it before walking away. I felt awkward sitting there next to him. Without hesitation, he leaned over close to me, his face practically touching mine as he spoke into my ear.

"What are you doing...?" he asked, his tone still unamused.

"I could ask you the same question!" I retorted, my brow furrowing.

"I'm not doing anything, Mark," he snapped. "I don't know why you're getting all pissy and jealous. You're the one who was emotionally involved with your girlfriend for the first f*****g four months of our relationship!" he hissed. I wanted to back away from him, but I refrained. I was surprised he sounded so mad..

"How do you expect me to feel with her hanging all over you?" I growled in a hushed tone. He snorted with laughter and sat back.

"Yeah... how do you think I felt all those times I had to watch Olive hang all over you?" he rebutted. "Fuckin' sucks, right?"

"So if this you trying to get back at me?" I snapped, feeling disgusted.

"No!" he growled. "You really think that's the type of person I am?"

"Well, according to you, I don't even know you at all- sooo..." I knew I probably shouldn't have brought that up, but I was getting more and more mad as the time went by. "How do I even know you weren't f*****g people while we were seeing each other, anyways?" I continued to spout s**t I would probably end of regretting.. I didn't know why I was arguing with him.. Maybe because I was drunk? He stared at me incredulously.

"Are you f*****g kidding me?" he asked, his voice calm yet bitter. He simply shook his head and stood up, heading towards the stairs. God, why was I so dumb...? I took a sip of my drink and glanced around to see that nobody had seemingly been paying attention. I stood up, already feeling a little bit unsteady on my feet, and headed for the front door. I grabbed my sweatshirt and shrugged it onto my shoulders before stepping outside. I took a seat on the front step and pulled out my cigarettes. It was pretty cold, but it felt good compared to the heat from inside.

I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag, peering up at the sky. The stars were out brightly. There was still snow on the ground from the previous snow fall we'd had, the night sky setting a blue glow all around me. It was peaceful.. My peace was quickly broken when my drunk sister came crashing outside.

"Hey!" she said loudly, taking a seat beside me. "What's wrong?" she asked a bit quieter.

"Nothing... why?" I asked in return, taking a puff of my cigarette.

"Because you're out here all by yourself, dumb ass," she snorted matter of factly. I grinned and shook my head.

"It's just hot in there. I wanted to get some fresh air," I explained.

"Yeah, it is.. But s**t, it's cold out here!" She rubbed her hands over her bare arms. "Trouble in paradise?" she added. I rolled my eyes.

"No, everything is fine..," I insisted. I didn't feel like talking about it.

"Okay ,whatever mister emo!" she snickered before standing again. "It's too cold out here!" With that she went back inside. Maybe I was being stupid and unfair.. I took a quick sip of my drink.

I finished my cigarette quickly and stood up, glancing once more at the stars before heading back inside. I tossed my sweatshirt onto one of the chairs by the door and glanced over to see Felix wasn't downstairs. He was probably in the kitchen hitting on Josie in secrecy... I shook the thought from my head and took a seat next to Jayla and Brody and some guy I didn't know. I noticed how close they were sitting. Brody and Lexie had finally split- but my sister and he still hadn't made a point to let their relationship show so openly. I don't think they wanted people to think he'd left Lexie for her.

As the night went on, I was determined to ignore my boyfriend. The alcohol kept coming, and everybody was becoming more and more intoxicated. It was soon going to strike twelve, though we never really did a count down. It was more of a 'Hey, it's past twelve!' kinda thing whenever somebody noticed and then everybody would say happy new year.

I stood in the bathroom, finishing up my piss. I was zipping up my fly when the door suddenly burst open, Felix scooting in before quickly shutting it behind him. He leaned back against the door and let out a deep breath, smiling at me. My eyes narrowed.

"I can't get away from her..," he breathed quietly, slurring slightly. I didn't know what to say to that. His happy expression fell once more. "Oh, come on, Li... you can't seriously still be pissed at me?"

"I'm fine," I grumbled, backing away from the toilet until my back hit the wall. "Are you going to let me out...?" I asked quietly. He shrugged his shoulders, a devious smile forming on his face as he clicked the lock on the doorknob behind him.

"I'm not ready to go out there. Not yet." He shook his head, standing up from the door. He walked the few steps separating us in the small bathroom. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" he asked, taking a hold of my arm gently.

"I'm not being stubborn," I snorted. He shook his head and pulled me forward so that our bodies were touching.

"I don't want that drunk slut," he murmured, leaning to speak into my ear again. "So stop being such a f*****g idiot..." Annoyance burnt into my chest once more, my eye brows furrowing. I gripped onto his arms, digging my nails in. He pulled his arm from me swiftly, a smirk on his face. It must have been rougher than I'd thought. "Oooh, you know I like it rough," he sneered. I scowled at him, unimpressed with his joke. I was surprised when he started laughing. "Why are you so mad?" he asked, shaking his head, amusement in his drunk voice. I knew there was a thin line with him between thinking my jealously was funny and annoying.

"Because!" I snapped, gripping onto the front of his shirt. "I didn't like seeing that. I don't ever wanna f*****g see that again," I growled. He still had a cocky smirk on his face, which only caused more frustration to build. "Why are you smiling?" I snapped.

"Because... you're so hypocritical...," he whispered.

"How? I'm not with Olive anymore... and I'm not pretending to hit on some b***h in front of you just to keep up appearances or whatever!" I hissed.

"I'm not hitting on her!" he insisted, his eyes widening. "Jesus f*****g Chirst, dude!" he sighed, exasperation returning quickly. "You're driving me crazy." I let my hands fall back to my side and I nodded.

"Yeah... same to you," I spat, leaning back against the wall once more. He stared at me, his eyes narrowing. He snorted with laughter, rolling his eyes.

"You are so f*****g annoying... but god damn, you're so hot right now," he growled. I was taken aback by the sudden compliment. I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could his lips collided with mine. He pressed his body against mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. I could taste the whiskey and cigarettes on him despite how desensitized my taste buds were from all the rum I'd had. I ran my hands down his back until they came to rest on his ass, where I grabbed roughly. Even though I was so annoyed with him, I couldn't deny how sexy he was. He was so damn attractive, and he was mine.. I couldn't handle seeing him next to a girl.

Felix's hands went to either side of my jaw, holding my head in place, as he bit onto my bottom lip. I smirked, running my hands down his pants. I traced along his pant line until I came to the front. He shifted back slightly to give me room to reach down and grip onto his d**k. I didn't think we were gonna do anything, though I couldn't deny how horny I was becoming. I just wanted to tease him a little.

He moved down to my neck and began kissing, his teeth grazing over my skin. I closed my eyes, stifling a heavy breath as he bit down rather roughly. I didn't want him to leave anything too obvious on my neck for everybody to see... I moved my hands up to his back again, gripping tightly onto his t-shirt. He pressed his hips into mine and I suppressed a shudder. I knew we were both drunk as s**t, and I didn't even think I was capable of getting a full hard on.

"You're mine," Felix breathed, gripping onto the hair on the back of my head. He let his cheek rest against mine as he continued to speak in a hushed tone, close to my ear. "You're my boyfriend... I would never cheat on you... and I f*****g love you.." My heart nearly skipped a beat. He pulled back, letting his arms fall to his sides, and looked me in the eyes. He slowly shook his head. "So don't ever f*****g say that s**t again." I didn't know what to say, I truly felt speechless. Before I had a chance to gather my thoughts, he turned and left the bathroom. I stood against the wall where he left me, my respiration rate elevated, my palms sweating. He loved me? Had he really said that...?

I'd never really thought about it. Love was a strong word... We'd been seeing each other for about seven months, and had been friends for many more before that. I cared deeply for him. It had even gotten to the point where I could say I cared about him more than I had ever cared about Olive. Maybe I did love him.. I shook my thoughts clear and took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. I walked over to the mirror and peered in it. I looked like s**t. I tried to fix my hair to make it look like I hadn't just been in the bathroom making out, and then I noticed the bruise he had indeed left on my neck. I groaned and rubbed it, which only left it more red and irritated looking. Oh well.

I left the bathroom and glanced around, trying not to look too suspicious. I quickly walked down the stairs, practically falling down the last few steps, and turned to see Felix standing in the corner of the room with Jayla. They were talking, rather loudly I might add, and seeming to be enjoying each other's drunk company. I hesitantly walked over to join them.

"Hey! There he is!" Jayla said happily. Then she suddenly gasped, her eyes switching between the two of us. "What did you do to him?" she asked, accusation and amusement heavy in her voice.

"What?" I asked slowly, my eyes narrowing. Oh, Christ..

"Did you look at your neck?" she asked, a wide smile still on her face. Felix peered over and stifled his laughter.

"That woulda never happened if Mark hadn't been being such a dumb ass," he laughed, slurring slightly.

"Uh-oh!" Jay snorted.

"He thought I was gonna go behind his back and f**k Josie or something," he blabbed.

"I did not!" I protested.

"Pssh, yes you did!" He waved me off dismissively.

"Can we please stop talking about this!" I pleaded. He raised his eye brows and shrugged.

"Sure, yeah... fine." He took a sip of his drink. Jayla shook her head slowly.

"You guys just need to kiss and make up," she snickered.

"I thought we already did," I sighed. Felix laughed and draped an arm over my shoulders.

"I'm not mad at you, dude...," he said in a low tone. He moved his arm away and gave my back a rough pat, causing me to cough slightly.

"Damn, man!" I complained, lightly punching his arm. He gave me a surprisingly warm smile, which caused my defenses to lower.

"You heard him," Jayla snorted playfully. "Stop being such a little s**t!" Felix and I exchanged glances and he cast me a devious smile, nodding in agreement with Jayla. I sighed with a roll of my eyes.

"Fine!" I grumbled. "But you need to stay away from her for the rest of the night!" I gave my boyfriend a hard look.

"Fine by me, dude," he retorted. "I never wanted her dirty ass to begin with!"

"Yeah, man. She's a fuckin' hoe!" Jayla burst out. Felix and her began laughing, and I couldn't help but c***k a small smile. Maybe I was being a little bit crazy. But he made me crazy. I couldn't contain my unwarranted and crazy emotions when it came to him... I looked fondly over at Felix as he joked around with my sister, and I was reminded of how lucky I was. He was one of the most genuine people I knew. And he was mine.

>

As the night progressed, Felix continued to drink. It was to the point where I knew he wouldn't remember. At one point, I went upstairs to take a piss. Jayla and Brody were awake in the kitchen, talking, but pretty much everybody else was passed out. I made my way back downstairs, and I was shocked when I looked to the couch and Felix was no longer there.

I frowned and decided to check outside. Maybe he'd needed some fresh air. I walked outside just in time to see Felix stumbling towards his car, barely able to keep his balance. I walked over as he leaned against his car and sunk to the ground. "What're you doing?" I asked, slightly amused. He looked up at me, a small smile on his face.

"Iunno...," he muttered. I began snickering, crossing my arms.

"Felix...," I sighed. "You okay? It's cold out." He wasn't wearing anything over his shirt.

"I don' feel good," he slurred, running his fingers through his hair. I wondered where his hat had gotten to.

"Yeah, I thought you might not," I snorted. When it was apparent he wasn't going to stand up, I knelt down next to him. I was really drunk as well, but I think I had somehow managed to spread my drinking out more than he did. He was drinking steadily in the beginning of the night, but then he suddenly began drinking rather quickly.

"Yer the best," he murmured, casting me a grin. I shook my head, reaching over to run my hand across his warm cheek. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before shifting, leaning with one palm to the ground, propping himself up as steadily as he could. He swallowed roughly and shook his head. I stood up, knowing full well what was about to come.

I glanced down at him just in time to see his stomach heave, sending a stream of liquid vomit out of his mouth and to the cold concrete. It was quite interesting to see it steaming in the cool air of the night, but pretty damn disgusting as well. The smell of whiskey overtook my nostrils and I almost had to fight the urge to gag myself. He coughed and gagged quite loudly before more vomit spewed across the steep driveway, slowly making it's way down the hill towards the street. After a dry heave or two, he shook his head and lifted his hand from the ground.

"Yuck, dude...," he breathed before shaking his hand off, vomit dripping from it.

"Ew, Felix!" I whined as he wiped his filthy hand on his pants. "Come on." I took a step closed and leaned down to help him stand. I tried my best to grab onto the clean hand, but of course he ended up grabbing onto me with the dirty one as well. He stood unsteadily, leaning against his car. He cleared his throat and spit onto the ground before wiping his mouth. "You ready to go in?" I asked, still holding onto his arm.

"Yeah," he told me quietly. He walked on his own, but used me to steady himself every now and again. I peered over into the basement to see a lot of people had crashed on the couch and the floor. I was hoping the upstairs bed was free, but I had my doubts. I lead the way upstairs, Felix right behind me, and turned into the kitchen. He made his way to the sink, where he proceeded to wash his hands. Jayla glanced over at me, a knowing smile on her face.

"Hey, guys," Brody greeted us. "Surprised you're still awake." I nodded with a shrug. Felix finished washing his hands and wiped them dry on his dirty shirt before stumbling over to an open chair at the table. He sat down heavily and cleared his throat again.

"He's really drunk," I explained.

"Ha!" Felix let out a single laugh. "Am not..."

"Want some water?" Brody asked him. He shook his head, waving his hand with a 'pshhh'. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the cupboards to grab a cup for each of us.

"Yes, he does," I protested with a snicker. I filled the cups with tap water, not really giving a s**t if it tasted heavily of iron. I set the cup down in front of him and he cast me a playful scowl. I took a large swig of my water and moved back to lean against the counter. "Shoulda gone to bed sooner.. then I could sleep somewhere better than the basement floor."

"You could sleep on my floor," Brody said with a shrug. Jayla laughed.

"Instead of the basement floor, here's my floor!" she mocked. "Well, I guess that is better than linoleum." She shrugged. "What do you think, drunky?" Jay nodded to Felix, who was drinking some of his water.

"Huh?" he asked loudly once finished.

"Nothing," she snickered. I moved to the sink and began washing my hands.

"He puked all over your driveway," I told them over my shoulder. Brody and Jayla both began laughing.

"Damn, dude! You really are f****d up!" she mused.

"I've only seen him puke three times since we've been drinking together... and all those times were when he was s**t faced," I reminisced.

"Yeah, he really knows how to hold 'em down, doesn't he?" Brody agreed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, happy birthday, by the way." I'd nearly forgotten it was officially his birthday.

"Thanks, man," he laughed. "We were just about ready to crash when you guys came up.. what about you?" I nodded, my body undoubtedly feeling fuzzy from exhaustion and alcohol. I peered over at Felix to see his head head hanging forward, eyes closed. "I think he agrees, too...," Brody said, amusement in his voice.

"Felix!" Jayla tapped his arm, causing his eyes to open. He looked at her, his eyes narrowing.

"'Sup?" he slurred.

"We're going to bed," she told him before standing. "Come on." She grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt and pulled. He grabbed onto the table for balance as he stood.

"Where're we goin'?" he asked as she started leading him towards Brody's room. "If you're tryna take advantage a' me, you know tha's not gonna work." My eyes widened when he said that, though Jay laughed loudly. I could only hear muffled voices after that, the bedroom door cracked, so I have no idea what her rebuttal was. When I turned my eyes towards Brody, he grinned at me and shook his head before following. There was no way he didn't have some idea we were together... I stood there for a couple seconds before deciding it would be best for me to go too. I glanced in the extra bedroom to see quite a few people laying in it, so we definitely wouldn't have been able to.

When I entered Brody's room, Felix was already laying on the ground with a pillow under his head, his eyes closed. Jayla tossed me a blanket from the bed and I placed it over him.

"Night guys," I said with a small sigh as we all took our places to sleep. I didn't sleep right up against him. I didn't want it to be too obvious. So instead, I slept a few feet away from him on a pile of clothing and sheets. It was actually kind of cozy.. I tried to keep my head as propped up as I could to keep myself from feeling too dizzy. Eventually, I began drifting off into a light sleep.