2022 Summer

I must say I'm pretty much unlucky to have a life that I don't want. I always wanted to ask... why me? Why do I need to suffer? Billions of people in the world but... why me? I was never alone but I felt lonely. I had someone with me throughout the ride but... I scoffed. Every time I make a sentence, there's always a but. Why can't I be happy and contented with what I have? Why do I always seem to dream big and high that I know I won't be able to reach? "Hey, something wrong?" I looked at Jonathan as he slightly tapped my shoulder. A little smile escaped from my lips as he look at me with a worried face. I went back to watch the world outside the window car. I closed my eyes as the breeze touch my face. It only lasted for a minute and two but it was worth it. If only I could stop the time and enjoy the moment without worrying, I'd be happy. But when was I happy? I only remembered it when life seems energetic. I was five. But it all stopped when I turned thirteen. The engine stopped. I looked out front only to see an old house. As I stare into it, Dad and Jonathan went to the back to unpack our things. It was windy yet the sun still shone so I have to cover my face with my hand. It's nothing pretty. The walls were kind of dull. The left side were covered with leaves. It was ugly. But I was amused. At least I can still breathe the same air I breathe back home. "Okay, listen up. We're only here for the summer. I don't want you to make any trouble, especially you, Jonathan— [looking out] —and where are the girls? Summer, can you go find them?" I was wondering how my Dad still manages to take care five children alone. Did he also felt the same way I am feeling right now? Come to think of it, I never saw him mourn when our Mom died. He was busy with people attending mom's wake. And when we buried her, he never cried. He just stood and left after. I immediately went inside as I saw the girls giggling. They were standing in the hallway looking at something so I peeked. It was a picture of us. We were taking a picture without Autumn when she suddenly came running and tripped herself to join in. It was hilarious. I smiled as I remember those times. "Hey, Summer! Did you see the cute boy earlier? He was looking at you!" Winter squealed. I looked outside but no one was there. Dad and Jonathan just made their way in at the back of the house. I just shrugged and went upstairs to my room. What can a guy get from looking at a helpless woman like me? I mean if I can die right now, make it happen. I don't want to continue a life that I do not want. Thanks to Dad, my things were already here inside the room. I immediately took my guitar and sat in my bed. This is funny. I learned how to play a guitar because mom told me to. She said she would love to hear me play. Which is not happening because she died. [NOW PLAYING: Ain't No Sunshine] Ain't no sunshine when she's gone It's not warm when she's away I closed my eyes as I feel the strum of guitar. I sang the song as I imagined mom smiling at me while I'm playing the guitar. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And she's always gone too long Anytime she goes away "Nice song," I stopped as I heard a voice and open my eyes. I looked at the door and there was no one. I then look at the window only to see a guy looking at me. He was in his window standing. I immediately look away as I saw him with no shirt on. "Oh! I'm sorry, I was changing when I heard you sing," I laughed a little as I heard him panicking. I looked at the window again and he was already changed. He was sitting by the window looking at me while smiling. So I smiled back. "Can you play it again?" "Oh. Uh, no. I was actually practicing and my voice kinda sucks, so..." "You're gorgeous—" I looked at him wide-eyed which made him realized what he just said. "—I mean, you're voice! You're voice is gorgeous. So, can I hear it again?" A knock came at my door and opened by Dad peeking at. He was looking at the guitar I'm holding. I put it beside the bed and motioned him to get inside. He was smiling. "You took out your guitar just now. What made you do it?" "I just remembered Mom. I miss her so much" "I know, sweetie. We all do" He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. Dad always comfort us whenever something is wrong. But I know deep inside that he also felt something. He just won't admit it to us. He misses Mom so much more than we do. He just won't show it to us. He keeps himself busy all the time to avoid troubles. I hugged him tight to let him know that I love him. I also miss Dad. I miss him being fun and all. "Hey, Dad?" "Yeah?" "We're also here, okay? You can share your worries with us" "Thanks, sweetie. Come down any minute, okay? Dinner's ready" "I will" He kissed my forehead once more before he stood and left the room. I sighed as I saw the guitar sitting beside the bed. I put it back where I took it a while ago. "Was that your father?" I glanced at the window and he was sitting on a chair in front of his desk writing something on a paper. He was gorgeous. His lashes are surprisingly long and his eyes... they're ocean deep. "You done checking me out? "What?" "Aren't you checking me out?" "No! And yes, he is my father" What an arrogant guy. I looked myself in the mirror and smiled. Don't let anyone know you're weak, Summer. I heaved a sigh and walked out of my room. "Hey, Summer" "Oh hey" I was greeted by Jonathan when I came down to have dinner. He's older than me. He had a pleasing yet annoying personality as a brother. He's sometimes kind, sometimes a bully. I must say, he improved a lot when mom died. He never greets or pay attention to whoever crosses his path. "Hey, Summer! Dad cooked our favorite!" Autumn shouted as soon as she saw me walked in the kitchen. I smiled weakly as Spring and Winter entered the room giggling. Autumn and Spring are twins and they're five-year older than me while Winter's three-year younger. Winter was unexpected. We never thought she would come to us. She was a blessing to us, a miracle. *** After dinner, I went outside to have a walk. The town was quiet. It wasn't scary at all. It was, in fact, peaceful. The winds blew softer and slower than the usual. It was the most satisfying thing the wind has done to me. I feel great for the first time. As I am closer to the beach, I heard joyful noises coming from a lit cabin. They were singing and laughing with the beat of a drum. I can't help but smile bitterly. Why can't I be them? Why can't I be happy for once? I walked closer to the ocean feeling the water benath my feet. I want to feel the wave of waters again before I come back home to the city. I opened my arms widely feeling the wind in my skin. I closed my eyes as I listen to the waves crashing to the shore. "Hey!" Before I could open my eyes, I was under the water. I felt the water coming into me as I opened my mouth to breathe. Memories came flashing back to me as If I was about to die. I can't swim... Strong arms pulled me back to the shore. I don't know what happened but I immediately cough the water out of my mouth. I looked up to see the guy from the window looking at me with worried eyes. "Are you going to kill yourself?!" He shouted. My forehead frowned. Why would I kill myself right now? I rolled my eyes and avoided his gaze. I got up and stood to shake the sand sticking to my wet clothes. "I wasn't killing myself, okay? I was feeling the wind and the water," I explained without looking at him. Now, I'm all wet. What a great night. I looked at him as I realized something. "What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?!" I asked then he laughed. I raised my eyebrow in confusion as he keeps on laughing while holding his stomach. "Oh my god, I didn't know you were funny," he said between laughs. I stood still looking at him while laughing. He had the most beautiful laugh I have ever seen. It's like music to my ears. "Hey. Hey, are you okay?" He asked, snapping his fingers in front of me. He stopped laughing. He was inches apart from me. And I could see his face closer than before. He was really gorgeous. His eyes are magnetizing. I can't take my eyes off of him. I snapped back as an idea came to my mind. I can't be too close to someone I don't know. I looked at my clothes again and heave a sigh. "Yeah, thanks for the wet clothes," I said as I walked back slowly to our house. What a night. Thanks for ruining it. I stopped walking as a hand held my arm. I looked back to see who it was. It's him again. I faced him, waiting for what he was about to say. "What's your name?" he asked still holding my arm. I looked at his hand before I looked at him. "Summer," I said as I stared again into his eyes. The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Why can't I take my eyes off of him? And what is this loud beating in my heart?