After She Left

TWELVE

"We cannot start over, but we can begin now, and make a new ending."

-Zig Ziglar

"Listen, Rob.." I started, sighing.

"It's Bob, miss Gold," he replied, visibly getting frustrated with me as well.

I smiled sweetly: "Bob... These are not the files I asked for. As I said before - marketing and management statistics are two different things."

He looked at me and it was very easy to tell he would tell me to "f**k off" if I wasn't his boss.

"You know what?" I pushed the files back in his arms, "my job is to run the damn company and yours is to be good at whatever you are supposed to be good at. So do your job properly and at least have the brain to ask google what files you need to bring to me instead of wasting my damn time by bringing me the wrong ones time after time!"

He stared at me wide-eyed and for a split second, I felt regretful. By what I could tell, this intern had to be here less than a week or seriously brain-damaged.

I went behind my desk to sit down, taking my head in my arms to massage my temples: "what are you waiting for? Do your goddamn job!"

He jumped slightly, running outside in a few seconds the same time Austin walked in.

"So.. someone's in a bad mood," Austin smiled walking in.

"Don't even start," I sighed.

"May I ask who stepped on your toes?" he took a seat.

"Does my reply matter?" I continued massaging my temples.

"Go ahead. Speak," he placed his legs on the table.

"Just confused, I suppose," I replied, shrugging.

The truth was that 2 weeks had passed ever since Hanna left and I had become a mess to the point it started to become visible. I had no clue what was happening to me, controlling my emotions had become an impossible thing to do.

"Tell you what.. Take a day off," he winked at me.

I rolled my eyes in response: "I only just started working, it would look as if I'm letting my dad down."

"Gold, I've been running this company without your help for years, I'm sure I'll manage a day or two more," he got up, holding out his hand for me, "besides your grumpy attitude won't do the company any good. To top it off you've done 2 months worth of work in the past 2 weeks, so you deserve a rest."

I thought about it for a second, deciding to go with it as I grabbed his hand. I knew at least 10 people had started hating me because of my emotional ups and downs in the work.

I kissed his cheek as we walked out of the office: "thank you, Austin. I really appreciate this."

He laughed: "you should've told me sooner that giving you days off would earn me kisses."

For the first time in a while, I genuinely smiled. As soon as I got into the elevator, I opened a bottle of pain killers, dry swallowing yet another one for the past hour.

I was thinking of maybe running away again, having a vacation, but I knew it would lead nowhere. Facing my problems wasn't as easy as originally pictured. Instead, I turned to something that truly calmed me down for at least an hour.

Instead of walking across the street to the apartment building, I went to a now-familiar alley, taking out a joint and lighting it. As the familiar smoke hit my lungs, I couldn't help but rest my head against the brick wall and smile to myself. This was so unlike me to do that I even found it funny. Once again, I was being a coward. But I suppose that's what I became when I first ran away from Eden.

The joint was far gone as I stepped on the leftovers. Here I was, in a dark alley, in my dress and shoes, getting higher than ever before.

As I was about to turn around the corner, something fell in front of me, shattering on the pavement. It was a glass of some sort, considering a few pieces actually cut my legs. I look up to see where this was coming from, yet there was no one it could have come from. The only thing visible was our Gold company building glass wall standing as tall as ever.

"I'm too high for this s**t," was the only thing I could voice out before continuing walking.

But the second I did I noticed a small paper in the middle of broken glass pieces. I picked it up, reading the "watch where you walk, Gold" sentence written on it. My obvious reaction was a snort, possibly too far from how I was supposed to act, but it wasn't like I could care any less by now. Was this meant to be a threat? Because it sounded more like a kids game.

I took out my lighter, burning the little paper and leaving it on the ground as I made my way home. I didn't want to waste a second even thinking about it.

"You're home early," Luke said from another room as soon as the elevator opened.

I couldn't spot him, but I assumed he was in the living room, spending his day rather productively by binge-watching some tv show.

Immediately I took my heels off leaving them on the floor, whilst walking to the kitchen. I rummaged through the shelves looking for something I would find appetizing for my rather high state.

"M&M's on the top left," Luke said, leaning against the wall, "thank me later, bella."

I remained silent as I reached for the shelf and stuffed my mouth with M&M's.

"Want a shot?" he broke the silence.

I looked at him, rolling my eyes. His eyes widened for a split second, but then he looked away.

"So you're into weed now?" he asked.

I shrugged, continuing eating: "do we have any pizza or noodles left?"

"Should be in the fridge," he said, "...bella, whatever is going on, I'm sure there are better ways to deal with it."

"Found it," I took out the leftover pizza, taking a huge bite and moaning, "this is so good."

Luke walked closer to me, standing between my legs as he grabbed my chin to make me face him: "Ru, you need to talk to someone. Me, Blake, Aaron, Lilly... It doesn't even have to be any of us, s**t, just talk. Do whatever. But this, getting high, keeping the f*****g skeletons in your head won't get you anywhere."

"s**t," I laughed, taking another bite, "Luke, I just want to eat this amazingly delicious piece of cold pizza. There's nothing deep about that as far as I know."

He ran his hands through his hair: "This is pointless."

I shrugged: "couldn't agree anymore."

"Can you at least try?" He asked.

"Try what?"

"To be okay."

I laughed, this time grabbing his chin: "this is me trying, Luke. It might not fit any of your f****d up versions of how to get over things, but it doesn't mean it's any less good. Everyone is different. I get drunk, I get high, I get mad, so what? You want me to try. Then try to deal with how I do it."

He raised his brows taking a step back: "got it, boss."

"Got what?" Blake walked in together with Eden, grabbing an orange juice from the fridge.

Luke sighed: "I'm out of here, I need a f*****g shot."

"So, let me sum this up, whatever I do to deal with things is not okay with you yet I'm supposed to be okay with you acting an alcoholic on a daily basis? You haven't even opened up once," I felt soberer.

Luke looked at me, the pain apparent in his eyes: "you don't know a thing Ru, just focus on your own wellbeing, won't you? I'm out of here."

And with that, he walked away.

Blake watched him leave, his brows raised: "mind filling us in, Ru?"

"Yeah, Luke hasn't acted like a hormonal teenager in a while," Eden laughed.

I hopped off the counter, taking the pizza with me but just as I was walking past Eden, she grabbed my arm.

"You've been smoking," she stated, looking into my eyes which probably gave it away originally.

I rolled my eyes: "I guess it's rather obvious, huh."

"Blake could you..?"Eden said before I interrupted her.

"Don't, Blake, I'm leaving," and I tried but the grip on my arm only tightened, "or not."

"I'll check up on Luke," he said.

"Yeah, Blake, amazing cover-up, thanks a lot," I shouted after him then turned to Eden, "you can let go, he's gone and I'm too high to run, to be honest with you."

But of course, Eden had other plans as she took me by my waist and placed me on top of the counter once again: "there, just to make sure. This is the moment you start talking."

"About my soon to be addiction or mood swings or..?" I joked.

"About what's going on with you, Ru," she cut straight to the point.

I'm not fine, I knew it quite well, but it didn't mean it was any easier to admit. I was as closed off as emotionally as possible. But considering the past, I suppose it wasn't even that bad.

"All I did was smoke some weed, get over it," I mumbled.

"We all know quite well you've been doing that for a while now. It isn't the biggest problem here. Just tell me what's wrong so we can deal with it, Ru.." her voice was soothing, as were her eyes I could so easily get lost into. But this wasn't a fairytale and she had already torn my heart apart.

"I'm trying, Eden," I admitted.

She took my hand in hers: "stop trying. It's going to be fine. Whatever is wrong, it'll be fine."

"Eden, it hasn't been fine and it isn't now. I'm just tired of this," I whispered.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, okay? I'll make it better, just tell me how," she rubbed circles on my hand.

I intertwined our fingers, noticing the familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. But it didn't feel the same. The dead butterflies weren't there anymore instead replaced by emptiness. Still wasn't sure if it was a good or bad kind of empty.

"Why can't you see that it can't be fixed?" I asked, looking at our hands, "it's too late."

She rolled her eyes, which earned a raised brow from me: "screw time, Ruby."

"Excuse me?"

"It's never too late as long as it feels right. And it does. Damn, Ruby, this, us, is the only thing that has made sense to me in years. You made me feel again, even if it was against my wish. Yes, I admit that falling for you was never a plan, in fact, it was the worst-case scenario that hadn't even reached my mind until it was too late. I messed up, majorly, now I will fix."

She smiled, giving me a wink: "And I'm not even asking for your permission anymore. I hate seeing you this way, it's also obvious I'm at least a part of the reason if not the whole reason as to why you're like this. I want that selfless, beautiful, naive yet incredibly smart and good Ruby back. And I will get you back."

I laughed at her speech: "Ed, you can't just come and say these things after.."

"No," she cut me off, "stop bringing up the past. I know it hurts, but focusing on the bad won't make anything better. It's about time we move forward, but to do that we need to let go of what holds us back."

"That's easy for you to say.." I sighed.

"Trust me. It doesn't hurt any less to be the one who f***s up," she smiled, "guilt is a bitch."

So many thoughts ran through my head, but one thing was certain, this girl was rarely ever wrong and I knew this wouldn't be one of the very exceptions where she would be. Besides, it wasn't like I had anything to lose anymore. I, Ruby Gold, had officially reached my lowest point.

"Alright," I sighed, "what's the plan?"

She smirked: "I know this amazing Italian place.."