Too Late to Want Me

~TYLA~ I knew that my marriage was beyond saving, yet I dressed up beautifully again tonight… hoping he would at least look at me without disgust in his eyes. Yet, when he strolled past the door, reeking of sweat and alcohol, he still had a look of disgust on his face. I rushed toward him to help him in, like a dutiful wife was supposed to. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who was helping him into the house. “Olivia!” Just that name alone made my stomach drop. I stumbled back a little. Matt’s first love, the one who broke his heart years ago. The woman he couldn’t get over. Her eyes held both hate and mischief as she looked me up and down, and then she flashed a mocking smile. “Tyla, it’s been a long time, I didn’t think you’d still be here,” she looked over my outfit mockingly. “Dressed like that, were you hoping to seduce Matt? I think you’re trying a little too hard. Anyway, Matt got drunk celebrating my return, I had to bring him back.” I wasn’t sure which stung more, her words or the fact that my husband was clinging to her, burying his head into her neck and inhaling her scent with so much satisfaction. I swallowed hard, trying to control the pain I felt from showing. Then keeping my face hard, I turned to Olivia. “I doubt I should be thanking you for helping my husband home, even though he has a driver to do that for him.” With that, I moved forward to grab Matt from her. But even as I threw those words back at her, I still felt far from relief. I tried to pull Matt away from her, but he pushed me away slightly, and for the first time his green eyes stared back at mine. Though far from composed, he maintained an icy cold glare. “Why are you still awake?” he asked motionlessly. My fingers trembled as I clenched them, trying to think of the perfect excuse. But he didn’t wait for them. Instead, his hand instinctively reached for Olivia’s sleeve, his tone softening a little as he whispered. “Take me upstairs.” That was all the clue she needed. Her sly smile broadened, so much that it could barely be hidden. She wrapped her arms around Matt’s waist, and pushed past me, hard enough to send me stumbling backwards. I fought for balance and ended up knocking my leg against the table. Pain shot through my leg, nearly forcing a cry past my lips. But I bit down hard on my lower lip, keeping myself from crying. As they disappeared up the stairs, I followed them… my heart hammering against my chest with every step I took. But I stopped outside the bedroom door. My hand hovered over the handle before I let out a bitter laugh. Five years. Five years of marriage and I still wasn’t allowed into his bedroom. Yet, I could hear her voice inside the room he never let me step into. My stomach twisted so hard I could barely stand. The tears of humiliation threatened to fall, but I held it in. “Don’t go, Olivia… stay until morning.” His voice suddenly echoed through the door. My whole body went cold. And for the first time, the tears fell, each chasing the other. “Matt, I don’t want your wife to get the wrong idea about me… I have to leave.” She whispered back. “Olivia, I don’t care what she or anyone thinks,” he insisted, his voice lower. “Just stay here.” I stumbled back, tears streaming down my eyes. I didn’t stop moving, leaping from the pain of the leg wound, until I was back in my room… in the tiny guest room that now bore the truth of how he saw me in this family. The moment I got in, I shut the door and leaned against it, my shoulders shaking as I released silent tears. I tried counting numbers, tried thinking of my favorite characters in a book… anything at all just to take my mind out of things. But everything kept pointing back to the reckless choice I made in my early years. Once more, I regretted ever agreeing to become his wife… regretted leaving everything behind just to become his unwanted wife. All for what? When I woke up the next morning, I felt disoriented. Yet, I forced myself out of bed. But this time, I had no plans of making him breakfast or trying to please him this morning. For the past five years, he had treated me coldly, blamed and accused me of trapping him. But this was actually the first time he had brought a woman home, and not any other woman… but Olivia. However, nothing prepared me for the sight before me. There on the table, my son Kenny sat there, facing Matt at the dining table. It was clear he was meaning to dine with us this morning. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. This was the first time he willfully sat at that table with his own son. I caught sight of another plate beside Matt. Was that for me? A pathetic part of me wanted to forget everything that happened last night, and just enjoy this rare moment for once with my family. But just as I neared the foot of the stairs, another figure emerged. Olivia. She walked out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of food in her hands. Matt stood up to help her take the tray from her, like a doting husband. My stomach twisted violently as Olivia settled in the seat beside Matt. “Kenny, I made your favorite dish… I hope you like it,” Olivia said dotingly, staking food on Kenny’s plate, who began eating almost immediately. Kenny giggled. “Thank you, Aunt Olivia. This food is very delicious.” Olivia smiled warmly. “More than your mom’s?” Matt looked like he was about to argue, but then Kenny nodded innocently. I swallowed hard. For a second, I wished to disappear. I wished the ground would open and swallow me at that moment. They looked like one happy family, and I felt like an outsider. Just when Olivia was dishing out food for Matt, Kenny looked up and his green eyes met mine. He smiled broadly. “Mommy, you are up. Come and have breakfast. Aunt Olivia is a great cook.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My lips trembled as I fought to say something in response, unshed tears making his face blurry. “I… I’m not hungry. You should all go ahead.” I finally managed to whisper. But then, Kenny spoke up. “Mommy, come on. Dad’s finally eating with us… let’s be a real family.” My heart tightened as I realized, painfully, that this family picture might no longer hold any place for me. Where then do I stand in this family?