Iceni

A Beginning...Was it possible for so much to hurt all at once? Annis moved her shoulders, seeking to lift her head from the forest floor, her long hair catching in last year’s withered leaves. Her muscles ached where she had pushed and resisted. Her skin was sore where it had been bruised and torn and held by rough hands. Everything was pain. Gradually she came to, returning fully from Haven. Her attackers were nowhere to be seen now, leaving nothing behind as they passed through her life save for bitter memories and a stickiness between her legs. Wait. No, the clamminess was too much for just that. And there it was — she sighed with relief — the grudging cramp. Early and uncomfortable, but welcome with its message that she was not, and could not become, with child this moon. But where was Cathbad? Where was her husband? He’d been here when they’d, when they’d... Unthinkable. Had he been killed then? She forced her eyes to focus despite the swimming sensation. He was nowhere near, but neither was his body. So why weren’t his strong, comforting arms around her now to make it all safe again? She listened. There was a trampling amidst the close-pressed trees, confused shouts, and orders in a military tongue. Then a resonant voice rising above the chaos. Her husband’s pitch, deep and rhythmic: Closing the Paths. But why was he tidying up his Workings now when she needed him more? Suddenly she understood. He was trapping them within the forest. That would teach them. Her tormenters would never get out; they’d be doomed to wander aimlessly until Artio allowed them to die. But he didn’t need to do it, not now. She could pick her attackers off at her leisure, appearing like a raven whenever and wherever she chose, to swoop vengeful at their eyes. In fact, she’d take the first right now; she was in the mood for retaliation. She felt within for the Goddess, seeking to tap the Divine power. Surprisingly, there was nothing inside but emptiness. What? Had everyone deserted her then? She felt again. Nothing. But she couldn’t be left alone, not now, not like this! Where was the Goddess? Where had She gone? Annis panicked. Unable to reason clearly she picked up the strongest scent of the Goddess within the forests themselves and threw herself into the cool verdancy before the Paths could shimmer and shut her out forever. Forget the pain, ignore it, she told herself firmly as she tore further into the waist-height ferns, beseeching the Divine to return. No amount of agony could ever compare to the mental anguish of losing the Goddess’ presence, not once it had been known so intimately. The physical hurt would all be worth it, if only she could get Her back. Then Annis heard her own name being called, as if from a far off place; she paused to see her husband beckoning her back. Cathbad looked worried. So, he’d considered her plight at last then? No, she wouldn’t return, not until she had the Goddess again. And not to this ineffectual man who obviously thought more of retribution than of his wife. She turned away from him. Neither, then, was there any more need to collude with the Goddess for the sake of her husband and marriage. She’d always known instinctively she’d birthed twins and not just one son, but she’d kept up the happy pretence for years for the sake of harmony. How had Cathbad ever thought he could hide the truth from their mother? Now she was finally free to admit it all and grieve for her lost child without her sorrow spoiling whatever he was trying to keep unsullied. Then she started to run again, deep into the shadows and dark places of these sacred Groves...