Never Love Me Please

Chapter 5

Enrico disappeared after we got back at the cabins. Hindi ko alam kung saan na siya pumunta at wala akong balak alamin.

It was already mid afternoon. Medyo dumidilim na at malamig na 'rin ang simoy ng hangin. I went at the river where I was found sleepwalking. I sat down on the edge of the river, admiring how the water flows by relentlessly.

Staying here reminds me of the days where we would go to the beach every summer vacation. My dad would call those days idle days. He, and mom loved exploring even before I was born. They would go to places to enjoy and wander around.

Hanggang sa dumating ako ay ganon pa 'rin silang dalawa. I can say, I did had the privilege of enjoying all those moments while they're still alive. Now that they're gone I don't know if I can still bring myself to enjoy that kind of getaways because every time, it would only remind me of them.

"Umiiyak ka na naman."

Napa tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Si Enrico 'yon. Naka tayo sa gilid ko. Why is he here again. Mag iiwas na sana ako ng tingin nang mapansin kong parang may itinatago siya sa bulsa niya.

Hindi na ako nag tanong nang makita ko ang lighter na pinaglalaruan niya sa kamay. Maya-maya pa ay naupo 'rin ito sa tabi ko.

I didn't say anything even after what he said, instead I wiped my tears and just stared back at the water. Iisipin ko na lang dark noise siya diyan sa gilid ko. O di kaya'y bato.

"Kung hindi ka umiiyak, tulala ka sa tuwing maabutan kita." narinig ko pa ang pag bungisngis nito na para bang natutuwa siya habang inaalala ang mga oras na 'yon.

At ano naman kayang nakaka-tawa 'ron. Siguro ay may sa baliw 'tong si Enrico. May lahi kaya siyang kabute? O stalker lang talaga siya? I don't know if this is still a coincidence. Palagi na lang kasing naroon siya.

"But I think it's better that you're crying than staring blankly somewhere. You scare me when you space out, you know?" I felt him moved beside me.

I scare him? I want to ask him why but I didn't have the energy to answer a follow up question so I just stayed silent.

But after a moment of silence, like he knew what was going around in my head, he moved closer and made me look at him by tapping on my hand.

"Hindi mo ba ako tatanungin kung bakit?" his eyes bore unto me like I was something worthy to even look at.

Mabilis kong pinutol ang tingin na 'yon. What was his deal really. Hindi ba niya alam na nakaka-ilang ang mga tingin niyang ganiyan?

"Bakit." that didn't even sound like a question.

"Because at those times... you look like you're ready to give everything up. Like that person I know." I heard him sigh before moving back.

There he goes again. Speaking of that person as if trying to picture me in the likes of the person he kept on talking about.

"Then don't look at me." mahinang sabi ko.

It's not like I want him to see me anyway. I'm through with other people pitying me. I just want to go on my way without having to be looked at like I was some kind of an invitation for a pity party.

"Can't help it."

Napa kunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Madalas talaga ay hindi ko siya maintindihan. Parang lagi siyang nagtutula sa mga sinasabi niya.

Tumahimik na ulit kami matapos 'yon. Hanggang sa nag desisyon na akong bumalik na nang cabin ko. Nainip na ako kaka-tingin sa kung saan saan. Gusto ko na lang biglang matulog.

Tatayo na sana ako nang mamali ako nang apak sa bato dahilan para mawalan ako ng balanse. Napa-pikit na lang ako. Pero imbes na patag ay mainit at matigas ang pinagbagsakan ko.

Nang idilat ko ang mga mata ko ay sumalubong sa'kin ang nakaka-inis na ngisi ni Enrico na siyang sumalo sa'kin.

Napa irap na lang ako at aalis na sana nang higpitan niya ang kapit niya sa'kin. Pinanlakihan ko ito ng mata at tsaka siya hinampas sa balikat.

"Isa. Bitaw." mariin kong sabi pero parang mas lalo lang itong nasiyahan dahil umayos pa ito ng higa gamit ang libre niyang kamay.

"Say please then I'll let you go." aniya at tsaka pinagtaasan ako ng kilay.

Sa inis ay hinampas ko siyang muli pero tinawanan lang ako ng bwisit. Nakakahiya na 'tong pwesto namin. Mabuti na lang talaga at wala masyadong nakaka-alam ng lugar na 'to.

"Come on, say it. Or we can just spend the night here." lumaki lalo ang ngisi nito at nag kibit balikat pa nga.

Nakaka inis.

"Please!" nanatiling matalim ang tingin ko sa kaniya matapos kong sabihin 'yon.

Ano ba kasing problema nito. Sinubukan kong yugyugin ang katawan ko para maka wala sa kaniya pero lalo lang humigpit ang kapit niya sa'kin.

"Wala bang mas malambing pa diyan?" He jokingly put out a sad face, clearly enjoying this kind of trip.

"I hate you." mahinang bulong ko, naiinis na sa ginagawa niya.

"Come on. Just say it—

"Just let me go. Please." I looked at him directly, signaling him that I'm not enjoying this anymore.

Saglit itong natahimik habang naka tingin pa 'rin sa'kin. Nang maramdaman ko ang pag luwag ng kapit niya sa'kin ay umalis na 'rin ako agad at tsaka dumiretso sa cabin ko.

Bwisit na 'yon.

Magt-thank you sana ako dahil sa pag salo niya sa'kin pero nang dahil sa pang aasar niya lalo lang akong na-bwisit sa kaniya.

I locked my door and went straight to my bed. Niyakap ko ang unan na naabot ko at tsaka tumingin sa labas ng bintana.

Until now I still don't get why he's suddenly acting so friendly towards me. I just can't put out a justifiable reason to his motives. It's not like we even have a normal interaction before all this.

Why am I even thinking about him? I should probably stop entertaining his stupid antics so he would finally stop bothering me.

I guess that's a much better solution to all this.

I was about to close my eyes when I heard my phone rang.

Ilang segundo kong tinitigan ang phone ko bago 'yon kinuha. This is either Tiya Amara, or Tiyo Carlos. Which I don't like taking calls from but they wouldn't call at this hour if it's not urgent so I just took a breathe before answering it.

It was Tiya Amara.

"Where are you?"

That's right. No hello, not even a proper greetings. That's my family for you.

"I'm out."

I heard her sighed. Based on her background noise, I'm assuming she's at home. I could hear my cousins voices.

"Have you thought about what I told you?"

That got me thinking for a while before I finally remembered.

I see. The reason she called was to ask if I've already made up my mind. Last month, she called me too, asking me to go to Spain and live there with her family.

Tiya Amara is my mom's oldest sister. Ever since my parents passed, she's been asking me to live with her but I just can't leave our house behind. Let alone when our other relatives has been eyeing that property and they just can't wait for me to leave so they could finally covet what my parents had worked hard for.

I can't let that happen. That was the only thing that's left of me that reminds me of them. There's no way I'd easily give that up. Even if I have to use up all the trust fund they left me to keep it.

"My answer's still the same Tiya. I like to continue living here. Please don't call to ask me about that again."

After that I ended the call. I hate how they're always pushing things when it comes to me. Even my own parents won't do that. How could they possibly think they can?

The next day we finally went home. As usual, sa school ang drop off kaya kailangan ko pa ulit sumakay ng jeep para maka uwi.

Hindi na ako nakipag usap pa sa mga taong nandoon. Hindi ko na 'rin pinansin si Enrico kahit na sinabihan niya akong sumabay na lang sa kaniya pauwi.

Agad akong pumara ng jeep at tsaka sumakay nang may dumaan sa harap ko. Inaayos ko sa harapan ko ang dala kong bag nang biglang pumreno ang jeep dahilan para mahulog ang hawak kong wallet.

Napa buga ako ng hangin sa inis at dadamputin na sana 'yon nang maunahan ako ng ibang kamay. Mabilis naman akong napa tingin sa kumuha at ganon na lang ang gulat ko nang makita ko si Enrico na naka-upo sa harapan ko.

"Clumsy." aniya at tsaka umiling pa.

Speak about deja vu.

But why the hell is he here when he has his car?