Can I love him

Everything will change, I am going to reinvent myself. This is going to be perfect. I have no other choice. After him and what he did. I don’t think I can go on fooling myself anymore. “Get out of the bathroom already!” Halley screamed from the other side of the door. My understanding roommate. Well not anymore I guess. I am finally leaving this s**t town and all the people here. “Give me a minute” I say back. I take another look in the mirror before grabbing the rest of my toiletries. “I am done now.” I say as I exit the bathroom to see Halley standing there with a dissatisfied look on her face. “I am going to miss having you hog the bathroom” she says with a disgusting smile. We only lived together a short while, but could she be anymore of a brat. “Yeah, sorry about that. It has been a long week with all the moving. I needed some extra time to fix my face.” I say with a sweet smile. I don’t particularly like her, but she was never mean or rude just annoying. I grab her in for a hug before I jump out the door and into the cab that’s waiting to take me to the airport. Finally I am getting out and starting my new life. My family is long gone and being the last in the family alive at least I have the money they left me. So my flight was long but still flying first class is just the best when the trip is long. It gives me time to think about all that has happened. I can’t believe it took me a year to figure out that the dominant man I had given my submission to was a sleazy man with no moral compass. Although I had agreed and all was consensual, I still feel like I got the short end of the stick. b**m is supposed to be a mutual thing, not me ending all relations to others and being at their neck and call. How can I be with someone like that. Guess that is why I am starting over again with a new city and new people. I am taking a break from all the stress and going to live with one of my oldest friends. Jenny is going to help me and I am going to take a break from any relationship. This will be great. “Jenny!” I scream in her ear as I run into her arms at the airport. “Jesus Kate, not so loud. You’ll break my eardrums.” She half laughs back in my face holding the sign with my name on it. Like I couldn’t recognize my best friend and her gorgeous curly hair from a mile away. “Sorry, I just missed you so much. I can’t believe I’m here and we get to live together” I smile at her. She grins at me like when we were ten years old again about to raid the kitchen for snacks. “What is that grin for?” I question her as I know we are about to do something stupid. “You are here. There is a party. And we will go there. And we will celebrate our reunion.” She says emphasis on the “will” part. “And why do I have a feeling that I won’t like this?” I question her with a raised brow. “Because it’s at a b**m club.” She says with a sly smile. I give her a look of disapproval, but before I can say anything she continues. “Come on, it is just a party. It will be fun” she says with a small grin. “Besides, you might not need a dom, but you still need a good play” she says knowing that I have been deprived of any play or s*x for three whole months. “Please if I wanted that I would go” I say trying hard not to let my emotions run with the obvious anticipation of being dominated by a dom again. “We are going and that’s final. I already sent out the rsvp and just because you don’t want a dom don’t mean you can’t play for one night” she says as we get in the car to go to the new apartment we are renting together. “Fine, but I am not going to do anything with anyone.” I say as I know arguing with Jenny will not get me anywhere. “Good” she grins as we take off. “Here take this we have to get ready” Jenny says handing me a glass of champagne. “And we need alcohol for that” I ask as she walks into the closet to find something to wear. “No but if we do this we do it in style” she says coming back with a black dress handing it to me. I take a look at the dress and decide to take a large sip of the champagne before trying it on. Jenny is excited for the party, me however not so much. It is not like I’m nervous or anything. It is just that I have not been out to a bar like this since before I met him. That means a year and at least three months since I have been in a bar let alone one of this kind. b**m clubs are great and a good way to connect to people like yourself, but it is also very intimate kind of setting. Who am I kidding I am nervous, it has been so long and I am not used to all that is in the lifestyle anymore. Being tied to one person can really make you lose yourself and your way of life I guess. I look in the mirror. The dress is perfect. It hugs all my curves perfectly and embraces my breasts making them more attractive. It is mid thigh length with straps along the waist and a bare back. “Damn you look good” Jenny says coming back from the closet in a beautiful blue dress. Dark blue short and tight with black straps to hug around her curves. “Says the porn star.” I say staring. “You plan on getting all the attention tonight” I continue as she hands me a pair of black strapped high heels. “Of course. We have to show it while we still got it you know” she grins while giving me a small twirl. “Just don’t bend down or we will be able to see what kind of underwear you have on. Now that would make Victoria angry exposing her secrets and all that” I wink at her as we both fall into a laughter. “I missed you and this.” I say with a nostalgic feeling in my heart. “Come on let’s go have some fun shall we.” She says with a light tone and gives me a hug. “I missed you too” she says while we hug. Jenny and I were inseparable as kids. We grew up in the same area, and with our families doing business together, we naturally became friends. We used to do everything together, run away from our parents, hide from the mean girls at school and then the boys. Running with the bad boys and finding out we liked the same things and the same lifestyle. Jenny being the more ready and fast independent woman I know found out before me and helped me explore the world of b**m. We would go to clubs and meet likeminded people who helped us both find and navigate through a world of pain, pleasure and submission. How much hate we got sometimes and learning that the world we feel at home in is like walking on a tightrope. Not all in the community is nice and rules are broken or someone doesn’t believe in rules. Thankfully the club we were at when we were seventeen helped us find our way and how to find partners that fit. It was embarrassing for me at first. Having to talk about preferences and s****l preferences with a man alone felt weird to me. Jenny took to it easily and made me feel like I was bad at it, but the people at the club helped us through all of it. And Jenny and I ended having a better friendship than before. But when I turned twenty Jenny moved here and I was stuck alone. The friends I had moved or moved on. In the end I found a man I thought was the right fit. Turned out I was wrong about that and now I guess I followed suit and moved like everyone else. “Come on Kate” Jenny snaps me out of my thoughts. “The car is waiting, let’s go party already” she smiles and grabs my arm dragging me out of the apartment complex. •••outside the club••• “I can’t believe it” I said gawking at the building in front of me. “Jenny this is the most exclusive b**m club in the city. How?!” Jenny seemed pleased as she said “What I have connections in this city. And when I told a certain friend of mine that I have someone from the community staying with me. Well, let’s just say the community likes new people.” She said gleefully. “Besides I couldn’t just take you to any club now could I” she smiled. The club is one of the most expensive and exclusive club in the city. It has its own house doms and it’s own house subs. You can buy and rent them for an experience of the b**m lifestyle or to learn for themselves how to be in the lifestyle. They also teach others about safety and consent regarding some of the more hardcore parts of b**m to prevent injury or to help prevent accidents. They have all kinds of people at the service of those in the club. Doms, subs, little’s, daddy’s, masokists, dungeon masters, sadists and more. I am starting to get excited for the night. These clubs are hard to get into and even harder not to go to when you can. The rules and safety of these types of clubs are something else. Red bands for those who are taken, yellow for those who are only there to play with staff and not wanting attention from other cluber’s and the green bands for those looking to play with all. It’s like safe words without having to say anything. Everyone already knows what you are there for and you won’t have to explain to anyone else what you are doing there. We walk up to the front desk where Jenny gives the clerk her name and he informs us of these rules regarding the wristbands. He then asks us for our preference and hands us two green bands and brochures for the club. They have all kinds of floors with different kinks and plays as well as scenes we can watch throughout the night. Jenny hands me my wristband and I put it on. “Let’s go, I have a dance floor and a man to find” Jenny says as she drags me in to the club towards the elevators. “We are going to the common floor” Jenny smiles at me. The common floor is where you can dance drink and discuss how you will decide the night. It is also a good place to find likeminded people to enjoy those things with and there is no way am I staying out of the game tonight, for tonight only I will play. I might not want a relationship or a b**m partner, but one night of fun couldn’t hurt could it?