Sophie

I'm the silent spectator of the group. It's a shame to call us a group, it has just Anita, Nick and me. Anita and I almost grew up together. We went to the same school, lived in side to side windows like the movies, built a tree house together and played a lot of games together. Anita always wanted to be a writer and I, always wanted to be whatever Anita wants me to be. Sometimes I would become the lead of her play, sometimes I would be her proof reader, sometimes just a friend who tells her that her writing will get better and sometimes her partner in crime. Anita believed that she has to live every moment to the fullest so that she can write better. This made her impulsive, adventurous and fun. I was the cliche one sided lover who could never tell her that. I was too scared of losing my friendship. And if you knew Anita, you would know, once she moves on, she doesn't look back. She adores me though and I am happy to be by her side. Always. Anita and I are in our first year of engineering. We are both very good at school. I know Anita always wanted to be a writer but she doesn't write anymore. She doesn't even read. She thought engineering would make us rich. So after reading hundreds of stories and enacting numerous plays and reciting poems, we took the high way. No 'O Captain, My Captain'. We just grew up, I guess, with the world. I had decided way back that whatever I do, I would always stay with Anita but who knows... Now that Nick is here, things have changed. Don't misunderstand me, Nick is a good guy, he always brings me my favorite chocolate and helps me with homework. I would say we're friends. I'm always third wheeling these two and I hope they love it, because I got nobody else. "Hey, Sophie", Nick called out from the other side of the road. I waved back and gestured him to come this way. He looked both ways and crossed the road. He was wearing a nice leather jacket that said I come from money and black jeans. He had brown, shiny hair which curled up a bit above his brows. He was pretty in every sense and all the girls in our class swooned over him. But he had eyes on Anita. Their story was classic love at first sight. Girl walks in, guy falls for her. Easy and sweet. Anita liked him alright but Nick loved her. He was just like me, he would do anything for her. We were all just living in her world. "Let's go. We're late", he hurried toward our classroom. I followed him. He turned while walking and asked, " Where's Anita? " I just shrugged. I didn't know where she was but she cannot possibly miss this class. I called her for the twelfth time. No response. Nick and I reached the classroom. There she was, already sitting inside the classroom beside Sam. Nick and I took the desk behind them. "Where were you ? I was waiting for you at the canteen", Nick grumbled. Anita just smiled back and said she was with Sam. She looked at us both unapologetically and turned around and gave Nick's hand a cup and then turned back toward the board. Sam seemed into Anita. She was apparently flirting with him to get us extra reference notes. Nick was furious. He didn't need the notes obviously. He was our star coder. Anita had missed a lot of classes and Nick had too, because now he was her partner in crime. She could definitely do without those notes but she wouldn't. She had to see if she could get Sam. Why? I don't know. She always seeked validation from everyone she knew. Not me though. Because she knows she already has it. Nick is also moving into that zone where she doesn't seek validation from him. That means she's getting closer to him but which also means Nick is feeling taken for granted. We had to submit all our assignments that day as our first end term was approaching. Anita and Sam kept murmuring during class and got thrown out. Nick got more angry. He looked at me as if he wanted me to say something. What could I say? That's Anita. The class ended. Nick said to me, "This is too much. " I told him, "It's fine. She's just flirting. It's not like Anita would cheat on you. She's not like that. And she really likes you. " He forcibly smiled. I gave him a reassuring look. He looked at me in disbelief and said, "I trust you more than her. She didn't even wait outside the class. Let's go to the canteen. Are you hungry?" I was hungry. All these assignments had kept me busy. This was the first time though that Nick had asked me to hang out with him alone. Usually, when Anita plays hooky, he plays video games. He's always on about them. Anita tells me she never listens. But I always do. Although I am not a gamer, I do like stories and Nick plays a lot of strategy games. He also is a good storyteller like Anita. I wonder if that's what attracted them to each other. "Yeah. Let's. I need coffee." We went to the canteen. I ordered a coffee and Nick ordered his usual - Grilled sandwich. He was a simple man. I felt awkward that it was just us both. I couldn't blurt out even a syllable and silently ate. "You're always this quiet, right? " Nick asked with his mouth full of bread. "Mm.. what do I say? " I asked him. "Anything. Aren't you hungry? You just ordered coffee", he didn't wait for me to answer, " Wait, just have this sandwich.This is probably the World's best sandwich " "No. Mom must have had prepared something by now. I will go home and eat" Nick just nodded okay as he was too busy eating. He finished his plate and gulped some water. He's always in a hurry. He picked his backpack up and I got up. It went fine, I thought. "I will drop you home. " , Nick said as we were walking toward the parking. Anita drops me usually. And on occasions like these, I take a bus. So that's what I told him. "I'll take a bus" "Aah... Don't. Let me drop you. I won't blabber much, don't worry. " I laughed. "You wait here. I'll get the car. " And he swooped away to get the car. He was being really nice. Maybe he just needs a friend around. Nick is a popular guy. In an engineering class, the best coder is always respected and loved. Not so much in high school. And Nick doesn't seem to be used to this new found likeability. He has a really innocent smile. He's always on guard but when he smiles, it seems like you can read his heart. He reversed his car and asked me to get in. He obviously wasn't hold the door kind of a guy. He squinted his eyes and adjusted his seat belt. I got in the car. As soon as I sat, Nick asked, "Music? " I nodded yes. He played "Here comes the sun" and a whole queued playlist of The Beatles. I didn't care for the Beatles as much. I think they're overrated and also old now. They might be a thing when they just came out but people need to move on. Nobody likes that opinion so I kept it to myself. Seeing him so engrossed, I paid more attention. They were not that bad I decided. We reached my home. I invited him in out of courtesy. I really didn't want him to meet my mother. But he said yes. So now Nick, I and my Mom were having dinner together. Today morning, I never could have thought that Nick would be having dinner with us. My mom was surprised to see him. Nobody has ever been to the house other than Anita, and she lives right across the window. She was very happy to know that I have more than one friend. I called Anita to see if she could join us too. But she didn't pick up. So my mother set us up the table. "So, Nick, right? Are you Sophie's boyfriend? ", my Mom chuckled. I rolled my eyes and said, " No, Mom" "But he's so cute" Nick blushed. "He's dating Anita", I coldly responded. " Okay.. Okay. So why haven't I seen you more? " "Anita hasn't told her parents. I almost never come here, except to pick her up for a party sometimes. She makes me wait twenty feet away anyway", Nick told my Mom his Anita problems like she was his long lost friend. My Mom has these big, rounded spectacles, she looked up from to bring emphasis. "You can always come here" "Thank you, Mam", Nick seemed really glad to hear that. My Mom asked Nick so many questions and he was more than happy to answer. He told us that they never eat dinner together at their house. He told Mom how he wants to start his company and be rich, build a nice house for Anita. And also, he likes The Beatles. Obviously. My mom had a huge crush on McCartney. Weird. I was just quietly listening to everything. I liked how Nick was so sorted, exactly opposite to Anita. Nick knows what his dreams are, how to achieve them, which girl he likes and where to get married too. On the contrary, Anita was a beautiful chaos. She liked not knowing things. She stopped following her heart to get a tech job. She's flirting with some guy to get something she doesn't need while her boyfriend is having dinner with me and my Mom. Maybe, Nick misses this complexity in his life. Everything is straightforward to him but Anita puzzles him. I was lost comparing these two when I heard my Mom saying, "Why don't you set up Sophie with one of your nice friends? " Ugh.. Embarrassing, Mom. Why don't Moms understand what to say? I put my head down in my hands in embarrassment. Nick smiled and said, "I think I know just the guy for Sophie. " Why is he making this worse? I thought to myself. And finally realized I need to say something. "Nuh.. uh. Sorry, not interested. " I said calmly. He was probably just kidding. And he doesn't know that I am in love with his girlfriend...have been since the day I met her..way before he ever knew her. I wondered if he knew. But I never told anyone. He couldn't have known. My mom kept giggling. I hated that. They moved on to another topic. I didn't like this friendship blooming. Why are they getting along so well? We finished dinner. I dropped Nick to his car. Nick said, "Thank you for this. I haven't felt this happy in a while. " I wanted to ask what happened. "My mom seems to be into you. ", I joked. " And you? ", he looked at me. He wasn't smiling. I didn't know what to say to that. I just said, " who isn't? " And his face grew more grim and he said, "Anita". I felt sad too. I knew what it is like to be around Anita doing everything for her attention while she is too busy. I went through the same thing with her string of boyfriends. I get to pick up the pieces. But when they're around, Anita seems to forget I exist. She would just write on my window though sometimes that she misses me. Weirdo. She can just text me. Things like these make Anita special. She cares. She's just busy. But I understand how Nick might be having a hard time to accept this and keep loving her in her absence just as much as in her presence. "She likes you. Don't worry", I said and reached for his shoulder. But he was tall so I just held his arm. " I find that hard to believe now. Don't you see? She's going to move on to Sam. Or perhaps. Already has. ", he sighed. I didn't want to refute his pain. I didn't think that Anita would leave Nick but I kept mum. Sam was not right for her anyway. " It's going to be okay", I said. "Hopefully." "We should hang out more, Sophie. " "Yeah" "Okay, bye. It was nice meeting your mom. " "Bye" Nick got into his car and drove away. I waited there to see him go. I never gel with Anita's boyfriends but Nick was different. He cared more. Nick and I became good friends in a few days. I started liking the Beatles as he dropped me home more often now. Nick wasn't a reader. I used to tell him stories from old novels. He loved them. He sang along in the car. He had a beautiful voice. We saw Anita lesser than before. There were rumors that Anita and Sam were dating. But Nick didn't want to believe that. He wouldn't confront her and Anita didn't seem to care. They wouldn't talk for days. Sometimes Anita and Nick would come over for dinner at my house but they didn't talk much. I found a note one day on the window, "I miss you. " The note meant Anita was thinking of me at least. Later that night, she came over and slept beside me. This wasn't new for me. Whenever Anita felt overwhelmed or lonely or when her parents fought, she would come and sleep on my bed. She had the window hacked. It was very late so I didn't ask her what happened. We just went to sleep. I knew she wouldn't give me a chance to say anything and leave as she came. So I woke up before her, got her coffee and waited for her to wake up. She woke up after sometime. "Anita, are you okay? ", I asked her. " Yes. It's just been long. I wanted to talk to you and spend the day with you. " "Sophie.. are you hiding something? " Anita looked concerned. "No.Why would I? " "Ritz saw you two together at the movies, Sophie. She said you were.. you were close. " "Who? Nick? " "Are you guys doing it behind my back? " "Anita, no. He loves you. " "And you? Do you love him? " "No. He's just a friend. We're hanging out. " "Okay. I just needed to hear that from you. You wouldn't do that, I know. " "Obviously. This is the first time you are talking to me in weeks and you have only come here to ask if m stealing your boyfriend. Honestly, Anita. I'm sick of you. I'm done with you. I think you should leave. " "What? " "I'm angry. Please. Leave" I don't know what had gotten into me. I had never yelled at Anita before. I just, I guess spending this time with Nick, I have come to realize that I too, am just a pawn to her. She's never ever thought of what I want. I wanted to write. I didn't want to write code. Sometimes you lose yourself in love. But I had only liked writing because Anita taught me. How could I lose myself loving her when being with her is what made me who I am today. But it's time now. I cannot be in her shadow anymore. I cannot just watch life happen when she's living it. I have to let her go. She's too big for me and even though she doesn't make me, I feel extremely small around her. Anita had never seen me this angry. Tears welled up my eyes. I turned around waiting for her to go. She was shocked for a moment. Then she laced her shoes, picked up her jacket and left. I got ready for school. I took the bus and attended classes back to back. I didn't even look at Nick. At lunch, he came to my desk. "Hey, do you want to go to the canteen? " Nick asked, unaware that I was ignoring him. How much of an i***t this guy could be. I didn't know how to say no. I went to the canteen with him. Didn't speak much. At all, actually. Nick didn't mind me being quiet. He ordered our usual. After a while, he said, "Is something wrong? " I didn't say anything. Anita and Sam entered the canteen. Nick looked at her and went to talk to her. "Did you forget your boyfriend? ", he smiled and asked Anita. " Well, you got yourself a substitute. ", Anita said. Everything shattered inside me. She said that in front of half of our class. I told her there's nothing going on between me and Nick. I don't know why she is doing this. She isn't the jealous type. Nick was furious too. " What? Why are you talking about Sophie like that? ", Nick asked her. Anita just rolled her eyes. I was so embarrassed. I wanted to cry. She's so f*****g blind. I got up and left. Nick followed me. " Hey, Sophie. It's okay. I m sorry about her" "What, Nick? Do you represent her now? She's my best friend. Why are you sorry about her? " "Listen. I don't know why she thinks that. I didn't tell her. Why are you yelling at me? " It wasn't his fault. Obviously. It just hurt that Anita doesn't see that I love her. She never will. I started crying. Nick hugged me. "Hey.. don't cry, it's okay. ", Nick said patting my back. As I was pulling away from the hug, he pulled me back in and kissed me. I didn't know what was happening. This was my first kiss and I didn't know how to feel.... " Sophie, I like you. " I was speechless. And suddenly, the words came. "You can't tell Anita. " I leaned forward to kiss him back. I didn't understand why I was doing this but it felt right. I wanted to kiss him in that moment. But when the fog cleared, it felt terrible and confusing. All this time, I claimed to be in love with this girl and now I was kissing her boyfriend. I felt disgusted. We were standing just outside the cafeteria. I suddenly felt like someone had woken me up. "I have to go", I said and ran back to the classroom. I avoided both of them the whole day. Some of the students had seen us earlier. I felt like everyone was talking about me. Anita must be feeling the same. The day went by. At night, Anita came to my room. She didn't seem angry. " Do you even like him, Sophie? " She just stared at me coldly. "Do you? " "He's my boyfriend" "Really.When was the last time you hung out with him? " "So I was a little busy. I didn't expect you to backstab me. You are my best friend" "Oh.. You really think that? When was the last time you hung out with me, Anita. We're not kids anymore. You can't just keep me as your sidekick. " "Is that what this is about? " "No" "Then what the f**k, Sophie? " "Look. If you give all the time to people who ain't important, then people who are important will eventually leave. I suppose that's what I m doing too. " "So now you and Nick are going to date and you and I will stop being friends? " "I don't know. " "Right. Good. I will leave then. " I just shrugged whatever.