"He visits me in dreams; the boy I lost, the love I keep"

The world kept going after he was gone. It was the cruelest moment in the whole story. The sky was a clear blue the day after the funeral. Nothing seemed to have shattered as cars were still honking in traffic. The sound of other people enjoying themselves gave Catherine a reminder of her old café with him. A little something soft inside her had vanished and it might never come back. Lena leaned against the end of the bed and his hoodie had become as close to her as her own skin. A faint smell of both cedar and ocean breeze could still be noticed, although it had thinly faded after so much time. She forgot to wash the clothes before having them made. She couldn’t. She stroked the edge of the sleeve with her thumb as if it were very precious. Three months. It has been ninety-two days without Eli. They’d been friends since childhood and in the year leading up to the accident, they became more. Much more than friends. Over and above what a crush means. Still, with a lower level of rules than normal. No label means no ending. Only a half-written sentence between people whose hearts never revealed what was true. Mara sent her a message on her phone that said: “Would you like to come to the studio today?” She was silent. She shut her eyes and let her room become quiet. Memories seemed to be floating all around in the air. Scores of photos showing her and Eli together were up on the bulletin board—party days, beach trips and private moments of looking at each other. Then it all occurred to me. It had happened every night since he was laid to rest in the third week. She dozed off into a sweet dream. The dream always started in the same way. A field. Endless gold. Bright wildflowers bursting out among the green grass. It is not cold. The sky was not too bright. It was Eli, standing by the outer line of the trees. He smiled in a way that felt exactly like their old times—broad, naughty, suggesting a secret she’d definitely find later. He said, patting my shoulder, “Hey, sleepyhead,” from under the hood of that gray sweatshirt he always put on for movie night. She hurried toward him. The long grass came up to her knees. Choke was coming to her throat. “Here you are again,” Lena murmured. “Remember when I told you?” Eli said, touching her cheek as if she were slippery. I’ll always plan to visit again. --- There was hours-long conversations in the dream. Such as his favorite type of cereal, the movie he never finished and how he always sneaked in extra whipped cream for her. However, every dream finished in the same way: with Matt forgetting her, fog coming from the sky’s edges and Lena asking him to stay in her life. For this part of the journey, Mindy grabbed his hand even more firmly. Do not leave. “I don’t want to,” he said, his voice barely staying together. I’m not convinced that I have a real choice here. “Why are you still coming to see her?” He hesitated. The wind moved his hair around. It is my memory of you that brings me here again and again. The session ended and when Lena woke up, there were tears on her pillow. Early the next morning, she answered Mara’s message. “Yeah. I’ll come.” Not because her symptoms went away. Not because everything could be explained or understood. But thanks to the voice in her dreams and the smile she kept remembering. Even though Eli is gone, a part of her remained. He left his family. He was not, however. Dreams don’t take their place. Not in the way she held her love.