Captured by a Demon

VII - Double Denials

„...besides, it is always better to be in denial for a bit than go bats**t crazy, right?“

Ronald, Rachel’s brother, had once told her something like this in the middle of his usual ramblings. When did he say it? About what?

Rachel didn’t remember. She was still very sluggish and recalled having taken one or two sleeping pills too many the previous night. Ella was right, the pills were crap. In every way.

She had woken up at 4 am, extremely groggy, and barely understanding if she was awake or not. It had still been dark outside. 

Since she saw that she was sweaty, instead of trying to go back to sleep again, she automatically went to have a hot shower and brush her teeth as per her usual routine. In the middle of shampooing her hair, however, she sank to the shower floor shaking.  She remembered.

The nightmare.

It had been so real. It had been so different. So ominous.

Rachel stayed in the shower for quite some time until the water started to get cold. After, she stood in front of the bathroom mirror and observed her body, her face in particular. There was nothing new. She looked just as she had looked the day before. Perhaps the dark circles under her eyes were more visible now. 

Rachel put her hand over her mouth. She watched herself in the mirror like this.

Then she flinched, taking her hand off her mouth, and resumed drying her hair.

For some reason, she felt the need to peek into her bedroom from the bathroom before going in and getting dressed. Of course, there was no one there as Rachel knew, but she just needed to check.

She had already made sure, that it had just been another nightmare, when the sun started to come up, a new kind of nightmare, but still – a commonplace nightmare. She had checked and the light bulb was right where it was supposed to be, like it had been last night, when she had been reading her new novel. She must have been too sleepy to notice that the light bulb was, in fact, in its right place, and not missing. Rachel was annoyed by her subconscious, she wished it would stop conjuring up non-existent things.

She had nothing to worry about. Everything was the same. Her bedroom, her bathroom, her kitchen. Her sink was even more shinier than she remembered and as she didn't find her favourite glass in the cupboard or on the counters, she settled for a big cup to drink her smoothie from.

Rachel decided to go to work way earlier, because her own apartment still creeped her out a little due to the nightmare. The Demon of her nightmares had never been in her home, in her present life before. Only in the memories, only in that hell.

At 9 am, Rachel had already been in the lab for several hours half working, half sleeping. Reaching for a textbook on the edge of her desk, she noticed the envelope that Henry had dropped on her table a couple of days ago. Lazily, using her teeth, while opening the textbook, she teared the envelope open.

As she was finishing with the short letter inside the envelope, Margaret came in.

„Wow, you look awful!“ she found as she put her purple coat on the peg. „I take it that sleep continues to elude you.“ She sat down opposite her, slight worry in her eyes.

Rachel's eyes were glazed over for a moment, but then she folded up the letter and lifted her eyes.

„Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep, so I decided to come and umm... sit here’nd work and,“ she slurred, „sleep’ bit, don’t tell them umm... bosses, ok?“

Margaret nodded.

„By the way,“ continued Rachel after a few minutes, speaking more clearly now, „would you mind if I stayed with you for a couple of nights. My place is having some repairs done.“

„Oh damn, what happened?“

„The heating system is not working in my boiler, so no hot water,“ Rachel lied effortlessly and found that her sleepy state made it so much easier to tell a convincing lie. She would have preferred to stay with Ella and Simon, but knew that Ella would have figured out that something was up. It was not that easy to lie to her as she knew Rachel very well. And Rachel didn't need any questions or prying right now. Besides, Margaret lived alone, whereas Ella and Simon were basically newlyweds. Sweet, but not under the same roof!

Margaret had no problems with it. „Sure, you can stay, but I promised Doctor Shelly to stay longer today, so I am definitely here at least until 7 pm. But I can give you the keys if you finish earlier.“

Rachel yawned. „Fine.“

„...besides, it is always better to be in denial for a bit than go bats**t crazy, right?“

She chuckled as her brother’s words ringed in her mind again and again. He was wise in his stupidity.

They were working in comfortable silence, when Henry came in seconds before their bosses, trying to suppress his panting and appear as if he had been there for a while already.

At one point, Henry rolled himself over to Rachel on his chair, gaining a judgemental look from doctor Doyle, and lowered his voice.

„Rachel, have you touched the sample 02 on my desk?“ he asked innocently.

„Huh?“

„Well, I cannot find it and was thinking maybe you know how it managed to sneak off my table... anyways,“ Henry lowered his voice even more and came closer to Rachel as if preparing to divulge a secret, „do you think she knows?“

„Who knows?“

„Her.“ Henry glanced at Margaret, who was changing slides under the microscope.

„Do I think she knows what about what?“ Rachel furrowed her eyebrows in apparent confusion.

Henry seemed stunned for a moment, but then waived with his hand. „Ah, never mind, I thought you... never mind, it’s nothing.“ He smiled and rolled away.

Rachel smirked weakly.

She knew exactly what he was talking about, but simply didn’t have the energy to discuss Henry and Ally’s relationship or whether Margaret was aware of her little sister's activities at the moment. She was barely holding her eyes open.

Two lies before lunch – good for you, Rach! she thought bitterly, but didn’t really feel any guilt over it. She was too tired to care.

Right before lunch, doctors Doyle and Shelly came in from their offices to tell them, that they know the Christmas and New Year Mixer is taking place sooner than the university originally planned. In fact, it was taking place on the same day Doyle and Shelly were gonna conduct some of their more important and detailed observations, so the assistants should not expect to get off early just because the time of the mixer was moved. The time of the observations cannot be postponed.

Rachel was barely listening, even after Margaret repeated the date back to her.

„December...“ Rachel mumbled.

„Yeah, December,“ at this point Margaret was finding Rachel’s sleepiness hilarious, „maybe you've heard of it before, the last month of the year. There are twelve, you know.“ She let out a little laugh.

When Rachel mumbled „December“ again, but in a more understandable tone, Margaret nodded.

„Yeah, December 14th.“

„Cute,“ was all Rachel managed to say as she marked the new date on her calendar and crossed out the old one.

The three of them decided to leave for lunch after noon. Henry was extremely enthusiastic, trying to amuse Margaret; he was cracking jokes as well as being more polite and charming than usual, deliberately so. Rachel was more adequate and alert now, but expected to lose energy again in a couple of hours. Some coffee would sure give her a much needed kick.

"...and I was only 18, when I finally found out that it had been my dad all along..." 

Rachel laughed, having not heard the beginning of Henry's joke. Margaret, on the other hand, couldn't stop laughing. She was listening to Henry's every word and found the jokes very funny. And it truly seemed like... was Margaret by any chance interested... but she is smart, surely she already noticed that... Rachel's thoughts were fragmented as she waited to get some coffee in her.

Only for a split second, did her mind drift back to the envelope and the brief official letter inside, before putting it out of her mind again.

Her brother had died in prison. Suicide by hanging.