Moderation Online

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

A cloud of salt with hollow eyes and a jagged mouth appeared on the jumbotron, covering the entire screen and smiling benevolently. His salt crystals glinted, sending shimmers of white light across the square.

Confetti fluttered down as the crowd roared. Kendall clapped until his hands hurt; this was the closest he would ever get to the head of the Triumvirate.

Sodius was legendary. He was the founder of New Eaton, and was also its mayor, governor, president, and commander. He had created so many opportunities for the city’s residents that it was hard not to like him. And he was a good leader too, seeming to be everywhere at once. He always appeared out of nowhere, yet it seemed as if he had been there all along.

Kendall pulled out his cell phone, turned his back, and took a selfie of himself with Sodius in the background.

“In the presence of greatness,” he whispered.

After smiling through five minutes of cheering, Sodius motioned the crowd to be quiet.

“Good evening, citizens of New Eaton,” he said. His voice was gritty, paternal, loving. “As you know, we are at war with the vegetable kingdom. It is my sworn duty to protect this city, a privilege that I would risk my life for. We, the Gourmans, continue to fight valiantly, and we have just won the most decisive victory in the history of the war. Please, take a moment to thank the Gourman nearest you for their service.”

Everyone clapped and nodded at the Fry Guards scattered across the vicinity. The guards smiled smugly.

Sodius swirled around the screen. “We hold the Festival of the Harvest as a reminder of our strength and of what the future holds. We must not forget that we are the rightful owners of this world. The other races will submit to our will; it's only a matter of time.”

The crowd cheered, and Sodius grinned.

“On behalf of the Triumvirate, I offer to you a fresh group of vegetables harvested from the battlefield as a thank you for your solidarity . . .”

The jail-ship descended into the square. A sliding door opened on the front of the ship and, after a few moments, a long line of hooded vegetables stumbled out, pushed by guards. They were connected with chains and were handcuffed and blindfolded.

Kendall chuckled at them; they were as pathetic as the bell pepper he had seen earlier. They stunk up the area with their herbaceous, earthy smell, and Kendall had to scrunch up his nose to block the stench.

The crowd cheered and the vegetables looked around in fear, even though they couldn’t see anything. The guards prodded them until they were gathered in the middle of the square.

“I trust that you will enjoy them,” Sodius said. “And I look forward to congratulating the highest scorer personally.”

Everyone in the crowd drew their forks and knives. The area grew quiet, and the vegetables grew more frantic.

Kendall gripped his giant fork in his left hand and his knife in his right. Four feet long and made of stainless steel, they felt light and ready for action. He assumed an attack stance, waiting for Sodius’s orders.

Sodius laughed a jolly laugh and said, “Cut the chains.”

The chains that connected the prisoners clanked to the ground.

“Release their handcuffs!” Sodius shouted.

The handcuffs clattered to the ground by the vegetables’ feet.

“Let the hunt begin!” Sodius cried.

The Fry Guards unhooked the stanchions, and the crowd poured into the square.

The vegetables pulled up their blindfolds. Seeing the humans running toward them, they screamed and scattered.

Kendall focused on a potato. It tried to run away, but too late. Kendall slashed with his knife and the vegetable fell to the ground, bleeding.

“Please, don’t do this,” the potato said. His face was earthy and fat and his eyes were sad.

Kendall laughed and finished the potato with a stab of his fork. The vegetable’s life force oozed into a nearby drain.

SHING!

A wisp of blue energy flowed from the potato’s body and dissipated into the air.

He balled his fist and did a victory uppercut.

One of these days, he was going to get to level two—he could feel it.

Yet he didn’t feel any different.

He had never leveled up.

Ever. Even though he was a vegetable hunting machine.

One of these days, he hoped it would change. He worked too damn hard not to be leveling up, especially after a kill like that!

A turnip dashed past him, but he slashed her, too. She looked up at him with pain and suffering in her eyes, but he didn’t think twice before finishing her.

Sodius disappeared from the jumbotron and a scoreboard appeared. Kendall’s face, fat and confident, appeared near the top with the number two next to it.

“Yes, sir!” Kendall shouted. “High score! I could lose a few pounds, though.” He frowned at the sight of his pouchy cheeks. He took a picture of the scoreboard on his phone.

“Screw them dinky experience points when I can cash in my high score for Nutrizeen shots, baby!” he said.

He laughed, then kissed his fingers and pointed them at the screen.

“Sodius, get ready to congratulate me.”

He ran down a street, slashing every vegetable he could. All the while, blue energy streamed into the air, then dissipated.

He approached two obese men stalking toward a hooded broccoli, celery, and onion who were standing with their backs to each other. A guard watched the scene from the corner and grinned.

“Need help, fellas?” Kendall asked, joining the two men.

“We’ll split the points three ways,” one of the men said.

“Sounds good,” Kendall said, readying his knife and fork. He pointed at the broccoli. “So you're that mythical broccoli everybody’s been talking about.”

The broccoli puffed.

The three humans neared the vegetables and got ready to spring forward.

“Give it up,” Kendall said. “You guys are finished.”

He twirled his knife confidently, then raised it to s***h.

Suddenly, the broccoli pulled two daggers from his belt.

The celery unfurled a three-stringed whip made from celery strings.

The onion brandished two pistols.

Kendall’s eyes widened. “What the—”

“Hey!” the Fry Guard shouted, but it was too late.

The celery whipped the guard’s gun out of his hand and pounced on top of him in an instant, pummeling him with brass knuckles.

Kendall backed away, but the two men next to him charged.

The broccoli flipped into the air, exposing skinny jeans and red Chucks. He kicked the two men in the heads and knocked them unconscious.

Two Fry Guards ran at the broccoli as he landed, but he cut them down in just a few seconds.

The broccoli wiped his face with the back of his palm, and steaming fat dripped from his dagger.

“It’s a terrorist attack!” someone cried.

The broccoli sheathed his daggers and stretched out his hands. A force field of purple energy surrounded him and he floated into the air, hurling purple fireballs at the jail-ship. It exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere.

The broccoli grinned, and then targeted every Fry Guard on the street, engulfing each in a column of flames.

The celery also glowed purple and moved rapidly, slashing and whipping her way down the street. She moved so fast she appeared to be in several places at once.

The onion jumped into the air and rained down bullets that traveled in zigzags as they ripped through the Fry Guards’ armor. The bullets left a trail of onion stink behind them, making humans and Fry Guards cover their noses and fall to the ground, their eyes watering.

All around the square, all the vegetables—even the vegetables who weren’t glowing—were also attacking Gourmans. The air was blue with energy from dead Gourmans, and instead of dissipating into the air, the energy flowed into the vegetables, and it seemed to make them stronger.

“Good god,” Kendall said.

He ran away from the chaos as fast as he could.

He passed the woman he had spoken to earlier. She looked frantic.

“You said it was safe!” she screamed.

Kendall shrugged and kept running. He ducked into a dark alley and ran into a maze of shadows, dumpsters, and fire escapes.

His terror caused everything to spin in front of him.

He didn’t know whether he was running away from the violence or into it.

Screams, gunfire, and clashing metal sounded at every turn, and he had to hug the wall to avoid getting trampled by all the humans running for their lives.

He doubled over near a dumpster, panting.

His heart felt like it would explode.

He had never run this far or this long, ever—and he had only run a few blocks.

“Man, I’m out of shape,” he said, wheezing.

He regained his breath and ran again, away from the noise. Panting, he rounded a corner and bumped into someone.

It was the broccoli that he had seen earlier. He was glowing purple, levitating with his arms outstretched, hiding out from the chaos in the street. He was still wearing his prisoner’s robe and hood, so Kendall couldn’t see his eyes.

Kendall fell onto his back. “Oh, sh—”

The broccoli fell out of the air and stopped glowing. He looked around in a daze. He balled his fists and hunched over, as if trying to reactivate his powers, but nothing happened. Then he growled at Kendall, drawing his daggers.

Kendall crawled backward, shaking his head as the broccoli stepped toward him. His knife and fork were out of reach.

“Congratulations, human,” the broccoli said. “You just burned your last calorie.”