The Butler Didn't Do It

A Less Than Delightful Bunch

Ok, maybe the second day is the hardest.

It had started like the first day of summer camp. They had all gathered in the breakfast room when Lord Rodgers tapped his water glass with a silver spoon. Brett doubted he actually drank out of the decorative glass. He just wanted that cup for its perfect pitch. When he finally had the room’s full attention he smiled and spoke.

“I think it’s time to for my guests to get to know each other.” Let’s start with you, my old friend.” He said, indicating the round man from the day before.

The old friend got out of his chair and hoisted himself up. He was quite round and heavy set, the fat on his face causing it to lose most of its definition. There were hints of a more handsome man that might have existed before age and weight had taken over. “Hello, I am Lord Oscar, I have been coming to Bowers Manor to see my good friend Rodgers who I met during the war,” he laughed at his own addition to a backstory, “for well over 10 years now. Indeed it was here that I met the woman who would become my wife--

The goddess, a much younger woman, in her 30s, next to him stood up. Her hair was a rich black with a red sheen. Her porcelain white skin was flawless. Hers was a symmetrical beauty that magazines called “hot.” She was about to speak but her husband decided he was on a roll.

“Lady Sylvie is what every lady should be. Polite, beautiful, and discreet.” He attempted to share a look with his wife suggesting a mutual understanding. She was having none of it. She gave a tiny wave to the room and sat back down. Oscar took a bow and plopped down in his seat. Brett heard the poor chair squeak as it bore the brunt of his weight.

The old woman from the night before rose next.

“I see little reason to introduce myself every week but here it goes.” She said, her voice still powerful despite her age, “I am Lady Martina. I come here every week of every season. I like what I like and if you don’t then I’m too old to care.” She reseated herself. Brett saw some of the staff hold in laughter. Rodgers smiled but not with his eyes.

The handsome man, who’d insulted Didi’s mother the night before, looked around lazily and, realizing it was his turn, stood up without haste. Smiling a very genetically fortunate or expensive smile he began, “Hi everyone, I’m Lord Paul. I’ve come up here a few times but there are always new things to see.”

Did he just scan the maids?” Brett wasn’t sure but he suddenly didn’t like this fellow. Looking at the reactions of some of the maids he had the feeling his instincts were right. Tanya was giving him a particularly hateful look.

“I brought my lovely girlfriend, Sam—Lady Samantha.” Paul leaned down and gave the woman next to him a quick kiss on the cheek. “And I’m very fortunate that my own daughter happens to be here this week as well.”

Didi waved to the table. If looks could kill her mother would have obliterated the smiling man.

“I suppose that’s all anyone needs to know about me.”

Samantha was next. She was the woman who’d been quite exacting about how Brett handled her things and the angle of her curtains. “Um like he said, I’m Lady Samantha. I like history, well I like American civil war history but---.” And she was off. After 10 minutes of rambling in which the eyes of most the guests had begun to glaze over Rodgers brought a spoon to his cup once again.

“Lovely to meet you, Lady Samantha. I’m sure you can share more of your fascinating history once we are all properly introduced.”

Brett knew that every guest at that table was mentally telling themselves to never end up alone in conversation with Samantha. He felt bad. True she was as dull as dishwater. Maybe she wouldn’t have been so unbearable if she didn’t try so hard. He of all people knew how much seeming like you wanted something was a weakness.

“Hi! I’m John.” Brett bristled and tightened his jaw muscles. “These are my friends Lady Veronica, Lady Rachel, and Lord Tyler.” He smiled, “I am treating my friends to a well-deserved vacation after a pretty tough academic year.”

You think you had a rough year! Brett wanted to yell, but he knew that was what John wanted. Though John was not looking at him he knew that the “my friends” comment was a direct jibe.

“So I decided, since I couldn’t buy a time machine, that we’d dot the next best thing and come party like its 1899.”

Rodger’s laughed and the other guests joined in. Brett saw Gregory roll his eyes. He was sure that his friend had heard that joke several times through the years.

“But yeah that’s us.” And just like that John reclined back in his seat.

Didi’s mother now spoke. “I am Lady Audrey and I have never been a guest here. I am looking forward to relaxing week with my daughter, Didi.”

Didi was doing her best impression of a spoiled brat, her arms were crossed and she stared at her glass of juice like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Audrey frowned but continued. “I hope that we can all be cordial and have an entertaining and educational week.”

“Educational? Way to celebrate the holiday dear.” Paul’s voice rang out.

Audrey lifted her chin.

“You never did like to learn things. Also, it is Lady Audrey to you, Sir.” And with a queen like grace, she returned to her eggs.

The skinny man whose clothing was less fine that the others sat up. He was bookish, with slightly hunched shoulders. His spectacles were large as were his front teeth.

“Good day everyone. I’m Mr. Corey Brooks.” Brett was surprised. Though most people paid the full price to be lords and ladies, this man had paid the bare minimum. He was gentry but only in the monied sense. No wonder he had the smaller of rooms Brett had helped set up yesterday. “I am a professor, and I specialize in English aristocracy. I am using a fellowship to study how downstairs and upstairs interact with each other in real life. Please just ignore me if you happen to see lurking about.” The man smiled. When he was seated everyone was relieved that the introductions were finally done.

Rodger’s stood. “I’m happy that you all could join me for this week of joy and relaxation. The times for meals are set, but the rest of the day is yours until dinner and our first evening soiree!”

Downstairs Davidson was giving out daily tasks. He also made a surprise announcement.

“Miss Tanya”

“Yes?”

“You have a new title”

“Do I?”

“She does?” Wen echoed.

Yes, you are to be a lady’s maid.

There was a stunned silence and then the other maids began to cry out.

“It’s her first year!”

“Why is she suddenly promoted?”

“This isn’t fair.”

Wen said nothing. But she didn’t defend her friend either. Davidson held up a gloved hand.

“Orders from Lord Rodgers. Someone saw how hard she worked and wished her to be a lady’s maid for the young Lady Didi.”

All the maids were talking amongst themselves. Wen was staring angrily at the floor. No one seemed to notice that Tanya blanched slightly. Brett was surprised. She doesn’t have to do the backbreaking scullery maid work and she get’s paid more. Why isn’t she happier?

“Enough if you have complaints take them to Mr. Rodgers,” Davidson concluded. He knew no one would.

Well, maybe I’ll have good luck with my job posting today. Brett hoped.

Brett couldn’t believe his luck. He had been the tennis court. His job was to fetch balls and partner those who didn’t bring partners.

He hoped no one showed up. Yet it was a beautiful day. Of course, people would show up. And of course the first would be Val, John, Tyler, and Rachel. Brett screamed inside with frustration.

John and Tyler wore their old-fashioned sportswear well, managing to not look silly. Michelle’s piercings and dark nail polish and makeup didn’t quite suit the tennis whites but out of all of them, Veronica of course shone.

“Hi, Brett!” She called when she saw him.

Brett melted. Maybe this won’t be so bad.

“Don’t look at a lady like that you butler!” He felt a shove. The other butler working the court gasped. John called out, “Lighten up. I’m just being in character.”

And for the rest of the morning, he was.

“Hey butler, get that ball.”

Brett obeyed.

John hit the ball again, outside the court. He didn’t even try to aim it in the right direction.

“Butler, didn’t you see that ball? Go and fetch it.”

Brett resisted the urge to throw the ball at John's face.

Or the next.

Or the next.

Finally, while bringing back the 27th ball, Brett walked up to John. “Sir, do you need lessons in tennis? I’d be happy to---“

John cut him off, getting in Brett’s space. “Shut up loser, I can play tennis just fine.”

Brett replied quietly, “so it’s just to make my life miserable. I see.”

John smiled. “I have to hand it to you, I thought you’d be expelled for sure.

“Well, I wasn’t, no thanks to you.”

“You weren’t. Yet.” John corrected him, a rather wicked smile forming on his handsome face.

“What’s your problem anyway”

“Hey, guys!” Both John and Brett turned to see the vision of Veronica was walking toward them. “I don’t mean to be a bother, but is something wrong? I’d like to play more before it gets too hot out. These clothes aren’t the best for keeping cool.” Veronica held up her long cotton skirt.

“Yeah babe, Brett was just apologizing for giving us faulty balls.”

Brett retrieved many more “faulty” balls that morning.

After they left and Brett felt only relief. He was getting a drink of water when Didi and Audrey entered the court area. Brett welcomed the change of pace. He needed less drama. Then Lord Paul walked up to the court with a Samantha and Brett knew that his dream of a relaxing shift was crushed.

“Daddy!” Didi ran to her father and wrapped her arms around him.

Hey there angel, Robert said to her, “You look beautiful.”

Didi did indeed look lovely in her tennis court clothes. She spun, delighted by her father’s praise.

“I’m glad you got my family’s physique in your genes. We never get heavy, no matter what we eat.” His compliment, though directed at his daughter, was an insult aimed at his ex-wife.

Audrey blushed, “We also never forget to pick up our children at the airport.”

“Mom!” Didi spun angrily on her mother.

“Now Didi, don’t be angry with your mother. You know she’s getting to be that age. “ Lady Audrey sputtered, unable to get words out of her mouth. While she was engulfed in rage Lord Paul snapped his fingers, as if he’d just thought of an idea. “Why don’t you play on my team?”

“Yes!” Didi shouted.

“But I thought…” Audrey began

“I mean your mother has you all to herself most of the time, surely she would allow a poor father just a moment to see his daughter.” He looked sorrowful.

Brett couldn’t help but be impressed. Wow, he’s good at this.

“Mom, Please!”

Audrey looked at her daughters begging eyes. She knew it was a no-win situation. “Go ahead.”

Samantha played with Audrey against the father and daughter duo. Audrey didn’t stand a chance.

After the quick game, Audrey came over to Brett, who had a glass of water waiting.

Good game, Lady Audrey” Gregory lied. Audrey accepted the water and began to drink as Paul approached.

Get me a mimosa boy.” Teeth gritted, Brett turned the refreshment table to make the drink. He heard Paul say quietly to his wife. “Sorry you lost. Again.”

“I won the custody battle; it’s the only “game” I care about.”

Audrey said smoothly. “I didn’t think you could afford to be a lord. I assume you spent the little viable cash you had left on that car you tried to win over our daughter with.”

“Well I’ll have you know I’m not a pauper who needs your money anymore. I have other business prospects, besides this one.”

Audrey snorted into her water.

“I’m sure it will turn out as well our partnership marriage did.”

“He certainly won’t mind it if I look at other women.”

“It wasn’t the looking that bothered me. How did you find out we were here anyway?”

Any reply was cut short as Didi cam rushing over to her parents, just as Brett finished the making the mimosa. She was bursting glee and nervousness.]

“Mom! Dad! That was so much fun. We should spend some more time together! I mean I go to Florence in the fall. This is the last chance for both of you to see me for a year!”

Ah, Brett realized, that’s how he found out.

Samantha tapped him on the arm. “Excuse me, I left my hat in my room. can you fetch it?”

Absolutely, I’ll be back momentarily. Brett took off, leaving the other court attendant to watch the drama unfold. As soon as he was out of view he began to walk more leisurely. He would get the hat. But He was in no hurry. It was a beautiful day after all. He decided to take a walk through the tree-laden promenade area.

It was basically a park. Lined with well-manicured trees, flowers, and benches. He could see other guests, and some senior staff, milling about. He did his best to avoid others by sticking to the paths away from the bright flowers and comfortable benches. It was on one of these paths that he heard voices.

“I promise, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

That’s Gregory.

“But I heard noises again last night.”

“Mr. Richards will protect us.”

“Ha, I don’t think he is in a position to protect himself, let alone us.”

“Wha---“

“Shhh! Someone is nearby.

From behind a large tree, Lucy emerged. She looked around and saw Brett. She registered his face and quickly took a path back to the Manor. A moment later Gregory appeared His eyes followed Lucy. He then looked around and saw Brett. For the first time, Brett saw his friend’s eyes turn to steel. As they met on the path Gregory said to Brett.

“You heard nothing.”

“But what was that all about.”

Gregory leaned in even closer, so his mouth was right next to Brett’s ear. “You. Heard. Nothing.” And with that Gregory walked away.