Family or love

“Kim…” I sat down beside her on the worn out bed in our apartment, “The Justice system is messed up! no one wants to listen to us,” My eyes stung with fresh tears as I struggled to find the best words to make her understand. “They want thirty thousand dollars, thirty freaking thousand dollars, Kim!” I slowly interlocked my hands with her slacked fingers and whispered "Even if we saved up for five years and starved in that time, we wouldn’t be able to get one-third of that money with the way we are now. I don’t have a job that’ll pay me in bulk and you… you’ve got to get through college,” The only reaction I got was for Kim to bounce her legs. A habit she had always done to show how helpless she felt. “kim, this is more reason why I should accept this contract marriage with Rick Davis," I reasoned, desperate to convince my sister but all she did was lay down silent on the bed like a log of wood, staring at the ceiling and swaying her legs back and forth. My vision blurred and my stomach twisted in knots, as I glared at her. "Kim, I'm trying. I understand how you feel but I'm trying. I'm trying to make up for the wrong I did to you five years ago." "I know how hard it is for you but, You've got to trust your sister this time, okay?" I pushed further but she still didn't utter a word. I looked at Kim, my expression filled with guilt and concern. She remained silent on bed but this time, gawking at the documents I had handed her earlier. I understood her pain. I might not know what it felt like to be r***d, to be ripped off my dignity, to be traumatized for the rest of my life but that night changed our lives forever. We lost everything! Our family, our identities, our wholeness, our sanity! Nothing had ever been the same since that day. Sure, I had not lost as much as she did, I wasn’t the one who was r***d and battered. But I was to blame and nothing could ever beat the screams and feelings of my sister's helplessness that bounced off the walls that night. I knew there was no reason on earth why she should ever trust me again. It was all my fault after all but at least, I was trying my best to make it up to her in every possible way. I could see the disgust in her eyes every time she looked at me when she thought I wasn't watching. I'm sure If she was given the chance, she'd have ripped me off with her bare hands. I often walked in on her soliloquizing and sobbing quietly. On several occasions, I saw her writing out her heart in her small diary. The day I was finally able to sneak into her room and get a hold of her diary, the things I read pierced my soul, and from five years till date, I have always felt indebted to my sister. I dedicated my whole life to saving up money to get her the justice she deserved. She was the motivation behind my hustling and bustling. My waking up by 6 a.m. only to return by past midnight from my six different jobs was all for her. "How would you know how it feels? You're still a virgin after all. You still have your life intact. I'm just an empty vessel, Used and dumped!" Kim had shrieked The last time we spoke about what happened to her five years ago. Guilt washed over me each time I saw my little sister. She finally sat up on the bed and stared at me. Her eyes red and puffy and I could feel the hatred in her gaze. Her mouth parted, yet no words left her lips. After what seemed like ages, Kim groaned and spat "You're unbelievable Ella! You know, your ideas are always weird. But let me warn you, make sure you get things right this time, Else!" She threatened as she flung the documents on my face, walking out on me and slamming the door behind her. My relationship with Kim had deteriorated badly. What was once a beautiful bond between sisters or rather a blood relationship between two sisters, turned into a nightmare in the blink of an eye. One could easily mistake us for being friends. Who would believe that we were once sisters who couldn't go a day without talking and caring for each other? But wasn't it all because of my foolishness and indiscipline? Wasn't I to blame? I still haven't been able to forgive myself for what happened that fateful night, five years ago. My parents had permitted me to go for a sleepover at Erick's place, my childhood and best friend. It was his birthday party after all so they couldn't say no to my plea. I was so excited that I would finally be meeting Erick again but this time, in a special way. He had booked a hotel room for just the both of us. I knew it was that night that I would finally be getting deflowered. My parents had always talked about how I would be getting married to Erick since our childhood.His parents too had always wanted the same for us. It was more like, I was betrothed to him. My parents knew i would start developing feelings for him so they didn't hesitate to give me the basic s*x education I needed as a child but did I adhere? Hell no. I was a very adventurous person. I always wanted to know what s*x felt like and please don't judge me, I was just seventeen and still in puberty. But sadly, Erick's parents had to relocate to Canada to start anew and for over a year, I had not set my eyes on him. I was the first person he called to inform of his return and his plans to host his twentieth birthday party here in New York City. I was Thrilled. And of course, the first person I confided in was Kim, our age difference had never been a problem in our relationship and we switched the roles of big sister and little sister nonchalantly. I had pleaded with her to follow me But she refused. After all, we were complete contrasts. She hated parties and clubs. She was quite reserved. "I don't think we should be partying and clubbing. Erick seems to have a bad group of friends. Something about him does not sit right with me.” She had warned. But did I still listen? Of course not. As days passed, somehow, I was able to convince her to attend the party. "Make sure nothing happens to your little sister." The words of my father echoed in my mind the night he drove us to the party. Tears filled my eyes as I recalled these events We arrived at the party quite late and I went straight to the hotel room to see Erick. The only thing on my mind was fantasies of how my first intimate night with him would be but I had a problem; where was my sister going til I was done making love with Erick? She couldn't go back home at that ungodly hour and I didn't have enough money on me to book her a hotel room. Out of the corner of my eyes, I spotted one of Erick's friends. He had always had an eye for my sister. I noticed the way he often gazed at her when he thought I wasn't watching and because I foolishly trusted Erick and his friends, I entrusted my fifteen-year-old sister to his care. "Hi dear, I see you like my sister yeah?" I asked with so much conviction in my tone. He replied "Yes Ella, I do. I'm glad you noticed. I'd love you to help me convince her to give me a chance." he said, eagerness in his tone "Well…. Guess what?" I said, smiling at him. "How about I entrust her in your care? For like thirty minutes. get to know her and all of that. You know, that can be a good start. What do you think?" I asked, very sure he would say a YES and of course, I guessed right, he agreed and, I went on to meet my Erick. We were still into the foreplay when my phone came buzzing but I didn't pick up. I was so invested in the moment that I didn't even care who the caller was. It rang for over ten minutes. But all I did was stop my foreplay for a minute, mute it, and go back to enjoying the moment. I never knew that my sister was being abused by Erick's friend. It was not until Erick mistakenly bit me on my p***y in the process of sucking it that I told him to wait a little bit till I got myself that I finally checked my call logs and messages. "No… No! No way!" I yelled jumping off the bed, screaming, and running simultaneously. But by the time I finally located my sister, she was already covered in a pool of blood and had passed out. I saw the useless boy to whom I had entrusted my sister, hastily zipping up his trousers, ready to make a quick escape. Of course, I engaged in a physical fight with him, aiming to leave a scar on him with my high heels. I knew he would overpower me, but I also understood that the scar would help me identify him in the future. After a prolonged battle, He finally prevailed, escaping and leaving me to take care of my severely injured sister. Did I mention that my parents were involved in a ghastly motor accident while rushing to the scene to save my sister after she had called them for help when I wasn't picking up her calls for help? Tragically, the accident took their lives. I not only suffered from seeing my sister lying half-dead after being r***d by a total stranger. I also lost my parents that same night! Everything, every damn thing that occurred that fateful night replayed in my mind as if it were yesterday. Regret and guilt overwhelmed me once again. A foreign feeling bubbled in my stomach as the thought that I had escaped everything unscathed that night but at the same time, I had lost everything. I lost my parents, my sister and the strong bond we shared. Nothing would ever be the same again. Unless I made the monster who hurt her pay for everything — Unless I married Davis.