Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 18

I cupped my hands together, trying to keep them as warm as possible. It was a frigid evening, snow lightly falling on and off. I took a large puff of my cigarette, shoving my free hand in my pocket. The wind blew, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. I loved winter, but s**t it was cold. I glanced down the road, expecting to see the familiar black Mazda at any moment. I glanced down at my cigarette and took one last puff before tossing it into the snow to smolder. I blew the smoke out of my lungs before turning and heading back inside. I kicked my shoes off and shrugged my jacket off my shoulders. I suppressed a shiver and walked into the living room to sit on the couch next to Titus, who was laying as curled up as he could be.

I leaned over so that I was basically laying over top of him, his tail flapping against the couch as I did so. "I love you," I said happily to him, looking up to see him lifting his head. His tail wagged harder as he attempted to turn his body so that his face was closer to me. I reached forward and pet him, running one of his ears through my hand.

There was suddenly a knock at the door, and Titus jumped up, a loud bark coming from his mouth as he bounded into the front room. I sighed and stood up, telling him to be quiet as I walked to the door. I opened it to see Felix waiting, his hands shoved into his pockets, his cheeks and nose flushed from the cold.

"Hey," he greeted me before hastily coming inside.

"Hey," I said back warmly, pushing the door shut after him. He pet Titus, who was excited as ever to see him, before turning to me. I grinned and leaned forward to give him a soft kiss. The cold from his face was piercing to my skin as we touched. "God, your nose is like a f*****g icicle!" I complained, rubbing the spot on my face where it had touched. "Were you just out taking a hike or something?"

"No, the heat in my car was being f*****g stupid," he explained with a small laugh. He shrugged his jacket off, but kept his beanie on, and draped it on an armchair. "My nose ring doesn't help either." He put his hands on his cheeks for a moment, probably trying to warm his face up. "So what's on the agenda today?" he asked, pulling off his thin cloth gloves from his hands. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno. Wanna go upstairs?" I suggested. I hadn't seen him for a few days because of his work and my school schedule, so I was antsy to be alone with him. He grinned and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go." He held his hand out in an 'after you' gesture. I led the way through the living room and up the steps. Jayla was out with Brody- I think having dinner or something like that, but she would be home later in the evening. It was only around six. It felt late since the sun was well set at that time in February. I stepped into my room and turned on the lamp on my night stand. I still had a string of Christmas lights hanging around my window, which I turned on as well. I would probably take them down at the end of the month. As long as it was winter, I didn't see the point in changing them. It was comfortable light, too.

Felix took a seat on my bed and let out a deep breath. "It feels good in here," he said, grinning over at me. As usual, I put something on the TV for noise. I then walked over and plopped down next to him.

"You warming up?" I asked. He nodded, though I noticed he was still hunching as though trying to keep warm. "Why don't we lay under the covers for a little?" I asked.

"Alright," he agreed. "I'm really tired, though. Just warning you." He smirked and we both repositioned under the covers. We huddled up against each other immediately. He did feel cold, which left me wondering if he had actually been outside longer than he'd told me. I knew he had issues with his dad, so sometimes I wondered the extent of his problems at home. He was a very cryptic person, and I felt a little hurt that he didn't want to open up to me about it. I tried to tell myself that he would tell me when he was ready- but we'd been seeing each other for eight months and he still hadn't peeped a word about it. The most he'd said is that his dad was a d**k and kinda waved it off.

I think part of the reason it hurt me that he still wasn't willing to open up was because I wanted to help him feel better.. And I didn't think I could do that to the best of my ability unless I understood the whole story. Obviously Felix's life had never been so easy. I knew that simply from his previous h****n addiction. Nobody did h****n, in their right mind, unless they had some deep emotional issues they were trying to shove to the back of their brains.

I ran my fingers through his green hair, brushing it back away from his face. He did look tired.. I couldn't resist leaning forward and kissing his chapped lips. I pulled back and grinned at him. "You alright?" I asked. He nodded, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Yeah," he reassured me brightly. "Why wouldn't I be?" I shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno." I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck, taking a deep breath in. He smelled so good, like he always did. As we laid there, I began to notice the familiar feeling of dull arousal. I always felt like that when he was close to me.. and it was especially bad since we hadn't been seeing each other as much as we were used to.

I'd been thinking a lot about Felix and I having s*x. Was I ready? I wasn't so sure... but would it ever jump out at me clearly? As time went on with him I found myself wanting to explore further. I would often be sitting in class, day dreaming about him. It wasn't the most intelligent thing to be doing, since I was a teenage boy and all... but I couldn't help myself.

I hesitated before shifting away from him just enough that I could put my lips on his once more. I let my hand rest on his waist, gripping lightly onto his shirt. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, pressing my body into his more. Even if I decided against f*****g, we could do something else... Felix took a deep breath in through his nose as I pulled back, his bottom lip between my teeth. I felt the clank of his lip ring on my teeth as I pressed back into him for a deep kiss. Our front teeth hit together briefly, causing both of us to smile. I ran my hand up until it came to rest at the nape of his neck. I then gripped onto his hair, pulling slightly. He pulled back and took a deep, sharp breath in, before pushing his hips into mine. I could feel his hard on pressing against me through our pants.

"What's gotten into you?" he breathed through kisses. I couldn't help but snicker.

"I missed you," I replied before moving down to kiss his neck with the same intensity I'd given his mouth. His hands slid down my back, down my pants, until they came to rest on my ass. He gripped on tightly and I heard him suppress a moan.

"Oh my god...," he breathed, and I couldn't help but smirk. I had him right where I wanted him. I reached down and took a hold of his d**k through his pants.

"I want you to f**k me," I whispered.

"R-really?" Felix stuttered. I smiled and pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Yes...," I told him before I had a chance to change my mind. I wanted to get closer to him. I wanted to know what it felt like to have him inside me. I wanted him so bad. He smirked and leaned forward to kiss me once more.

I swiftly slipped my pants off, keeping my boxers on for the time being, and began undoing his as well. He pulled back briefly to slip his shirt over his head, and I did the same. We tossed them to the side, our hands immediately tracing over each other's skin. I ran my fingers across his chest, aware of the goosebumps I could feel rising over him. I was pretty sure this time it wasn't from the cold.

I pulled back, casting him a smile. "Let's do it," I said softly, looking over his handsome body once more before sitting up. He was quick to follow.

"Alright... so, I guess let's just do it on the bed?" he asked. I didn't f*****g know! I'd never done it up the ass before.

"Yeah, sure." I nodded. He looked like he had something on his mind, but I decided to ignore it. I reached forward and took his head in my hands, kissing his lips gentler than before. We moved away from each other again to take the remaining clothes off of our bodies. He then moved me into position in the corner of my bed, against the wall. We were both on our knees; since we were about the same height I figured things would match nicely down there or whatever... I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I wanted this... I had to keep telling myself that.

"Ready?" he asked quietly. I nodded, preparing myself. I closed my eyes as I felt him penetrating me, a small amount of pain radiating through my ass. Mostly it was uncomfortable, though.

"Is that it?" I asked, feeling slightly confused. I hoped my ass wasn't that loose.

"That's my finger...," he said quietly, sounding amused. God dammit! I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," I snorted. I felt him kiss the back of my neck lightly, and shortly after that, I felt a terrible, burning pain where his finger had just been. I nearly gasped at the feeling. I grit my teeth together and tried not to say anything, but my asshole felt like it was on fire. My d**k instantly began going down. "I hope that's more than just a finger," I breathed.

"That's my d**k," he snickered. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded, though my forehead was beginning to sweat. Things only got worse when he started to move. I grit my teeth together once more, the pain radiating through my ass and almost to what felt like my stomach. The amount of pressure and pain I felt was more intense than I had imagined it would be. Was it even in the whole way...? I couldn't tell. I let my forehead rest against the cool wall and I shut my eyes, resisting the urge to complain. I was the one who asked for it, after all...

Although the pain was great, I couldn't deny the fact that I was enjoying having Felix's body so close to mine. I could feel his warm breath flowing down my back, his forehead resting against the nape of my neck. He wasn't being rough at all.. I was just being a p***y.

I inhaled sharply through my grit teeth as he thrust into me, my body immediately tensing as a new surge of pain rippled through me. I knew tensing only made things worse, but I couldn't help it.

"What?" Felix asked softly. I shook my head, not wanting to admit how bad it hurt.

"Nothing," I murmured. "It just hurts a little." He stopped moving, and I wasn't sure if I was happy or dismayed about it.

"Well, do you want me to stop?" he asked. I swallowed, unsure of what to say.

"I guess not..." I don't think I sounded too convincing, because as soon as I spoke he snorted with laughter.

"You guess not?" he repeated. "Mark, that isn't exactly the type of thing that gets me going...," he said patiently, slight amusement in his voice. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked again, running his hand down my arm to entwine our fingers.

"No," I insisted. "I want you to come in me," I murmured, holding onto his hand tightly. I was so conflicted.. It hurt like s**t, but at the same time, I wanted to feel that connection with him. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him so bad.

"Alright," he muttered softly and began moving once more. The break from thrusting hadn't seemed to do anything but make it worse; and as the time went on, it didn't feel any better. If anything, it just felt worse. On top of the pain, it was uncomfortable. Every movement out made it feel like I needed to take a s**t, and every movement in literally felt like the inside of my asshole was being rubbed raw.

I was a bit surprised it took Felix so long to come, but eventually he did. The best part of the whole experience for me was when he came... I could feel his d**k pulsing inside of me, which was quite erotic.. something I'd never experienced before. If I hadn't been in so much pain, it probably would have given me a b***r. I could feel a burning sensation different from what I was feeling before, and I could only assume it was from his jiz inside me. Did it always feel like that? He pulled out and got off my bed to go and clean himself off. I stayed with my forehead resting against the wall for a few moments before I found the strength to move. I sat down on my bed, immediately aware of an uncomfortable pressure that I felt needed to be taken care of. I stood up and rigidly began dressing myself.

"I'll be right back," I told him awkwardly before leaving my bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I then proceeded to s**t god knows what into the toilet. I was aware of the heavy burning sensation as I did so and I wondered how people had a******x regularly. I felt like my ass would be out of commission for at least a month! When I wiped, I wasn't surprised to see blood left behind on the toilet paper. "Fuck...," I grumbled. I let out a deep sigh and flushed the toilet before washing my hands. I left the bathroom, still feeling uncomfortable, and headed back to my room.

Felix was sitting on my bed, his pants back on, but still shirtless. He had an unlit cigarette between his thumb and pointer finger. He raised his eye brows at me as I walked in, a devious smile creeping on his face. "You okay..?" he asked. I nodded with a small sigh before taking a seat next to him.

"Yeah." I ran my fingers through my slightly damp hair, feeling a bit dazed. I couldn't believe we had actually f****d. It felt surreal.

"We're gonna use lube next time," he stated matter of factly. "I would have brought some, but honestly.." He snorted with laughter, a smile stuck on his face. "I never thought that was gonna happen.. spit doesn't cut it- clearly," he snickered. I crinkled my nose slightly at the thought of spit being used. Lube? For whatever reason, the idea had never crossed my mind.

"Sounds good to me... You made me bleed," I admitted sheepishly. Felix laughed softly and shook his head.

"Gotta toughen that asshole up," he jeered playfully, patting my knee. "I know it's cold out...," he began with a slight groan. "But do you wanna go have a cigarette with me?" I nodded.

"Yeah.. Prolly gonna make it quick, though," I snickered. I stood up and grabbed my pack from my nightstand, turning to watch him as he put his shirt back over his head. He then grabbed his beanie, which had been on the ground as well, and put it securely on his head. Once he was dressed, we headed downstairs. We walked into the front room and grabbed our jackets. I glanced out the window before we walked to the back of the house. It looked f*****g cold outside... my suspicions were confirmed as I opened the backdoor and took a step out. We huddled on the bench together, leaning in so our bodies were touching. We lit our cigarettes and began our smoke.

I took a deep drag and peered over at my boyfriend. He was so f*****g handsome. My stomach warmed as I reminded myself how lucky I was. Despite how painful the s*x had been, I was glad we did it. It was something passionate and intimate that we shared, that nobody else would ever understand.

"It'll get better, right...?" I asked, a sudden wave of panic rising in my chest. What if it never felt good? Felix raised an eye brow at me.

"Well I would imagine so." He took a deep drag of his cigarette and grinned at me. "We just need to do it more, I guess." I nodded, hoping he was right. I was so attracted to him. I wanted him to f**k me and both of us enjoy it. "So...," he began in a low tone. "Did you want me to suck you off when we go back in?" My stomach jumped at his words and I swear I practically had a semi-hard on at the thought.

"That would be amazing...," I breathed. I had, after all, had a lot of pent up s****l frustration from earlier that had never been released. He let out a small laugh.

"Thought you might say that." He looked over at me, his expression soft. "It did feel really good. I honestly would have jizzed faster if I hadn't been worried about you being in pain." That made me feel pretty bad.

"I'm sorry," I murmured before taking a drag.

"Don't apologize, dumb ass," Felix snorted. I huddled closer to him, suppressing a shiver, and took another drag. I was almost done with my cigarette, and so was he. The wind was blowing harder than before, causing the fluffy snow that had fallen throughout the day to fly around us. It was like we were in a really pathetic blizzard. I suddenly felt his head resting against mine, and I couldn't help but grin.

Once we were done with out cigarettes, we rushed inside and took off our jackets. I glanced at the clock to see it was going on seven thirty. I didn't want him to leave... It was a Wednesday night, so I had school the following day.

"You work tomorrow?" I asked as we headed up the stairs.

"Nope. Why?" he asked from behind me.

"Because..," I began, walking into my room. "Do you wanna stay over?" I asked. He raised his eye brows, a smirk forming on his face.

"Oh, yeah? Don't you have school, though?" he asked, shutting the door behind us. I nodded with a sigh before sitting down on my bed.

"Yeah, I do... but I don't want you to leave...," I admitted with a small smile. I watched as he knelt down in front of me. I'd nearly forgotten about his offer from earlier.

"Ahh...," he snickered, moving to undo my pants. "I think I might just be able to stay..." He undid my fly and looked up at me. "Or you could just ditch class and hang out with me." He smiled and pulled down my pants the best he could. I shifted to help him do so. That did indeed sound like a good offer...

I let myself relax as he began sucking me off. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to fall back, my eyes closing. He was so amazing.. It always blew my mind how he could be so much better at sucking d**k than Olive had been. I gripped onto the sheets, the immense pleasure over taking me. I bit my bottom lip, knowing it wasn't going to take long. I jizzed into his mouth quickly, my breathing increased from the pleasure.

Once I was done, I sat up and pulled my pants up. I moved to lay down, closer to the wall. Felix was quick to move right next to me. I took a deep breath in, allowing the indescribable feeling of bliss take over my body.

"How was that?" Felix asked quietly. A grin pulled at the corner of my lips and I nodded.

"Really good," I replied before opening my eyes. It had almost been good enough to make me forget about my painful ass. I rolled over to my side towards him, my stomach twisting as I looked into his eyes. He was so f*****g perfect. He smiled at me, running his fingers through my messy hair. "I think I love you...," I breathed before I could stop myself. My cheeks immediately felt hot. His eye brows raised in surprise, but he continued to smile.

"Why is it always 'I think' with you?" he asked playfully, his smile not faltering. I didn't miss his failure to say it back, though... sure, he'd said he loved me before. But he was f*****g drunk the time he did.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered out, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Mark," he said light heartedly. I looked him in his brown eyes again. "Do you love me?" He asked. Did I? I'd never been so crazy over somebody like I was him. He made my chest want to explode every time I looked at him, he made it hard to catch my breath, he made my body feel things I'd never thought possible when we were intimate; I felt like I could hardly breath when I had a bad day and he wasn't right next to me...

"I do," I answered with certainty after a few moments. I swallowed roughly, aware that my eyes were beginning to burn. God, what a sad sap I was. "I'm so damn happy with you."

"Do you know how long I've loved you?" he whispered, running the back of his hand over my cheek. "Shit.. I think I loved you even before I admitted my feelings to you," he snickered. I grinning, blinking away what little moisture had formed in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry for everything I did to you...," I said quietly, leaning forward to rest my forehead against his.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"With Olive... all that bullshit," I sighed.

"Li, it's fine... really. I have no resentment about any of that," he reassured me, reaching to grab onto my hand. I nodded, grinning. It didn't make me feel any less guilty. "Soo... I'll stay tonight. I can either take you to school, or you can stay home with me." I couldn't help but laugh that he was bringing it up again. I pulled back to smile at him.

"Can I decide tomorrow?" I asked, though I knew what I would prefer to do.

"Fiiiiine," he grumbled playfully. I rolled over so that I was facing the wall and backed up until I was pressed against him. He wrapped his arms securely around me and kissed my cheek. "I love you so much..." I smiled and let out a content sigh. As far as I could see, I didn't ever want to be with anybody else.