After She Left

FOUR

"There's an ocean inside of me. Put your ear against my chest and listen, it rages for you."

-Johnny Nguyen

I had spent the past hour locked in my bathroom. It felt easier to ignore what was happening than facing it. Yet the irony was undeniable - even when the past had caught up to me, I still tried to avoid it.

Get it together Ruby Gold, my inner voice said, you're better than this.

I smiled to myself, moving my sleeve up a little, revealing the bottom of the tattoo I had made back in the UK. It was both the tattoo and the scar beneath it that served as an obvious reminder of what had happened. That and the feeling at the pit of my stomach whenever I thought of her.

Stop pitying yourself, the voice said again.

With that I got up, washing my face once again and putting my hair in a bun. I opened the bathroom door, inhaling deeply to help myself with the "get it together" situation.

"She lives," Luke grinned at me, laying in my bed once again.

I groaned: "jeez, do you know what "stay away" means, Lu?"

His grin only grew: "sure, but it doesn't mean I don't ignore it whenever I hear such words."

He got up walking over to the shelf on which stood a bottle of vodka and 2 shot glasses: "besides, I figured you'd need a shot, bella."

I couldn't help but smile. Luke and his shots, that's our thing I suppose. To him, the shots replaced the need of running away. To me? Well, I just ran away regardless.

"Remember that time when Blake was stitching Eden's wound and we were up in the room listening to "Give me love" and taking shots?" I asked, my mind drifting back to the past.

He didn't look at me, just giving a slight nod while pouring the shots.

"You told me you hope we both make the right choices and not let the b***h drag the other down if one makes the wrong one," I started memorizing what he'd said about mine and Eden's relationship.

"And suddenly I'm not enjoying the trip down the memory lane anymore," he chuckled handing me one shot.

I took the shot, smiling as the liquid tickled my throat: "I guess I should have taken the hint about her not deserving for her pain to go away. It was me that was hurting all along, wasn't it?"

He raised a brow, a shocked expression on his face: "I take back calling you a genius if you needed 6 months to figure that out."

I nudged his side, stealing his shot and swallowing it as well: "it's clear to us all I was stupid about a lot of things back then."

"Bella, I don't think it was all an act. Besides no one could blame you, you're only a human," he pinched my cheek, "now, how can we turn on some music in this place? We need some Miley Cyrus in our system right now."

I grinned, taking the Ipad from the shelf and throwing it in his hands. He winked at me, Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking ball" blasting through the room in a few seconds.

And that's how we spent the following hour or so.

//

"I can't!" I whined, shaking my head.

Luke grinned at me: "bella, come on, I believe in you, just do what I'm doing."

He danced to the music seductively, giving me a wink, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, then doing a split on the ground, twerking while still in a split on the ground.

My mouth hung open: "wow."

He got up, messing up my hair with his hand: "your turn, bella."

"Yeah, not happening," I took another shot, "time to face the demons, Lukey boy."

"Wait.." Luke tried to stop me but I had already opened the door, walking out like a boss.

"The queen is here, bitches!" I shouted from the balcony, walking to the elevator, knowing well enough there was no way I could get down the stairs without hurting a part of my body.

"Jeez, bella, you sure are a fast drunk person," Luke ran after, panting in the elevator.

The elevator opened and I walked straight to the kitchen, wanting to find some snacks for my poor vodka filled stomach.

"Blakey you better have some food!" I said, seeing him, Andre and Hanna there.

Hanna laughed at me: "preciosa, are you drunk?"

Luke only now reached me, tripping over my leg and nearly faceplanting the floor. He raised a hand: "I'm good, no worries."

"You two can never be left alone, there's always shots involved," Blake shook his head, helping Luke up.

"Wifey, no worries, I'm not cheating on you," Luke was trying to kiss Blake.

Blake put a hand on Luke's head in an attempt to stop Luke from kissing him: "let me take this one to bed. Someone, please give the other mess something to eat and sober up. Also, a shower wouldn't hurt."

I sniffed my shirt, shrugging: "personally, I think I smell like a perfect mixture between pizza and Harry Potter."

They all stared at me in silence: "what? I visited the wax museum, don't judge me assholes."

"What do you want to eat, preciosa?" Hanna asked, changing the subject.

"Apart from you?" I chewed on my lip, thinking hard, "I'll just take you."

"Damn, Ruby, wish I knew this side of you sooner," Angel said from behind.

I turned around trying not to stumble over my own legs. Blake and Luke were gone, replaced by Angel and Eden.

I stared at Eden, feeling a bit soberer once our eyes locked. The first time in half a year seeing her, the first time in ever seeing her for who she really was. It felt as if time was frozen, my heartbeat syncing with hers, my breath caught in my throat. Yet again she simply looked like the girl I fell for, the anger following soon after as the lump in my throat grew. My lips turned into a grin as I took steps towards her: "Oh, hey there, Ed. Long-time no see. Want to pretend you love me and f**k me a couple more times?"

"Ru, maybe you shouldn't.." Andre said from behind me.

She just stared at me as I took slow, very wobbly steps towards her. There was no smile, no emotions even when I reached her, only the undeniable lump in my throat which I blamed on the vodka, I placed a finger on her chin, making her look at me.

"How much were you planning to ask my parents for f*****g me? 100 per time or more?" I tilted my head, still smiling. I was breaking on the inside, yet I refused to allow her to have this control over me.

She leaned closer, no emotions shown on her face: "you reek of vodka, Ruby. Get it together."

And just like that, just by her saying these 8 words, I lost my control. I raised my brow, slapping her as hard as I could with the hand I had placed underneath her chin. Her face turned to the side a little from the force, her jaw clenched. It sure as hell left a mark.

"You don't get to talk to me," I whispered, turning around to Andre and Hanna who's faces were as shocked as they could be, I smiled, "is someone going to get me food or what?"

"Huh?" Hanna asked, still not out of it.

"Food, babe, please," I smiled, "and Andre, please turn on some music, this silence is far too deadly for a drunk person."

They both nodded doing as I'd asked them to. A plate of sushi and glass of water was placed in front of me just when J. Cole's "No role modelz" filled the room. I put the sushi in my mouth dancing around.

Taking the plate of sushi in my hand, I once again turned around, dancing past Eden and Angel: "I'll be wherever Luke's at. Gotta wake that i***t up."

In a few minutes of tripping over every possible thing and eating sushi, I had finally reached my destination.

"Lu, don't you dare to sleep, I brought you some food," I said, walking in the room where Luke had spread out on the bed like a starfish.

Blake looked at me from the bathroom doorway: "you won't wake him up no matter what you do. Besides you already ate the sushi, Ru."

I looked at the plate in my hand, laughing at how right he was. So I did the mic drop with the plate, just because I was drunk and I could. The emotions I was feeling made me think I could do anything, she clearly could when she shouldn't of.

"Jeez, Ru, you can get hurt that way," Blake rushed towards me, picking me up and carrying me to my room.

"Dramatic," I giggled, knowing I was absolutely losing it.

He put me down on my bed and I spread on it as a starfish just like Luke had done.

"You are so comfy," I said to the bed, patting it.

Blake took my hand in his: "why is your palm so red, Ru?"

"Oh, I b***h slapped your sis," I shrugged, "hope you don't mind."

He chuckled: "she had it coming. But you two should talk it out, we're going to have to live together for God knows how long, it would help everyone if you weren't like trying to kill each other the whole time."

I smiled: "what would she want to kill me for? It's f****d that she hurt me so badly, she did so many terrible things yet it seems like I've done something to her."

Blake stood up, taking a blanket and putting it over me: "Ru, she isn't as good of an actress as she pretends to be, it wasn't all fake. Besides, as bad as it sounds, you were the one that left her without saying a word to her."

I snorted: "very funny, Blakey. That b***h is heartless, she doesn't love anyone but her and money and possibly "Quietus"."

He shook his head: "I think she went in thinking the same thing and ended up in the hole she had dug for you."

"Yeah, good I dug myself one too by falling and trusting her then," I smiled, closing my eyes as sleep was slowly overtaking my body.

"Welcome back Ruby Gold," Blake said, kissing my forehead, "don't ever disappear again."

I nodded slowly, smiling: "I won't because I'll never fall for her again."

"That's something you can't control, Ru," Blake said as I heard his footsteps leaving the room, "goodnight."

"Love you Blakey," I whispered, traveling to dreamland.