Unlikeable You

Chapter Seven

Trigger Warning: Physical abuse

Tyler rose to the sound of his alarm, the rise of the sun peeking through his window. He had fallen asleep sometime after staring at the ceiling. Whether he’d slept for hours or minutes, Tyler couldn’t tell. He sluggishly rose from his bed and began to get ready for school. He began by silently making his way to the bathroom, quickly showering, and briskly doing his other bathroom duties. Being quiet was a necessity. If Tyler woke his father up by mistake, there would be consequences. Then he’d be late for school and there’d be more. After he finished up in the bathroom he went into his room and got dressed, packed, then quietly left out the front door.

The school was a roughly twenty-minute walk from Tyler’s home. Typically, he and Daniel would walk together. Today, Tyler left a little late so he would miss him. Tyler wanted to shy away while he could. He wasn’t quite ready to be confronted with what had happened the day before. Tyler had felt the onslaught of nerves and self-destructive thoughts begin to flood his head the second he woke up. He remembered what Daniel had said and how Tyler had reacted. How the two of them had their first falling out because of Tyler’s stupid mistakes. Tyler tried shaking the thoughts away as he walked, but it was no use. Instead, he plugged his earbuds in, playing the music at full volume. It was loud enough to temporarily outshine any thoughts, in turn causing a steadily pounding headache. Tyler ignored it and continued walking. Thoughts and complaints could be saved for later.

He went through his day as he typically did—sitting in the back of classrooms, half-paying attention to whatever lecture the teachers gave. He didn’t have any classes with Daniel, but they usually figured out a way to walk with each other every now and then. The first time they’d usually meet would be at the end of the class Tyler was in. Tyler tried to ignore the growing anxiety in his gut but it started to get the best of him. He couldn’t rely on his music during class. He fumbled in his seat as his heart raced.

“Everything okay, Tyler?” the girl next to him asked. It was Emilia. She and Tyler had grown somewhat close in the past few years of high school. Although the two of them never saw each other outside of school, Tyler would consider her somewhat of a friend. 

“Yeah, I just need to pee,” he lied. Emilia looked at Tyler for a moment but dismissed it with a chuckle.

“Well don’t pee yourself, okay? Class will be over in a few minutes.” Her words brought a new wave of anxiety but Tyler just smiled and nodded. He turned back to his desk. Fixating on the worksheet in front of him, he tried his best to ignore the beating in his chest.

When the bell rang, Tyler flinched. He was on edge. Deep down he knew he didn’t need to be, but he was. Daniel could have gotten angry overnight and decided he hated Tyler. He could scream out that Tyler is gay in the hallways of their homophobe-ridden school. He could punch Tyler the second he lays eyes on him. The irrational possibilities filled Tyler’s mind as he walked out of class. When a familiar hand placed itself on Tyler’s shoulder, he flinched again.

“Hey, stranger,” Daniel said softly. Tyler could tell Daniel was being careful with his words. A result of his regrets from last night—he didn’t want to mess things up again. Tyler felt his own anxieties subside. Daniel wouldn’t intentionally hurt Tyler. He wouldn’t out Tyler, much less hate him. Tyler was reminded his thoughts were irrational and absurd. Daniel was a good person. He was a good friend.

He gave a small smile. “Hi.” The two of them walked in the direction of their next class, a small silence enveloping them.

Daniel spoke up. “So about yesterday—”

“It’s fine, Daniel,” Tyler responded immediately. It wasn’t.

“No, it’s not, Tyler. We both know it’s not. I said something super f****d up and I hurt you and—”

“You said something that’s true. All I do is bring you into my mess and f**k things up for you. It’s a fact, and it’s fine. We really shouldn’t talk. I don’t take back what I said,” Tyler said, sounding sure of himself. He had thought over things for a long time last night before he’d passed out. He had thought his initial choice was the right one. Daniel didn’t deserve to go through what Tyler was putting him through. But with that, he couldn’t push Daniel away. He also knew if they talked things out, the cycle would repeat itself. Tyler was at a crossroads, trying to split himself in half to go both ways.

“But I do regret it, Ty,” Daniel said. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. “I was trying to get you to understand why I didn’t want you to go and... and I said something I didn’t mean. I didn’t want you to get hurt but I ended up hurting you. I’m sorry and I’ll never stop being sorry. I want you to understand that.”

Tyler sat with that for a moment. He wanted to immediately tell Daniel to go back to how things were. But, he couldn’t. He would hinder Daniel if things kept going. Tyler’s dad could get involved, making things worse. He didn’t want to risk it.

They arrived at Tyler’s classroom as the bell rang. “I do understand, Daniel, and I’m not mad, alright? I forgive you, but I can’t leave home again. I can’t stop you from following me there but… but I can’t just up and leave even if I wanted to,” Tyler explained. 

“Even though you want to,” Daniel corrected. 

Tyler chuckled and turned to enter the room. “Yeah.”

Daniel and Tyler had different lunches, so they could only see each other during a few passing periods. When they met up, neither of them brought up their last conversation. Eventually, the end of school rolled around. Tyler had grabbed all his things and began to walk home.

As he walked, someone patted his head. “Walking off without me?” Daniel asked. He wore a bright smile as he slugged his backpack over his shoulder. Tyler felt a small amount of unease hit him. He had wanted to avoid Daniel in case his father saw them walking together. His father could lash out, or the two could have an argument again. Tyler wanted to rule out both options. He had already failed, though. Pushing Daniel away was nearly impossible.

“I thought you had practice...?” Tyler responded. Daniel shook his head as they continued walking.

Daniel chuckled light-heartedly. “Not today. You know that.”

Tyler shrugged. “I forgot.”  It was obviously a lie—Tyler knew very well which days to wait for Daniel and which to just head home—but they both pretended it wasn’t.

“It’s okay, I forgive you,” Daniel joked, dismissing it. Tyler let out a light chuckle. A peaceful silence enveloped them, neither of them daring to break it.

Once they arrived at Tyler’s house—the closest of the two—they turned towards one another. Tyler’s heart was beating rapidly. It felt as if he was sneaking around, even though the two of them had been walking together since kindergarten. His heart pounded in his ears through the silence.

Daniel spoke first. He looked serious. “Make sure to let me know if anything happens, okay? Just a call or text and I’ll be there.” There was a brief pause.

Tyler gave a soft smile. “Everything will be fine. But yeah, I got it.”

Daniel opened his mouth to speak again, but Tyler’s front door opened. His father stood outside, signaling Tyler to come inside.

“Inside, Tyler,” the man called. Tyler froze for a moment. After spending the entire day feeling the guilt of hanging out with Daniel and “rebelling” against his father, Tyler questioned if he was in the wrong. It was just an innocent walk back home like always, right? Tyler’s mind started to buzz. How could he explain what was happening? Did he need to explain? He took a deep breath and took a step towards his house. Daniel stopped him with a grasp of his wrist.

“Do not forget what I said. I’m serious,” Daniel said. Tyler nodded, walking away.

“Get going, boy,” Tyler’s father addressed Daniel. The aforementioned glared at the man, then gave a softer look to Tyler before walking away. 

“He has quite the pair on him,” Tyler’s father spoke to himself. His son ignored him as he walked inside.

Tyler made his way towards his room and heard the front door close behind him. Once he set his bag on his bed, he turned to see his father at the door.

“So you and him are still buddy-buddy?” he asked, referring to Daniel.

Tyler tried to stomach his rising anxiety. He tried to act like there wasn’t a wrong answer. “No, sir.”

“So why was he walking with you? I thought I told you not to hang around him anymore.” Tyler felt his pulse quicken. He knew this tone. He knew the actions that came with this tone. “Were you two hanging around at school, too?”

“He followed me here. I tried to stay away from him but… but he wouldn’t listen,” Tyler tried defending himself. “It’s hard to just get people to leave you alone when you’re best—” Tyler was silenced by his bedroom door being slammed shut. Although it was only them two in the house, the closed-door made the tense air double

“I don’t care what you two are. I want him out of your life. Now,” the man demanded. Tyler began to feel himself shrink—a rabbit to a wolf—as he tried to save himself.

“It’s not that easy,” he whispered. His father walked up to him in a quick stride. Tyler felt himself flinch in preparation for the hit.

But it never came. 

Tyler looked up to see his father’s hand paused in the air, a look of confliction on the man’s face. Tyler looked down and let out a shaky breath. Maybe he wouldn’t—

SMACK.

Tyler’s hands flew to his cheek as pain blossomed, tears welling up in his eyes as a result. For a split second, he thought his father had changed. He thought maybe he wouldn’t get hit. Maybe the man had finally decided to just talk things out. Maybe he’d make an attempt to be a normal father. Tyler instinctively crossed his arms in front of his face in a pitiful attempt to protect himself. It had never worked before, but it was usually the only way he got a warning for what was to come. He waited for more blows, staying in the same position until he heard his door open and close with a slam. His father had left. Tyler sat there shaking. He temporarily put his arms down and felt hot tears stream down his cheeks. At least he only got one hit, he thought. It could’ve been worse. It will be worse. Tyler clenched his fists in frustration. Why did he have to take the blows? What did he do to deserve it? He let out a shaky breath before collapsing on his bed face-up. His father was probably attempting to drink his anger away, a tell-tale sign that Tyler was going to face worse things than a single slap tonight. Tyler curled up in a ball as his tears wet the sheets beneath him. Nothing was fair.

Tyler jolted awake to the sound of his door opening. He didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep. His father leaned against the doorframe in a drunken stature. Tyler panicked. He sat up and backed up into the corner of his bed, the farthest away from his father. He had no way to defend himself. As long as he could delay his father, he could at least be prepared. His father took a wobbly step towards him. Tyler’s pulse kicked in high gear and he began trembling. No matter how many times it happened, he was scared all the same. 

His father walked up to the bed and reached out for Tyler. The boy shrunk into himself more to try and evade him. It was useless, though, once the man grabbed his son’s foot and dragged him closer. Tyler let out a yelp.

He received a slap to the face before being pulled to the ground. He then received a kick to the gut, winding him. He let out heavy breaths as tears streamed down his face.  He didn’t want this. Tyler didn’t want any of this.

“I told you to stop hanging around that boy, and you don’t f*****g listen,” his father said. He released another round of kicks on his son. “He thought he had any control over what I do to you when I can do whatever I want to you.” The man was seething. Tyler tried to curl in on himself even further to blunt some of the blows.  The man then grabbed Tyler by the hair and threw him onto the bed. “I own you.”

“Stop it!” Tyler screamed. He tried pushing his father away, but it was no use.

He was too weak.

His father grabbed Tyler by the neck and hit him again. He then squeezed his son’s neck. Tyler gasped for air.

“You’re never going to see him again, you hear me?” He squeezed Tyler’s neck harder. “That motherfucker is never going to tell me I can’t lay my hands on you. Especially when all of your kind deserves a f*****g beating.” Tyler attempted to claw at his father’s hands, but it was no use. Why did he have to be so weak? So helpless?

“Stop—”

“And if I ever see him again...” the man continued, “I’ll f*****g kill him for real. I don’t care about a jail sentence. I’ve gone through worse things. Dealing with your mother… dealing with you.” 

Tyler’s attempts at clawing turned into small pats as he lost his strength. He tried his hardest not to lose consciousness, but a part of him told him to succumb to it. It told him that death would be easier, kinder. Tyler’s vision started to fade. He closed his eyes.

‘I love you.’ 

An image of Daniel flashed in Tyler’s mind, jolting him back to reality. If he died, what would become of Daniel? Tyler didn’t want Daniel to feel that pain, that grief because Tyler was too weak to even try, Tyler opened his eyes again, looking at his father.

“Stop… please,” Tyler began to beg. He held onto whatever he had left of his consciousness, using every second he would to try and evade his father’s grasp. He attempted to push him away, kick him, something to remove the hands around his neck. “I’m sorry.” Tyler broke into a sob. “Please.” Tyler felt as if he couldn’t do anything. He was at the mercy of his father. His consciousness started to slip for the last time, right until the hands around his throat released him.

Tyler curled in on himself and laid as a pit of coughs and sobs.  His father released a fit of angry curses, punching the wall by Tyler’s door before making his escape with a slam. Tyler tried to take control of his breathing, his lungs burning from being cut off for so long. He was shaking profusely, his body fear-struck and weak. All he could do was lay there in agony. His body was beaten and definitely bruised—something he’d have to deal with soon enough—and he’d barely made it out alive. He was tired. Tired of dealing with his father, tired of the threats, tired of life. So Tyler closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. For now, nothing mattered. Everything could be dealt with later.