Shifting Destiny

Chapter Ten

Alis arrives with a basin of warm water, a clean cloth, and a small medical kit. Levi has been gone only a few minutes. I am sitting on the bed with my bloody hands held away from the blanket when she comes through the open door.

"Levi told me you lost some time," Alis says, setting the basin on the table. She pulls a chair close enough to examine me and waits for me to offer a hand. "Did you hit your head when you went down?"

"I don't think so. I don't remember going down." I turn my hands over for her. The nails have shortened again, though there is blood beneath them. "I remember being angry with him. Then he was holding me on the floor."

Alis checks my pupils with a small light, then asks me to follow her finger without moving my head. The light hurts for a moment, but I can see her clearly. She examines the back of my head and has me tell her where I am and what day I think it is. I can tell her I'm at Crescent Moon; I have to ask how long I've been here before I can answer the other part.

"You were bitten yesterday afternoon," she says. "It's late now. Your temperature is lower than it was during the fever, but I want to check it again before you sleep. If you feel faint, confused, or suddenly hot, call for me."

She puts a thermometer under my tongue while I work the dried blood loose with the cloth. The water turns pink. I know the scratches on Levi's arm have healed, but looking at what I left on my fingers still makes my stomach uneasy.

When Alis takes the thermometer back, I stop her before she can put the kit away. "I want to see my chart. I also want to know who comes into this room and what happens if I lose time again."

Alis sets the thermometer beside the kit. "You can read your chart. I need to finish documenting tonight's episode first, and I'll bring you a copy in the morning. I'll go through it with you if you want."

"I do." I wring out the cloth over the basin. "And Kayla. I need a way to tell her I'm alive before she hears something from someone else. My phone wasn't with me when I woke up."

"It's secured with your things. We can arrange for it to be brought to you when you're ready for a visit," Alis says. "For tonight, you can use the ward phone. I can leave you alone to speak with her."

I nod, though the thought of explaining my eyes and claws over a phone makes me grip the damp cloth harder. "What about the room? The door was open when Levi left."

"A staff member is outside, and I should have told you that before you had to ask." Alis glances toward the hall. "You are here for monitoring while the fever and partial changes settle. Staff will knock and identify themselves before coming in unless there's an emergency. Levi doesn't have independent access to your care. I'll put that in the ward instructions."

"And if the claws come out again?" I lay the cloth beside the basin. "Last time I hurt someone before I even knew I'd moved."

Alis doesn't tell me it won't happen again. She moves the chair back so I can see the door without looking around her. "If you notice it beginning, put down whatever you're holding and call out. The person outside can get me. We'll leave the floor clear between the bed and the door. If you lose time, our first job is to keep everyone from being hurt. Then I examine you. You will be told what happened as soon as you're able to understand it."

That is more useful than being told to rest. I look at the narrow passage beside the table and decide not to put the basin on the floor when she's gone. "Can you write that down with the instructions?"

"Yes," Alis says. She writes the instructions beneath my temperature reading and hands me the ward phone from her pocket. "I'll be just outside. Call Kayla before you try to sleep."

I dial her number with my cleanest finger. Kayla answers after several rings, sounding tired until I say my name.

"Feyre? They said you were being treated, but no one would let me see you." I hear Kayla put something down on her end of the call. "Was it the wolf?"

"It was." I turn away from the open doorway, though Alis has given me room to speak alone. "I'm still at Crescent Moon. Alis is watching me, and I don't know when I can leave."

"You sound terrible," Kayla says. Her voice drops. "Did he hurt you badly?"

I look at the unmarked skin on my arm. "It was bad. I can't explain all of it tonight," I tell her. I don't know whether I can explain it tomorrow, either.

"I can bring your phone and some clothes when Alis says I can come in," Kayla says. I hear a drawer shut on her end of the call. "I'll check on your apartment too. Your landlord left a message about the rent this morning, but I can talk to him if you want."

"Please don't pay it for me," I tell her. I know Kayla would try even if she couldn't spare the money. "Just tell him I'll call. And don't tell anyone about the wolf yet."

"I won't." Kayla pauses. "Can I tell the people at work that you're being treated? They keep asking where you went."

"Yes. Only that." I look at the pale strands mixed into the curls hanging over my shoulder. "I'll talk to Alis about when you can come."

After we hang up, I call Alis back into the room and give her the phone. I repeat what I promised Kayla, and Alis says a short visit may be possible after she sees how I manage the morning. She brings me water, tells me when breakfast comes, and shows me the call button beside the bed before she leaves. I slide the basin to the far side of the table and make sure the path to the door stays clear.

By morning I have slept in pieces. Someone knocks before bringing a tray, and I am relieved to hear a name before the door opens. Alis returns after I eat with two pages from my chart. She lets me read the temperature entries and the note about the blackout before she explains anything. I know enough from my work as a veterinary technician to follow the observations, though there are gaps only she can answer.

"You wrote that I was responsive afterward," I say, pointing to the entry. "I couldn't remember the minutes before I hit the floor. That's different."

"You're right." Alis pulls up the other chair but doesn't take the pages from me. "I'll make the wording more precise. I want the record to show what you remember and what Levi witnessed."

I watch her write the correction. The chart also shows that my temperature rose twice in the night and came down without another episode. It doesn't tell me why. "Is it safe to practice today?"

"For a few minutes, if you still want to," Alis says as she feels my pulse, then has me stand and walk across the room while she watches. My legs are steadier than they were last night. "No forced change and no exercise to exhaustion. We stop if your temperature climbs, you become dizzy, or you lose track of what we're doing. I'm staying in the room."

"I want a stop signal too," I tell her. "If I say 'enough' and raise my hand, Levi stops giving instructions. Even if the claws haven't gone back yet."

"Agreed." Alis writes the word beside the other instructions. "I'll tell him before you start." Before we leave, Alis brings me clean sanctuary trousers, a loose shirt, and slippers from the ward supply. I dress slowly. The clothes are too big, but I am glad not to cross the corridor barefoot again.

The training room is a short walk down the ward corridor. Its floor is clear except for a low bench and a table with water, clean cloths, and a thermometer. Alis leaves the door open. A sanctuary staff member stands farther down the hall, where I can see her from inside without having another person watching my hands.

Levi is already there. He has changed his shirt since last night. My eyes go to his forearm, and he turns it so I can see that the scratches have disappeared. He keeps his distance while Alis explains the time limit and the stop signal.

"I'll ask you to pay attention to the pressure you felt in your fingers," Levi says. He stands across the open floor, several steps away. "We aren't going to make you angry. If nothing changes, that tells us something too."

"I can try," I say, resting my hands at my sides. I want to know whether I can start the change while I still have a choice about it. "But if I say enough, you stop talking."

"I will." Levi moves no closer. Alis takes her place by the table, with the chart and thermometer within reach.

I spread my fingers. At first all I can feel is the dry pull of the skin Alis cleaned last night. I think about the moment before I lost time, when the points of my nails pressed into my palms. My pulse picks up, but I don't try to hold on to the anger that came with it. The pressure returns under two fingers on my right hand. I let them straighten, and the nails lengthen in front of me.

"That's enough to show you can start it," Levi tells me. He glances toward Alis before continuing. "See whether they ease back when you relax your hand."

I breathe out and lower my arm. The nails stay long. I shake my fingers once, then stop because I can feel the points brushing my palm. When I try to make them shorten, the pressure only grows.

"Enough." I raise my left hand so they can both see it.

Levi falls silent at once. Alis comes to the edge of the table but stays back from my claws. "Are you dizzy?" she asks, watching my face rather than my hands.

"No. I can't get them to go back." My voice is steady, but my right hand is starting to ache. I take another breath in the place where I brought the claws out, facing Levi across the floor. Nothing changes. The urge to keep trying is making my shoulders tighten.

"You can move," Alis reminds me. She doesn't tell me where to stand.

I turn away from Levi and walk toward the open doorway. The sanctuary worker in the hall takes a step back to leave space, and I stop before I reach her. I rest my left hand on the doorframe, keeping the claws on my right hand away from the wood. With no one directly in front of me, I can feel how hard I've been holding my shoulders. I lower them and let my breathing slow. The pressure beneath my nails loosens. One claw retracts, then the others follow.

I turn my right hand over twice. The nails are still longer than they used to be, but their sharp points are gone. "They went back when I moved away," I tell Alis. My legs feel weak again, though I remember every second of what happened.

"And you called a stop when you needed one," Alis says. She brings the thermometer over only after I show her both hands. Levi remains by the bench while she checks me. My temperature has risen a little, so she ends the session and gives me water. I would have liked to try once more, but my hand aches enough that I don't argue.

The staff member in the hall comes to the doorway with a folded note. "Kayla left this at the desk for Feyre," she tells Alis, holding it out until Alis nods for her to give it to me.

Kayla has written down the landlord's number, the amount due, and the time she'll come by with my phone and clothes if Alis approves the visit. Beneath that, she has added that she'll bring the soft socks I keep at her place. I fold the note and put it in my pocket. For a few minutes I was thinking only about my claws, but my rent is still due and Kayla is waiting to see me. I want to handle the call to my landlord myself and tell her more when I can.

A burst of voices comes from the radio clipped to the staff member's belt. She turns the volume down, listens, and answers with her location. Then she looks at Alis.

"Security spotted the black wolf at the outer ward fence," she says. "It's Kael. He's come back."

Levi is already moving toward the door when Alis steps into his path. "My staff will secure this corridor," she tells him. "You can go to the perimeter, but I want an update before anyone tries to move him."

"You'll have one," Levi says. He waits for the staff member to clear the doorway before he goes.

I stay beside the table with Kayla's note in my pocket. I passed windows on the way here, but I can't see the outer fence from this room. I look at the hand I managed to change and then toward the open door.

Kael is outside the ward where I'm learning what his bite did to me.