TTMA [Complete ✔️]

21. Fight

Knox's P.O.V

I was sitting in my office, grumbling as I looked at the stacks of papers and amounts of emails I had to get through. With Zane and I being in the hospital with our mates, work had been piling up, much to our dismay.

Even if I tried to focus, all I could think of were my mate's ragged breaths and tear-stained cheeks as she pretended to be asleep. I left her alone for an hour and had doctor Lucile check up on her every fifteen minutes so no one could have hurt her or scared her, yet all the progress she had made seemed to have vanished.

Her pain broke my heart and I was finally starting to see the end of it, the road to recovery, but now we were at square one again. It was painful and exhausting watching her flinch away every time I moved, or use my title instead of my name when all I wanted was to curl up next to her, breathe in her scent, and make her forget any pain she had ever felt.

I sighed, resting my head in my hands as I thought of her. Again. It seemed that her face, her hair, her scent, everything about her was on my mind every second of every day since I accepted her. Maybe I wasn't doing a good job as mate, maybe I was failing her before I even managed to get her to trust me, but I knew in my heart I made the right decision that day and I wouldn't change it for the world.

"You're doing a good job. I, on the other hand, would do perfectly, but you won't let me out!" Kane whined, making me roll my eyes.

"You don't really have the best... game." I shrugged.

"If my game isn't the best then yours is non-existent!" My wolf argued. I laughed and closed our link, trying to focus on anything, but Dali. Once again, I didn't succeed.

I wondered if she was still as afraid of my sister as she was when I left. Well, got kicked out. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"I miss her!" Kane whined.

"Yeah, me too!"

I also thought about the way Dali growled and the pain she was in. I saw a new side of her today and I can't say I didn't love it. I may love everything about her, but seeing her be jealous showed that she too loved at least a small piece of me.

Dalia's P.O.V

I rested my head against Rose's shoulder as I tried to calm my racing thoughts. All of them were about Knox, about how I felt when he wasn't close to me, and the way I acted in front of him. It made me wonder if he thought of it as disrespectful and if he would punish me for it, even if he had told me countless times he wouldn't.

I kind of wish he would, just so I didn't have to feel comfortable around him and his sister. It was new and something I hadn't known for a while, the feeling of comfort. I didn't want it, I didn't feel ready for it.

Everything was moving too fast, my head was spinning, and suddenly my wolf was back, I was supposed to be the Luna of the strongest, biggest pack and I could barely stand and eat on my own.

My breathing intensified, making Rose push me away lightly so she could look at me.

"Breathe, it will be ok!" I shook my head. Ok meant different, something I wasn't used to. Ok for me sounded unrealistic and overwhelming. I didn't want to pretend anymore. Nothing was ok and I didn't want it to be.

"Listen to me!" She demanded, tilting my head upwards with her fingers so I came face to face with her green eyes. "You came so far, you were strong for so long, and for what? To just give up? And what about my brother? He came far too, sis! He deserves to be given a chance at love, he deserves to feel it again after so many years! You're my new sister, the one I have always wanted, but Knox is still my brother and you won't hurt him, you hear me?" Power and authority oozed off of her, but it wasn't in a dominant way, more in the way of an older sibling.

I could only nod, unable to form a coherent sentence. She stood up and hugged me, the smile back on her face, warm and glowing as if it had never left.

"I'll let you think things through, ok? I'll be back to chat again soon!"

"T-thank you!" I returned her smile with a small one of my own, watching as she waved me goodbye and closed the door behind her.

I, for some reason, believed her, when she said she would be back. There was something charming about Rose, something, that made you want to be her friend. Perhaps she reminded me of my own sister with the way she acted and carried herself.

But I didn't get to linger on my thoughts for too long because Knox knocked on the door not even ten minutes after his sister had left.

"Can I come in?" He asked. I could hear the tapping of his shoes against the floor as he impatiently paced in front of the door. I sighed, needing a moment to myself.

His territory, his rules, though.

"Y-yeah!" Was all that I said before I hugged my knees and rested my back against the cold wall.

"I missed you!" He admitted as he sat down in his usual spot. It made me feel bad for wanting to push him away, seeing how happy he was to see me. Seeing how he was the only one, that reacted that way when they saw me.

"I see you're getting better!" He mused as I smiled awkwardly. My wolf kept whimpering and screaming, becoming louder the longer he was near me. I could barely handle it anymore, wanting to rip my head, or wolf, far away.

"When you're ready I could help you meet a few more members of the pack. I can also take you for a walk so you get to know the territory. There are a lot of beautiful places I would like for us to explore together!" He rambled excitedly, but all I wanted was for all of this to stop.

I didn't want to recover, I didn't want to take steps to get better, I didn't want anything to do with pain and honestly, at this moment I gave up. I gave up on a future, I gave up on healing and I gave up on life. It was filled with pain and misery and I just needed it to end.

Delilah's voice, like nails on a chalkboard, screeched in my head, now shouting about how wrong I was to want such a thing when our mate wanted only our love and so on. Knox's voice, although a lot more bearable, made my wolf restless.

Both of the spoke to me at the same time, both too fast for my brain to comprehend. The bathroom's tap wasn't completely closed, leaving me to hear the loud sounds of each drop as it dripped and splashed against the tiles, one by one.

It was the final straw. I couldn't do it anymore.

"No!" I made Knox's voice come to a halt. "No, K-Knox!" I shouted, holding back tears. "Y-you don't ge-get it! I-I can't d-do this!" He stared at me in shock, probably not being used to someone screaming in his face, but he could punish me all he wanted. All this pain, all these thoughts were driving me insane and at this point, I would rather just stop them altogether rather than try to fight a battle I know I could never win.

"D-Don't you re-realize what you're d-doing to-to me! I c-can't do a-all that st-stuff! I-I just wa-want to d-die, Knox!" I yelled, angry tears streaming down my cheeks. "I-I c-can't be a ma-mate or a L-Lu-Luna!"

He growled, but this time I didn't feel scared. I didn't flinch like I used to, I just watched as his eyes flickered from red to grey and watched the movement of his fists as he clenched and unclenched them. I was now standing in front of him, feeling completely numb as I waited for the blow, the kick, or whatever I pushed him to do to me, but once again, even in his angered state, nothing.

Why did he have to be so difficult? Why couldn't his eyes hold what we both knew he felt - hatred, disgust, perhaps even lust like any other male wolf. Instead, his gaze had to hold something different, something warm and inviting, that made butterflies erupt in my stomach and tied it into a knot. While I waited for his eyes to show any of the usual emotions I had come accustomed to in the Trade, they remained warm. So warm that they burned a fire wherever they landed, leaving invisible marks on my skin.

They burned a fire I was purposely letting myself burn in by getting close. The silver orbs I had let grow on me were the very thing that caused me to snap. They were the first thing I saw of him and they were probably going to be the last.

Finally gaining control, he walked over to me, attempting to wipe my cheeks with his thumb, but I pushed his hands away. I didn't want his comfort because I knew if I let him soothe me I wouldn't be able to fight the growing bond any longer. With my wolf present, it became harder, something I didn't need to think about with my already exploding headache. The look of hurt didn't go unnoticed, but I continued as I didn't know if I would be able to if I kept looking at the way his eyes burned or the way his muscles clung to his shirt or anything else about him.

"Wh-what will you d-do if I j-just want to-to die, huh?" I shouted again, hurting him as much as I hurt myself, my wolf, his wolf, and everyone around me. Just like I had lost my family, I was about to lose my future one too, and ironically, it was all my fault again.

"Nothing, my love." He murmured, his voice turning deadly calm before he turned to the doctor I hadn't noticed enter the room.

"Lock the door and don't let her hurt herself!" He instructed, making the doctor, whose name I found out was Lucile bow.

"But that doesn't mean I would let you hurt yourself!" He said as he turned back to me. I screamed after him, but he quickly locked the door behind him and I listened to his footsteps again, this time, as they faded into the distance.

"No, p-please!" I cried to the doctor, but she apologized and took the key, leaving me alone in the deadly quiet room. If it was what I had wanted then why did it hurt so bad?

I once again got a reminder of how small and useless my existence was. I had no home, no place to call mine. I had to let others control me, lock me in rooms so I didn't hurt myself because what else could I do? All I've ever wanted was to be safe in the comfort of my own place with my sister, but that fantasy seemed further and further away as time went on.

No home. No place to call my own. It was all I could hear.

***

Two days of complete loneliness and sadness had passed since I got locked in the room. I had never been alone, sharing a room with my sister as a child and then living with the other she-wolves In the Trade, making this my first time. Knox never came back, his scent was long gone, depriving me of its comfort. It made me wonder if I truly did push him away this time.

It was what I wanted, after all, but I never thought how badly the loneliness would affect me. Each shadow, each footstep, every little movement, and sound made me flinch or shake. I was terrified, especially at night, so I hadn't been able to sleep. The one time I did manage, I woke up to a doctor frantically trying to wake me up from a nightmare that left me drenched in my own sweat, making me give up on the idea of sleeping.

After our fight, my wolf, Delilah, tried to make an agreement, but I refused so she shut down, leaving me even without her annoying presence, completely alone. Doctor Lucile obeyed her Alpha's order, checking up on me every few hours and bringing me food, which I refused to eat.

It wasn't on purpose, I would simply feel sick every time I tried to eat, making me lose most of the small amount I had managed to gain. Maybe what they said was true, maybe I did need my mate, but I sure didn't deserve him.

I pushed him away when we both needed each other because of my fears, because I felt overwhelmed. But he probably did too and he didn't treat me the way I treated him. His sister specifically asked me to treat him right and I broke my promise not even a day after making it.

My eyes were puffy, swollen, and always wet with tears since he left. Once I got a chance to rethink things, I did. I got to think of way too many things - some needed, some not. What I did know for sure was that I wasn't proud of my behavior and it was nothing like me.

Now, however, it was too late and Knox didn't deserve this kind of treatment. He deserved someone who would treat him right and clearly that wasn't me.

"Can you make up your mind already and stop being stubborn for once?" My wolf growled after a while, intensifying the headache, that never left after our fight. It felt as if my brain was tearing in half.

"I'm not being stubborn, Delilah! While you were hiding in the deepest crevices of my mind I tried! I fought hard to heal and it just didn't work. I can't do it no matter how much you wine! I hurt him!" I snapped back. "I hurt the one person, that wanted me! Stop trying to make this harder than it already is!" I hissed through our link.

"Our mate is the one that would help us! Do you think keeping us locked in here would make it better?" She hissed back, once again making the pain worsen.

"Stop this pain right now or else!"

"Or else what? It can't get any worse than what our life has already been! You have a chance to get better, stop wasting it, and stop hurting our mate!"

"I tried," I murmured, attempting to build a mental wall between us, but found myself too weak and my energy crashing.

"Not working, huh?" I could almost hear the smirk in her voice as she enjoyed my pain. "That's what you get for always screwing up!"

That statement hurt more than anything anyone had ever said to me. My own wolf, my other half, thought I screwed everything up, but I didn't blame her. She was right, of course, but it didn't stop it from hurting.

A/N:

Hi, Treasures! Make sure you join my F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k group Teddy's Treasures for extra content and discussions! I know this is slow-paced, but I wanted to make the healing process as realistic as I could :)