JOURNAL OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE MAMF

March 14, 2025 12:16 AM "Here we go again." Lord, I just want to express what I'm feeling right now. I made a wrong decision again by letting my emotions take over me. But Lord, I still trust everything to You. It's easier now to type on my laptop than to write. If this is the only way for me to calm down, the way is always with You. It just started yesterday. It's really hard when my emotions are unstable because whatever comes to mind, I just express it right away. Why do I do this with certain people? Is it because I want to be comfortable with them or is it because I feel at ease expressing whatever is on my mind? I always have peace in You, Lord. I know I still have a lot to learn every day, but it's hard to open up about these things. It's really painful to experience consecutive rejections from employers or agencies that hire. It's nice to hear that I've reached the final interview or even the final assessment, but my hopes, Lord, are focused on what I can do. I pray, Lord, that whatever work is for me, You will reveal it to me. No matter how difficult or what the compensation is, as long as I have work and can serve You, I will do it. I want a job that can help my family with expenses at home, especially for Mama, Grace, and Marlon. Since January 2025, I've been concentrating on finding work online, but up to now, I want to depend more on Your ways, Lord. I will still do my part in applying, but Lord, help me not to be idle in things that I can help with at home. There's no pressure from my immediate family, but I want to be productive every day. It's not just about having a job to be productive, but I want to push myself to my limits, which I haven't reached since before. Playing games is tiring, Lord, and at times, it's more tiring to remember than to enjoy it. Fellowship with others, like what we had in our Praise and Worship group, is nice, but my mind isn't focused on the topic sometimes. I respond, but why, Lord? This is something I need to overcome in myself. It's not right to just go with the flow and be unstable because it doesn't just affect me but also the people around me. Then, Lord, there are certain people I always think about, not that they're my target, but my emotions seem to be influenced by them. I don't have any attraction to these people, but there's something about them. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. The value of a friend, Lord, is very vital because we know that people are relational. I depend so much on others about my feelings. Even at home, if Mama or Grace isn't there, I immediately feel emotionally and physically drained. The mental battle is intense, but I submit everything to You, Lord, especially my struggles. Sorry, Lord, for the lustful thoughts I sometimes remember. There are times when they just seem normal to me. I want to overcome any sin I have now and any that I might commit in the future. Stronghold of difficulties, only You, Lord, can change me. Lord, I surrender to You every sin I have now and any that I might commit in the future. Let Your love always be a reminder to me that I don't need the things I think will make me happy. Like in Ecclesiastes, I tried many things that I thought could satisfy me, but nothing can compare to what You give me. Financially, games, relationships, food, or anything else, only You, Lord, can satisfy my soul, body, mind, and heart. It's tiring to remember, Lord, but I know that if You are always on our minds, we will always find ourselves satisfied. How I long to be in Your presence, Lord, where I just want to rejoice and lay down all my burdens that I have now. In Your presence, I don't have to think about problems, doubts, worries, but everything is good with You, Lord. Why do I always long for someone or something to satisfy me when You have always been there for me? Thank You, Lord, that even if my heart and emotions are unstable, You always balance everything I'm going through now. Now, my patience has grown because I wrote another letter to You. I admit, Lord, that I'm not always consistent in this, but I will push myself more to write for You. Whether it's a rant, a testimony of a blessing, or any encounter I have in my daily life, I will do my best to have this quality time with You. I LOVE YOU JESUS❤️