Animal Instinct

I really don’t know what I’m doing. I should be getting back to my pack. Staying away from the humans like my alpha instructed. But no. I find myself once again sitting in this arena. I’m sure I look ridiculous. In my Dubinsky Rangers shersey, shorts and flip-flops, I’m dressed more for a day at the beach than a hockey game; but with my body temperature running higher than a normal human’s, the chill of the arena isn’t hitting me like it would the average woman my size. On top of that, I’m a spot of red in a sea of cerulean and gray. A lot of the other fans ignore me, but a few give me sneers. I return their distaste with an eye roll, getting comfortable in my seat. The text message alert tone sounds from my phone before the game starts, but I ignore it. I know it’s someone from the pack and I don’t want to deal with them right now. I’m skipping out on a pack meeting to be at this game, but I bought these tickets months ago and refuse to miss my boys in action. Biting my lip, I shut off my phone. If I’m going to get reprimanded, I might as well make it worth it. I only have to wait a few more minutes for the game to start and once it does, I forget about the disaster that will be waiting for me at home. Enthralled by the game, I cheer on my Rangers with every play, occasionally swearing when they do something stupid. Inwardly, I cheer on Antti Niemi. I loved him when he was with the Blackhawks and that love never died. Everyone else on the Sharks can get bent. All too soon, the game ends, pleasantly with a Rangers victory. I sit in the stands until the last possible minute, enjoying the scent of the ice. It’s mixed with the smell of sweat, arena food and beer, but I can pick out the smell anywhere because it smells like home. “Ma’am….you need to leave.” The words aren’t harsh, but they’re firm. I smile at the custodian, getting up. “Sorry. Just enjoying the atmosphere.” He returns my smile with a nod. Collecting my things, I head out to my car. A feeling of submission washes over me as I near my Cobalt. The wolf within me burrows further down. Confused at her reaction, I look toward my car. My alpha is leaned against the back, watching me with hard green eyes. Martin Fuller would seem like a pipsqueak next to a hockey player. Standing five-foot-nine, he lacks the barrel chested, footballer build of most alphas I’ve seen. Mr. Fuller has the body of a competitive swimmer despite being in his mid-thirties. He keeps his auburn hair short and neat so that he doesn’t have to worry about it while working as a professional chef. In dark wash jeans, biker boots and a leather jacket, he looks like the quintessential “bad boy” to humans. To me, he looks like the executioner. I whimper slightly, but continue with my death march. Once I’m close enough, he holds his hand out. Wordlessly, I give him my keys and go to the passenger door. I am miffed that I can’t even drive my own car when he’s around, but he likes to maintain the distinction of rank and power. I wait for him to unlock the door and get in before I take my seat. “Gracelyn, you were aware of the pack meeting tonight, were you not?” His tenor voice is cold. I sink further in my seat. “Yes, sir.” “And you are aware that you are on punishment, are you not?” “Yes, sir.” His jaw clenches as he starts my car. It’s silent for a few minutes while he reverses out of the parking space and maneuvers out of the parking lot. I can feel his dominance radiating off him. I am in serious trouble. This is the third time I’ve broken punishment this month. Admittedly, the first two times weren’t exactly my fault, but Mr. Fuller doesn’t accept excuses. “So explain to me why you not only failed to come to the pack meeting, but I found you skipping it to break punishment, Gracelyn.” I have to tell the truth. He’ll know if I’m lying and I’ll get even greater punishment for trying to lie. “I b-bought the tickets before the pack meeting was scheduled. And I d-didn’t want to miss seeing the Rangers play, sir.” I keep my head down but make sure my voice is loud enough for him to hear me. He growls but doesn’t verbally respond. He’s probably thinking of how to increase my punishment. We ride the entire way to my apartment in silence and I’m actually grateful for it. I hate it when he yells at me. The vein in his neck pulses oddly and his normally tanned skin turns red. I always feel like he’s one step away from kicking me out of the pack when he yells at me. It brings back memories of my first pack. I was turned when I was 14. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time had lifelong consequences. The pack in my area took me in, but they weren’t stable. The alpha barely had control over everyone. Three separate factions formed during my time there. They were plotting to kill him and each had a candidate ready to take over. As a newbie, I was left to fend for myself and no one took the time to answer my questions beyond guiding me through my first few changes. Before that alpha was killed, he petitioned Mr. Fuller to make me part of the San Jose pack. So here I am, part of Mr. Fuller’s pack, with no idea how to be in a pack. Sometimes I think my old alpha was stupid for sending me to this pack. Mr. Fuller is one of the strongest alphas in the United States and I’m certain he’s the sternest; his pack is also one of the largest with 50 members—supposedly most urban packs boast around 30 members while rural packs will grow to around 20. When Mr. Fuller made me part of his pack, he took on my “case” himself. My old alpha told me I’d probably get a mentor because Mr. Fuller runs a tight ship, but he didn’t prepare me for that mentor to be the alpha himself. Mr. Fuller parks in my designated spot before turning off the car. I wait for him to shut the car off and get out before following him. He maintains his stoic attitude while leading the way to my apartment. I almost want to shift and crawl behind him, but I know my wolf won’t come out. Eight years down the line and I still can’t force a shift. If I’m angry, sure, I’ll shift. But fear tends to hinder my ability to do so. “Sit, Gracelyn.” He’s unlocked my door. I go immediately to my couch, sitting on the edge. Mr. Fuller paces in front of me with his hands clasped behind his back. “Gracelyn, you’ve been in my pack for two years now. I know you know the rules because I drilled you letter perfect in them myself. Yet I find myself having to punish you for infractions a child would make.” I deflate slightly. He’s going to kick me out. My mind starts racing with different scenarios-- ways I can beg to stay, ways I can make it on my own. I know I can’t make it on my own. I still have little control over my shifting. “Gracelyn.” Mr. Fuller’s voice is sharp and my head snaps up, though I am careful to avoid eye contact. “Pay attention.” I sit up a little straighter. “Perhaps I have erred in my methods. Your personality had been set before you joined our community and this pack in specific.” “Sir?” He isn’t kicking me out? “I want you to succeed, Gracelyn. And I am not in the habit of brooking disappointment. So you will succeed.” I can’t stop the grin that comes to my face. Those are the kindest words he’s had for me since I joined his pack. His next words shock me into looking at his face, but I bow my head quickly. “What method do you suggest, Gracelyn? Because mine seems to have failed.” Utterly confused, I try to think of a response. “I—sir?” I want to think a smile crosses his face, but Mr. Fuller has never smiled in my presence. “What do you suggest? How can I best help you be a successful wolf?” I c***k my knuckles while thinking. I want to give him the best answer I can. “Maybe…maybe a different kind of patience, sir?” “Explain.” I change positions, uncomfortable. “You’ve been extremely patient with me, Mr. Fuller. And I’m grateful. But the kindness you’ve shown me feels cold. You’re my Alpha, sir. But I don’t feel very close to you so even when you tell me I’ve done something right, I feel like it wasn’t right enough.” He nods, sitting in my comfy chair. I move to the floor, careful to maintain the rank distinctions. “So you’re asking that I show more emotion?” “Just a little, sir.” We spend the next few hours discussing it. Mr. Fuller is adamant in his desire for my input. This is the first time I’ve ever been asked my opinion by a superior and I enjoy the talk we have. By the end, I’m still on punishment, but we’ve come to a better arrangement which will hopefully stimulate my growth as a wolf rather than stagnate it. My punishment, isolation from the humans, is extended for two weeks. It doesn’t stop me from working as I am the pack babysitter, but it eliminates my recreation time. Mr. Fuller is effective with his punishments. Despite being in a pack before coming to this one, I never left the human world. My old pack was barely a pack so I spent my time as I did prior to being turned: going to hockey games and hanging out with the few friends I had. When I got a secretarial job at a law firm, it cut my down time, but I still managed to do as I pleased. Moving to San Jose, I had to change jobs and leave all my friends. All my family is back in Anaheim. Not that they were much of a family. After my talk with Mr. Fuller, I feel like things are finally getting on track. I’ve been babysitting more, which is good for my bank account, and spending more time with my Alpha and his beta, Alec Withers. Alec is the complete opposite of our Alpha. He looks like a misplaced six-foot lumberjack. He stays clean-shaven though. When he has a beard, he looks 20 years older than his actual twenty-six years. Laugh lines outline his gray eyes and a smile is always on his lips.