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Emptiness

I turn cruel when I am empty. If I cannot be loved, I must be feared.

EVEREST'S POV

Confession: Words can't even come close to describing how I feel right now.

I don't know which fact is more depressing right now. The fact that I tried to kill myself or the fact that I failed at doing it.

I failed.

I failed.

I am still here.

Why am I still here?

My mom is convinced that I am crazy, and out of the five days that I have been in this hospital my dad has come to the hospital for a total of two times (an outstanding record) and was on his phone for the whole time. My little sister is afraid of me, and none of my friends have come to see me or even call me.

I had a feeling that this was what it would be like if everyone knew just how messed up I am.

"I just don't see why you are so against the Sunshine Valley rehabilitation center!" My mom whispered-yelled furiously at my father.

I could imagine it now. My mom, with tears brimming in her eyes for the hundredth time this week, looking up at my father, pleading for her son to get thrown into some mental hospital because she is too afraid to be left alone with him. My father, who would rather be back on his phone and putting this whole situation from out of the press than to be discussing about a rehab center.

"He needs some serious mental help," She continued, her voice cracking at the end.

That is the thing, I don't want help.

I want to be dead.

"No son of mine is crazy. He will not attend that crazy house. I can't have that kind of baggage under my name."

I squeezed my eyes shut harder, as I heard their footsteps near closer.

I felt a hand lay on my forehead gently.

"I failed as a mother." Wetness invaded my cheeks as my mom sobbed over me. Her tears rolled down my cheeks and down my neck. I laid there, not daring to open my eyes.

"Go and get yourself cleaned up. The nurses are going to come in soon to check his vitals. Your makeup is dripping." My father's deep voice commented, emotionless.

"Okay." She replied, her voice broken. Her hand was removed from my forehead and I soon heard my mother's designer heels click outside of the hospital room.

I felt my father's presence towering over me, watching me. I took deep breaths and let the oxygen pass through my nose, to make the idea of me actually sleeping more realistic.

I heard the beats of my heart. They filled my ears in almost a mocking tone. I then began to feel my heart along with the beats. My chest moving up and down with each breath that I took. Lungs expanding and deflating.

I didn't even realize that my father was still in here until I heard his phone ringing.

"Hey baby, I can't wait to see you tonight," he spoke in a hushed whisper. I don't know why though. It is not like I don't already know the fact that he is screwing his assistant.

While my mom has been here, scared out of her mind by me, my dad has been seizing the opportunity to further his affair. I think this one's name is Tanya, twenty-four years old and she is into older men with wives and money.

I am sure that my mom suspects it, but would rather ignore the situation. It is so painfully obvious that I would not even be surprised if the whole country knew about it. But what I just can't seem to understand is how she can just simply ignore it, like it doesn't even exist. All the late nights in the office, last minute business trips that aren't actually business, and an assistant that dresses like she is trying to satisfy every man's wet dream. She even tried to come onto me once, but gold-digging vultures with more boobs than brains aren't really my type.

My father chuckled deeply into the phone, which is actually a weird sound because my father never laughs. And because he sounds like a bald, eighty-year-old pedo that only wears dirty wive beaters with denim cut off shorts.

The door reopened and my mother's heels began to click towards where I was lying and where my father stood.

"Okay, remember to bring all those forms to the meeting tonight. Alright, I will see you later." He cleared his throat and spoke professionally before ending the call.

"Another meeting?" My mom sounded back to her regular self.

"Yeah, Sonya and I have some more business to discuss tonight." Ah, so her name was Sonya.

"Hadley's recital is tonight. Can you please stay with Everest tonight while I go attend Hadley's event?"

My father cleared his throat.

Something he does when he does not approve.

"No, you have to stay. I have some important business I need to handle tonight at the office."

"Hadley has been with Susan all this week. I barely get to see my daughter anymore. I have to go to her recital. I am sure that she would want her mom there rather than her nanny. I have been in this hospital all week, and I need to get out. This is your second visit; all I am asking for is for you to put your work aside and watch him for one night."

She talks about me like I am unstable and she thinks that I would probably murder the whole hospital if someone did not have an eye on me at all times.

"He does not need someone to watch him. Go to the recital and I will go to work, and that is final."

Hours later and I am all alone. Left in a lonely hospital room with only my thoughts to keep my company.

But that is how I wanted to be anyway.