Another Love Story

Chapter V: End of summer

Just as we had kicked off the summer at the town carnival, we had planned to end it there as well. And after closing down the festival we were all going back to Josh’s mansion in the woods for a final blow-out party before we embarked on our senior year. 

DOORBELL

Victor was there to pick me up, he wanted to walk me to the carnival like he had done at the beginning of summer and our relationship. As he planted his lips on mine, I could still feel the flutter in my stomach. After two months, he could still make me nervous. He took my hand and off we were. Remember how it was only a ten-minute walk to town from my house. Well halfway Victor came to a halt. I blurted out that the last time he had stopped in that spot, he had given me a present, my promise ring. As I playfully smiled, I wondered what he was up to. He quickly said that he didn’t have a present for me, well not a real one. But that he did have something to tell me.

‘I love you.’, Victor said. 

Did he just say, ‘I love you’? What the hell? Wait, was I really that surprised? We had been dating for two months. That and we had basically spent every single day together since summer began. He loves me? What does that even mean? We’re seventeen, what do we know about love? Did things just get really awkward because I haven’t said anything to Victor, at all. He gazed at me with those emerald green eyes that had once been so alluring but now seemed inescapable. I froze. I could see Victor’s face change, as if he was shocked that I hadn’t said it back. I could see that there were a million thoughts going through his mind. I stammered that I wasn’t expecting a declaration of love. My comment seemed to have made it worse. His face had gone from shock to anger.

He started to yell at me, asking me what I did expect. That after two months of worshipping the ground I walked on, being there for me whenever I needed or wanted him, of being patient with me. What that I expected? I couldn’t come up with an answer and started to realise that he had every right to yell at me. For the past two months he had given our relationship, he had given me, everything. Apparently, I hadn’t been giving him as much in return as he had wanted. Why didn’t I say it back? I had fallen in love with him. Doesn’t that mean that I love him? No, it doesn’t. Being in love with someone and loving them are two very different things I suppose. When you are falling in love, it is like you live on a pink cloud and everything is roses. Life is magical and you can only see the good. But to tell someone that you love them that means that you have gotten to know them as well as you know yourself. More importantly, you have gotten to know their flaws. When those flaws don’t drive you away kicking and screaming, but only make you fall more madly in love, that means that you love that person. At least, that is the difference between being in love and loving someone for me. Finding someone who drives me crazy and makes me love it at the same time that is what love is to me. So maybe I couldn’t say it back, because I wasn’t in love with him. 

Did I just end my relationship with Victor?

Those emerald green eyes were gazing at me as they had done so many times before, but this time there was no sparkle to be found. Victor waited for me to start explaining myself, but deep down I think he already knew what I was going to say. Before I could even utter a word, Victor continued walking towards town square. As we arrived at the carnival, the gang was already waiting for us. Joy and Mary noticed right away that something was wrong, and they pulled me to the side so we could have a little girl talk. The boys didn’t take much interest; they were busy discussing what game they were going to play first. I spilled the beans to Joy and Mary. At first Mary got all excited, believing that there would be another strong coupe in the gang that they could then go on double dates with. Because, for some reason, Josh and Lucas always said no to their invitations. Her excitement quickly diminished. Joy just stood there. She didn’t really say anything come to think of it. I felt overwhelmed and as the girls joined the boys in their discussion on which game to play first, I fled into the maze that was built out of straw. After about a minute or two, I was officially lost and plopped myself into one of the dark corner benches covered with straw. And as I sat there I realised that it had only been a few weeks before that I had lain there with Victor. 

It seemed so long ago, a carefree time that had gone too soon. How did I really feel about Victor? As I went over our love story in my head, I couldn’t help but see the magic of it. How he had come to town at exactly the right moment in my life. How he had treated me like a princess; which was just what I wanted and needed. How I was taken aback by his interest in me and how seemingly fast it all went. As I searched the deepest and darkest corners of my mind, I wondered if I should ask Joy or Mary for advice. Then again, when you ask someone how they know that they are in love you always get that same shitty reply;

When you know, you know.

What kind of bullshit answer is that? When you know, you know. You know what? I know the sun will come out tomorrow, but how that relates to love is whole other thing isn’t it. In all fairness, when people do try to explain what love is or how it makes them feel, they sound like complete idiots. I guess it’s inevitable, when you try to explain an abstract concept that’s been around for so long. And yet it is mind-blowing that after all things that mankind has accomplished, explaining the notion of love or to put it frank, to define love is still a task many simply avoid due to the complicated nature. But when you see a mother gazing into the eyes of her new-born child, there isn’t a doubt in your mind that that is love. Or when you pass an old couple in the park that still walk alongside of each other holding hands, you know it is love you are witnessing. When millions gather to light a candle in the aftermath of a catastrophe, you know it is love. But determining what it is exactly and if that is what you’re feeling, that is a whole other matter, isn’t it? I have now come to realise that I was looking for my answers in the wrong place. I shouldn’t be thinking about it; I should be asking my heart. Then again, if I have to ask, didn’t I already have my answer? Maybe I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that although Victor might be perfect, he was just not perfect for me. And there you have it. There wasn’t a shred of doubt left in my mind. The relationship between Victor and I had run its course. 

If at any time you paused to think about how you would describe love and found that you agree with me, that’s not love, that’s great minds thinking alike. (JOKE – laugh, it’s funny)

Back to the issue at hand. Victor told me that he loved me, and I didn’t say it back. 

BZZZZZ

27 texts and 12 missed calls. Apparently, everyone is looking for me. I group texted that I accidentally walked into the maze and got lost after only two minutes in there. Which was, if I think about it, only half a lie. When everyone came to my rescue, they asked me why I didn’t answer my phone, I drew a blank and simply said that I hadn’t thought of it. That just makes me look like a dumbass. But it was a better option then telling them that I needed some time to myself because Victor had told me that he loved me, and that had made me realise that I didn’t love him back. Which meant that I would be braking up with him. What do you think? I made the right call, didn’t I? Tonight was supposed to be another magical night! The end of the carnival and with it the end of summer. One last hurrah before embarking on our senior year. And we were going to end it in style, with the biggest party of the year at Josh’s mansion in the woods. Instead, it was turning out to be the worst night of the entire summer. I can feel Victor’s eyes on me. Those once beautiful and mysterious emerald green eyes are now a source of worry. His once soft touch now feels like he’s holding on for dear life, and maybe he is. His timid smile has turned into a frown. And my heart is no longer pounding with excitement, but rather with fear of what we now both know will follow. 

I wasn’t really in a party-mode, but I figured if I was going to have to break up with Victor, some alcohol might help things along. So, after playing all the games one more time and going on every single ride one last time, we went to set up for the party at Josh’s house. Lucas, Josh, Victor and Tim had already done most of the work, so when we got there, there wasn’t much to do. And when Victor cornered me to talk, I couldn’t think of any excuse why I couldn’t. So, we went for a walk in the woods around Josh’s mansion, to talk. Neither Victor nor I seemed to want to start the conversation. And after about five minutes of wandering around in the woods we reached an open spot amongst the trees. I realised that perhaps I had interpreted Victor’s actions wrongly. Why I might think that? Well as we were standing in front of a carefully laid out blanket, covered in rose pedals and surrounded by candles, one could come to that conclusion. I looked at Victor but before I could even utter one word, he lunged himself at me and we landed on the blanket. I kept my calm and asked what the hell that he thought he was doing. His facial expression changed. He explained that if I couldn’t tell him how I felt, maybe it was time I showed him. And with showing him, he of course meant going all the way. 

Okay, hold on for a minute. Had there been anything in my behaviour that night that might have given Victor the idea that getting physical was suddenly an option? He had told me that he loved me, I didn’t say it back. As soon as I had the chance, I had escaped his company. The drive over to Josh’s house, I sat next to Joy and the new boy-toy of the week. I literally hadn’t said a word to Victor ever since we had reached the carnival. To sum up; there was no chance in hell that I had given him the wrong impression about how I was feeling, right? Right.

Victor had me pinned down on the ground and I warned him to let go of me. When he replied with the words ‘or what’, a chill went down my spine. Not the kind of chills that I felt the first time I saw him, no, these were the kind of shivers you get when you realise it’s not a nightmare, it’s actually happening. As Victor started to unbutton my shirt I tried to stop him and pull free of his grasp. His grip only tightened.

STOP

I shouted at the top of my lungs. Victor didn’t even flinch. How could he do this to me? Only hours after he had told me that he loved me, now he was going to have his way with me? I started to do what I do best, try and talk my way out of it. As Victor pulled open my shirt and made his way to my back to open up my bra, I started to plead with him. That if he really loved me, he wouldn’t do this. If he really cared for me as much as he claimed, he would let me go. Victor froze. I thought I had gotten through to him. But as his emerald green eyes interlocked with my crystal blue ones, a terrifying thought crossed my mind. What if? What if he didn’t really care for me? What if he didn’t really love me? What if the past few months had all just been a plot to get into my pants? And when he realised that there was no chance in hell that he would, he decided to take matters into his own hands? Could it really be that he was that cold and heartless. And as a smile appeared on his face because he had known for months what I had just realised. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I had no idea who Victor was and what he was capable of. Those thoughts had gone through my mind in a split second and as Victor went back to unhooking my bra, I started to kick, scream and shout bloody murder. All it did was make Victor push me down harder. 

I had felt powerless in my life before. A storm of s**t that is headed your way, there is no outrunning it or avoiding it. You see it coming for you and all you can do is brace yourself. But I was never one to go down willingly, never one to back down from a fight. 

I kept kicking and wailing, hoping he would stop or that I would get him off of me. It was getting hard to breathe. I felt myself getting lightheaded. Victor had put his hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming. But his hands were so big, his hand didn’t just cover my mouth, it also covered my nose. As his other hand slipped between my legs and lifting up my skirt, I couldn’t hold back the tears. They came pouring out and as I tried to gasp for air, I started to lose consciousness. After a few seconds, I started to give into it, maybe it would be better if I wasn’t awake for this.

Was this really happening? How? How is this happening? What, I hadn’t gone through enough crap in my life? Or is it because I’ve had to deal with so much pain and grief in my life, I can handle it? Is this what I get for opening up, is this what I get for trying? Yeah, thank you universe. FYI; you suck. 

I don’t know for how long I was out, but I started to feel warm and as I slowly regained consciousness. I startled when I saw Victor lying next to me. He was bleeding from the head, had a black eye and didn’t seem to be awake. Honestly, I felt a sense of relief at first. Whatever had happened, it was over. And Victor got his ass kicked in the process. Which is what he deserved; that is the understatement of the year, but I’ll take what I can get at this point. I looked around and in the background, I saw red and blue lights appear. The police. Thank God, I had never been so relieved to see those lights. Someone must have heard, as I wondered where this person was, I tried to yell out. As it hurt like a son of a b***h, I realised that I might be hurt. And the no sound whatsoever coming out of my mouth only confirmed that. As I became more conscious, I became aware that my mouth wasn’t the only thing that hurt. My wrists were blue and it was still hard to breathe. I noticed that my shirt had been torn open but there was a black leather jacket covering me up. As I tried to get up a person in the shadow warned me that it might be better if I didn’t, at least not until the police and the ambulance got there. It was hard to focus; everything was fuzzy and blurred. So, I figured it might be wise to take his advice. And as I did, I wondered why I felt like I could trust this guy, there was something about him that felt familiar. Something I recognised, but I didn’t get much time to think about is as the police and the ambulance had arrived. Within minutes Victor was in handcuffs and paramedics were fussing all over me. They strapped me onto one of those stretchers and put me in the back of the ambulance. My eyes started to find their focus and all I could see was the back of a guy with a black T-shirt on, a pair of light blue jeans and white sneakers. Before I could find out who my saviour was, they shut the doors and we were off to the hospital. 

After being admitted to the hospital the sheriff came by to take my statement. When I told him what had transpired that night, I couldn’t contain my tears. He told me that I had put up one hell of a fight and that I was going to be just fine, physically anyway. The sheriff explained that Victor was going to be charged with assault and battery and attempted r**e.

Wait, what, attempted? 

I didn’t understand. The sheriff continued and explained that the boy in the black T-shirt had stopped Victor before he could … you know. And as the sheriff looked down at his shoes, hoping I would interrupt him because he was uncomfortable with the whole situation. I obliged and said that I understood. Victor didn’t r**e me; he didn’t get the chance. The boy in the black T-shirt had told them that he was walking home from the carnival and heard a girl screaming bloody murder. When he got to the scene, he saw that Victor was on top of me, that my shirt had been ripped open and that I was unconscious. At that point he pulled Victor off of me and a struggle followed. The boy in the black T-shirt kicked the crap out of Victor, and when Victor was out for the count, he had put his jacket over me to cover me up and to keep me warm. For as far as he could tell, he was just in time. Then the boy had called the police and an ambulance, just in case, and then waited until they were at the scene. The sheriff continued that the doctors who treated me also performed a r**e test and it confirmed what the boy in the black T-shirt had told them. 

I asked the sheriff who the boy in the black T-shirt was and where I could find him. The least I could do was thank him for coming to my rescue. The sheriff told me that the boy in the black T-shirt had followed the ambulance to the hospital and had been waiting just outside my room, to make sure that I was okay. I asked the sheriff to let the boy with the black T-shirt in on his way out.

White sneakers, a pair of light blue jeans, a black T-shirt, half-long black locks of hair and dark hazelnut brown eyes. What the f**k, Declan Knight? Declan freaking Knight is the boy in the black T-shirt that saved me? Oh dear God, kill me now.