Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

Xeno hulk-suit dodgeball is awesome

Date point: 9y 4m 2w BV (Really, that’s how long it’s been. This is looking like an awfully long haul to catch up)

The flight deck was frightfully empty. The industrial fabricators, normally required to construct only ten or twenty drop ships after any given battle, had never before been required to completely rebuild the 74th’s fleet of drop ships. That meant that the Corti light scout currently entering the Gurvix’s flight deck had the choicest pick of parking spaces. Even though the occupants of the small, agile ship were coming in answer to the request he had sent a ricata (1.5 weeks) ago, a part of Blatvec still wished he could have somehow magically filled every available landing space except the one furthest from the door. Then he could have arranged for a small malfunction in the environmental controls. He wouldn’t have gone so far as to have completely vented the atmosphere; maybe just make it a little thinner, and significantly colder.

The mechanical whir of an unloading ramp dragged him from his daydream. Shame, he didn’t often have many of those. A Corti, short, grey, and ugly, stepped onto his ship. If only the thing would wear shoes, but of course, most species didn’t wear cloths unless it was part of a uniform or out of practical necessity. It opened its mouth and spoke with the dry, snobbish tone which seemed an inborn trait as far as Corti were concerned.

“Colonel Blatvec, I presume?” It didn’t wait for his confirming grunt, “First and foremost I would like to congratulate you upon your most recent and deserved promotion. Your parental units must be so proud. My name is Dr. Triv. Now, would you be so kind as to inform me as to my purpose on this ship?”

Blatvec’s blood pressure increased alarmingly at the last question. Rather than shout, he dropped his voice to a low rumble, which only increased its threatening nature. “What do you mean you want me to ‘inform you as to your purpose’ on my ship? Our mutual friend sent you, didn’t he?”

Hands held in a gesture Blatvec’s translator informed him was placatory, Dr. Triv appeared more annoyed than anything by the Colonel’s quite anger. “Of course he did. Do you think I would just drop my research to traipse about the galaxy on a scenic tour of the Dominion’s finest collection of sweaty bodies for my own amusement? Our friend, however, is an orator of exemplary elegance, even by Corti standards, and subsequently is quite adept at making his listeners forget what he does not wish them to remember until after he has finished speaking. I had just agreed upon this little adventure when I realized he had failed to enlighten about its precise purpose, but rather only vague assurances as to its simplicity. His only distinct instructions were that I give you this upon my arrival. I’ve already read it, of course, but it told me nothing of why I am here; hence, my question.”

Blatvec took the proffered note from the Doctors hand in bemusement. “A message? On a physical medium?”

Triv gave his equivalent of a shrug, “He’s eccentric. If I recall correctly his love of the unique is what secured you the favor that resulted in my coming out here.”

“It was. Every day I hope that gricka I caught for him will use his face to sharpen its claws.” After reading the letter his desire for such an event to occur increased several times over.

Blatvec,

I am grieved to inform you that I was not able to procure your desired item by the previously agreed upon deadline; at least, in a manner which avoided negative impacts upon my health or livelihood. As I’m sure your every moment is consumed with concern for my well-being, I do not believe you will be unduly upset by this minor deviation from the established plan. I have not, however, left you with nothing, as I’m sure the deadline you set was for good reason. Therefore, I have sent my dearest of friends, Dr. Triv, to provide comparable services until your request can be safely obtained. Please try to keep him alive.

Blatvec finished reading and looked back up and the impatiently waiting Dr. Triv. “And you said you couldn’t determine your purpose for being here from this note? Even with all these words? Don’t Corti pride themselves upon being the some of the smartest, most observant and deductive fellows around?”

The Corti was not amused by his jibes. “Only the most intelligent, which is far from boast. And believe it or not ‘comparable services’ gives me little in the way of a hint as to what it is you need me for. Judging by the surrounding phrases, however, I have narrowed down the possibilities. I now believe you need me as a medical doctor or a prostitute.”

Blatvec gaged.

“Medical doctor, it seems.” Triv smiled in wry amusement.

“Actually, both your assumptions-” +p********e+ “-were wrong. We need a translator for someone who doesn’t have one, but I don’t know how you’re going to help.”

Triv sighed, “The Directorate desires that the existence of a particular cybernetic implant remain, if not completely secret, then at least discrete. At the rate we seem to be divulging the information, however, I don’t doubt it will soon become common knowledge.”

“Excuse me?” Blatvec asked, legitimately confused.

“Pay my mumblings no heed. I’m able to act as a translator through mere proximity so long as a species language has been properly documented by one of my kind. Do you perchance know what the species in question is called?”

“I don’t know about his species name, but his personal name is ‘Human’.”

Triv paused, “Human? You’re sure that is this being’s personal, given name? Because I there is also a species who call themselves ‘Human’ and they are not creatures I would enjoy encountering . . . again. Just to be sure, does this sophant for whom I am to translate happen to be a short specimen, with pale skin and mop of fur on top its head as well as some more on its arms and legs? More importantly does it seem possessed of combative abilities far beyond what its appearance would suggest?”

Happy that he was able to be the bearer of bad news for the Corti, Blatvec grinned as he spoke. “I couldn’t have given a more succinct or accurate description of Human myself, Dr. Triv.”

The annoyed expression which had graced the Doctor’s face since the beginning of the conversation had fallen into a mask of resignation. “I suppose it couldn’t possibly be any other particular human than the one from that Vzk’tk freighter crew, could it.” He didn’t phrase it as a question. Taking a steadying breath, he looked back to Blatvec. “I’d still rather deal with a Human than renege on my promise. Show me too him so I can stand there as a tragically overqualified transmitter.”

“I prefer the under-qualified ones that don’t regale me with their overbearing narcissism.”

“Why, Colonel,” Triv answered in mock surprise, “I never would have suspected you were possessed of such a vocabulary or wit! Please, don’t strain yourself too hard just to impress me.”

Blatvec tried to formulate a retort, but couldn’t think of anything other than short jokes. That translator couldn’t come fast enough.

After that it was a tense and silent walk from the flight deck to the partially enclosed area of the main troop bay that was used by Trxcl squad. Human was the only one there. Blatvec had ordered Trxcl squad to start training on the various weapons that were standard issue in the 74th. Human hadn’t joined them however. Not only because he currently didn’t seem to want to do anything, but because he was already far more accomplished warrior than most if not all in the entire division.

Human didn’t look up as he and the doctor approached. Blatvec looked in question to Triv to see if the translator was working. Triv confirmed it was, his lips pressed tightly together, eyes staring nihilistically at the figure on the bunk, face slumped with an even greater sense of resignation than before, if that was possible. The Colonol had neither the time nor the desire to care about the Corti’s discomfort or why Human had caused it. To ensure the full impact of his next sentence, he resorted to using the roaring bark of a voice he used for disciplinary speeches and raw recruits.