Bound by the Moon

Emily I lit up my phone screen for the fiftieth time in twenty minutes, but I couldn’t help it. My friends were late and I was freezing my ass off. Even though I was wearing a thick jumper, it wasn’t enough against the biting cold, and my legs were relatively bare, at least by my standards. I knew the club wouldn’t let me in with jeans, which was my go-to, especially during the winter, so I was wearing thick leggings and heeled boots. I didn’t own many fancy shoes, mostly because I preferred comfort, but I was grateful the ones I did were relatively warm. I couldn't imagine standing around with my toes out in such cold weather. It felt like a possible frostbite risk. Another quick scan of the street told me my friends weren’t close, and I resisted the urge to curse out loud. I already felt like there were far too many eyes on me. Randomly swearing like a crazy person wasn’t going to help. I knew that practically speaking, most people around me were too busy living their own lives to be staring at my less-than-glamorous outfit or the battered excuse for a satchel I had hooked over one shoulder. Still, I felt like a fish out of water. I’d meant to be a little more dressed up for the club, even if it was one I wasn’t familiar with. I’d gotten carried away at the Research Center, however, and had run out of time to raid my entire closet. Not that I had a lot of options, but I knew fuzzy sweaters weren’t exactly ideal club wear. Then again, I had no idea what I was talking about. I’d never even been to BLX Club before, so maybe what I was wearing was right up their alley. Maybe pigs flew, too. I was getting antsier by the minute, so I took my glasses off and cleaned them with my oversized sleeve. I should’ve changed into contacts so my glasses didn’t smudge the makeup I’d hurriedly applied, but I hated wearing lenses in the cold. I’d been standing outside for half an hour, and I was sure I’d made the right choice. My vision was a blurry mess without them, so they were a necessity. I wasn’t sure how long I’d managed to occupy myself by simply cleaning my glasses—the things always seem to magically become dirty again somehow. I could play a couple of mobile games for a few minutes, but it was getting harder with how cold my hands were, and I wanted to preserve my battery. Every young woman knew her phone was her lifeline in case something bad happened while out on the town. “Come on, guys, where the hell are you?” I muttered, my temper flaring. I waited a bit longer before my patience finally wore out and my teeth began chattering. Lighting up my phone again, I drafted a message to my friend, Jessica. Hey guys, at the club. Are you on your way? But before I could send it, a taxi pulled up on the other side of the street. I paused, hoping it could somehow be my friends. That’d be way too fortunate, but not impossible. “Hey, you!” I heaved a sigh of relief. I knew that voice. It was Lisbeta, a friend I’d had for ages. Finally, about half an hour later than they promised, the girls had arrived. I tried not to be annoyed, but I was. If they’d told me they were running late, I could’ve spent more time in my room, carefully picking out my outfit instead of rooting through everything in a whirling dervish. Should I have prepared my outfit the day before? Sure. But between my classes and my assignments, I was so overwhelmed that I constantly felt like I was four steps behind. That wasn’t exactly conducive to putting together something stylish on the fly. “You’re here early!” Lisbeta exclaimed. No. No, I wasn’t. I just laughed, even though I really wanted to tell them that they were late. But I felt my anger burning out and vanishing into the ether once the girls stepped out of the taxi and hurried over to me. The important thing was they were here. Oh, and they weren’t alone. A girl I didn’t recognize exited the cab with them. She was in one of my classes, but before I could try to remember her name, I was surprised as another taxi pulled up and dumped out four more people from our college. I now found myself in a bigger group than I’d expected, including Jessica, Lisbeta, and Bella, plus a few girls and boys from our campus I may or may not have met before. I wasn’t always the best with names, but I liked to think I was rather good with faces. The fact that I couldn’t discern them was a testament to how tired I was. Maybe coming out was a mistake. It was too late now, so I forced a smile on my face as I greeted my friends. I didn’t miss how a couple of people glanced quickly at my outfit, but I forced that thought away. Sometimes it was hard to tell when people were actually judging my appearance and if it was my own paranoia reinforced from years of being bullied for my looks. I was all too familiar with how cruel people could be, and though I’d gone through a lot of unhealthy steps to become more socially acceptable, part of me was always scared of that same viciousness coming back. “Hello, everyone,” I said brightly, giving them a little wave after greeting my friends. Thankfully, no one had a look of disgust on their face; otherwise, what little confidence I had would’ve shattered. I hated that I was so influenced by what the people around me thought, but it was something I was working on. Growing up as a chubby child and then a fat teen had exposed me to all sorts of mistreatment. There were a few friendly replies before Lisbeta did actual introductions. “Hey, everyone, this is Emily. You’ve all heard about her. Emily, this is Jason, Nate, Michelle, Stacy, and Jenny.” My brain valiantly tried to store that information away, but I knew I was too tired and too burnt out from school to save any of it. The people in front of me would likely be vague recollections as soon as dawn hit, or whenever I actually got to fall into bed. “Nice to meet you all!” I chirped. “It’s been so crazy this semester at college, I feel like I don’t even know who’s in any of my classes anymore, so it’s nice to get some downtime with you.” A few agreed, but my paranoia told me I was just being tolerated, that I was making a fool of myself. That feeling only amplified when Lisbeta turned back to me with an expectant look. “So, are you going to change out of that before we get in line?” I just looked at her blankly. “Change out of what?” She laughed like I was being hilarious, and my stomach was starting to get that sinking feeling I got every so often when I realized that I was doing something wrong, but I had no idea what. “Your leggings, silly! It’s so smart that you wore them out here since it’s cold, but I don’t mind waiting while you pull them off for the club.” Did she think I was wearing a sweater dress? Was that even in style anymore? Nausea and nerves both bloomed inside me, vying for the most attention. I wasn’t exactly the most confident about my body as it was, and my legs and butt were just a few things I was self-conscious about. I did try to cover up quite often, so I couldn’t even remember the last time I wore bare legs in public. I tried to rapidly come up with some excuse, but one of the girls—Michelle, maybe—excitedly clapped her hands.