Tired and Angry

"Trust me." River squeezed her eyes shut tight as his words replayed over and over in her head, willing them to flow out of her mind as easily as they had flowed into it. But was no use, she knew his words...all of them...they'd be embedded in her mind for the rest of her life. Because in that moment she had trusted him. He'd looked at her with such a gentleness in his eyes, with a caring smile touching his lips and with a touch that made it all seem okay. He'd told her she could trust him and she trusted him and he took that trust between his course fingers and tore it apart. The very same way he tore her apart.  "I care about you." If only he had...things would be different. If he truly cared...it would have meant something completely different. Caring would have meant he'd be soft, he'd take care of her...but instead he ruined her. And there he stood, behind the safety of his podium and tenure. He was safe behind a secured status and behind the privilege of being a man. And River sat in the furthest corner of the lecture hall, tucked away behind her dull eyes and student status. Her words unable to carry half the weight that his would and so her words remained her own.  Because who would believe a girl that spoke to no one over a man that opened his door for anyone? He'd taken a part of her that she'd kept to herself for so long and in doing so, he'd also taken her words. And he didn't care.  He smiled, he laughed and he taught without missing a beat, like it was second nature to him.  "River," She heard her name, her dim blue eyes finding his soft brown ones with ease. "Stay back after class." Everyone around her began to pack up their bags, their eyes briefly cast her way but, as usual, she was avoided. Except he never did. He took an interest instantly. She made her way down slowly, watching his every movement. Even the simple crossing of his arms drew her attention. She felt like he could pounce at any moment and she needed to be prepared. She couldn't let her guard down...not again. "You've been quiet." He commented as she stood a few feet away from him, her eyes hard and her face stoic. "Look, I wanted to talk about...." He ran a hand through his curls and she fought back from flinching at the simple act. "About that night." Of course he wanted to talk about that, she was certain from the moment he asked her to stay back that that was where his mind was.  "Look, no one can know about it, that goes without saying." "I told you to stop." River found her voice, holding his eyes and watching as they went from warm to cold after taking in her words. "And you didn't." "You never told me to stop." He crossed his arms again, no longer feigning that gentle tone. "Don't think you can turn this into something that it's not." He lifted his chin in an attempt at intimidation. "You came over, things escalated and...you were confused." "I wasn't." "Yes," He spoke through clenched teeth. "You were. Because if you were to tell anyone about that night, that's exactly what I'd tell them. You were confused." "I know the difference between confusion and coercion." "You don't want to go down this road, Miss. McInney." He warned. "It'll be more trouble for you than anyone else." "Are we done?" River arched a brow.  When all she got from him was a hardened look and a scowl, she accepted that as her allowance to leave. She made her way out of the lecture hall and only then did her heart rate slow down to a reasonable pace.  And it was in her race to leave the lecture hall that she failed to look before her, running directly into a body that knocked them both back, her mind flashing back to a memory that took her breath away all over again.  Her mind got lost in her protests and his insistence and all she saw around her was darkness, all she heard was her pained cries and his rough grunts and she felt the very air inside her leave.  "Hey, whoa," An unfamiliar voice glided past her ears. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry." It was no use, the words were empty in comparison to the weight of the voices in her mind, the voices that haunted her every waking hour and morphed her dreams into nightmares. "s**t, okay, hey," River felt a hand touch her arm. "Look, let's get you somewhere quiet, yeah? I think you need a minute." She opened her eyes to meet startled hazel ones looking back at her.  The girl didn't waste her time grabbing River's backpack and shrugging it onto her spare shoulder before helping the blue-eyed girl up, escorting her to a quieter hallway where River could find it easier to catch her breath. The blue-eyed girl hunched over for a moment, counting her breaths in an attempt to steady them and trying really hard not to pay attention to the curious eyes settled on her.  "Never met anyone who is as scared of a fall as you seem to be." The girl opposite River tried for humour but when it fell short, she seemed to understand that now wasn't the time. "Are you okay?" "Yes." River felt her heart rate steady, her breathing even out and the images in her mind momentarily allowing space for her to take in her new surroundings. And her new surroundings was a quieter hallway with a girl around her ages watching her every move. She was a few inches shorter than River with sun-kissed skin and petite facial features. She was beautiful in a natural kind of way. "You weren't before." The girl pointed out, the confidence in her speech a stark contrast to the timidness she exuded. "Kinda looked like you were having a panic attack." "I wasn't." "Kinda looked like you were." The girl shrugged, her eyes lacking the judgement and wariness that River knew so well.  "I'm fine." "I don't believe you, but it's none of my business, I guess." River couldn't quite pin why the girl seemed to be so...open. "I'm Val." She offered her hand and River simply stared at it for a moment. "I swear my hand is clean, the last thing I spilled on it was some water." "River." The blue-eyed girl tucked her hands into her pocket. "Cute name." Val smiled, her eyes looking to River's tucked away hands in amusement. "You're really shitty at first impressions, by the way." "Didn't know I was supposed to be good at them," The blue-eyed girl rolled her eyes before running a hand through her unruly, dark hair. "Can I have my bag?" She eyed the backpack still settled on the other girl's shoulder. "Shake my hand first." Val held her hand out again. "What are you? A kid? Give me my bag." "Hand," Val eyed her own outstretched hand. "Shake it." River could see in the playful way the girl was interacting that she wouldn't be relenting any time soon.  With a sigh of frustration, she took the girl's hand in her own and shook it briefly before holding her palm out for her bag. And because Val wanted to stay true to her word, she handed the backpack over, that playful smile not wavering even for a moment. She watched as River slipped the bag onto her shoulder and made to leave, but Val was a little quicker and stopped the girl in her tracks, tugging at her arm a little and feeling River stiffen under her hold. "Why so skittish?" The blonde-haired girl arched a brow. "Relax, I'm harmless." River looked the girl over and sure, she could probably believe her. But that didn't mean that she wanted to interact with the girl any longer than she needed to. In fact, all she wanted was to retreat back to her apartment and blast some music while she delved her mind into some book she'd already read cover-to-cover. "Come on," Val ushered for the blue-eyed girl to follow her. "Let's get your mind off of whatever has it stressing so much."