The Beta's Inner Alpha

Chapter 1

Staring at my reflection, I feel a pain grow in the pit of my stomach. The tightness grows as I look into my bloodshot eyes. If they were any more swollen, I would be unable to see. I wish in the depths of my heart that I had lost my sight so I could be spared seeing myself.

I scroll down my body to the green formal wear I’ve been made to wear this evening. My outfit fits me well but is too prestine for my liking. It's brand new & way too stiff. There's no way I'll be able to run around in it freely after the ceremony. Today is a big day for the pack, and I know my parents will flip their lids if even one strand is out of place.

Today is the day that Donovon, our late Alpha's son, has his Alpha ceremony.

Donny, as he lets me call him, has been a good friend to me since before I could remember. We were already set to be close before we were born, with me being born into the Beta family.Even so, with him being about 6 years older than me, many would possibly expect that he would have no interest in being around me. Being the Alpha’s son, he has always been busy with training, his education, & overall protecting the pack. However, he continues to choose every day to be a friend and mentor to me. No matter how busy his day is, I can count on him being around throughout the day. Most days out of the week, he is only able to spend a few minutes with me, waking me up in the morning and coming to my room at night to catch up and tell me goodnight.

About two months ago, tragedy struck when his dad, Alpha Bronach, was found dead after a sudden rogue attack. No one really knew how the rogues had managed to kill him, as his body was practically ripped apart, making it impossible to know the exact cause of death. At the end of the day, though, how he died was less important than the fact that he was dead.

Our pack mourned his death during these past two months before this day came, to finally have Donovan take over as the official Alpha. This is not to say that he wasn’t already taking on the duties of an Alpha, but he wanted to give himself and everyone enough time before pushing for a celebration of him taking over as Alpha. He told everyone that inquired about it that he felt it was wrong to overshadow his father’s death.

I was also sad at Alpha Bronach’s death, as he was like a second father to me. He always treated his pack like family, but just like with Donovan, I had a particularly close relationship with the Alpha. My dad & Alpha Bronach weren’t just Alpha and Beta, they were best friends. They were roughly the same age and had so many stories from their childhood. They loved to sit together on the back porch of the Alpha’s home while us kids were often off playing. They would loudly chat about doing the most random things like playing pranks on their fathers or competing against each other at any chance they got. Having Alpha genes helped Alpha Bronach win most of the time, but my dad never stopped trying and pushing himself to be the best he could be, even if that meant often losing to his best friend.

Alpha Bronach would help with watching us kids whenever mom and dad went out on dates, and I would always try to stay close to him, even when Donovan would try to lure me away with games or candy. I was always drawn in by Alpha Bronach’s gentle green eyes and the way his deep voice could go from commanding to as soothing as a flowing river. After his passing, remembering that voice felt like that once warm river had turned to cold splashing rapids in myheart.

The green of my outfit was eerily similar to his eyes. I didn’t want to wear this color in particular, but Donovan insisted even after I told him why. A look passed over his eyes, those same eyes as Alpha Bronach’s, that I was unable to read, but then he told me that he felt it was a lovely nod to his late father. After that, I couldn’t find the courage to ask my parents to get me a different outfit.

Not only did the color of the outfit make me feel uncomfortable, but as the Beta family, it's expected for all of us to be dressed to the standards of royalty. Even Julian, my 3 month old brother, is dressed to look like those fancy puff pastries I sometimes snack on when waiting for boring meetings to end.

I start to imagine myself pinching Julian's face & getting powder sugar all over my fingers. It makes me smile, the first genuine smile I've had since hearing about this ceremony.

I know my parents have been patient with me, trying to hype it up like it will be the best party of my life, but I know it won't be.

The party itself will be fine. There will be many of my friends to play with. All my loved ones will be present. I'm even so proud of Donovan. I want to support him, but it's so hard when I feel like this.

There's always a part of me that hates what I see. I do what I can to be invisible, to be an unknown presence, to fade away. Every day, I pray to the moon goddess to change me. To make me someone new or to erase my existence completely.

Zavier, my wolf, whines feeling my pain but unable to do a thing about it. He's not even able to come out just yet.

Most werewolves don't get their wolves until they're 18. Some may be able to speak to them as early as 16, but I've been able to communicate with Zavier, or Zee as I often call him, from about the age of 4. He claims he was with me much earlier, and I just can't remember.

I know that he’s worried about me, but there isn’t much he can do at this time. He can barely talk to me for more than 5 minutes without getting really tired. When he does speak, he tries to get to the point or tries to soothe me when my pain gets too much for me. It’s not a pain easy to heal, though, as it’s all emotional and mental pain rather than physical.

Knowing he’s here with me does help me to feel a little bit better, knowing that there is a part of me that I like, even if it is only on the inside.

There is nothing particularly wrong with my outer appearance. Many say that I'm the perfect combination of my parents. The dark auburn hair my dad gave me is complimented well by the olive skin of my mom. My mom's proud roman nose draws people to look into the hazel eyes of my dad. A strong jawline given to me by my dad is adorned with the full lips of my mom. All these features are a gift that I wish I could cherish on myself as much as I love them on my parents.

I get a little lost staring at the features of my family when I hear my mom opening my bedroom door.

"Oh Ash, you look so beautiful in that dress.”