Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 20

"Guess who can buy their own cigarettes now!" Felix snickered playfully.

"Mee!" I responded in a sing song voice. I was finally eighteen. An age I was pretty damn excited for. I could buy the dear nicotine I loved so much, and I was finally going to get my permit. I'd ended up waiting so long to go take the test that I decided to just wait until I was eighteen so that I could go take my license test whenever I was ready. No six month bullshit, or logging your hours driving or whatever the hell it was. Two weeks of having my permit and I could go get my license whenever.

"Happy birthday." He tossed me a new pack of Parliments that he'd had in his pocket. I laughed lightly and nodded, slipping them into my front pocket.

"Thanks." We weren't much of the gift giving people.. at least not thus far in our relationship. We always got each other little stupid s**t, but that was about it.

"So," Felix began as we walked down the street, slowly getting closer to my house. It was nice out, so we'd decided to walk around a little. "What did you wanna do when we get back?" he asked. A small smile crept onto my face. I stepped over, lightly bumping our shoulders together.

"You know what I was thinkin'...?" I asked suggestively. He snickered and peered over at me.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?" I groaned, hooking my thumbs in my pockets. Since our first time having s*x, we'd been kinda trying to ease into it for my sake. After the first time I hadn't been able to do anything that had to do with my ass until the end of the month... I think I was more nervous than anything, though. So, after that we eased into it... I was slowly becoming more comfortable with it.

"You know me," he teased.

"I'll tell you when we're not out in public," I snorted as we turned onto my street, next to a small park.

"Yeah, 'cause there's so many people around!" he laughed sarcastically, jabbing at my side playfully. I scooted out of the way, disliking when he did that. I hated being tickled...

"Do you know how traumatizing that could be for a small child's wandering ears?" I snickered. Felix laughed.

"If that's traumatizing to them, I feel bad..." He shook his head, a crooked smile still on his face.

It didn't take long before we were outside my house. I opened the door and stepped in, a small pinch in my chest at how empty it was. Titus's death was still a fresh wound in my heart. Every time I stepped inside, without thinking, I was expecting him to be there. But he never was.. and he never would be again. It had been less than a month- I wasn't expecting the pain to lessen for a while yet.

I sighed and moved through the front room to the living room. As usual, my mom let me stay home from school, so we were the only ones in the house besides my sleeping mom. I peered over at Felix and grinned. "You wanna go to my room?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied brightly, moving his hand to touch the small of my back briefly. "Or-" He moved in front of me to lightly push me against the stair way. I narrowed my eyes and smirked as he pressed his body against mine, moving forward to kiss my lips. "We could just stay here..." I smiled, sliding my tongue into his mouth briefly before pulling back.

"I don't think so," I whispered. I grabbed onto his crotch for a moment before pushing him away enough to sneak past him. I walked up the stairs, knowing he would be close behind, and made my way into my room. Once he was inside, I shut the door and gripped tightly onto his jacket. I pulled him forward, my back against the door, until he was pressed against me once more. "You're so f*****g sexy." He was wearing his dark red combat boots, which almost instantly gave me a b***r every time I saw him wearing them, some black jeans, and his usual green jacket. All the makings to drive me crazy. He smiled and raised an eye brow.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked suggestively. I nodded, leaning forward until our mouths met. I reached up and gripped onto the hair on the back of his head. I felt his hands slip under my shirt onto my bare back, his finger nails dragging across my skin. I felt the familiar burn left behind, which only added to my arousal. I was beginning to realize, the more we fooled around, exactly what I liked. I liked the pain. I liked being bitten and scratched; I liked being held down and pushed against the wall. I wasn't vocal about it; I wasn't quite comfortable with telling him what I wanted him to do.. but for the most part, he did it without me having to ask.

Felix, on the other hand, was quite vocal with how he liked things. He was afraid to do some dirty talking, and he was quite good at it. He had a way with his words. I'd always known he was a very s****l person; and he was willing to do anything if I asked... not that I had been too adventurous at that point.

I felt Felix grind his hips into mine, his hard on apparent through his pants. It didn't take much to get him going; it never did. I smirked through our kisses, moving my hands down to his ass. I gripped on tightly, pulling him into me more. He reached his hands down and grabbed onto my wrists, forcing them against the door with a loud knock. I bit onto his bottom lip roughly, pulling back to look in his dark eyes.

"You gonna tell me what you want now?" he asked, a crooked smirk spreading over his handsome face.

"f**k me," I said quietly, balling my hands into fists. This made his smirk widen. He let go of one of my wrists, pulling the other one to lead me to my bed. Somehow, in an impressively fluent manner, we ended up on my bed with him over top of me. He began taking his jacket off, and I grabbed onto his hand. "I want you to f**k me with your clothes on," I breathed.

"Really...?" he asked slowly, his eyes narrowing. I laughed and nodded. "Even my shoes?"

"Yes, especially your shoes..." He gave me a confused stare, a crooked grin on his face. "Just do it," I ordered. I always thought it was so hot to do it only partially undressed, only pants pulled down as much as they needed to be.

"Say no more...," he whispered, leaning down to kiss my neck. My breath caught in my throat as his teeth grazed over my skin. With that, he moved from over top of me so that he was behind me. He reached forward and began undoing my pants, pulling them down just past my ass. I bit my bottom lip, grinning, as he pulled his own pants down just enough to expose his d**k.

As previously stated, we'd gotten much more used to each other since the first time we'd done it. We used lube- which I realized was very important, had more foreplay, and I was more relaxed.

I laid there on my side, gripping onto the sheets in anticipation, his fingers inside me. I was beginning to feel like he was teasing me, his lips pressing against my neck, his body close to mine. I could feel his warmth radiating onto me, and it was driving me crazy.

"Stick it in," I murmured through grit teeth. I was slightly surprised when he didn't give me any sort of witty comment. Without any hesitation, he did as told. I felt the pain that I was beginning to become accustomed to. I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, my palms beginning to sweat. Through the pain, I also felt pleasure. I willed myself to relax my muscles, though it was still difficult in the beginning, knowing full well that it would feel better if I did. I reached my hand back to grip onto his jeans, my stomach twisting as the overwhelming realization that he was inside me hit. It felt so surreal, so intimate.. It still took my breath away when I thought about it.

Felix's hand brushed forward, over my hips, until it came to my d**k. His hand slid over it as he thrust into me, and I couldn't help but shudder. Goosebumps rose over my skin from the feeling. The pain was slowly dulling, being replaced with a more 'full' feeling that I quite enjoyed. It wasn't going to take much longer- not with him touching me like he was. I felt his forehead resting against the nape of my neck, his respiration becoming increased.

I ground my teeth together, the familiar feeling of c****x over taking my body. I was going to come. I was enjoying it so thoroughly I almost didn't want to. I slid my hand up a bit to grab onto as much of his ass cheek as I could, digging my nails in.

"I love you," he breathed, and that was enough for me. I took a sharp breath in as I jizzed onto the sheets in front of me. He continued thrusting in me, his hand in motion as well, as I came. It was almost too intense, but I held back any vocalization, as I always did. It wasn't much longer until Felix came as well. After a few moments of us gathering ourselves, he moved off the bed to clean himself up as usual. I took a deep breath and rolled over onto my back, aware of my shirt clinging uncomfortably to my sweaty body.

I glanced over to see Felix had pulled up his pants, and he was shrugging his jacket off. His shirt quickly followed, and I wasn't surprised for how hot I'd become. I grinned and forced myself to sit up. I stood and pulled my pants up. One thing that still hadn't changed, and was quite unsexy, was the feeling of needing to s**t after we did it. I wasn't sure if I did actually have to, or if it was just from the penetration. I excused myself awkwardly to the bathroom as I so often did.

Once I was finished, I made my way back to my room. Felix was sitting on my bed, an unlit cigarette between his fingers. I grinned and picked up a dirty shirt from my floor. I walked over to my bed and began wiping up the jiz spot, though rather in vain. I gave up after a few seconds and tossed the shirt onto the floor.

"How was that?" he asked me as I took a seat. He scooted back so that his legs were on my bed and turned so we were facing each other.

"How do you think?" I asked, reaching back to grab my pack of cigarettes and ash tray from my nightstand. He snickered and shrugged.

"You tell me," he insisted. I rolled my eyes and lit my cigarette, tossing the lighter to him.

"It was good," I told him quickly. He raised an eye brow.

"Just good?" he whispered skeptically. I shook my head, slowly blowing my drag out.

"No..." He continued to stare as if he expected more. "What do you want me to say?" I laughed. He lit his cigarette before speaking.

"Hmm... how about- Oh god, Felix, that was the best s*x I've ever f*****g had. God damn, you're so sexy and amazing and wonderful," he spouted out quickly, exaggerated excitement in his voice.

"Yeah. That." I laughed and took a drag of my cigarette. He smirked, his brown eyes burning into mine.

"How about an 'I love you too'?" he asked quietly. I grinned softly at him and leaned forward until our lips met.

"I love you so much," I whispered, our foreheads resting against each other's briefly. It was true. I was beginning to realize it the more time I spent with him. I had no idea what I would do with myself if he suddenly left me- not that that would happen.

As we sat on my bed smoking our cigarettes, I couldn't help but look him over. He had such a nice body.. He had such a nice everything. My eyes switched to look at his pierced n*****s. He had bars in them, as he always had, and it looked so sexy. "Did those hurt?" I asked, immediately realizing how vague the question was.

"What?" he asked, his brow furrowing, before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Your n****e piercings," I explained with a smile.

"Oooh," he said quietly and snickered with a shrug. "Not as bad as I thought they would. Can't believe I've had them done for over a year already... They were the easiest piercing I've had to take care of."

"You wanna get anything else done?" I asked, taking a quick drag of my cigarette. He looked lost in thought for a moment.

"My belly button...," he said pensively. I stared at him incredulously.

"Really...?" I asked. That was unattractive on a man in my opinion.

"No," he answered quickly with a smirk. Smart ass... "Nah, I dunno. I haven't really given it much thought of what else I would get. I pretty much have everything done that I've always wanted, so... what about you?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I don't think I would look good with anything else, honestly," I admitted. I felt like my two lip piercings were enough. I didn't think I could pull off my nose like Jayla and Felix could.

"Sure you would! You would look good with your septum, I bet..," he told me with a snicker.

"No, I have to disagree...," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"What I really want are some damn tattoos.. cover up some of these." He looked down at his arms as he spoke, his brow slightly furrowed. My mind immediately jumped to something that I had been hesitant to bring up for the past couple days. I swallowed and took a drag of my cigarette.

"You know Lexie died, right?" I asked slowly. I glanced up once I was done to see Felix's expression immediately drop.

"Yeah...," he said quietly. "Brody told me a few days ago," he sighed.

"Her mom found her, I think," I mumbled, taking a drag of my cigarette. His brow furrowed. "I can't even imagine that."

"Yeah, me neither.." He shook his head. "She f*****g overdosed from h****n," he snorted with disgust. "I told you, all those months ago, that I suspected that." I nodded.

"Yeah, I know." h****n wasn't necessarily a sensitive subject to Felix, but I guessed somebody overdosing from it would hit him in a different way than the rest of us. "I-I didn't really wanna bring it up, you know?" I shrugged. "I know she was your friend and all..."

"Yeah, I liked her... kinda stopped talking to her after they broke up though. I guess it's good I did, though... I really shouldn't be around people like that." He took a deep drag of his cigarette.

"How's Brody handling it?" I asked. I hadn't talked to him at all about it. I only knew from Jayla.

"I think he feels bad, but obviously they weren't together, so... what can he do?" he sighed, his shoulder slouching slightly.

"Jayla hasn't really been talking about it much, either," I told him, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Well...," he began softly. "Coming from somebody who was once pretty deep into that s**t; even if they'd been together, he couldn't have stopped it."

"Really?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah dude- that s**t is awful. I didn't have anybody really trying to get me to stop... but either way, that's something you have to do on your own. Well, not do on your own. But you need to make the decision that you want to stop," he explained. "It sure is crazy though. I wonder what was going on in her life that she even started it." I wasn't sure. It made me feel kind of bad. I'd always looked at Lexie as the bitchy girlfriend nobody really liked- but maybe I shouldn't have. "I don't know why h****n is so popular in Manheim.. But who am I to judge. I fell into the same stupid ass trap as all the other people," he sighed, shaking his head. "Damn... I liked her."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "Did she know you used to do it?" I asked. His eyes flickered to me as he took a final drag of his cigarette.

"No," he said bluntly, smashing the cherry into the ashtray between us. "As far I know, the only ones who are aware are you, Brody, and Jayla. Brode always made a point not to tell people my business..." He shrugged. "Although, if you paid attention, or looked at my f****d up arms, it really wouldn't be that hard to figure it out. I was still on it when I first met you.." I nodded.

"Y-yeah, I know that now." It felt weird talking about it. The only thing I'd ever been addicted to were cigarettes- so I couldn't even imagine what it felt like. I couldn't imagine feeling the draw to do it, even months after you'd been clean.

"I went to stupid ass groups for a while.. I thought they were pretty pointless, though. They didn't do anything for me, really...," he recollected. "I only went for a month." He snorted with laughter. "My dad was so f*****g pissed at me when I stopped..." He shook his head slowly, biting down onto his lip ring. "But look at me now." I scooted closer and leaned in until our lips met, my stomach twisting with the familiar feeling that I felt constantly when we first got together. I felt bad for him... I knew I shouldn't- but I couldn't help it. I pulled back after a moment and cast him a sad grin.

"I wish I could have been there for you," I said quietly. He grinned and shook his head.

"No you don't...," he sighed. "I was a totally different person back then."

"Were you really, though?" I asked doubtfully.

"Yes," he stated bluntly. "I didn't give a s**t about anything but getting a fix.. as all junkies do. Honestly," he snorted, "I have a horrible relationship with my dad, and I'm surprised he didn't call the cops on me. I would steal from him, I was manipulative, I was a bad f*****g person. If there had been any hope for me and him getting along- that whole year destroyed that." He paused before continuing, "and it would have destroyed us, too, if you'd known me better back then." I wasn't quite sure what to say, so I simply nodded. There was a fairly long moment of silence before he spoke again. "I know that's hard to believe- seeing as I'm such an awesome dude and all...," he snickered playfully, his voice sounding light once more. I smiled and rolled my eyes slightly.

"Yeah, so awesome," I laughed. I reached forward and took his hands in mine. "Really, though.. You're a good person." He grinned, his eyes flickering to the ground, seeming slightly uncomfortable with my compliment. I was kind of surprised to see him acting so bashful. He was always seemingly so confident. "Hey," I changed the subject. He looked back up at me. "You know what next month is?" I asked.

"Hmmm... A meteor shower?" he mused incorrectly, a grin tugging on his lips once more.

"Nooo... Next month with be a year since we first f****d around," I told him.

"Ahhhh," he snickered, his eye brows raising. "When we f****d around," he echoed, sounding amused.

"What? You like got together better?" I asked. "'Cause that is basically when it happened."

"Yes, I do like that better." He nodded, kissing my cheek. I smiled and scooted forward, wrapping my arms securely around him. "I can't believe it's already been that long..."

"Me neither," I said softly, burying my face in his neck.

"Let's hope for many more to come, huh?" he whispered. I wanted nothing more than that to come true.