Neighborly

“Do you want to get out of here?” the handsome stranger I’d been dancing with all night yelled in my ear over the loud house music blasting from the speakers in the club Marni had dragged me to. “I thought you’d never ask,” I replied. He winked one of his green eyes at me and grabbed my hand, guiding me off the dance floor. I followed him drunkenly, studying his tall, muscular frame as we made our way out of the back door and into the alley. The cool night air touched my skin and I shivered. The thin satin dress I was wearing wasn’t designed for cool air. The stranger slipped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him to warm me up. The smell of his cologne hit me and I took a deep breath in. I stopped and grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him closer to me so that I could smell his neck. “You smell f*****g amazing,” I whispered into his ear. “Thank you,” he growled back. I noticed his demeanor had changed and he stiffened under my grasp. “Something wrong?” I looked up into his eyes. “Just trying to keep from ravaging you in this alley,” he grinned at me. “Oh?” I trailed my hands lower down his body until they were resting on his belt. “What’s stopping you?” I leaned up and bit his lower lip. He licked his lip and grinned down at me. Before I could say anything else he’d lifted me up and was walking me towards the wall of the club. I gasped when I felt the cold, rough concrete against my back. “I didn’t think you’d be into getting railed in a back alley” he murmured against my skin as he landed kisses on my neck and chest. “I’d let you have me anywhere you wanted,” I moaned as I tightened my legs around his waist. I felt his hands slide up my dress and into the back of my panties, cupping my ass. He kissed lower down my chest as he set me down on my feet. I looked at him questioningly. “I have to taste you,” he said as he yanked my panties down my legs, tossing them into the alley behind him. “Hey, I liked those,” I protested while he was pulling up my right leg and resting it on his shoulder. “I’ll buy you new ones,” he grumbled. I threw my head back against the wall as I felt his beard graze my thighs. Just as he was about to reach my c**t, he started making weedeater noises. Wait. Weedeater noises? What the f**k? I rolled over and looked at the clock angrily. It was 7:30 AM. Who the f**k is doing yard work at 7:30 AM? I grumbled and cussed as I got up and slid on my sweatpants and house shoes. I could see a man in the yard next door. The house had been up for sale for months. Either someone had finally moved in or the realtor finally decided to maintenance the yard. I yanked open my front door and walked next door. The guy had his back to me as I walked up. “Excuse me!” I yelled. He didn’t turn around. “Excuse me! Hello!” He turned slightly towards me and I noticed he had earbuds in his ears. Great. There’s no way he was going to hear me. I started waving my arms but he still didn’t turn around. That’s when I noticed that the weedeater was electric and was plugged into the back of the house. I walked over and unplugged it. “What the f**k?” I heard him yell. I looked up as he was turning around towards the house. “Who the f**k are you? And why are you unplugging my s**t?” “Who the f**k are you?” I stomped over to him “and why the f**k are you weedeating at 7 in the morning?” He was only a few inches taller than me so we were almost eye to eye. He glared down his nose at me. “This is my property and it’s the only time I have available to get the grass taken care of.” “I don’t know how they do things in Bum f**k Wherever You’re From but most people wait until a reasonable hour when people aren’t still sleeping to do these kind of things. It’s called being neighborly.” I huffed with my hands on my hips. “I don’t remember you being this mean when we were kids,” he grinned at me. “I’m sorry, what?” I eyed him up and down. “Do I know you?” “You don’t recognize me? We went to middle school together. I wouldn’t have passed history if I hadn’t cheated off you,” he grinned at me again and took a swig of his water bottle. I took a step back and looked at him again. He was wearing baseball cap so I couldn’t see his hair. His eyes were a bright green and he a black mustache and beard. His tanned skin was sweaty and glistening in the sun. He wasn’t wearing a shirt so I got a good look at his body. His chest wasn’t chiseled but it was toned and firm. His stomach had a slight pudge which made me think he probably enjoyed one too many beers with the boys. He looked nothing like any middle school kid I could remember until he grinned at me again and I noticed the dimples in his cheeks. Only one person I knew had dimples like that. “Grady Markham.” “Howdy, neighbor. It’s been a while.” he chuckled. “Can you please be neighborly and do this later? I’m trying to sleep and I was really enjoying my dream.” “Oh, well, I don’t really think I can do that. I really need to get this done before I go to work.” He walked to the back of the house and plugged the weedeater back in. “Maybe put your earbuds in so you can get back to that dream of yours?” he yelled at me, smiling as big as possible. “Cute house shoes by the way!” He yelled at my back. I looked down at my feet at the cow slippers I was wearing. I probably should have put on real shoes before I decided to confront someone. I stomped back into the house, went to the junk drawer in my kitchen, grabbed my heavy duty scissors, and stomped back outside. Grady Markham had been my absolute nightmare when I was in middle school. He terrorized me every single day. And now, over twenty years later, it was finally my turn. I walked over to the outlet on the back of his house and unplugged the weedeater again. “What the f**k are you doing? Plug it back up!” he yelled and raced over towards me. “I asked you politely to do it later.” “First of all,” he huffed, “if that’s your version of polite, I hate to see what pissed off is. Second, I’ve already explained to you that I can’t. Now, please plug it back in.” I reached down and picked up the plug, holding it up in front of his face. As soon as he smiled at me, I took the scissors and cut the plug away from the cord and smiled back at him. “Do you feel better now that you’ve ruined my day and cost me one hundred and seventy five dollars to go buy a new weedeater?” he snatched the cord from my hand and walked away towards his garage. Seeing the look of defeat on his face definitely gave me some satisfaction. I was able to go back to sleep with no more interruptions. I slept in until around lunch when Marni called to let me know she was coming over. Marni and I had been best friends since the second grade. She had been witness to almost every interaction I’d ever had with Grady Markham but I didn’t want to tell her about this morning over the phone. I wasn’t even sure I’d even bring it up when she got to the house. I got up, threw on a ratty old t-shirt that had surely seen better days and a pair of denim shorts. I put back on my cow house shoes and headed to the kitchen to make some lunch for the two of us. I had been putting off going to the grocery store so I was going to have to get creative. There were a few containers of fruit and veggies that looked they were about to start wilting so I grabbed those, sliced up some cheddar cheese, and threw some crackers on a plate. Then I grabbed two wine glasses and my favorite magnolia wine. I had just finished pouring the glasses when I heard Marni come in. “Honey, I’m home!” I heard her yell as she entered the house. “I’m in the kitchen!” I yelled back. She came through the kitchen at warp speed, dropping her giant purse on the counter and pulled me into a huge bear hug. “Oh, thank goodness, wine!” she pushed her bright orange curls back out of her face and grabbed one of the wine glasses. I sat munching on celery and broccoli while I waited on her to finish gulping down her glass. “Thirsty?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “It’s hotter than the devil’s asshole outside. Oh,” she bounced her eyebrows at me, “speaking of hot, have you seen your neighbor?” I groaned and pretended to fall face first into the food. “Marni, he is not hot. He’s the f*****g devil himself.” “How are you already having problems? He’s brand new.” “Oh, but he’s not. Marns. We know him.” It was mine turn to gulp down a glass of wine. “Who? I didn’t recognize him?” “Grady Markham.” I glared at her while stuffing my mouth full of strawberries. “We had a run in this morning already.” “Oh, s**t. What happened?” She grabbed a stool and finally sat down, resting her face in her hands. Her big green eyes were open wide and zoned in on me. “That asshole woke me up weedeating his grass at seven this morning! And when I went over there to politely ask him to knock it off, he was a total jerk.” “So what did you do?” “What makes you think I did something?” I asked offensively. “Because I know you. And I know how you feel about Grady. So what did you do?” I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. She knew me very well and knew that I didn’t always have the self-control not to retaliate. Especially when it came to Grady. “I went back out there and tried to talk some sense into him. But when that didn’t work, I cut the plug off the weedeater.” I hid my face behind my hands when I heard her gasp. I couldn’t bear her judgment at the moment. I know what I did was wrong and childish and I shouldn’t have done it. After the years of torment that Grady put me through, it was just hard for me not to act out. I’d probably apologize to him eventually. Maybe. “Molly!” she giggled. “I want to say I’m shocked but I’m really not. Some things never change. I just wish I could understand why the two of you terrorized each other so much.” “Me?” My eyes opened wide. “I never terrorized him! It was always him torturing me. Or convincing someone else to torture and terrorize me. I never did anything to him.” “Oh, bullshit. Do you not remember when he came back the summer before junior year?” she said between bites of strawberries. “You hunted him down at the river with Shelley LaPoint. They were skinny dipping and you stole his clothes.” “That was because he had pulled my skirt up at the movies the night before and showed Lem Jenkins my underwear!” “Ole Lem Jenkins. I wonder whatever happened to him?” “Last I heard he was running his daddy’s hardware store after his daddy fell off that ladder a few years back. You know he married Shelley.” “Shut up!” Marni gasped. “LaPoint married Lem? I would have never put them two together.” “Oh, yeah. They were real hot and heavy in college. I think you were out in Austin when they hooked up. They split up for a while and she was seeing some guy from Tuscaloosa. Got her pregnant and left her. She moved back in with her momma and I’d say about a month or two before the baby was born her and Lem ran off to the courthouse and got married.” “Well, I’ll be.” Before she could shove another strawberry in her mouth, the doorbell rang. I couldn’t imagine who it would be. I wasn’t expecting anymore company and my neighbors weren’t the type to just drop by. “I’ll get it.” she jumped up and ran for the door before I could even move. “Well, hello! Come on in. She’s back in the kitchen, it’s this way.” I heard her say. Next thing I know, Grady Markham was standing in my kitchen staring at me with those bright green eyes. He had managed to put on a shirt. It was a tight green t-shirt with some landscaping logo on it. It hugged his shoulders and chest and made it hard to concentrate on the fact that he was actually standing in front of me. Ew, gross. What was I thinking? Grady was not attractive whatsoever. Even if his jeans were hugging his legs in all the right places. “What in the hell are you doing in my house?” I seethed through gritted teeth. “Now, is that any way to treat a new neighbor? Nice house, by the way. I really like the way you’ve decorated. You should come by some time and give me some tips. Anyway, I just came to give you this.” He dropped a piece of paper onto the counter in front of me. I picked it up to examine it and realized that it was a receipt for a new weedeater. “Why are you giving me this?” I slid it back towards him. He crossed his arms and looked down at me with that s**t eating grin he always had. “You destroyed my weedeater. I expect you to pay for the new one.” “Destroy is being a little dramatic don’t you think?” “Cutting the cord of my weedeater because I interrupted your wet dreams was dramatic.” The bastard had the nerve to wink at me. “I was not - no one said anything about wet dreams. I was trying to sleep and you woke me up.” I slammed my hand down on the counter. “Um, you made it a point to mention that I had interrupted a good dream you were having so I assumed. My apologies. Maybe, knowing you, you were dreaming of murdering some unsuspecting man while he was out swimming, minding his business at the river.” Marni started giggling and fled the kitchen for the sanctuary of the living room. Traitor. First she let him in my house and now she had abandoned me with him in my own kitchen. Some friend she was. “Oh, here we go,” I rolled my eyes. “Poor Grady. Someone stole his clothes. You were already naked! It’s not like she hadn’t seen it already.” “Hey, don’t feel sorry for me. Shelley actually thought it was hot that I wasn’t embarrassed and drove home naked. I got lucky that night and lost my virginity. I guess I should have thanked you.” My jaw dropped. I had assumed that he and Shelley were already having s*x at that point. Not that it mattered to me. I could have cared less who he was spending his time with. I just wanted to get him back for embarrassing me the night before. I had not gotten lucky when Lem saw my underwear. As a matter of fact, Lem thought it was so funny that he proceeded to tell all of our friends who had met us at the diner after the movies. I spent the rest of that night hearing joke after joke about my granny panties. “Well,” I said as I stood up and walked towards him. “You could thank me by leaving my house.” I brushed past him and made my way to the front door, holding it open for him to leave. “Goodbye, Marni! It was good to see you again!” he yelled as he walked out my door. “Oh,” he spun around in the doorway so that he was almost nose to nose with me. He was so close that I could smell the sweet spiciness of his cologne. “I’ll need that money by the end of the week. Or else.” he growled where only he and I could hear. “Or else what?” I c****d my head to one side, eyeing him up and down. “Find out, Sugar. Bye now.” He popped a strawberry in his mouth and made his way down my sidewalk towards his house. What an arrogant prick. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. And I certainly wasn’t going to pay for his stupid weedeater. “Well,” Marni huffed beside me. “That went well. Damn, he turned out fine. Look at that ass in those jeans.” “Marni, go home. Traitor.” I stomped back inside.