Love me like you kill

Chapter One Lena’s Pov As it rained heavily, I felt so safe. The rain had always made me feel safe and I couldn't explain why. It was stupid, really stupid. It was just water hitting my coat and a shiver down my spine but when it soaked through my coat, I loved the feelings. People stayed indoors, the streets were empty, the sounds of the street softened and it was like the world went slower and it matched the beat of my heart. I held my clothes tighter as I locked up the flower shop, my finger trembling with cold as the key turned. The bright pink neon ‘closed’ sign reflected brightly by the sidewalk. I shouldn't have stayed at the shop so late, I never did. It was my routine and meant everything to me. It was to wake up, eat, work and sleep. It was the only way I could keep my life safe and I could bury the horrible memories deep down. It was the only way to keep the panic attack at arms length and stop it from swallowing me whole. Today had been harder than the rest. A man’s fingers had mistakenly brushed against mine and I froze. I could feel my heart racing so fast, my throat tighten. It had taken everything in me not to break down in front of the man. As I walked home under the drizzling rain, as the scent of wet pavement and roses clung to my nose. My sneakers made quiet splashes as I moved through the alley which was a shortcut that I always took back but today it doesn't feel the same. It was narrower and darker. I swallowed hard and reminded myself that this was better than going around the entire block. I just wanted to get home, to my tiny apartment with its creaky flooor board and thin walls where I could hear my neighbour have s*x all the f*****g time. I would make tea, light a candle and pretend my life was not horrible. “Hey” I heard a voice call out to me and I paused, my heart already picking up its pace. My breath was caught as I turned to see a man. He was looking disorganized, his eyes wild and he was stumbling. He looked high on something. He was in his late forties and his stained hoodie and faded jeans made me know that he wasn't mentally stable. As he got closer, he reeked of alcohol and I could smell it even though I was at a distance. “What do you want?” I asked him, scared. He came out of the shadows and my eyes widened at what I saw. He held his hard d**k in his hand as he stroked it while he looked at me with eyes filled with lust. I immediately turned around and began to walk out. “Hey….wait, sweetheart…” I quickened my pace and my heart was beating hard like a drum. “Do not ignore me, b***h!” He yelled as his steps grew faster, “ I said stop, you slut.” My heartbeat went wild but I didn't scream, I hated to draw attention to myself. When I heard his footsteps very close behind me, I couldn't help it. I shrieked and bolted. As I ran, I tripped on the sidewalk but I caught myself and continued to run. The last time I ran this fast was to get away from Jake, my abusive ex boyfriend. As I ran, I could see a corner approaching the busy part of town. I didn't look back, I was scared of what I would see. I bursted out onto the street where people moved and streetlights shone brightly. I was breathing heavily, as people watched me, confused. I turned to look at the alley for any sign of the man but he was gone. He wasn't following me anymore. As I caught my breath, I didn't even realize that I was crying until I tasted the salt in my mouth. I wiped my eyes and tried to avoid the stares from people on the street. Why does this always happen to me? Why can’t I just live without something chasing me? I haven't done anything to anyone, yet, but I am constantly on a run As I stumbled back home, locking the door twice and sliding the chain across to avoid any breakage. I still couldn't sleep. Tonight was horrifying and every time I closed my eyes, I saw the man. I could have been r***d. I curled into the corner of my bed, knees tucked to my chest, the mug of tea I made was still untouched on the nightstand. My dress was still damp from the rain, but I hadn’t found the energy to change. The walls around me pressed in tighter with every ticking second, and the low hum of the fridge in the kitchen was the only sound accompanying the storm that still raged outside. I hated how familiar this fear was. Every creak of the floorboards above made me flinch. Every gust of wind outside my window sounded like footsteps. I sat frozen, watching the door even though I had locked it, twice. “He couldn’t have followed me, right?” I asked myself multiple times. I hugged a pillow to my chest and stared at the flickering candle. The flame danced violently with every wind that blows through the open window. That's when it hit me. I looked at the window confused, It shouldn't have been open, I hadn’t opened it. My heart paused, just for a second. I got up slowly, each step on the wooden floor feeling too loud. I reached the window, touched the edge and I froze. There was a scratch on the wooden frame. It was three thin, jagged lines, as if someone had dragged something sharp across it from the outside. I stumbled back, knocking over the candle. It rolled, the flame flickering dangerously before going out completely, putting the room into a thick, trembling darkness. I fumbled for the lamp switch but the bulb burst the moment I touched it. A high-pitched gasp escaped my lips. My apartment was small. It was a one bedroom, with a living space, a little kitchen, a bathroom but at this moment, it felt like a cave. I pressed my back to the wall, trying to calm my breathing. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe the scratches were always there and I just hadn’t noticed. But I knew that wasn’t true, something told me it wasn't true. I walked to the kitchen, the only place with decent light. I opened the drawer and pulled out the only thing that felt like safety, my small kitchen knife. My hands trembled around the handle. I didn't want to be this person but my life hadn’t given me much choice. That’s when I heard it It was a sound. It was soft and it was coming from the hallway.