Captured by a Demon

XI Chapter - The Car Ride

All of the light rain running down the other side of the car window reflected her everchanging train of thought quite accurately. 

Rachel had looked out the window for a couple of minutes now, engulfed in the memories of the past.

In captivity, she had been so dependant on Sebastian to keep her sane, although she hadn’t realised it at the time. Only after some time did she start to think about the depth of feeling she had had for him. But it had been years and a couple of boyfriends ago. Not that any of her relationships really lasted that long. One guy had to move away suddenly and the second one she caught cheating on her. However, she never felt they hurt her that much, because she was never in love with either of them, they were just good distractions. But even they had left. Everybody had left in one way or another. The boyfriends, her parents, her uncle... her brother. Even Sebastian.

Rachel peeked quickly at Sebastian seeing his relaxed posture smoothly driving through the rain. Sebastian did return to her life,  although it didn't feel like it. 

It felt distant.

„Could you put on some music?“ Rachel asked quietly hoping to pull herself out of her loud thoughts.

„No,“ Sebastian said simply and slightly turned the wheel when the car reached a curve.

„No? Why not?“

„Because music would interfere with the reason you are in this car, Rachel. Because we need to talk.“

„I don’t want to talk.“ Rachel felt like a child saying that, but she couldn’t take it back and had to stand her ground. Actually, she really did want to talk. Talk about everything. 

„You’re acting like a bipolar person,“ she added quietly.

„I thought it was a good way to get you confused enough to reach the car without an argument.“ Sebastian responded calmly, shrugging nonchalantly, his eyes on the road.

„You weren’t like this when we were...“

„When I was beat up, in great pain and you were panicking every 5 seconds. No, I didn’t see how that would have been helpful.“ Sebastian snarled, and although his voice was sharp, his face and body were relaxed and calm.

The way he said that was like a slap in her face. Suddenly, Rachel felt that maybe she had been a liability to him the whole time, a weakling to be looked after.

„Yes, you are my friend and you were badly hurt and that place... that... that thing whoever it was...“ Rachel started rambling not noticing how his mouth twitched at one word in that sentence.

"I don't want to talk about that time, Rachel. I wanted to talk to you. About you. To keep it light and supportive, to catch up and enjoy each other's company. Why live in the past?" His voice was still rational and calm. That upset Rachel more than anything.

Light and supportive? 

Did he have a concussion? 

He wanted to talk to her, but didn't he realise that everything she is now is connected to what happened to her, to them. If she couldn't talk about that, she would be denying herself the chance to understand herself. Didn't he see that?

"Why the hell are you..."

Sebastian interrupted her. 

„And talking about bipolarity, Rachel, how about we address yours, huh?“ Sebastian suddenly turned the wheel and stopped the car on the side of the road.

He turned to Rachel and looked her straight in the eye. He seemed angry behind his calm demeanor, whereas his eyes were mirroring slight exasperation and confusion. 

His dark hair fell on his piercing eyes as his face came closer to hers. She could barely breathe with him looking at her like that. 

Now she was sure he was angry.

„Could we perhaps discuss, why you needed to take some kind of repressed anger out on me, when I had talked to you but one minute.“

Rachel’s eyes widened at his words, but she didn’t say anything as he continued.

„How about we discuss the fact that we had exchanged a couple of words after years not seeing each other and you yell at me for not getting into the serious stuff right away. Didn’t you think to ask me that calmly? In a rational manner? Maybe a little „how you doing, Sebastian“, first?“

Sebastian took a breath in, his gaze menacing and hurt at the same time.

„Didn’t it occur to you that I might have been over the moon to see you, to find you and that I wanted to enjoy that and not dwell on the past? Didn’t it occur to you that I might not ever want to relive that time again, but live in the present and be content, be... in the now?“

Neither of them said anything and after letting out an irritated sigh, Sebastian returned to the road, not looking at her anymore.

Rachel was speechless. He was making valid points. 

Of course he was. 

Rachel had never thought about it this way. She might have behaved selfishly, only seeing her side of things. Now she felt even more guilty and full of regret. She turned her eyes from him as she could no longer look at him without feeling deep shame.

Yet... yet, there was still something that was bugging her about Sebastian’s words. She kept quiet, but it bothered her. It really did. She was mixed up with all kinds of different emotions.  

„But we do need to talk about it,“ she finally said a small part of what was bothering her. It had been a life-changing, thoroughly horrible and confusing experience that they had shared after all, something that was still affecting them, at least Rachel, and she had always attempted to understand the things that happened. To make more sense of it. It needed to be talked about. And the only person who she could really do it with, was Sebastian. How could he not see it?

„You are my friend, the only one I can talk about this who really understands,“ Rachel continued, not noticing how his mouth visibly twitched after the mention of one word again. „Everything that happened, I haven’t been able to ask you...“

„We are here,“ Sebastian said suddenly and the car came to a stop once again.

They had stopped in front of a white house and Rachel saw Ella waving at her behind the window. She had told Sebastian that she was staying at a friend’s tonight. When she gave instructions to go to Ella’s because they had agreed to catch up, she let Sebastian falsely believe that Ella was the friend she was staying with and not Margaret.

Did he just interrupt her just like this?

Rachel no longer felt shame, she felt angry. He clearly didn’t care about her feelings at all, her struggles and obviously had no interest in sharing his thoughts with her.

Still upset with Sebastian, she said „bye“ in a small voice and left the car without hearing his response, making sure that she slammed the car door hard behind her. That way he knew that she didn't agree with him.

When she got in, she and Ella hugged each other tightly. They poured themselves a glass of wine and sat in front of the fire. Ella handed her a soft blanket, because she was still shuddering, partly because of the weather and partly because of the fight she had with Sebastian.

As Ella started talking about his travel plans with Simon, Rachel drifted off for a minute before hearing something that landed her back at were she was like a bucket of cold water.

„Wait, what?“

„I said we’re leaving, Rach,“ said Ella with the biggest smile, „Simon and I are leaving for two weeks to the South during Christmas and the New Year, get some sunlight, like a pre-honeymoon thing. There are some great physical therapy courses taking place there as well involving several experts and Simon is excited to take his recovery to the level where he is fully healed, almost like the accident never happened. You see, Simon got a huge end of the year bonus at work and I don’t have any classes then. Plus, we both need to take a break. The police are still no closer to catching the douchebag who hit him and sometimes he is having a hard time with that. And I have been working my ass off at school and at work, so we are really looking forward to it.“

„That sounds great,“ said Rachel barely managing to hide the c***k in her voice.

Ella was leaving so soon. For a couple of weeks, but still – it was a blow, especially now. But maybe one day, they will move away for good. Everybody left at some point. They always did. Particularly in this town. Particularly away from this cold.

And even if they didn't leave in person, they left in spirit, Rachel thought, her mind going back to Sebastian. He was not the guy he could discuss anything with anymore. He was closed off with her now and Rachel felt it. His reluctance to discuss these things, made her think she was the crazy one. Maybe she was simply unable to be happy, whereas he was perfectly capable. That would explain why they had such a hard time communicating.

Maybe I am the problem, Rachel thought bitterly. But she didn't know how to solve it.

And Ella was going to leave her all alone. Rachel smirked in her head, thinking that nobody would have believed the thoughts she was having. So vulnerable, so hurt, needy even. They all thought she was indifferent and tough. Only Ella was able to see through her.

And now she was leaving. Rachel had a hard time keeping it together as all reasons for her stress weighing on her started rushing through her mind.

„... so much trouble, because I need to find someone to cover my shift and I was wondering maybe you have time?“ Ella looked hopefully at Rachel who tried to force a smile, suppressing the morbid thoughts in her head.

„Sorry, Ella, I really don’t have the time, but I might know someone who can help you out.“ Rachel was surprised how Ally came to her mind so quickly, but she was looking for a job and this one was right up her alley. 

Alley, Ally ha!  

Rachel found her joke hilarious, but then closed her eyes, shaking her head, while Ella wrote down Ally's number. 

Maybe Sebastian was right and it was in fact she who was the bipolar one – going from hurt to weird jokes in a flash. That went well with the hypothesis that it was indeed her who was crazy. It was her, who had the problem.

Rachel remembered the glass that had broken last night.

There had been no broken glass in the sink, she remembered. That meant that somebody had indeed been in her apartment. Or maybe not. If she was crazy, she could have conjured all of this up herself. She thought the Demon was everywhere lately, yet nothing had happened to her.

Rachel had this weird urge to put her hand over her own mouth, like that would have helped silence the chaos in her head. 

Her brother Roland had always been able to calm her down.

„Before you go, Ella, could you do me a favour, please?“ Rachel finally said, the shaking in her face clearly visible now.

„Of course, what do you need, Rachel? What’s wrong?“ Ella seemed startled by Rachel’s broken expression.

„Please clear your afternoon the day after tomorrow. I need someone to come with me, to drive me, to... be there.“

„Sure, whatever you need.“ Ella said, rubbing Rachel’s shoulder assuringly. „Where are we going?“

Before Ella could ask another question, Rachel burst to tears, letting out all the stress she had been holding in for some time concerning her brother, the Demon, Sebastian's return, her own nerves and hallucinations, even the unimportant detail that her earphones had stopped working. Everything.

„To my brother's funeral,“ she finally croaked.