I was...someone

I try to turn my head to look around. The first thing I see is darkness enveloping me. The darkness felt heavy on my skin. The longer I stand here, the easier it will be to see the weak contours of the walls that have been built around me. Higher up on the wall, a dim light comes in, which helps me a little more to see where I am. I look back at the room with black wallpaper that is blacker than the room and blacker than black. I am slowly drowning in the heavy darkness. And for a minute I feel nothingness, filing my fear for the darkness. Slowly, something begins to creep under the skin, then into the veins. Eventually, it spreads more in my body. It poisons happiness and my shaky red lips. My mouth is filled with a blood taste that does not want to go away, even though I have tried to swallow it down. Many times. All the taste just comes up again. I try to shake my body to get rid of this but my body does not move. It's something that stops my movements no matter how hard I try. At the same time, it's something touching my breath. I gather all the power I have and try to move again. Suddenly, more darkness envelops me while the body is emptied of all power and life. All emotion flows slowly while my consciousness gives up. Breath. I see a girl with fluffy hair and curls that spin all the way down to her back. An innocent young girl. Too young to stand like this. I do not understand why she is pressed into the wall and does not move during the minutes I stare at her. When I look closer at her, I see how her eyes are filled with fear. The further I look, I see that it is not just fear that grows within her. There's something more I can not interpret. Her bright, full, red lips tremble again and again .... My eyes open up and I'm back where I was last. Perhaps. Maybe this is a dream. Maybe not. The room is not cold but I still get goosebumps that spread over my skin. Stinging sensations spread under the skin. Which only gets more powerful and bigger as recurring waves. Slowly, the skin begins to react more. My own skin slowly crushes the flesh that is underneath. In every millimeter I feel the pain, the pain ceases to be just physical, but there is something inside me that disappears at the same time as something slowly builds up. I want it out of here. Whatever is happening to me, I want it out of me. I feel the pikes are crashing into my skin and are leaving me with a searing pain. I. CANT. Please. Please. I scream but no one hears me. It's just me. BRING MYSELF BACK No. I take deep breaths that do not fill my lungs with enough oxygen. Breathe. Every second goes by like minutes and everything just gets worse. Worse. Worse. Breathe. I feel my lungs scream for something they have to get in order for me to survive. Remember, this is how I die. Is this really happening? Or is it a dream? Maybe I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. All emotions and pain disappear from my body. The panic has stopped growing and I breathe in and out until my heart rate returns to normal. The relief makes my legs so weak that I need to sit down. My gaze finds a guy coming towards me. I try to see his face but I only see his contours. What has happened right now has sucked up all my energy. My eyes flutter as I try to see his face. The only thing I can see are his broad shoulders and the sharp shape of his face. A guy or maybe a man speeds up until he comes to me. Two hands begin to hold a firm grip on my arms, while his gaze seeks mine. I stare back into his cold eyes. I see no emotions. Its like a deep, dark hole Liam was looking at. The green eyes are shiny. My head thumps hard against the wall when I am pushed back. I feel big hands around my waist and one of his legs pushes into the wall between my thighs. I have no power. My eyes are opened by fear and a desire to just run away from him. My hands let me down when I try to push the big figure in front of me. His one hand feels on my stomach while the hand goes further up to my breasts. Squeezes and then whispers into my ears. "Do something that can please me and this will go very well. And then you can go and blame yourself for being a f*****g whore." he says as his breath gets heavier "pl.e....asee." The voice that comes out silently trembles. Tears fill my eyes. But the tears never flow down. They are still there and burning. They help me to see everything blurred, for which I am very grateful. I do not want to see this. See how weak I am. I'm trying to do something but it's not possible. My body His mouth leaves my neck burning after his touch. I do not want to think this is happening to me. But I have to face reality. It does not take long before he has finished playing with my breasts and takes off my shirt and bra. "f**k what I want to f**k you hard until ... you can not go. You know how hard I am" My body is filled with stinging emotions that give me strength but at the same time make me insecure. I try to close my eyes to see that it is not an imagination. There's something that rubs my heart. Something that wants out. It must go out to my whole body. I want to feel how it would fill every single cell in my body, right down to the contour. Out. My muscles tense. The guy comes back after taking off his clothes. I stare at him. Staring at his skin. I want to touch it. I want. I must. My fingertips move him slowly. "Whaa..att" His voice breaks only a few seconds after my touch. His heart beats harder. Dunk. Dunk. There is a will to stop touching him, but the will to have more is greater. The desire to know what is happening is greater. I want more power than he had pressed against me on the wall.I feel his veins tense and his muscles break to pieces. Is this how it feels to be superior? Pain. Breath. MORE. Dead.