After She Left

NINETEEN

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."

I was laying on a new mattress, in the same blood and mold smelling room, zoning out like usual. Apparently, the smell made him feel sick, not that running a blade against my skin or stitching my skin did.

He was still next to me, this time working on the next masterpiece that made me bite my lip in pain, the tears also escaping my eyes. But by now I was, surprisingly, used to the pain, after all, the "art" he created was far less painful than the stitching and taking out the stitches repeatedly.

What I learned, from God knows how long I was here, is that if you hold your breath it doesn't hurt as much when your skin is split open. Not that anyone would ever need such advice.

"Now, now," Austin leaned in and I visibly tensed, "you shouldn't make yourself bleed, that's my job."

His thumb touched my lip, which, based on the blood on his finger, was bleeding.

He smiled at me, going back to his masterpiece.

"I respect you," Austin said, which made me look at him for the first time, "for not screaming. You clearly don't want your pain to be visible to me."

I didn't respond, I don't think I had talked ever since I woke up. I was too scared to.

He tilted his head: "I wonder what you're thinking about right now."

"Is it perhaps a way to get out?" he smiled, "or a way to kill me? Or is it something about that girl, what was her name.. Eden? She's quite the character."

I decided to look at the door at 3 meters from my bed. The only way to get out. Had I thought about escaping? Would you be disappointed if I said no? My head was far too empty to make plans.

He laughed, turning back to my body and knives as I winced in pain, "let me tell you a story."

This was the first time in days when we were actually having anything that resembled a conversation.

"There was once a powerful and respectable man that met a gorgeous woman in a bar in New York. They immediately hit it off, and by that I mean as adults - they slept with each other, thinking it would be just a one night stand. What the man forgot to mention was the fact he was indeed married. And so what some might think was a tragedy, fate happened."

He sighed, turning his head at me and smiling: "In 12 months I was born. The man did everything to hide my existence, and surprisingly so did his wife. My mom, however, started using drugs more and more, not being able to handle the hardships the man had put her through, which eventually lead to her death when I was just 11."

I looked at him, putting two and two together: "my dad would never.."

He laughed: "oh, but he did. Little did I know the reason he dumped me and my mother in the trash was just that his wife was pregnant as well... With you."

I couldn't help but tear up. Not because I thought what he said was the truth, even though I could sense some of it had to be, but because he had gone through so much. I knew what he had just told me was the smallest part of what had actually happened to him.

"Austin, I'm so..." I said.

"Sorry?" he chuckled, "don't be ridiculous. Words are one thing - actions another."of

I shook my head: "this can't possibly make it any better for you. Let me help you. Causing wounds for others will never cure your own."

His face turned into a frown: "who are you to pity me? I have had everything - fame, money, a great job, women. It has never once helped me with the pain of the past that your family and you caused me. Because of you, I have suffered continuously in my life. It doesn't stop."

He took the knife and I could tell he was about to make one of the deepest cuts yet: "there are other ways, don't do this."

Austin shook his head, slamming the knife into my skin just as we heard a distant explosion.

"Austin," I looked at him as the air was kicked out of my lungs and I could feel the warm liquid escaping my body, "I'm sorry."

It seemed as if he went from angry to crazy as he repeatedly stabbed me. I wouldn't be able to tell how many times I stopped feeling anything after the second and drifted away.

The sleep was quite peaceful and I could finally think clearly.

I thought about the reasons Andre had done this in the first place, and I knew he would have never betrayed his family, there had to be a reason why he did it that would make sense.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed us. I know out of all people in the house you trusted me the most," Andre said.

I put my hand on his, smiling: "I get it. They're you're family. I'd never put another person over my family."

I thought about Austin and how angry he had felt, the suffering he had put me through because of me being born. But at the same time, I knew it was nothing compared to what he must of went through as a kid. He thought I took what was his, which I probably did. Perhaps it was about time I returned it to him.

I pressed the elevator button, smiling at him: "having parents who run the most known company in the US does take its toll on our time at home."

He chuckled: "tell me about it."

We walked in the elevator: "you're one of the kids too, huh?"

He looked at me for a split second, quickly adverting his eyes: "you could say so."

I thought about Eden and how she hadn't come even when I stopped being in pain. I wanted to be with her so badly, to enjoy this peace with her, but she seemed too out of reach of where I was. Did she at least try coming for me? Would something be different if she did?

"Hey, Ed," I whispered, lifting her chin, "I'm not going anywhere."

"But what if you do?" she asked, her eyes full of vulnerability.

"Then you'll survive and move on," I smiled.

"Don't say that, babe," she bit her lip, "I think what I feel for you can only be felt once in a lifetime, and if you were to leave, I wouldn't be able to move on."

I thought about Luke and how he laid there in his own puddle of blood after Andre had shot him. It was because of me too.

"I only have one thing to say about you two - I hope you both make the right choices and if one doesn't, don't let the b***h drag you down," he laughed, taking the shot, "it sounds like a bit of shitty advice and it probably is. But at this point, you have 3 choices. A - be miserable, B- drink Hennessy with me or C- drink Hennessy with me. And from my experience, belle, it's just easier to take B or C."

And finally, I thought about my mom and dad. I tried thinking about what happened, how it happened and why it happened. Because if there was one thing I had learned from this whole experience then it was the fact that all stories had two sides. It wasn't just she did that, or he did that, it had to be both.

"We're happy for you as long as you are happy, no matter with who," dad said.

"We appreciate you telling us, sweety. But what I'd like to add in is that you don't need anyone to be happy, the most important thing is to be happy with yourself. As long as you love yourself, nothing else matters. However, I am really glad there is someone you have feelings for, that is wonderful and I hope to meet her if you'd let us," mom patted my head.

It is incredibly important for both people to be aware of how their decisions, actions affect other people - negatively or positively. Without that no relationship between them could exist, friendship, romantic or family - you name it.

Far too often we think we're transparent, that everything we think, plan would be obvious to others, but that is another mistake we like to make in life way too much. One should be straight forward, honest above it all to be able to create and keep any kind of relationship between two human beings.

We also tend to forget the importance of family. I had barely spoken to either my mom or dad ever since I moved back here to run the company. What we, both me and my parents, think is that it's obvious the other person knows we love and think of them. And, yes, it might be so in our situation, but it never hurts to remind each other every once in a while.