THE TRUTH I WASN’T READY TO SEE.
995 Words
Chapter Three
Benny always thought there was a difference between knowing something and actually seeing it. She knew Alexis had changed or rather she was seeing who he really was. She knew their situation has become complicated, she knew there were things he wasn’t telling her. After the last time they both spent time together, their conversations continued they weren’t like before but enough to keep Benny attached. They still hanged out a few times, had their usual sleepovers. Alexis still knew how to make her feel special, he knew the right words to say, the memories to bring up, and the things that would make her believe there was still something between them… And Benny wanted to believe it. It was Christmas holidays now a lot of time has passed Alexis was meant to travel back in the next month January the beginning of a new year, Benny wants to have a heartfelt conversation to know where their relationship stands, she needed clarity she needed something to hold on to. After the holidays they have a one on one conversation to talk about everything. Alexis told Benny he was traveling back and he’s not sure he wants to be in a long distance relationship she asked him why do you think you can’t handle it. She began to feel maybe she was more into him than he was. That moment she realized things are going to end now, that is something she has thought about countless times, but hearing it now and seeing it unfold broke her heart. She never wanted to let her feelings go, she was deeply in love. But seeing how unbothered Alexis seemed she got the clear picture he didn’t love her as much as she did. She unknowingly uttered the words to him. Do you mean it when you say you love me, have you ever thought we had a future together? He replied yes I love you and I want to be with you, you’re very pretty and amazing you care so much for me and I do not take that for granted, but I can’t handle a long distance relationship. Benny replied with her voice shaking. Alright I don’t know what to say right now, I’m going to head home. She sat there in the taxi riding home she cried her eyes out she called Gaby she cried she said her chest hurts she can’t hold it in Gaby was trying to console her she kept crying and saying Alexis was leaving her. He didn’t love her as much as he claimed she’s heart broken. She arrived home got in the shower kept crying as the water poured her hair down to her body she stayed in there crying she finally got out of the shower cleaned her body. Put on her pajamas, turned off her cell phone and laid on her bed till she fell asleep. The next morning Benny woke up hoping everything that happened the night before was just a painful dream. For a few seconds, she forgot about the conversation. Then reality came pushing back. Alexis was leaving. She started at her phone, wondering if she should call him or if she would see a message from him, because a part of her wanted him to say something that would change everything. She wanted him to tell her he had changed his mind, he’s willing to make it work and that he couldn’t imagine losing her. What hurt the most was not only the thought of losing him. It was realizing that she was willing to fight for something he was already preparing to walk away from.
He didn’t see her anymore, she didn’t see him either, everyday she kept checking her phone, even when she knew nothing will change. She spent days going through emotional distress. Gaby had to go to her house to check on her, he saw her in a devastating manner he tried to talk her out of her pain, encouraged her and was just being supportive as a friend should. Benny wondered if she had been holding onto a version of Alexis that no longer existed. She wondered if the signs had always been there and she was just too afraid to accept them. The hardest part was knowing that she still loved him even in that moment. Alexis traveled without telling Benny the exact date he was meant to leave. She saw on his socials when he was at the airport boarding his flight, she didn’t comment or say a word she decided not to cry again and to focus on her life and move past everything that happened between them. Gaby often reminded her that losing someone did not mean she had lost herself. Benny knew healing would not happen overnight, but she also knew she could not stay stuck in a place where she was constantly hoping someone would choose her. Maybe love is not enough to keep two people together…Maybe love needs effort, commitment and two people willing to fight for the same future. And for the first time, Benny had to accept that she was fighting a battle she was fighting alone. In the days that followed, Benny slowly started adjusting to a reality she never wanted to accept. She stopped waiting for a message that might never come and started learning how to live with the silence. There were moments she wanted to reach out, moments she wanted to ask if he missed her too, but she reminded herself that some endings happen even when feelings are still there. She realized she wasn’t only grieving the person she loved, but also the future she had imagined with him. The plans, the memories, and the hope she carried all felt like something she had to let go of. It was painful but somewhere deep inside, Benny knew she deserved a love that chose her completely, and she was finally learning to choose herself.
- Writer
