Perfectly Broken

(14) Forgotten Memories

A wave of pain washed over me, erupting in my head the moment I woke up. And that was only the beginning of my problems. Apparently, I was in bed naked with Alec...Alec? I looked up into his gleaming brown eyes, flinching back in confusion and panic.

"Morning, Emma," he greeted. His arms were around me, hot flesh touching hot flesh, everything I've always wanted but hadn't a clue how it came to be. Questions fluttered through my mind. Why was I in bed with Alec? Why were we naked? Did we have s*x? What happened last night?

"Um...Alec...what happened?" I asked, cringing in his arms. Although they were protective, rubbing my shoulders, it felt...weird. He smiled down at me, pushing back my hair when I tried to move away. He held me close though, hindering any form of escape. Part of me wanted to bask in it and another wanted to be on the other side of the room.

"You don't remember? We slept together last night." I gasped, a sickly feeling flowing through me. Why did it taste so bitter in my mouth? "What do you remember?"

I tried to think back to the party—all the way back. I remembered Tori pouring tequila in the fruit pouch just before a busload of people arrived. Jude arrived along with them and it looked like love at first sight between Tori and him so I let them be. Eventually, Ryan arrived. Ryan. There were snippets I remembered of us dancing and talking, I vaguely remember me telling him I liked him in a dissimilar way than Alec that scared me but made me happy simultaneously. Then Tori came in and pulled me out to do the cha-cha slide. The song seemed to go on forever and after, we literally gulped down the rest of the punch.

Then nothing.

"Doing the cha-cha slide and Tori, Jude, and I was exhausted after so we started gulping down punch. And that's it." Staring into his brown eyes, I could see a spark of something undecipherable, and I didn't know what to feel by it. "What happened?"

The corner of his lip tilted. "Well, after we met up and I apologized and you told me that...we should become...sex friends."

My eyes widened at disbelief, the breath inside me nonexistent for a long second at the words. Did I actually say that? It must have been the alcohol speaking. I didn't know what it would do to me since it was my first time and I idiotically thought I had the capability to control myself. I guess not if I was waking up to this situation. But if I was s*x friends with Alec then that meant...

I shook my head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. I wasn't supposed to confess something like that while drunk. And Ryan, he was there one moment, and then he was gone. Does he know? "What about Ryan?"

"What about him? He left with some girl by the time we started talking." That hurt. For some reason, it cracked a piece of my heart hearing that. I remembered that I told Ryan everything about how I met Alec and how I felt. Was that his rejection notice? No, why was I thinking this way, feeling this way? We already made plans that when we got the person we desired, we'd part. I guess he figured Alec and I were going to be an item so he split. The bitter taste in my mouth didn't disappear. Nope, instead, it increased, making me sick.

Alec continued, holding me close, and granting me a smile that did little to mend my heart. "So we had s*x and you were perfect. Do you want to continue being s*x friends? Until we can progress to something more." I absorbed every word. We had s*x and I couldn't even remember. Sadness was beginning to swallow me whole at the thought I forgot about our first time, that'd I probably only have his word to live by if I didn't remember. And now we're s*x friends. I wanted to tell him I hoped we could be something more than s*x friends until he stopped me. Defeat fogged his expression, his handsome face drooping. "You said you'd help me get over Brooke."

I did say that, didn't I? Of course, I couldn't pursue a relationship with him right now. He was still getting over Brooke. But I couldn't let this opportunity slip by, especially if it could lead to something serious. All my past worries flew out the window and I allowed a smile to grasp my face. "Yes!"

His smile widened, however, his eyes were glazed over, unresponsive. "Wonderful!" He gave me a hug, the chest I've only dreamed about a hundred times overwhelming my body. The heat intoxicated me and I had to say something before I fell into the flames.

"Um...how about we get dressed?" I suggested. Although we were s*x friends, I didn't know how to handle this sudden change. Just yesterday I was ignoring his request to forgive him and now I was voluntarily having s*x whenever we pleased. It felt like prostitution, except, I wouldn't get paid.

He nodded, unwrapping himself and I felt the chill of the morning for the first time. It was lonely in a way like I was missing something. Something like Alec. I smiled at him as I got up, wincing at the sudden achiness in my body. It must have been amazing s*x for my body to feel this sore.

Dizziness made me have to plop back on the bed when I stood and I just sat there, looking around. Then I noticed something as Alec got dressed. "Where are my clothes?"

There was a long moment of silence, Alec zipping his pants. I didn't look at him the whole time, it felt strange because I couldn't remember a thing. "We...we had s*x in another room and you took off your clothes there. I'll go get them for you."

Before heading out the door, he surprised me by coming to my side. I couldn't react before he cupped my face and brought his lips to mine. They were soft and ravishing and although I could melt against them, something was missing. No! Alec was the love of my life, there couldn't be anything missing. I pressed my lips harder against his, searching for that electric tingle I'd get from Ryan. Even the glow like there was the first time we kissed in my room. But no matter how much we lingered...there was nothing.

He pulled away, caressing my cheek gently. In his eyes, I could see he knew there wasn't anything between us either but I didn't want to let him go. Gulping, I turned up my lips pleasantly.

He said nothing as he backed out the door, slowly exiting, his eye never leaving mine until he was in the hall. What the hell just happened? Backtracking, I went over everything and the bitter taste continued to rise with every thought as I wrapped my arms around my waist. A splitting headache would hit me when I thought too much or tried to remember what happened last night so after it became so excruciating, I gave up. It'd come back soon enough.

Alec returned with my dress and I quickly got dressed, feeling awkward about everything although Alec's just looked expressionless, lost in thought. Finally ready, I walked past him and out the door. There was tension in the air between us and it only haunted the feeling of awkwardness between us.

Everything I've ever wanted seems so lost now that it's happened.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Alec but I wish whatever was happening between us would go away so I could have my best friend back.

"Hi, you guys," Tori greeted cheerfully, walking hand in hand down the hall with a shirtless Jude. This being, she was now wearing his shirt, long socks, and sunglasses. "Guess who I am?"

I smirked, concealing my headache and obvious hangover. "Tom Cruise from Risky Business."

"Bingo!" Didn't she have a hangover? Why was she so cheerful? Whatever it was, it was the only enthusiasm in the room as we went downstairs to see the house was trashed. There were people waking up and leaving groggily, walking out the doors to their cars and I worried if they were in a state to drive. "Who wants breakfast?"

I shrugged, realizing I was sort of hungry. "I'm in."

"Me too," Alec joined. He walked beside me, staring down at the ground, making sure we didn't touch while walking. Was I that bad in bed he had to sulk about it?

"Of course I'm in," Jude beamed, staring down at Tori with a smile. He looked at us guiltily. "For the coffee!"

We all looked at him with a "Right" glance and Tori giggled which Jude blushed at. I'm glad they were getting so close. It made me feel pleased that someone had a good night they could remember.

"I'll join too," a voice injected. We all turned when passing the parlor to see Ryan smirking at us fully clothed on the couch. His hair was shaggy and he had a sexy rugged look that made my heart thump at the sight. Alec told me he left with a girl. I guess he decided to come back. At the thought, I looked down at my bare feet on the sticky floor, carrying my shoes. It was too early for heels.

"Oh, Ryan," Alec said, somewhat appalled. "I thought you left."

"Nah." The sound of him getting off the couch drifted into my ears, a plush sound crinkling to life, and I held back the need to look at him. My heart was still racing. "I just hung out here." I could feel the radiation of his eyes boring into me and I had to suppress looking up, feeling my heart escalate. "Well, are we going to eat or what?"

"Yay!" Tori exclaimed, grabbing my arm which startled me. "Breakfast movie—oh, let's watch The Breakfast Club while we eat?" For unexplainable reasons, I felt comforted with Tori's bubbly personality. It soothed the tension in the room she seemed oblivious too.

Apparently, Tori didn't know how to cook so we all had to chip in and ended up making pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Throughout our time, I would continuously stick to Tori to avoid the straining tension between Alec and the contrite yet betrayed feeling I got lurking off of Ryan. Tori called the maid service to clean up and we went into her home theater in the basement to eat breakfast and watch the movie. After a while, Alec brought up a conversation.

"How about we all go to my cabin for spring break?" he asked everyone.

I purposely sat between Tori and Jude who didn't seem to mind while Alec and Ryan sat in recliners, one beside Tori and the other beside Jude. Tori was the first to respond. "That sounds fun."

Alec's eyes lingered on me dubiously. I knew why he was doing this, so he wouldn't feel the heartbreak of Brooke's betrayal. "I guess it'd be a nice break," I muttered, finishing up my breakfast. I stared at my plate, unwilling to look anyone in the eye in case they'd realize my insecurity about venturing away with him without a lifeline. The idea of Alec and I s*x friends was daunting on me severely.

"I'm willing to join," Jude said happily. "Anything not to spend a whole week with my evil step-sister is great with me."

"Hell, I'm along for the ride," Ryan injected, catching us all off guard. He just stared at the TV, disregarding our gawking expressions. Alec didn't like Ryan and vice versa, something could happen between them. And I wasn't sure my heart could handle them both tugging on it.

"You're not invited," Alec told him rather coldly.

"You said, everyone. Am I not everyone?" Ryan pointed out smugly.

Alec thought for a moment and I feared he'd stick to his argument that he didn't invite him personally without crossing the bridge of his animosity for him. The food I ate couldn't veil the bitter taste still seeping onto my tongue, wondering what he'd say.

He actually took us all by surprise when he said, "Fine, you can come." Before turning away, I couldn't help but notice a twitching of the corner of his lip.

"Are you really bringing that?" Ryan asked. I jumped, heart leaping into my mouth when he came up from behind me while I put my closed art supplies in the truck of Alec's jeep.

I clutched my chest. "Ryan, don't scare me like that!" I snapped. He just laughed, a soothing rich tone gracing my ears and making me yearn more. Shaking my head, I sent those thoughts tumbling out. I was with Alec now.

"Everyone ready to go?" Alec asked, jumping in the driver seat.

I jumped in the passenger seat, Ryan sitting right behind me. If I leaned back far enough, I could feel his knees resting into my back. I was torn apart between liking his proximity and disliking it because of the ping of pain in my heart. Since yesterday at Tori's house, I've been having this ambiguous feeling whenever Ryan and I were close like I'm forgetting something. He hasn't said that much about the party to me yesterday or today.

"Let's get a move on!" Tori exclaimed excitedly.

With everyone strapped in, we headed to the cabin which was a two-hour drive. During that time, I just stared out the window, trying not to look at neither of them. I know I'm boring. Tori, of course, was the talkative one who wanted to play games along the ride. I was glad I wasn't in the far back with her and Jude when they started playing punch buggy like five-year-olds, arguing when neither of them knew the exact way to play the game.

An hour and a half later, we stopped for gas. The mountain air immediately hit me when I stepped out, hoping to buy some gummy bears out the convenient store. Then a cloud of tension drifted over me when I realized Ryan was following me. His eyes crawled all over me as I looked around until the radiation got so annoying I snapped, "What?"

He flinched at the reaction. "Sorry, just trying to get a snack."

The snappish feeling evaporated into shame. "You keep looking at me, it feels...strange," I said strange under my breath but he caught it.

"Strange how?" He grabbed a soda out of the fridge, following me to the snack aisle.

"Like, you..." How could I explain how my mind would unconsciously trail to thoughts of him? Trying to recollect something that isn't there, and that there's a shadowing of shocking thumps in my chest after? "...you make me—"

"Feel guilty...?" he suggested.

Twisting over my shoulder, wincing at the dim stare he was giving me. It mimicked the one at the movie theaters after we had s*x. In his eyes, I knew exactly what he meant by guilty. And the scary thing was...he was right.

Looking down at the candy, I muttered, "I'm kind of s*x friends with A—"

"I know." Did he know? I gave him a questioning stare, wondering how. "I overheard you and him that morning." He looked away, obscuring the hurt skimming across his eyes I knew pained him. This was an abrupt change for us after three months. I could understand the difficulties of having to cope with change instantly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Aren't I telling you now?!" he barked, anger dripping into his veins. He looked away, grabbing a bag of Doritos before marching to check out in a huff. Great, he's mad at me again. I scoffed, grabbing my bag of gummy bears. There was no reason for him to be surprised or angry. This is what I wanted—what he expected—and I wouldn't myself wonder about it.

After paying, we returned to the car and I hid my annoyed scowl while Ryan didn't give a damn if anyone cared if he was now in a bad mood. Alec turned on some music but I barely heard as my head throbbed about why Ryan was so mad. This was the agenda, he knew that! However, I could tell that to myself, write a whole monologue of how he's in the wrong, but guilt continued to chew its way inside me.

Half an hour of contemplating about Ryan, we arrived at the cabin. You'd think it was some shabby log house. But no, I knew Alec and his dad, Mack, only liked the best, like their house or their cars. This was a deluxe sized cabin, two stories, open field, a lake with canoes, and every state-of-the-art device known to man.

"Alec, who's that?" Tori asked, spotting a car parked in the distance by the house.

We all squinted to get a good look who was inside while we jumped out the car. We found it useless when they stepped out and I could hear Ryan suck in breath harshly before I perceived who it was.

She was tall with short blonde hair in a tank top and shorts. Her rosy cheeks gleamed in the sunlight while green eyes, almost turquoise, popped within her eyeliner and mascara. Very beautiful indeed and by the travel bag with a picture of a cartoon cheerleader, I realized who it was. The sight of her walking towards us as if in slow motion, was like a swing of a hammer to my heart with every step.

"Chelsea?" Ryan awed in disbelief.

She gave us one of her award-winning smile I remembered used to haunt the walls of the school when she ran for class president. "Hey, you guys!" she greeted, her perfection radiating, almost blinding me with anger. What was she doing here?

Like a mind reader, Ryan asked, "What are you doing here?"

And we were all surprised when Alec answered, unable to disguise a baleful look—eyes dark, a brow arched, and a twisted smile on his face—I'd never seen before. "I invited her."