His Hidden Desires

Convincing Him

After checking that the front door was locked, Khai followed the 5 cats that darted up the stairs after Shawn. “s**t, I thought this would work out perfectly. Why did he flip out the way he did?” He told himself as he shook his head; he was trying to arrange his thoughts in a way that would convince Shawn to go along with his plan. Stepping through the door brought back lots of memories. A wall of photographs lined one section of the hallway. They were all of Khai and Shawn; his heart sank as he saw those memories in front of him. Khai sighed as he tried to get his emotions under control. He realized it had been too long since he and Shawn had spent any meaningful time together. “Of course, he’d blow you off like that. When’s the last time we actually talked for longer than a few minutes?”

He scolded himself, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to prepare himself for what was to come. He headed around the corner and spotted Shawn in the kitchen pouring out two drinks. Khai strode over to the bar, hoping it was something stronger than coffee being poured into the glasses. He sat and held out his hand for a glass. As Shawn slid a glass over, Khai felt the tension in the room spike but couldn’t figure out why. The air around them seemed thick as Khai tried to breathe. There was tension between them that he couldn’t explain or understand. He watched Shawn carefully as he downed his drink. Shawn seemed nervous as he kept fiddling with his glass, clinking the ice together. Khai wanted to break the tension, but it seemed as though something about Shawn had changed over the years. Something Khai wasn’t sure he could overcome.

“Why are you here?” The words that came from Shawn were sharp and harsh and that startled Khai from his wandering thoughts.

“I..” he started to say, but the hard look in Shawn’s eyes cut him off. He could feel the butterflies dancing in his stomach. God he was nervous and didn’t know how this was going to turn out.

“You think you can just show up here after almost 5 years, I haven’t heard a word from you…and” Shawn wanted to kick himself for stammering over his words. His emotions were getting the better of him; he could feel the tears stinging in his eyes and the lump in his throat. He had to swallow them. He was not prepared to show weakness. “And start a conversation by asking me to marry you. You have lost your god damned mind!”

Khai raised his hands while trying to explain. “It’s not like that. I promise I have an explanation for this. Just give me a chance to talk. Please?”

Watching as Shawn crossed his arms and leaned back with a look on his face that could kill him, Khai knew he had very little time, so he quickly started explaining everything that had occurred today and why it ended with him asking Shawn to marry him. Slightly out of breath from such a hurried explanation, he gratefully took the new drink Shawn offered him. He still looked pissed, Khai thought. Why does he seem so different, more aloof than before? He used to smile so easily and always had a joke on hand. Now, he seems more closed off, less likely to crack a smile.

Wanting to test his theory, Khai stood, rounded the counter, and planted himself right in front of Shawn. He watched as Shawn’s eyes widened at his sudden closeness. He couldn’t help it when his heart skipped a beat as Khai’s scent filled his nostrils. It made him uncomfortable. He knew he and Khai could never be, so he fought back the s****l pull he felt for the handsome brown eyes staring down at him.

Khai could almost sense Shawn pulling back, not physically, but emotionally and mentally. c*****g his head, he slowly brought his hand up to rest on Shawn’s shoulder, but before he could connect, Shawn pushed past him and strode towards the nearby window. “That’s not like him. He’s never pulled away like that before. What’s changed?” Khai stared after Shawn, trying to figure out who this man was before him. He had completely changed; it was like Shawn was a different person. He could admit that they hadn’t spent much time together in the last few years. Phone calls and text between them have been scattered lately. If his plan was going to work, he needed Shawn on his side, but Khai was starting to doubt not just his plan but his friendship with Shawn.

Sighing, Khai walked over and stood next to Shawn at the window. Looking out at the city, he remembered all the fun they’d had as teens. He just needed to try and find that part of Shawn again. “Do you remember that night we snuck out and took the subway into Manhattan? We fooled around in Times Square, chased ducks in Central Park and had the best damn pizza ever.” Khai asked as he leaned against the window frame, looking at Shawn. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a lousy friend lately. We haven’t spoken much these last few years and that’s my fault.”

Shawn snorted “Don’t try and sweet talk me Khai Lin! Don’t forget, I know all your moves and lines. You can’t come in here and expect things to be the same after all this time. An apology isn’t going to make me agree to your hair-brained scheme. Besides, how do you know I’m not seeing someone? Did you even think about that? No, you were only worried about yourself, as usual.” Shawn closed his eyes, feeling that familiar, sharp pain rising in his chest. The emotions he’d tried blocking out were starting to worm their way back into focus.

The easy smile dropped from Khai’s face at Shawn’s words. A girlfriend?? Does he actually have a girlfriend? Khai couldn’t explain the unsettling feeling those words brought to his mind. There was a feeling growing in his stomach that he had never felt before. Shawn had always been there for him. He had been his wingman during their teens and early 20s before he’d settled in Taiwan. Women always seemed to trust and feel comfortable around Shawn. Khai had never understood it but had enjoyed the perks of it anyway. Even though Shawn seemed to have a way with women, he’d never been one to date.

Now that Khai thought of it, Shawn usually passed any of the interested women onto him. The thought of Shawn seeing someone or possibly having a girlfriend sent Khai into a tailspin. He needed to dig deeper into this, but he knew he had to move very carefully, especially now that Shawn had called him out about his lack of care. Without thinking, Khai grabbed one of Shawn’s arms and pulled him closer. He needed to look Shawn in the eyes to figure out the truth. Those familiar, usually warm green eyes widened in shock as Shawn brought his free hand up to Khai’s chest. Warmth seeped into Khai’s chest where Shawn’s hand made contact and he felt a weird tremor move through his body. Shaking his head, Khai moved closer and looked carefully into Shawn’s eyes.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” he asked swiftly, feeling like the answer could be the death of him for some reason. “Have you finally found someone after all these years? Tell me the truth.” Shawn started to struggle against Khai and tried to pull away, but Shawn found himself stuck, pressed against Khai. His thoughts were streaking and colliding everywhere. He needed space before something inside him exploded. Shawn knew he was balancing on a very thin line right now, but wasn’t sure what his next move should be. Should he admit the truth and tell Khai he was still single or move forward with the lie to save himself?

Khai watched Shawn closely, seeing his mind moving a million miles a second to come up with an answer. Unbeknownst to Shawn, the answer was clearly shown in his eyes. Relief seeped into his bones as the answer he needed was obvious. The heaviness that Khai felt in his chest began to ease but he didn’t want to call Shawn out on his lie, but Khai needed him more than anything right then. Shawn was his only hope of screwing over his stepmother. If this didn’t work, then he’d have to find some stranger to pay, which he found distasteful. He’d much prefer working this scheme out with someone he trusted and was close to.

Suddenly, the mild warmth from earlier seemed to amp up as Shawn struggled to pull away. Khai felt that strange feeling again as Shawn’s body brushed up against his. Pushing it from his mind, he grabbed Shawn by the shoulders. “You don’t have a girlfriend,” he said softly. “I can see that clearly in your eyes, so what’s the real reason you won’t help me out. I know we aren’t as close as we used to be but I thought you’d still be willing to help me win this last round against my father.”

Shawn stilled as those softly spoken words rolled over him. The heat sparking from Khai’s body had him locked in place. It was getting harder to control his own body’s responses and he needed to get free before he embarrassed himself completely. Straightening his shoulders, Shawn took the chance to look Khai in the eyes.

“Fine, you’re right. I don’t have a girlfriend or anyone special right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to help you out. I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. I’ve changed and tagging after you on hair-brained schemes is not something I’m up for anymore. So please, remove yourself from my person and get the hell out of my apartment.”

Shocked by the sudden outburst, Khai dropped his hands and stepped back. The words felt like a slap. The anger on Shawn’s face confused him. He didn’t know where it was coming from or why it was directed at him, but he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere tonight with Shawn acting like that. Deciding to call it a night, Khai headed to the door feeling letdown at this outcome. Stopping with the doorknob in his hand, he looked back to see Shawn staring back out the window. With a final sigh, Khai headed out determined to figure out the mystery Shawn had become.

Upon hearing the door slam shut, Shawn finally dropped to the floor. All the pain and misery dragged him down into a ball on the carpet. A small warmth settled in his lower back and he heard the warm, soft purrs from Miko. Feeling a mild sense of content, Shawn let himself drift off to sleep, while knowing he hadn’t seen the last of Khai.