In The Dark

     I've always wondered why life is the way it is, why things turned out the way it did.. But then I remember how my past had been.     I'm constantly always repeating the same old same old routine.  I have no energy, I don't make time for anything new to constantly be happening.. I am always sad and I swear I'm just so tired of life! I wish just for once I had energy to do things again and feel how I used to feel.. But I doubt that will ever happen because of everything that has happened to me!     I don't talk to my Blood parents anymore, nor do I speak to my adoptive parents! My Blood mom had died when I was 8 years old. I barely remember her but I know she was beyond beautiful! I used to hear stories from my siblings about her..  "She had beautiful dirty blond wavy hair that came down a little past her shoulders." "Beautiful blue eyes!" "Tall and thin, most beautiful tan skin!" "Her laugh was beautiful and the sweetest!" "The way she communicated was even beautiful, always using her hands and all the expressions on her face!"     All my older siblings except my sister who is closest to my age would exclaim! My Blood father who is a disgrace to the Pack, how ever is still alive, I wish more than anything that he had died and not my mother! The bastard of a male wolf who betrayed us and our pack. Once his bond with our mother was gone he had turned Rouge! He stopped taking care of us and used his looks and wolf to his advantage. Manipulating and deceiving everyone! The Alpha, Carson had banned him after I had turned 11. His dark black hair and dark blue eyes and tan skin was no match compared to the Alpha! Alpha Carson had realized no matter how many chances he had given him to raise us he was never going to be a true Wolf Leader for us! Alpha Carson had taken us out of my Blood dads care many of times and placed us with different members of our pack and their families. We went to one pack to another pack.      Eventually my older siblings got of age and didn't have to live with another pack. I unfortunately had been placed with so many different packs until I had turned 13 and got adopted with my sister Krystal Meve Kinsdon.( Which means "Light" in our native language! ) She begged the pack she lived with to allow me to live with them too! After a year she had convinced them! I moved in with her and their pack. Krystal always seemed to be able to just fit right in. I always admire that about her! Alpha Carter had put my little brother Cyson, with the Connors Pack. He absolutely loves being Mrs.Connors son! She always loved him since the day my Blood mother had given birth to him!          Then theres me, I am now 18 years old and I have dark black curly with mixed wavy hair like my father and my eyes always turn a different color depending on my mood. I am the palest of my family. My skin is as white as snow practically! I'm short not gonna lie but I've always loved being short. I am as my sister Krystal says: "The perfect f*****g weight!"     I disagree I completely wish I was skinnier! Oh well, I'll just keep exercising until I get to the perfect f*****g weight I want to be! Eventually I hope! Well my life with the Locks haven't been so terrible, but it wasn't the best either! My mom Samantha always wanted me to do everything for her and I always felt like she was trying to relive her pup years through me.. Picking my friends, who my mate should be and whatnot. My dad Jas never stepped up for me! Some leader wolf he was! Don't get me wrong I love them to death and am so thankful they let me into their pack but they really used me a lot..  I finally got fed up with feeding and cleaning and taking care of my younger pup siblings that one night I decided I was going to move out and in to who I thought was my mate....