Forever Yours

This is it. The day I've been waiting for as long as I can remember. I just turned 18 a few months ago meaning I'm no longer in the state foster care system and I'm heading off to college!! I never thought this day would come. I got a full ride to my dream college, Swarthmore College, out in Pennsylvania. I live in Chicago currently in a group home, so I'm moving quite a bit away, but I need it. I need to get away from everyone and everything here, this life. I need to start fresh. I don't like to think too much about what the past 12 years of my life have been like. The system will break you if you let it. It will beat you down until there is nothing left and you are expected to pick up the pieces. But I don't know, I feel like I didn't completely break. The only thing that kept me going in recent years was age regression. I just feel so much safer when I'm little. I've spent money from my checks over the years on getting myself a doll, Maddie, she's like one of those fancy American girl dolls but I couldn't afford an actual one. She's perfect though, everything I need when I'm little. And I have lots of stuffies!! My favorite is my highland cow plush, Mr. Moo, I've had him since before I can remember. He's the only constant I've had in my life. But now it is time to start over. I'm currently sitting in the airport, my bags tucked neatly to my side under a chair and my headphones snug on my head. I sat at my gate waiting for them to call my boarding group. I felt the anxiety rise within me. I've never been on a plane, or even out of the state because foster kids can't leave the state. I tried to focus on the music blasting in my ears, hoping the words would bring me out of my anxious spiral. I dug around in my purse, finding one of my fidgets. My fingers began pressing the little keyboard buttons in rhythmic order, my brain itching for some sense of control, safety, and predictability. Finally my group was called and I took the first steps to my new life ~~~~~ Arriving at campus was surreal to say the least. Everything about the place was intimidating; the big stone buildings, the wide open areas between everything, and most of all the people. I dragged my bag in one hand, using my other to grip my campus map and dorm directions. I took in my surroundings as I walked, the Pennsylvania landscape being absolutely stunning in the summer, bright and green and almost too peaceful for how anxious I felt. I tired to match the buildings around me to the one on my map, walking slowly down the winding path lined with trees I looked down at my map, walking down the path as I tried to decide where I needed to go. Suddenly I feel myself crash into something hard. My hands drop my stuff in an attempt to catch myself, only to land harder than expected, my wrist collapsing slightly on impact. I let out a small whimper, "s**t," the pain beginning to radiate up my arm Yup definitely sprained "Watch where you're going." I hear a deep voice growl at me. I look up, tears burning the back of my eyes and I'm met with the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. The man is tall, even if I'm on the ground I have no doubt he's at least a head taller than my 5'2 self. His light brown skin covered in freckles and tattoos. He wore a black band tee and black acid washed jeans. Normally I'm not a fan of the look, but might I say this asshole pulled it off. "S-sorry, I didn't m-mean to," I cursed myself for stuttering, it's just, I don't like when people talk to me like that, all mean and rude. I mean it was an accident, he didn't have to be a jerk about it. "Yeah whatever," he said already turning away, "just stay out of my way, little girl." I gently gathered myself up off the ground, examining my now swollen writs in the process. Knowing there is nothing I can do until I get to my dorm, I just grabbed my things and kept walking. After what felt like forever I finally arrived at what read William's hall. Alright this is it. The moment I've been waiting for.