After She Left

"In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you." -Andrea Dykstra They all said it takes time to heal, and I had to admit, it really does. I originally had thought it would take a month or two the most, but after 3 months had passed of me still dreaming about her each night, having her as the first thought in the mornings, I realized I might have underestimated the whole "getting over your first love" thing. Then the 4th month passed and it got better, perhaps because I finally started noticing what was right in front of me or maybe simply because I finally realized what she had done. Half a year had passed now since I left my hometown since I ran from my first love. It sure took a while for me to get over her, but I did. Of course, there's a small part of every person that will always love their first love, because once you simply accept it wasn't meant to be, that it was okay to feel that way no matter how it ended, it makes sense that the person still has a special place in your heart. "What are you thinking about, Preciosa?" Hanna handed me a cup of hot chocolate. I took a sip, the mixture of milk, chocolate, and cinnamon making me sigh in pure joy. This was one of the many reasons why I loved her so much - she would always remember the smallest things about me, from me always adding cinnamon to hot chocolate to my weird habit of loving my wine with ice. "Just things," I smiled, patting the seat next to me, which she immediately understood, hopping down, whilst putting one of her hands around my shoulder, her legs resting on mine. "How are you feeling? No dizziness or weakness?" her eyes analyzed my face. I raised my brow, looking at her with one of my "are you being serious?" looks: "Han, how many times do I have to repeat - if something's wrong, I'll let you know. We seriously have this conversation every day." She smiled, a dimple appearing: "you can't blame me for worrying." I put the cup in the holder next to me, turning back to her, taking her fingers in mine: "perhaps if you stopped playing my doctor the whole time, you'd have more time to be my girlfriend." She looked away, seemingly thinking about the right reply: "hmm.. and here I thought you liked me playing the doctor, you sure don't seem to mind me showing the knowledge in the bed." I laughed, shaking my head: "you're so bad." She pecked my lips, winking at me before she got up: "you know you love it, Preciosa." "Where to?" I asked. She rolled her eyes: "where do you think? We're in a plane, not like I can go anywhere apart from bedroom or toilet, and since I'm clearly not taking you with me, it's pretty obvious it's not the first one." "One can dream, you know!" I shouted after she had already walked out of our "living room" part of the plane. The flight attendant walked in, smiling at me: "is everything alright, miss Gold?" I grinned back: "yes, Sally. How long till we land??" She looked at her watch, then back at me: "just 2 hours left, miss Gold. Would you like something to eat or drink?" I shook my head: "no, thanks. Go and rest." She grinned: "see you later, miss Gold." I took the cup, drinking the hot chocolate, whilst watching an episode of Skins. It was quite weird how things change in life, just like in the tv-series, it changed in mine too. Biggest change had to be dating Hanna, since I had no intention in dating anyone ever since Eden. But things happen, life goes on, and so it happened and life went on. She was already my best friend for as long as I remember, yet it still felt natural to be with her. The whole time in the UK she was the person who supported me the most, apart from my parents - be it cancer or getting over a heartbreak - she was there, even though we were both fully aware of her feelings for me, and my feelings for Eden. So I got better and she was still there, she is still here, it would have been foolish for me to not be with her, she is the girl anyone could ever dream of - smart, funny, talented, positive, supportive, not to mention insanely beautiful. And she is Hanna, if there's one person I could ever trust after Eden, it had to be her, as we knew each other inside out. Eden never called, never had I heard a thing about her, apart from my dreams or my mind. It was quite weird, to be honest, going from being with her 24/7 for weeks, then never seeing her again. There were times when I'd think I had made her up in my mind, that she was never real, because how can it happen, end the way it did. At these moments, however, I only had to reach for my diary in which everything about her, since the very beginning, was written down. A few pages simply filled with the reasons I loved her, the way she made me feel. This girl really took a toll on me. The last time I saw her, often played in my head. "I'll see you later, Gold," she said, getting off the bed, walking to the doors. "I love you!" I said when she was already out of the door. I sighed, yet another time I hadn't gotten a proper reply. I could only hope this doesn't become a habit. But then her grinning face appeared in the doorway, quickly walking towards me. She leaned down, raising my head with her hand, planting a passionate kiss on my lips. Her eyes found mind when she pulled back, smiling: "I love you too Ruby Gold." The last words I ever heard from her were "I love you too Ruby Gold" and sometimes I wished I had seen her that one last time, to end things, to hear the truth coming out of her mouth instead of the haunting words that felt so real, yet I had to make myself believe they weren't. The image of her grinning face, the feeling of her soft lips on mine, the words coming from her mouth making goosebumps appear on my skin - that is how I remembered her. And it took me a while to understand that there's nothing wrong with that. I was in love, I got played, I followed my heart, I shouldn't be mad at her or me or anyone, because, at the end of the day, there was nothing wrong with being in love and making mistakes. A week ago I found my dad in my room, nervously running his hands through his hair whilst pacing around the room. He was very upset with what was going with the company, simply needing to rant about it. That's when I found out the company had been having some problems back in the U.S, he wasn't sure if he could fully trust the people over there, yet there was no way for him to non- stop travel back and forth. So that's when I offered him to go back and overlook the company. It was the least I could do for them, besides I did miss my old house. At first, everyone was against it, it had only been a few months since my surgery and it wasn't clear if my cancer would be coming back, but when Henry stepped in, saying he can come with me, my parents agreed to it. They didn't know about what happened with Eden, but they knew we broke up and that death threats were coming from someone. The last thing they'd ever want me to do was to go back, but we all knew it was the best, if not the only solution, besides I did need to start learning to run the company since it was what I'd be doing in the future. Long story short - that's how I ended up on a private jet back to my hometown. Hanna walked in, her arms stretched above her head while she yawned. She walked to me, taking the cup from my hands and putting it back in the holder, then she turned on the music as loud as possible. Then she took my shirt off of me, whilst I simply laughed at her. "We're going to bed," she stated, not leaving any place for arguments. I couldn't stop laughing while she dragged me in the bedroom, shutting the door behind us. "Han, I must say, you're the most romantic person ever," I said, whilst she unbuttoned my pants. She rolled her eyes, pushing me on the bed, then crawling on top of me. "Do you honestly think I won't take the chance of having you whilst we are thousands of feet above the land? I'm not in the mood of wasting time," she smirked. "Then don't," I smiled, pulling her closer. She certainly didn't. As I said before, things change, life goes on. None of us had any idea of what would happen when we'd land, but I think there was a silent agreement that neither of us wanted things to change. However, you don't always get what you want, that's only natural. All I could wish for was that it didn't change and even if it did, it wouldn't be for the worse.