More Than a Suit: Ross

Chapter 1 “Get out of my house, you f*****g faggot!” my father yelled at me from just inside the doorway while I stood facing him on the steps at the front of the house. “Please, Dad. Don’t do this.” I couldn’t believe this was happening. What had started out as a great day had become a nightmare. I’d been so excited to share with my dad and my younger brother Rhys the news about EnerGen and the internship I’d been awarded. A Haven would graduate from college and work with a Fortune 500 company. It was a momentous occasion, one that finally gave me the courage to come out to my dad. But now, everything had turned to s**t. “I can call you whatever I want, boy, though you probably take it up the ass, right? Does that mean I have a girl now? You got a cunt, little girl?” His upper lip curled in disgust. “Dad, be reasonable.” I could see my brother scowling from where he stood behind our father in the hallway. The whole thing was surreal. “You come home to tell me you got a job for some goddamn corporation, trying to upstage me, and then, oh, by the way, you’re a cocksucker. What, did you think I was gonna be happy for you?” His stale breath reeked of alcohol. “Actually, I thought you’d be man enough to accept me.” He flinched, as I intended. In the back of my mind, I had known Dad would react like this, but I had hoped for something more civilized. We’d never been close, he and I. Dad always worked long hours, and over the years I had become the one who took care of the house, bought the groceries, and made sure Rhys got his homework done. As hard as Dad worked, he drank even harder. We were an afterthought, most days. I had to budget and sometimes hide cash so Rhys and I could get the things we needed, like clothes and books for school, mostly secondhand. To say that Dad was negligent would be an understatement. Thankfully, Rhys and I had always been healthy and able to fend for ourselves. I’d worked a lot of odd jobs while in high school, and then tutored in the evenings and on weekends while in college, just so there was a little extra in case we needed it. And we usually did—plenty. At least, thanks to being good at school, I had gotten a full ride to college. Dad and I were mirror images of each other—tall, red hair, teal blue eyes—but where I was solid muscle, he had grown a beer belly, and now I had a couple of inches on him, too. He liked being top dog in the house, and felt threatened by me. I had never had a word of encouragement from him. Now, he thought he had a reason to throw me out and gain control. “You’re a perversion to everything that’s decent. I don’t want you infecting Rhys. You’re not welcome here, not anymore.” As if I ever was. “There’s nothing perverted about the way I am, Dad. And you don’t give a s**t about Rhys. You’re just using him as an excuse.” “Revolting, that’s what you are. f**k off!” Dad tried to shut the door in my face, but I pushed back, hard. He stumbled a little and fell against a wall. He looked shocked at my strength. I stepped closer to him. “Where the hell am I supposed to live? And who’s gonna take care of the house now, huh? Are you gonna help Rhys with his homework? Half the time, you’re too drunk to remember your own name!” The slap across my face came without warning, and the echo of it rang in my ears. It would leave a handprint and there was blood in my mouth. I heard Rhys gasp nearby. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him move forward, but I raised a hand to stop him. “I’m fine, Rhys.” I turned to face him. He balled his hands into fists, his anger palpable. “It’s not right that you have to leave and he stays. You’re more of a father to me than he’ll ever be!” “Rhys! Enough, okay? Let it go. Please. It’s been a long time coming.” I touched my cheek. It was warm and stung a little. “It’s not fair, Ross.” He had tears in his eyes, but he held them back with a will. “You shouldn’t have to do this.” Rhys’s voice was wobbly, but he held firm. It made me sad and proud at the same time to see my fifteen-year-old brother stand up for me. I hated that he had to grow up so soon. “Shut up, you fuckin’ cry baby! Go to your room!” Dad stumbled forward to deliver a backhand to Rhys, but he ducked and ran upstairs. Christ, my presence here is doing more harm than good. It’s time to go. “Okay, Russell. You win. I’ll leave, after I get my things.” I didn’t know where I would end up, but I didn’t want any harm to come to Rhys. I brushed past the man I no longer thought of as my father, and stopped at the bottom of the staircase. “You hurt a hair on Rhys’s head, and you’ll be sorry, hear me? I promise you that.” I continued up to my room, my father’s invectives fading as I moved farther away. With a sigh, I walked to the small closet beside my unmade bed. Rhys sat on the rumpled blanket, and watched as I packed the few articles of clothing I owned. After emptying all the drawers of the old dresser, I threw everything into an old duffle bag I’d bought years ago in a used store. The school books I placed into my ratty army backpack, which I sat next to my laptop bag. I left the room briefly to get toiletries, a towel, and washrag from the bathroom down the hall. The last thing I packed was my graduation gown and hat. “Where will you go, Ross?” Rhys was trying to be brave, but I could hear the tremor in his voice. “I’ll figure something out. Don’t you worry about me. You need to keep your wits about you in this house.” It hurt my heart to leave him behind, but Rhys was a strong kid. He was the only person I’d told I was gay and what that meant while I was still in high school. His acceptance of me was unconditional. I had never lived anywhere but home before, but I had enough saved up over the years from summer jobs and tutoring to make a down payment on a studio apartment, if I could find one. The internship would pay enough to keep me afloat, and set something aside for Rhys. I was used to being frugal. I finished packing and sat beside my baby brother. I placed an arm around him, hugging him close to me. He put his head on my shoulder, and I laid mine on top of his. “You have your cell phone, right?” I’d bought it for him as a birthday present last month through AT&T under my account. “Yeah,” he said, with a sniffle. “Good. You know how to reach me. My phone is always on me. I’ll be working at EnerGen International downtown, starting Monday. As soon as I have a place to stay, I’ll let you know. School’s out, so you can come over to visit or sleepover, whenever you want. Sound good?” “I’d love that.” I kissed his hair, then reluctantly stood. “I’m sorry you had to witness all that, downstairs. Dad—Russell is—” The truth was that I didn’t know how to tell my brother that our dad was an insecure man, unable to face the world without the bottle, and who took perverse pleasure in taking out his failures in life on others. Rhys probably knew that anyway. He was a smart kid. “I love you. You know that, right? I’m not abandoning you. I would never do that.” “I know, Ross,” Rhys said, and wiped his eyes. “Do what you have to do. You’ve been my protector for years. It’s time you have a life of your own. This will be a good thing, in the long run. I can take care of myself. You taught me well. Dad is out of the house most of the day anyway, and when he drinks, I hide out in my room. Plus, he mostly hangs out in the basement when he’s here. Same old, same old.” The resignation in his voice was painful to hear. It was one of the side effects of being part of a dysfunctional family. “My graduation ceremony is tomorrow, three o’clock in the afternoon in the main auditorium at the college. If you can make it, fine. Don’t worry if you can’t.” As much as I would love to see him there, I didn’t want to put him in harm’s way anymore than I already had. “You should go, Ross,” Rhys said as he stood. He’d grown in the last few months and was the same height as Dad now, though lankier. He needed new clothes. I’d take him shopping as soon as I had a paycheck from EnerGen, since Dad tended to drink away any the money if I didn’t keep some of it hidden for the household expenses. And now I wouldn’t be there to keep an eye on things. I kept telling myself that Rhys would be fine. He had to be. “I know, you’re right.” One last hug from him, and then I grabbed all my stuff and left the room, ran downstairs and out the front door that still stood wide open. Dad was nowhere in sight. He was probably in the basement watching TV and drinking Bud. I stopped on the sidewalk and turned to look for the last time at the house I’d lived in since birth. Rhys waved at me from the doorway. I nodded, then turned and walked away, past Dad’s old Ford Bronco, an uncertain future ahead of me.