Toxic Love

Nathan Scott Traumatic, full of outbursts, problematic, depressing, irregular, and hellish. I didn't know what else described my high school, I couldn't take it all anymore. Luckily, I was already in my senior year, which meant I was months away from being free of this horror show. Honestly, I didn't know if this was really the end of my problems. Yes, it was far from signaling the end of all my daily torture. By the time I was 17, I had lost my mother to cancer, my father was a failed alcoholic, and my psychology had been gone for quite some time. It all seemed like one big competition in my life as to which traumatic event could be the most destructive. It had all been so difficult and exhausting, and the only certainty I had was that it could always get worse. When I was at rock bottom, the ground gave way at my feet and I plummeted for hundreds of feet. There were no limits or reliefs when it came to my life. Every day was like an endless battle with a single question: will I survive this one too? The answer to this day is yes, and that does not comfort me as I had hoped it would. Yes, one more fact about my troubled life is that when it comes to pessimism, it always accomplishes tragedies the way I expect, or even worse. I was right about how everything can get worse. Not even on one of my most melancholy and sentimental nights could I afford the luxury of agonizing but necessary silence. Tyler Hills would not allow that to happen. It was like a necessity of his survival the deafening sound that echoed for the thousandth time that summer. The cloying music dominated the entire block, and no one could do anything about it. No citizen of Asheville would be bold enough to denounce Claire Hills' perfect son, the perfect, coveted Tyler Hills. Well, how to describe Tyler Hills? A tremendous stereotypical asshole that is found in every high school, or even in an acclaimed movie for the cheap and uninteresting cliché. High school team player, dating a cheerleader, slobbering, popular, and obviously without an ounce of personality or opinion of his own. His manner irritated me, his way of talking, thinking, dressing, everything about him made me angry. Just knowing that someone like him had everything at his feet when he wanted it annoyed me. Yes, maybe I am a bit of a hypocrite for wanting to burn him in a public square as was done a few centuries ago without actually knowing him, but I hated that someone would try the same with me. I hated Tyler Hills and all his perfect life without having to move a single muscle to conquer it, while I, a mere mortal, was living my own hell on earth. Yeah, life can be pretty unfair sometimes. The muffled music blaring in her house drew my attention to the crack in my shutter where I could see everything that was going on. All the people crowding through my neighbor's door, all the hysterical laughter and screams of teenagers desperate for an ounce of attention. It was all working like a perfect symphony ready to drive me crazy, especially on a Sunday night. Just the last day before we returned to school. Tyler's guests were the pure extract of what I would be forced to endure for a whole year. At such moments, puncturing my eardrums with the pencils hurled at my desk did not seem like the worst idea. I am pulled out of obnoxious trance when I feel the vibration of my cell phone on my bed, I pick it up in an instant and swipe the screen to read the message. It was from Luke, my best friend for years. "I need your help to pack up the team stuff for tomorrow, can you come over to the house? I'll pay for your Uber :)" "Okay, I won't be long :)" I don't know why we had this retarded habit of sending emoticons at the end of every sentence, it was already a common thing in our friendship. But well, this habit wasn't the only thing that raised questions in my relationship with Luke. Honestly? I had no idea why Luke hung out with me. Sure we have been friends since freshman year, but we are complete opposites. Luke manages to excel at everything he does, and now, by joining the high school soccer team, the spotlight will be even more turned on him, so that I find myself biting my nails at the thought of how easily they could blind him. Luke has always done well with the girls, making him considered one of the school's leading ladies. Clearly, now that all his prominence will be multiplied tenfold when he joins the team, my insecurity is already preparing me for being left out as he makes new friends. Nothing shows me that there is a chance of this occurring, but the voices in my subconscious would not miss a chance to pester me. Fleeing my thoughts, I go to the chair where I leave a pile of clothes that are not clean and not so dirty as to be washed. I throw my body into my black sweatshirt that was losing more and more of its color and my worn jeans, the perfect combination that I chose for 99% of the situations. My preparation is not long at all, and soon I ask for an Uber. Before I could finish the second song, I was already at the door of his house, this was one of the few advantages of living in that cubicle city in North Carolina. The road is very short, no matter where you are going. Before long I find Luke leaving the house wearing only some shorts and paying the driver with a few bills. I got out of the car and followed him to his room where I sat on his bed, watching with a simple smile the way he was desperate to get everything ready. -I need to pack my team clothes, my helmet, my backpack for tomorrow, the paperwork for the board of directors, and we still have to go to the party. - Luke states phenetically, justifying the strong odor of energy that dominated his house. My laughter that permeated his confusion evaporated when he mentioned the party. It didn't take a great genius to deduce which party he intended us to go to. Tyler's party had become a big event that he threw every summer. Just the thought of holding me in that environment for a few seconds made my stomach churn. -I'm not going to any party, I wasn't even invited. And you know very well that I can't stand that boy. -Who cares? Of course, Nathan, they are checking one by one to see if you have the right invitation. Stay calm, it will be great," Luke affirms while packing everything he needs for the next day. -Okay, Luke, but I'm not in the mood," I beg, with a slight ironic smile plastered on my face. -Are you going to leave me drunk alone? You're a bad friend. - The boy jokes while zipping up his backpack, hoping that his comical threat would be able to convince me to accompany him. -Yeah, yeah! - But as soon as I want to leave, I'll go. - I say, already giving up. -Only after you've stayed an hour. - He replies, turning his attention back to me with an amused smile. I knew there was no point in arguing with him, Luke always got what he wanted, no matter how hard I tried to maintain my opinion. I didn't care how the millions of therapists who consulted me disapproved of my passivity towards everything in my life, the only thing I craved was a little peace, even if, for that, I had to undergo several disasters. Well, let's be fair, most of the times that I gave in to his will, I didn't regret it, but I would definitely be making one of the biggest mistakes of my life that night. -Okay, fine. - I surrender, clenching my lip that expressed my latent discontent. -And I can sleep at your place? I don't want to be finished here at home. - The boy asks. -Sure, as long as I don't have to clean up your vomit or nurse you like a child. - I hiss and laugh as I recall the misfortunes I've had to face when he's been drunk that have taken the edge off my bad mood quickly. Luke laughs, nodding his head in agreement. Tyler Hills I could barely drink. I couldn't even maintain some of the cheerfulness that I found overflowing in every room of my house. My thoughts were focused on a single thing. A single thing that could definitely change the course of my senior year. At the same time that I looked forward to this day, I fully dreaded it. The more I longed for it, the more I wanted to run as fast as my legs could take it. I was hallucinating Monday's game, this would be one of the most important of the semester, the one that the coach always charged the team as much as possible. It was brutal, it was merciless. A defeat right at the beginning of the season threatened to ruin the team's entire image. The anguish dominated me without limits or healthy restrictions, I was slowly getting out of control just by the idea that any mistake would be fatal. Any misplaced pass, missed point or poor defense would compromise us in the championship, but worse than that, it would shake our psychology to the point of leaving us in a depressing slump. The same downfall that detonated the high school team two years ago. I was absolutely certain that anything less than the maximum my body could handle in this game would not be enough. Knowing this and reinforcing it every second was not enough for Madison who was crushing me with surreal pressure. Well, Madison and I had been dating since the beginning of high school, and as much as I admired her effort to be impeccable in everything she set out to do and the spotlight that blinded us with every kiss we gave, I could already feel our relationship growing colder and colder. Our love was crawling and begging for mercy, begging to stay alive after so many shakes that made it wither away. Everything was compromised between us, and, further compounding our silly teenage drama, everything indicated that she was only keeping me by her side to maintain her "status" or whatever. In fact, her golden hair like the sun, her rosy lips, her pale and smooth skin like a spring flower, and her body worthy of a Victoria's Secret model were not enough for the appearance she was striving for. Well, despite her increasingly apparent flaws and the relationship cold as the North Pole, I still loved her. I loved her like an i***t who was beginning to realize that I was nothing more than a mere trophy to her. The fact was that being with Madison didn't do me as much good as it used to. Jealous, possessive, cold, superficial, and very unfriendly. She was a walking cliché. A walking cliché that held me around her in a spell I could never break. I was fated to be at her side until she tired of my presence or found some other guy who would further enhance the image of the perfect Madison Gonzalez. The ringing of the doorbell drew my attention to the room crowded with people in every corner. With the music at a deafening level, I couldn't understand how it was possible to understand the simple ringing of the bell. Even more than that, I found it strange that anyone would actually care to use that button at a party that was losing its dignity with each passing moment of the night. I walked through the crowded room and answered the door, welcoming my neighbor and a guy I had never seen before. Nathan Scott remained with the same unfriendly expression as always, which contrasted well with the evident cheerfulness of his friend. I had not even invited them to my house, and I did not understand why Nathan wanted to be here when I was absolutely certain that he hated me. The only certainty that consumed me was that I did not want to get a headache about it, not today. I make room for them and signal. -The beers are in the kitchen, don't go into the bedrooms, you can use the pool. And please don't make a mess or act like an imbecile. - I welcome you as warmly as possible. Nathan looked at me with a disdainful expression, I had always felt this dislike from him. I did not mind this, besides, I did not have a good impression of him either. To disappear from their sight was a relief not only for me, but certainly for the boy who did not pay much attention to himself before he looked at me from head to toe with disgust evident on his face. The way he was annoyed with me only served to draw a few muffled giggles from my lips as I made my way back to the outer part of my house where my friends, or teammates that we only hang out together for that reason, still could not define, even with years of living together, the place they assumed for me. The hysterical screams were paralyzed in the air when I felt Madison's subtle touch on my arm, pressing her fingers against my skin that blurred amidst the dance of the surrounding colors. The rush on her face soon made me worry that I might have to deal with the party on my own. -I have to go, Ty, my dad just arrived at the airport and mom's on call at the hospital. You don't mind, do you? - The girl announces, already getting ready to leave. -Of course not... even though the idea of the party was yours, and I was hoping to at least be rewarded tonight... - I reply, trying to provoke her with a smile that intensified as her fingers went up to my jaw. -Tomorrow I'll do whatever you want. - She whispers in my ear, moving her lips down my neck until they meet mine. A certain coldness was already noticeable in our kiss, as much as she tried to make it intense I no longer felt the same heat as before. It was the same as kissing any girl in the room. Nathan Scott It only took a few minutes at that party for Luke to get completely drunk, I don't even know how it was possible if he was still on his third bottle. He kept trying to interact with the guys on the team, thinking they were having fun, that he was making friends or whatever, but the truth was that they were laughing at how ridiculous he looked. I assume the migraine of getting him out of yet another embarrassing situation he persisted in inserting himself into, but after all his rudeness and my relentless insistence, I decide to let go, hearing his complaints the next morning about how he was the court jester for three idiots seemed more appealing to me than even more stress at this point. If Luke insisted on being ridiculous, it's not my problem. My hypocrisy of blasting Tyler, and anything involving him, deepens even more when I realize that I was already walking up the stairs and looking at the entire house, paying attention to every portrait of the perfect, angelic Hills family. I would hate for them to do that in my house, but I wouldn't mind being the obnoxious scion. I walk down that vast hallway and see an ajar door, which, through the open gap in front of me, was revealed to be Tyler's. Exploring one of the rooms most reserved for him in his house became even more attractive when I ventured into the possibility of discovering something that would conceal the perfect shine he polished in his life. Entering the room surprised me in a few ways. To anyone else, this would be the basic bedroom of a wealthy teenager, but it was the details that attracted my attention. Unveiling the various family portraits that were spread across the shelves and walls was a shock. The angelic appearance that he maintained his room evaded my expectations of finding posters and a stack of PlayBoy magazines in some corner of his room. The neutral colors of the wallpaper, the light wood of the floor, and the beige carpet made him even more uninteresting than I thought he might be. Not even a federal detective could find the slightest difference between his room and a mere guest room, at least not by the soccer equipment lying beside his dresser. No other details gave the room any personality. -Hey, I don't want to be a bore, but bedrooms are not part of the party. - Tyler emerges through the door, closing it softly. Being caught in the act had my heart beating wildly to the point of leaping out of my mouth, shame incinerating me from the inside out at record speed. -I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here," I stutter, moving away from his desk and getting even closer to him. Damn, how did this become a teenage cliché so quickly? -I'm more in the sense that this house doesn't turn into a motel. But why are you here? I assure you it's more interesting down there. - He affirms, looking a little nicer than minutes ago at his rude reception. -Ah, my friend is insufferable when drunk. I wish I had left, but this kid might cause trouble if I don't stay and take care of him. - I sketch a slight fake laugh, forcing a sympathy as a form of apology for invading the boy's room. -You live next door, right? I don't think we've ever met, I'm Tyler. - He introduced himself as if I didn't know who he was, as if I didn't have the displeasure of hearing his name every day through the tumultuous halls of the school. I didn't expect such kindness coming from him, he even seemed a little different from the monster I had built up in my head all these years. Even if his friendliness was not consistent with the soulless creature I assumed him to be, that was not enough to convince me that he was a human being just like any other. -I know," I said dryly, changing my posture as soon as I noticed his discomfort. I am Nathan. - I introduced myself, still insisting on the fake smile that disguised the shame threatening to boil on my cheeks. A silence dominates after we introduce ourselves. There was no way for us to approach each other beyond a shallow introduction. We knew this, but we didn't care enough to try to create any contact in the silence that was broken after a few seconds that dragged on like hours. -Let's go downstairs, you can stay with me and my friends if you like. - The boy suggests politely, immediately aware of my dissatisfaction with his invitation. - Tyler insists, with a gentle smile on his face that performs with inviting eyebrows. -I accept, knowing that this would be the second big mistake I was willing to make tonight. What the f**k was I doing with my life? I had really lost track! I was going to be in a circle of people I simply could not stand and who were possibly even worse than Tyler. Just being in his house seemed like the beginning of the nightmare that would lead me back to my therapist, but agreeing to be around him and his friends seemed like one of the most unusual ways to commit suicide. Tyler Hills I glide my steps across the wooded floor beside Nathan. The whole passage from my room to the top of the stairs was in complete silence, broken by the music that increased in intensity with each step we descended. The boy didn't seem happy at the idea of being near me judging by the way he desperately searched every corner of my house, probably looking for someone to use as an excuse to disappear. I hold his shoulder amiably, guiding his steps and diverting us from the crowd until we could reach the kitchen. The atmosphere in the room was as troubled as all the rest of the house, marked by teenagers scattered about with a bottle of drink. I withdraw my hand from the boy, throwing my arm toward the freezer from which I pull out a beer. I hold it out toward him, who seemed unsure of the idea of ingesting the liquid, but follows seconds later as his confused look evaporates from his face. -Thank you. - He thanks me, sketching a forced smile between his lips. Nathan looked completely out of place. His eyes remained fixed on the small bright screen, sliding his fingers aimlessly, only as a way to avoid everything that was happening around him. I arranged myself beside him, leaning over the granite counter. I consider the idea of trying some business as soon as I grab a drink, but am interrupted by the shout of Liam, one of the few guys on the team who didn't seem to hate me completely. His voice echoed slightly amidst the loud volume of conversation and the deafening music, but loud enough that I could hear him. -É... I have to go over there and take care of some things for tomorrow's game. You know where the drinks are, and the bathroom is the second door after my room. - I inform, approaching the boy's ear. I move a little away from his body and reach for his shoulder with the gentle touch of my hand as a form of farewell, coupled with the simple smile that escapes my lips and is reciprocated by him in a silent nod. Certainly, I would say that Nathan was like any other boy at school. But, with the little knowledge I have about his life and the whole business of his mother's death, it makes him much more complex than he appears to be. Well, it's not as if I really care, in fact our only real contact has been a few words exchanged. And nothing more than that was needed for his gaze to deliver the entire content of his soul. He was broken, everything signaled that he would never get over his mother's death, and he was already used to the idea. And also, the slight contempt he held for me did not go unnoticed, every body sign he involuntarily expressed assumed the unnecessary and poorly motivated anger he felt for me. Maybe the whole jock stereotype made him angry, or the false idea probably circulated in his head that only he had problems to deal with. The reason for his dislike of me was mysterious, and this made me a little more interested in approaching him. Nathan Scott I can count on my fingers, on one hand, the parties I have been to in my life. But, by far, this one managed to be the worst. The one hour I lent myself to the role of being in this place gave me that certainty. It gave me the certainty that no matter how hard Tyler tried a false sympathy, I could never like the boy or even stand him. I didn't want him to try to express a false good guy image, I didn't even know him but it was evident all the rot he was desperately trying to hide behind the perfect little life being a Hills. No smile and no kindness could make me digest him, everything seemed thoroughly fake and calculated. I make my way through the huddled space of teenagers to the Hills' crowded and dimly lit living room, finding Luke cast on the couch. Small, unpleasant scribbles spread across his face, no surprise when I consider that the boy was completely drunk and de-arcodized. For a few moments I consider leaving him there and quietly making my way home, but I refuse. In a few minutes his face had already gained space as a canvas for troublemakers to express their emotions, let alone what might happen if he remained tossed around for a few more hours until Tyler woke him up to send him on his way. I reach Luke's shoulder with the abrupt touch of my hand, shaking his body abruptly. The boy grumbles, moving his arm in the air in an attempt to hit me. -Come on, Luke. The party's over. - I stated, moving closer to his ear after crouching down to his height. I was still shaking his shoulder with one of my hands, trying to speed up the process of his awakening. His eye allowed a tiny sliver of light to enter, satisfying me by giving me an answer that he was indeed awake. I positioned my hands on his side, pushing the boy until he was sitting up on the couch and could open his eyes fully. -Let me sleep, go. - Luke throws his head back, closing his eyes again in an attempt to return to his rest. -No. Get up soon, Luke. - I shout, pulling on the boy's arm so that he could get up from the couch and we could finally leave the party. I swear that if I stayed another minute with a sound like that, I would completely freak out. The boy shut up, giving in to my wishes and getting up awkwardly from the couch. I wrapped my arm around his neck, making it easier for him to walk what seemed to be a great challenge in the minimum two steps he had taken. Luke insisted on keeping his eyes closed, making my goal increasingly difficult and increasing his dose of embarrassment, which by now was much greater than it should have been. -I'm taking you home, your mother will kill me and kill you if she sees the state you're in. - I murmur, moving closer to the boy's ear to make sure he hears me. He answers with a groan, finally opening his eyes slightly. Several people were watching us as we took each step through the tumultuous surroundings to the sidewalk. Well, I can't judge them, seeing a completely unconscious drunk boy being dragged from a party was not one of the most common things to witness. I wait. -That's it, good boy. We are already halfway there! - I celebrate satirically, eliciting another muted grumble from the boy who was making minimal effort. His eagerness to walk could turn a simple 15 meter crossing into a f*****g marathon. *** Hi guys, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! 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