Hockey To Love You

“I’m so sorry. The treatment isn’t working.” The doctor said it quietly before leaving the room. For a few seconds, I couldn't move. I stared at the empty doorway, waiting for someone to come back and tell me they had made a mistake. They hadn't. My fingers tightened around the edge of the hospital blanket. “How long do I have?” The doctor had already given me the answer, but I needed to hear it again. “Six months,” she said carefully. “Maybe more. Maybe less.” Six months. Maybe more. Maybe less. Six months sounded like a long time until you realized it was all you had left. I looked down at my hospital bracelet. For years, I had fought this illness with every treatment, every medication, every painful procedure. I had convinced myself that the next treatment would work. This time, it didn't. And strangely, I wasn't terrified of dying. I was terrified that I had spent nineteen years surviving without actually living. I didn't tell Mom. I couldn't. She already looked at me differently whenever I came home from the hospital. Like every appointment was another reminder of something she couldn't fix. For as long as I could remember, Mom had been distant. I had spent years wondering if I was the reason. Maybe I was the reason her life changed. Maybe I was the reason she stopped being happy. I didn't want to become another burden she had to carry. So when Ellie came to my room that evening, I made her promise. “Don't tell anyone.” Her expression immediately changed. “Avery…” “Please.” “You can't keep something like this from your family.” “I can if I have to.” She stared at me for a long moment before sighing. “Does your mom know?” I shook my head. “And you're not going to tell her?” “Not yet.” Ellie looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn't. Instead, she sat beside me. “So what are you going to do?” I looked at the ceiling. That was the question. What was I going to do with the time I had left? I didn't want six months of hospital rooms I didn't want six months of people looking at me with pity. I didn't want to spend every morning wondering if it would be my last. I wanted to do something stupid. Something reckless. Something that felt alive. So I opened my laptop. And somehow, I ended up searching for him. Ryker Vance. The Hockey Prince. My impossible crush. Months earlier, I had just come from another hospital appointment when I ended up at the airport. My hospital bracelet was still around my wrist. I remember sitting alone near the waiting area, watching people rush past me. Families were laughing. Couples were arguing about luggage. Students were talking about their plans. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to go. Everyone seemed to have a tomorrow. I wasn't sure I had one. Then I heard screaming. A little boy had slipped away from his mother and was running toward the automatic doors. At the same time, a luggage cart was rolling dangerously close to him. Someone suddenly sprinted across the terminal. A boy wearing a black hoodie reached the child just in time and pulled him away. They both stumbled. The boy scraped his hand against the floor, but he immediately ignored it. “Are you okay?” The little boy nodded, crying. His mother rushed over, hugging her son and thanking the stranger repeatedly. The boy only smiled. “Anyone would've done it.” Then he walked away. I recognized him. Ryker Vance. The Hockey Prince. I'd seen him on posters, social media, and sports articles. But standing there in that airport, he wasn't a famous hockey player. He was just a boy who had run toward danger without thinking twice. I watched him disappear into the crowd. And for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Not because he was famous. Not because he was handsome. But because he looked so alive. He ran like life was something worth chasing. And I wanted to know what that felt like. ... Now, months later, I stared at his picture on my screen. Ellie leaned over my shoulder. “You're researching your crush?” “I'm making a bucket list.” She blinked. “A bucket list?” I opened a blank document. At the top, I typed: THINGS I'LL DO BEFORE I DIE 1. Learn hockey. Ellie raised an eyebrow. “You've never played hockey.” “I'll learn.” 2. Meet Ryker Vance. “You're serious about this?” “Very.” 3. Attend St. Jude University. Ellie leaned closer. “St. Jude?” I nodded. I had heard of the university before. It was one of the most prestigious schools in the country. And more importantly, it was home to the Ice Wolves. Ryker's team. I added another line. 4. Join the Ice Wolves. Ellie stared at me. “You're actually insane.” “Probably.” I smiled and added one last thing. 5. Become Ryker Vance's friend. She groaned. “Avery, you're dying, not starring in a romance novel.” “Why can't I do both?” She threw a pillow at me. I laughed. It felt strange. After weeks of hospitals, medications, and bad news, I was laughing again. For the first time, my illness wasn't the only thing I could think about. Then I searched for St. Jude's admission requirements. My smile disappeared. I scrolled back up. Read it again. Then again. “Ellie.” “What?” “We have a problem.” She looked at my screen. Her eyes widened. “Oh.” At the top of the page were three words. ALL-BOYS UNIVERSITY I stared at it. Then I looked at Ellie. She slowly shook her head. “No.” “I haven't even said anything.” “I know exactly what you're thinking.” “What if I apply?” “No.” “What if I get accepted?” “You won't.” “What if I do?” “Avery.” I smiled. Ellie's mouth fell open. “You cannot be serious.” “I am.” “You're nineteen!” “I know.” “You're a girl!” “I know that too.” “You can't just walk into an all-boys university pretending to be a boy!” “Why not?” “Because eventually someone will find out!” “I'll be careful.” She covered her face with both hands. “You're insane.” “Maybe.” I looked back at the screen. St. Jude. The Ice Wolves. Hockey. Ryker. Everything I had ever been too afraid to try. Maybe I was running out of time. Maybe I had six months. Maybe I had less. But for once, I didn't want to think about how my story would end. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a beginning. I closed my laptop. Then I looked at Ellie. “I don't want to spend my last months waiting to die.” She lowered her hands. “I want to live.” And if living meant becoming someone else for a while, then so be it. I took a deep breath. A new identity. A new university. A hockey team. A dangerous secret. And maybe... my last chance to live. “Then I'll become a boy.”