Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

I Destroy Xeno Familial Relationships

Dear Journal,

I destroy xeno familial relationships.

Oh, and I might be going crazy.

After two sleeping periods - I've stopped even trying to keep track of the days - my body had finally decided to end its extended vacation, and start responding to my commands. I felt weak, probably because the only thing I'd been fed so far was f*****g salad, but I was able to get out of the unnecessarily high bed. I'm only 175 centimeters tall, so I was going to have to get used to an environment where the next sentient being closest to my height was almost a meter taller than me. The gravity on the ship was noticeably weaker than what I was used to, which only confirmed my earlier suspicions about being on a ship, but it also helped with the short drop from the bed.

Once I decided that I was able to walk without much trouble, I jumped back onto my bed and waited for Dink to show up with my meal. That's the other reason I think I'm feeling weak. Last sleeping period he only gave me one meal, if it could be called that. He only gave me half of one of those large shoe boxes, and then started to take it away. I tried to use my newly liberated arms to keep him from taking it, but they were still unbelievably sluggish in responding, and he managed to snatch it away in time. "Whoa there Dink, I wasn't finished there. You can't expect me to be full after a ninth of a serving of lettuce! I'm not a rabbit, damn it. I'm a grown man and I need my lettuce! Or better yet, do you have some meat? I'd love some meat if you have any." I told you I was going crazy. Three weeks of hearing nothing but chitters from the grey Yoda's and clicks from the blue-giraffes is bound to make a guy start talking to himself, if for no other reason than to hear something he understands.

Dink apparently hadn't been impressed by my outburst, and he had clicked reproachfully. If he had gotten a newspaper and tried to swat me with it I wouldn't have been half surprised, but thankfully he didn't know how to properly train a pet. Good thing too, since there was only so much I was willing to endure in order to get food and water. I waited for what seemed an hour, but was probably only about 10 minutes before Dink entered my room with two of those shot glasses filled with water and a shoebox of lettuce. "Oh great, I was hoping for lettuce again. Nothing sets my mouth a-watering like a good crisp piece of lettuce. You even brought me a few gulps of water, just how I like it. You know me so well" I had decided since they couldn't understand me, I might as well make the best of my situation and lace everything I said with sarcasm. Despite the repetition, I decided to eat the lettuce. It was the same box he had used yesterday, and there was no reason to try and snatch it out of his hands, since there was only half of it left. I drank every last drop of water from the two glasses, holding the second one out with a pleading gesture.

Maybe he understood, maybe he didn't. It didn't matter either way, as he merely clicked something at me and started retreating back to the door. "Fine then, I'll just find my own lettuce and water." I muttered at his retreating back. I waited a few minutes after he had left, then jumped back down from the bed, and walked over to the door. It had an oddly shaped but easily recognizable door handle mechanism, and, when tested, wasn't locked. After all, who bothers locking their dog into a room? Luckily, I had two things dogs don't have. Brains and thumbs. Grinning mischievously, I jumped at the handle which was about 25 centimeters above my head. To my astonishment, my jump carried me past easy reach of the handle and peaked when I was approximately a meter off the ground. Even in my weakened state, I was still able to jump ridiculously high in this lowered gravity. Adjusting for my new found basketball skills, I hopped, turned the handle, and began to explore my new home.

"Are you sure I can't give him more food?" whined Vtv. "He really seems to be hungry. He keeps looking at the box like he wished there was more in it."

"Absolutely not," snapped Tnnxz. Vtv had known it was a mistake to go to Tnnxz with this question. He still seemed to think Cqcq'trtr had killed all those scientists on that ship [three days] ago, as if he could. He barely even moved. Vtv didn't want to say it, but he was definitely feeling the excitement of owning a pet starting to fade, especially such a lazy pet. He was hoping that if he could get him more food, maybe he'd show a little more life. After all, he had certainly started moving more since that first day with the five storage containers, although feeding himself and trying to grab the container away from Vtv was not a significantly large improvement. Still, Vtv had been impressed with Cqcq'trtr's speed as he had grabbed at the box. Vtv almost hadn't gotten it away in time. "If you start feeding it more food, it will begin to feel entitled to it and then we'll have it eating us out of house and hull. I'll not have our resources drained because you don't know when to say 'no'."

Vtv should have just waited until Xkkrk had woken up so he could have asked her the question. At least she recognized that Cqcq'trtr was a "he" and not an "it". Tnnxz's comlink beeped, signaling an incoming call. "What is it?" he huff-clicked, annoyed.

Strrk, one of the gardeners in the hydroponics bay, could be heard on the other side of the comlink. "Sorry to bother you Tnnxz, but that thing we brought onto the ship a few days ago - what does the kid call it?"

"Cqcq'trtr!" shouted Vtv into his father's receptor before Tnnxz could say anything. He glared at Vtv, but didn't contradict him.

"Right. Well, you gave him the right name, kid. He's in the hydroponics bay with us right now, and it looks like he's aiming to eat every Cqcq leaf we have. He's already stripped three whole plants, and is half way through his fourth. He's been making these weird groaning and spitting sounds the whole time too. What do you want us to do? He looks pretty determined, and I don't want to touch him, he's filthy."

"Just don't let it leave," growled Tnnxz, looking murderous. "I'll be right there." He sprang from his favorite chair, left his quarters, and stalked towards the aft of the ship, where the hydroponics bay was located. Vtv knew what kind of temper Tnnxz could have when provoked, and knew he harbored no love for Cqcq'trtr. Sometimes Vtv wondered if Tnnxz even liked him. Vtv quickly ran to Xkkrk's quarters. He didn't care if he had to wake her up, she was the only one who seemed to defend Cqcq'trtr, if only for his sake.